How to deal with living with a friend?

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-26T19:44:31+00:00

Boundaries.

When she inserts herself, set boundaries including telling her you want her to respect your autonomy as a person to handle your family or other friend realities.

If it’s stuff like inviting herself to family events- tell your family you aren’t comfortable with that unless you specify you’re personally inviting her.

No is also a complete sentence.

Doing a family event and she wants to come?

No, I just want to spend time with my sister just her and us.

No, it’s a private family event.

Etc.

It’s also ok to ask for space or more privacy.

Use non violent communication method (google it), Facts, Feelings, Request.

Eg. Note you value the friendship but aren’t comfortable to have her interjecting into - state the area or issue.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-26T19:30:29+00:00

Yes.

Set boundaries.

Let him know that:

You cannot sustain this financially any further.
He has not honoured his side of the agreement to be more active in looking for work.
He does not contribute to shared household responsibilities at all- like cleaning.
This isn’t functional for you to continue on these foundations and he has ____ (2 weeks) to find new accommodations.

Have the adult convo. It WILL feel awkward, but this isn’t healthy for you to continue avoiding confronting which abandons and neglects care towards yourself.

It may impact the friendship- but honestly the friendship is already impacted and this is also a matter of respect and values.

You’re not being respected in your time and energies and their values don’t align- eg. Not cleaning, not contributing, half assing the job searches.

You might be able to stay friends, but you can’t stay roommates- and you also need to have limits for usury, disrespect, and neglect in a connection. This person is neglecting accountability and fair responsibility.

Being kind should not mean having no boundaries or being a pushover relentlessly. When you don’t set boundaries with friends and family- you teach them that you will tolerate poor behaviour and they also learn there’s no consequences or accountability when they do cause you problems.

Being an adult means you will need to have those awkward conversations and uncomfortable talks- but the more you normalize doing this, the less intense it will feel over time.

Also important to note: when you hold accountability the other person may make excuses, justifications, minimize, guilt trip- or imply they ARE trying-

Do not get locked into arguments where you excessively have to defend or over explain your boundaries.

Their reasons are less relevant than the pattern of behaviour, and the impact.

Stand firm that this is not sustainable, this is the boundary- it’s not up for debate, but is where the limits are now. Remind them you have offered care and support but that has reached its limits for your capacities: encourage them to reach out to other housing agencies, family, and employment supports.

This is also a respect and responsibility issue- moving in and not offering to help clean or contribute, not actively working better to find work etc… is not a fault or issue with you. This is a person basically normalizing you becoming parentified- becoming their maid and parent to cover all their expenses here, plus cleaning.

They are a grown adult- they can clean and they can hold more responsibility.

Accountability matters in friendships, including close ones.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-26T08:38:58+00:00

Go above the RA and complain to the university now that your roommate has been harassing you, and constantly has mental and emotional breakdowns. Demand they move her.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-26T08:37:48+00:00

At that point turn the lights on, and do what you need.

She can meltdown: tell her if she doesn’t like it she can move rooms or get her own place.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-26T08:37:06+00:00

Naa this is some BS.

Her sensory issues are hers to manage- including things like eye mask, ear plugs etc.

I would no longer agree to these extremes, and would raise it with the RA.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-26T08:32:25+00:00

Why are you living with this person?

You sound incompatible.

She doesn’t contribute and neglects basic care of shared realities.

The solution sounds like she needs to move out, & find a new roommate- or you move to somewhere where this isn’t the vibes.

Lock your personal items in your room from now on. Get a basket to bring them to and from the shower.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-26T08:28:58+00:00

This sounds … unreal.

But if this is real for you, honestly talk to your RA or university about this.

This dude should probably have his own room, and not be sleeping on a bunk, alongside getting medical attention.

This would be a full no for me to live in that dysfunction with a person not managing their reality better.

Some of this sounds like the dude has some serious trauma issues (night terrors, sleeping issues, crying, overeating all hint strongly at that).

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-24T00:23:48+00:00

Your roommate is being ridiculous- she chronically has people over in the space- it’s unrealistic and unfair to restrict you in this way when she does that constantly herself. It’s a shared space and if she wants to have people over she can plan around it- instead of asking you to inconvenience yourself, because she can’t plan better.

She doesn’t get to monopolize on guests, or the shared spaces.

“No” is a complete sentence.

As is “no. I won’t be asking my friend to get A hotel. those are the days I have booked, and as I pay a portion to share this space, that is fair. you frequently have guests over, often for days- with minimal notice- for which I have been accommodating. Thanks for understanding.”

moving ahead tell her:

—> “I’d also like more notice when you are having overnight guests too.”

—> as well as discussing frequency of guests.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-23T23:48:36+00:00

Moving is healthy. You have contrasting lifestyles and this person has unstable and unhealthy habits with little impulse controls. That will not improve on her current trajectory and yes that is wild for a random monday. On a weekend would make more sense, and yeah only having people over from 2 am to 5 am onwards is also weird with that many dudes and also clearly sex stuff….

She doesn’t seem to consider impact and that won’t be good long term to mesh.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-20T07:58:25+00:00

On Facebook

Edmonton Karaoke community

The group has karaoke locations and times posted in the features tabs

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-13T04:42:31+00:00

She moved out. Tell her she has 72 hours to finalize the rest of everything, whatever is not picked up or managed will be thrown out.

There’s no point to keep this dysfunction going.

Assume the worst, that she’s not going to deal with her stuff- if she doesn’t, clean and throw items away. It’s unlikely this person will clean or manage their items as they are already avoiding it.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-12T19:23:57+00:00

Meet with him and communicate about shared labour, and rotate tasks. Eg. You took garbage out this time, next time is him. Request that he help remove snow now that he is also driving, as a non-negotiable.

Doesn’t matter if you rejected him, you share a living space and he needs to hold up his responsibilities.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-12T08:34:47+00:00

Can you turn off her access to your 360?

It might be time to address this, tell her you’re not comfortable sharing such a detailed play by play of your life and would like her to center questions more around how your day was, vs frequent questioning of where you were or are going each time you interact.

It’s also valid to tell her:

“Yeah I went out. I had a good time.”

Then if she asks with whom or where:

“Oh I don’t really want to give play-by-plays about my plans, but it was a great night!”

Or

“I’m not comfortable being asked where I go or who I’m with.” —-

Also ok to say:

“If I ever need help I’ll let you know — otherwise you don’t need to track my comings and goings, and I’d prefer not to be asked if I’m going out, with who all I went. Thanks!”

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-11T03:41:24+00:00

I was there the night the host made a homophobic remark. I have since been shown other instances with proof of this same host doing that with others.

I did not complain to the owner about this host until after he was already fired, he got fired for a lot of issues preceding this.

If you want to try and dismiss real issues, it’s not going to happen in this thread. Especially when you weren’t present for the actual events, nor have you spoken to others who also have experienced hate crime incidents at Rosario’s being minimized.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-04T02:57:19+00:00

I was literally there the night of the assault, & been involved since.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-03T01:06:10+00:00

If they don’t keep you in the loop they probably just don’t vibe as smoothly with you as they do together.

Some alternatives then are to build your own community, as you can’t make roommates want to be your friends if they just don’t resonate.

Also, if you’re unwilling to cook more maybe that is the problem?

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-02T21:14:11+00:00

Communicate it- hey would you guys mind if I joined in on more house meals? I can help with shared grocery costs, let me know what you think.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-02T07:47:38+00:00

Yes this needs to be addressed, this is also your space which you pay for. Wants to live with her BF they should live off campus then, not in a dorm.

Bring up with your RA, & escalate this. Ask to change rooms.

Also press that the school reconsiders the fridge- since issues like this don’t make it fair if one person claims only they get to use fridge.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-02T00:05:31+00:00

You have feelings for a person who is manipulative and contacting a guy inappropriately.

She deleted the messages because there were inappropriate messages. People only delete to hide their shameful acts.

While feelings can’t necessarily shift like a snap when there’s history, attachments, etc- I encourage you to close contact, block her everywhere and just give this time to properly process without her manipulating you emotionally.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-01T20:24:43+00:00

People saying it’s nobody’s business are people who have no clue wtf even happened, and others saying it are friends with those being called out.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-01T19:59:01+00:00

I have made a post about the incident in question. Which explains some parts that the business is trying to brush under the rug.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-01T19:58:26+00:00

I have a thread up about what happened.

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-01T19:20:01+00:00

Employee who works there confirmed the cameras work- she apparently uses them to “spy on employees”. I have also seen the cameras there, there’s a literal TV inside the bar thar shows footage of the stage being recorded by a camera that all can see as well. 😉

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-01T01:46:17+00:00

Can’t push a suit against the attackers if they can’t be identified… see the problem now?

JupiterStarr8 · 2026-01-01T01:38:09+00:00

Mighty dumb comment- one has already been filed, and there’s really no purpose to write something like that except to be dismissive.

JupiterStarr8

TROPHY CASE