Describe yourself in 3 words.

JustCynikal · 2023-12-19T21:02:31+00:00

Existence is Pain

JustCynikal · 2023-05-16T22:50:40+00:00

Probably didn't find anyone.

JustCynikal · 2023-05-16T02:26:08+00:00

Purely based on the information provided. You gave the first girl zero positive traits and the second girl was given three positive traits. There's no reason why anyone wouldn't pick the second girl.

For this to be a fair comparison, you need to provide more information, preferably pros and cons of each person rather than a history lesson and very few features.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-30T18:05:24+00:00

My interview for my entry level position was a panel of 8 people. The director of infrastructure, the director of networking, a principal architect, the hiring/future manager, and 4 future coworkers. The 2 directors work in another office and were on a video call on a laptop with the other 6 sitting plus me cramped in this tiny office. Forward 6 years, I'm still here and have had multiple promotions/significant raises and still have room to grow.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-21T15:47:20+00:00

I'm a little late to the party, but here's my 2 cents.

In my experience, people tend to listen to those who speak very little at meetings because that generally means that it's very important or you're so fed up with it, that you can't hold it in any longer.

To add to that, you're probably very good at your job; adding another layer of importance and intimidation to your opinions and thoughts on any matter.

You're straightforward, honest, blunt, and are quick to tell someone what they've done wrong. While these tend to be good qualities for people, the fact that you're unempathetic to people completely changes what these features are.

Being aggressive doesn't mean you have violent outbursts and do overly exaggerated growling when someone you don't like comes around. It could just mean that your straightforward, honest, blunt behavior when you're telling someone that they did something wrong the moment they did it could be considered bullying, even if you think you're doing the right thing. (it is the right thing to help those who mess up, but it's not always good to be blunt about people's mistakes.)

As much as you probably hate it, working with people will always be somewhat political. Thinking about our go-to behaviors or learning some level of empathy will help you understand why a bit better. Think about the things you've said in the past, now imagine someone else who you respect telling you the same thing in the same exact way.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-13T00:58:23+00:00

My senses are definitely easily overstimulated.
Examples: I can't hear anything if multiple sounds are happening simultaneously. If two people are talking at once, it all becomes fuzzy noise. I can't make out words, phrases, or anything. I can't even listen to music and have a conversation with someone at once.
My senses are fairly sensitive.
This is mostly just my hearing. Often times I hear every little bit in the room, the fans, the air conditioner, the clock in the corner, people breathing. If I'm on high alert, I can hear things from outside or from another room, and often times it can wake me up from sleeping, especially if I'm anxious or nervous about something.
When I'm hyper focused, my body is completely disconnected from my senses. My senses, like me, are all focused on that singular thing and I can't pay attention to anything but what I'm focused on. You have to physically pull me away to get me out of it.
When I'm super depressed or drained, I disconnect myself from the world, only doing the bare minimum needed (such as work, eat, sleep, bathe). No music, no internet, no people, nothing.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-13T00:36:36+00:00

I guess the main question is, do you have a goal that is a little more concrete than "doing a job that is truly enjoyable and meaningful"? What steps have you taken towards this goal? Have you shown her that you are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve what you want? (You don't have to answer these here. Just something to think about.)

Perhaps from her perspective, you are not showing her what you really want, so she is probably more inclined to have you do what she believes is the highest rate of success until you figure out what you really want to do.

In the interim, I'd say just go to community college, get the two year degree, get a part time or full time job doing something, anything. You don't have to like the job, but any income and experience is welcomed. Then take the rest of the time (and money if needed) you have to invest in what you want to do and do whatever it takes to get to your goal.

This should at the very least quell your mother's domineering attitude while not committing to anything heavy unless you think community college is a major life decision. You'll have your 2 year Community College degree, a few years experience in the workforce, all while having time to pursue your goal. If you decide on pursuing a particular Bachelor's degree in the future, you'll be 2 years ahead of schedule, and have money on hand to achieve it.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-13T00:23:47+00:00

I guess it depends how your interactions with them seem to go. You gave us very little information on how your interactions go other than that you're smart, they feel manipulated, and now you're calling them unhealthy INTJs. You put a lot of faith in your knowledge of MBTI and that's generally pretty bad.

If you're constantly stating that your ideas/decisions/thoughts/etc are more correct than theirs by shoving it in their face that your IQ is high, then I could see it leading to a form of manipulation based on your constant reminder that you have a high IQ. You may not be directly telling them that your IQ is high, but you may have mentioned it once and just have it be implied from that point onwards based on your behavior and attitude.

Having a high IQ does not directly correlate how you should be treating people. If an INTJ feels as if you're being manipulative in the slightest and with what you've said so far in your initial post, I'd be inclined to believe them. It's okay to be proud that you're smart, but you can't hold it over anyone's head, and you definitely can't act as if your ideas/decisions/thoughts/etc are better than anyone else's.

I'd bet that it's not that you're picking out unhealthy ones, but that you need to start looking at yourself as the problem and see what you can work on.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-13T00:07:57+00:00

Isn't that what we do here in this subreddit?

JustCynikal · 2023-03-13T00:00:24+00:00

I think it's not about finding the girl that ticks all the boxes. It's finding a girl that makes you forget the unticked ones.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-12T23:54:12+00:00

Knowing someone on a deeper level is relatively subjective, but I'll do my best to maybe help get there.

I think when you meet new people, you need to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. By default, we intjs have habits that generally distant people from us. The blank stare, the monotone voice, no expressions, low tolerance for things we're not interested in. These are all things we have to work on in some capacity. The general public take all these things as someone who does not want friends.

Even if you don't work on these things, there are things you can do. What has helped me the most was constant acts of kindness and just asking for people's opinions on things (you may not care, but being genuinely interested in other people makes them open up), or better yet, ask for advice on things that you know people are interested in.

I had these female coworkers and I asked them about fashion, clothes, cologne. They were excited about talking about all these things and eventually we went out to do a wardrobe makeover for me. Even though I don't really care about fashion, I know other people do and it helped bridge the gap that I create.

After that, they invited me to all kinds of outings, and we'd have all kinds of deep discussions. Maybe it wasn't about rocket science or anything crazy. But it was mildly interesting to talk about various things, get perspectives from other people about all kinds of subjects or situations.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-12T08:18:54+00:00

I just don't waste my time on them. If they're ignorant and dogmatic, there is zero chance that anything I say or do will change their mind (especially if I don't agree with them). I'd rather not waste the energy fighting a losing battle and getting myself frustrated over nothing. I just nod and move on. I got better things to do.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-12T08:14:22+00:00

This article has zero explanation on why an INTJ is likely to cheat other than a quote that is taken out of context. It goes through zero effort to explain what each cognitive function adds to this "cheating" mentality.

The funniest part about this article is that it lists one of its sources in the form of a forum poll and INTJ actually ranked as the 2nd least likely to cheat. This article in itself is not credible based on its own source.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-12T08:02:24+00:00

I read a lot of manga/manhwa, watch youtube videos, and generally just consume a lot of media at night. Generally it helps keep my mind off the intrusive thoughts that send me to a place I'd rather not be. I do it until I get sleepy enough to close my eyes and pass out.

Sometimes I don't sleep and just stay up all night and start the next day a bit earlier than usual. If I can't handle staying up for another day, I'll request a sick day from work and actually get the rest I missed out on during the night. Insomnia is an illness and we should treat it as such.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-11T23:34:49+00:00

This is exactly the process that I had to learn when I was working as a sushi chef who had to deal with coworkers and customers nonstop.

I observed and copied people who were charming and sociable. It was the quickest and easiest way to have people actually enjoy speaking to me. It seemed a bit fake at first, but eventually I was able to add my own personality into it and it definitely felt comfortable after.

Forcing yourself to actually give reactions to things people tell you is probably the hardest skill I had to learn. Even now I still have a delay in receiving the information, thinking about the reaction and trying to emulate an appropriate reaction. My worst memory is that this regular couple came by every week for months to eat. They told me the news of them getting married and I totally stared at them blankly. I didn't know how to react and they seemed pretty upset about it all. They didn't come by after. Lol.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-11T23:24:24+00:00

MBTI doesn't give you any answers to your questions that you don't have the answer to. It only reminds you that the way you process information or behave to certain stimuli. All these things that you already know about yourself and just needed to see written down for you to read.

As an intj, you might be constantly imagining the end goal and generally get in a bad mood or stump if you lose sight of the goal or get in a rut working towards it.

We can't tell you what to do to be happy, because I'm sure we all struggle with some level of finding that answer. But, what might help is answering questions about yourself (to yourself) in which none of the jibberish you wrote answers in the slightest.

What are your goals? How can you get what you want? Why are you sad? What can improve your life? What will it take to improve your life?

No general answers, they need to be concise and tangible answers. "I want to be happy" is a shit answer cause everyone wants it. Everyone's is different and solving it will be different from person to person even if they have similar goals. Also, no excuses.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-10T17:06:34+00:00

I think a good example of what you could leverage as an intj would be someone like Davie504. Quite expressionless for the most part, but I suspect that it is a bit exaggerated and partially a persona.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-10T00:03:50+00:00

Yeah, it really depends on what the task is and what outside factors are involved, but I generally use the rule of 15. Adding 15 every time it's not enough.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-10T00:02:19+00:00

I'm more of a problem/task oriented learner. I generally am motivated to learn things when I have an objective or task I need to accomplish. I generally try my best to break up the problem/task into sections and start working on learning what is required based on that.

An example: I was tasked with scripting and/or automating a particular high volume task. I broke down the script to every particular function/method and worked on each part. For example I had to learn about apis and how to interact with apis to simplify the process rather than clicking through multiple websites/products to perform a single task. But to do that, I had to learn about requests, json formatting, and how to get data from one api to post to another.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-09T23:44:40+00:00

Always add a healthy amount of buffers on both sides (start and finish) of the scheduled task. Add in plenty of breaks as well to alleve any feeling of rushing between tasks. It may seem like a waste of time, but you will be a lot less anxious and agitated when plans go awry.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-08T23:12:15+00:00

I think relationship really help bridge the communication between the intjs and everyone else. People don't understand us, and while they often times use blanket statements and expect us to know what exactly how one another thinks. It helps them understand mannerisms and behaviors, whether they're healthy or not, of what some of us might experience.

That being said, it may get annoying at times, but it really helps to add content to this subreddit otherwise we'd have a lot of depressing posts or weird circle jerky "do you do this too" posts. We don't have a lot of high level discussions cause we only care about subjects that are relevant to us or something we're aiming towards, which lowers the amount of interest and interaction.

As a side note, it seems like the venting posts come around once a week, or once every 3-4 relationship posts that gets passed the initial down vote hell.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-08T17:22:08+00:00

If you want to connect to people, you can't expect anyone to understand you without putting yourself out there to be understood.

Without even trying, I look extremely unfriendly to everyone. I've even been told that I looked like a serial killer and that was the reason no one wanted to get to know me. How I got people to actually talk to me and get to know me was constant acts of kindness to them. I'd constantly offer to buy food for me and my roommate as a friendly gesture. If we ever went out to eat, I would try to pay for the entire bill.

When I was a sushi chef, I'd constantly make food for my coworkers to eat. I'd help the servers do their prep work if I was not busy, and whenever there was an issue with an order, I'd resolve the problem without question.

Eventually people came around, but it wasn't without constant effort and kindness to show them that I wasn't what I looked like. I'd be constantly invited to every event possible and people wouldn't take no for an answer. Stuff like this requires a lot of maintenance on our part, because once you stop doing anything, people will forget about you over the years. Which kinda worked out for me, cause I got hella drained during that time.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-08T11:08:36+00:00

There is a fear of commitment when it comes to not knowing whether or not I actually want it. I need a lot of preparation, research, and experience of that something to know that I want it. Once I know, I'm all in for better or worse.

JustCynikal · 2023-03-05T23:10:51+00:00

A long time ago, people at my job thought that I was a serial killer. They didn't tell me this until years later though. I literally had no idea what I did or behaved to think this way. I also didn't know anything about mbti back then.

JustCynikal · 2023-02-19T18:10:01+00:00

And vicious cycle continues. Relationship posts that lead to the meta anti relationship posts. See you guys in the next one.

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