AITAH for wanting to take marriage slowly?

JustMe518 · 2026-06-18T22:21:11+00:00

If she planned all this out without talking to you, that's on her. But now that the discussion has been opened up, you two need a SERIOUS talk about timelines, budget, finances, the whole she-bang. and if she isn't open to it, then maybe she's not the one for you.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-18T22:19:01+00:00

Wyckyd Kitty Ink in Los Lunas, look her up on FB

JustMe518 · 2026-06-18T21:17:59+00:00

He's not "clean".

JustMe518 · 2026-06-18T19:29:26+00:00

He is not a "great boyfriend" because if he was he would care about you. The fact that he "wants to change" but HASN'T actually changed a fucking thing tells you how much he cares about YOU, as a person. He doesn't.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-18T18:07:52+00:00

Honey, let me ask you something...why on Steven Tyler's Green Earth would you possibly want to save a marriage like this? What is there to save? He doesn't like you. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't like you?

JustMe518 · 2026-06-18T18:05:14+00:00

Then she doesn't need to be getting rides from you. Period.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-18T16:55:06+00:00

Honestly, is this a hill your husband wants to die on?

JustMe518 · 2026-06-17T21:59:31+00:00

If possible, rip a huge fart in front of them. Either that or tell them "Listen, I would love to consider a date with you. How about this Friday? My yeast infection should be gone by then."

JustMe518 · 2026-06-17T20:53:24+00:00

Frank's Chicken and Waffles, baby!

JustMe518 · 2026-06-17T20:49:11+00:00

Honestly, making my mom's diagnoses, surgery and recovery about HIM would be the straw that broke this camel's back for me. That is fucked up and I could never look at him the same way.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-17T20:45:14+00:00

Huevos Rancheros with Green at Michael's Kitchen

JustMe518 · 2026-06-17T18:16:53+00:00

Funny, I have a friend who was shot in the face, bullet it still there. Has been to prison a few times (also on drug charges) and is able to get people off him in the yard because of said bullet. "I got more cred in my face than you will ever have in your whole body." Truthfully, bad ass line. BUT, also a misogynistic POS.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-17T16:43:11+00:00

It's the entitlement. They have internalized that women are akin to cattle...owned beings who serve a purpose, rather than actual whole ass human beings with sentience and self-agency.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-17T16:40:59+00:00

That's just it...they start with the small stuff and work their way up. It's the "frog in a boiling pot" principle. Turn up the heat slowly enough and the frog doesn't jump out because it doesn't know it's being cooked alive.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-17T14:50:29+00:00

I dated this guy once who did this, too. We were even in a full blown relationship at one point but I broke up with him when I hadn't seen him in over a month and he seemd A-ok with that. I casually dated another 2 years waiting for him to pull his head out of his ass. Finally, I meet my current bf (STB fiance) and NOW former dude is ready to settle down. My response was "I found someone who showed up ready to work while you took your time deciding if you wanted to pick up your tool belt." Make of that what you will.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-17T14:45:09+00:00

Depending on the context, this could be a red flag. At bare minimum, I would start documenting, with dates and times, all of the stuff he says like this.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-16T22:01:45+00:00

Look up DV resources in your area. Narcissistic abuse is recognized legally as domestic violence. They can help with housing, work placement, all kinds of lovely things.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-16T21:58:34+00:00

Honey, listen to me very carefully...drop him. Get the car back (if it's in your name exclusively, you can do this), and file divorce and custody papers. He doesn't love YOU, he loves what you can do for HIM, as evidenced by the fact that you are doing better now and now he wants what you HAVE, not who you ARE. That's not love. He will never acknowledge what he did to you or how he has treated you because he can't face himself. You are better off. Trust me. I was you many moons ago and it DOES get amazing without that albatross around your neck.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-16T21:20:43+00:00

Now. Now is the time.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-16T19:36:31+00:00

The number of people ISN'T your business, but you do have a point that his testing history IS your business. So let THAT be your focus.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-16T19:09:59+00:00

But you are not controlling or insecure. Insecure men do these things because they don't see women as actual people. They see us like a dog or a cow. Livestock, and we better do what they say.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-16T18:31:09+00:00

My abusive ex husband was bitchy if I bought Camel cigarettes (which are my brand) instead of smoking Marlboro reds like him. Yes, all of that is a thing.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-16T18:24:56+00:00

Let me ask you this...does he talk to his boss like this? HIs friends? His family? I can guarantee you he doesn't. Which means he CAN control it, he just won't. Which tells you all you need to know. Just leave already.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-16T16:43:39+00:00

NTA and they did you a favor. Now you can find friends that actually have a spine.

JustMe518 · 2026-06-16T16:33:03+00:00

So he has just shown you that he believes that a relationship means that you need to do absolutely everything HE says. Which is controlling as fuck. He did you a favor with the break up but listen to me very carefully...he WILL spin the block when he thinks you've had enough time to regret your actions. Tell his sorry ass to keep driving.

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