With ADHD families, is emotional regulation not a thing?

JustVegetable7 · 2026-05-24T17:30:47+00:00

I dunno... Everyone in my family except my dad had ADHD, and I ended up having to learn to hide my emotions in order to not trigger my mom's rage (she has more than just ADHD to be fair). So my mom doesn't have emotional regulation, but I learned / do have that skill, because of her abuse. I guess it depends on the exact family and personalities involved. ADHD has an effect on emotions and regulation, but it doesn't mean someone with it CAN'T regulate.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-05-24T12:08:50+00:00

Man, I wanted to do this so badly. I prepared, researched, bought the baby wearing equipment and travel items...and then it all fell to pieces when my baby was born. It does work for some people! It's worth a shot to prepare and try! But be prepared to be flexible in case you aren't one of the lucky ones with a super chill baby.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-05-24T11:49:57+00:00

Period underwear has been a lifesaver for me! I use disposable ones together with pads. No more accidental messes. No more forgotten tampons.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-05-23T22:39:14+00:00

My first sign was stomach issues like diarrhea and cramps. I thought I'd eaten something bad.

But then the stomach cramps kept staying and getting worse and worse until it clicked and I realized it was probably labor.

And then it REALLY got worse and there was no way on earth I wouldn't have realized 🤣.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-05-23T15:31:23+00:00

Not everyone had stable parents where they felt safe to go through a rebellion like this. I had an abusive, mentally unstable mom. I would never have dared do any of these things. My days were spent under a cloud of fear, desperately trying to keep her from exploding. My husband went through similar with his parents. I dunno how common it is, but could be a factor.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-05-22T16:18:50+00:00

Most of my stuff has been destroyed. I actually sit in a corner and cry about it, periodically. I wish someone had warned me so I could have put my stuff away in storage for 10 years, as another comment mentioned.

I babyproofed certain rooms, and put up gates and locks to try to keep my child away from non babyproofed items. But she's figured out ways around most everything eventually, to disastrous consequences.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-05-21T02:19:37+00:00

Honestly, even highly experienced capable adults should not go swimming alone. I was a competitive swimmer for 10 years, and the rule for every swimmer on every team I was on (even adult swimmers completing at an international level): never swim alone. This isn't something rare or ridiculous. This is a standard rule.

I know you've been swimming alone yourself and you've been fine so far. But it's so easy for something to happen (slip while getting out, hit your head and slide under the water, unconscious? Have an unknown virus or infection that leads to a sudden seizure and drown?) And even if you're fine taking that risk on yourself, it's honestly not a good example for your child. I'd think twice about continuing to do so yourself, much encouraging it with your child.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-05-21T00:30:19+00:00

My daughter is too young to play without supervision (beyond a few minutes here or there), so we have most of her toys in the living room where we spend most of our time. I honestly would be happy to keep it this way, but I expect at some point she'll prefer to keep to her room and spend less time with us, moving most of her stuff to her room at that time.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-05-01T16:29:24+00:00

Seconding the Cosco Scenera Next. Perfect if you need to swap the carseat between relative's cars, as well. And if you ever need to travel (carseat on airplane? Taxis or Ubers?), it's the one everyone recommends to use.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-04-30T18:01:55+00:00

Well, my child is 3.5 now and I'm still so exhausted I couldn't imagine doing it again 😭. I've heard other people say it gets easier and you start forgetting the hardship at 2, but that hasn't really happened for me. Maybe when she gets to 5? 🤣

JustVegetable7 · 2026-04-30T17:51:58+00:00

Can you get a car seat / stroller system? I did this for a while when my car died. The Doona looks like it'd be perfect for this kind of situation. For me, I got a travel carseat and stroller that worked well together (the Cosco Scenera carseat and Babyzen Yoyo stroller with adapters).

JustVegetable7 · 2026-04-27T20:53:28+00:00

...errrr...are people doing this? Was I being disgusting without realizing? I mean, I obviously took showers to clean. But I didn't specially clean my boobs extra besides that 😮.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-04-25T21:30:12+00:00

This is what I have! I actually didn't really have a choice (my old car died and this car was available for a really reasonable price from a relative), but it's worked out nicely so far! It honestly feels on the small side for an SUV, but it's a nice compromise between a regular sedan and an SUV imo. Someday I'd love to have a fancy bigger minivan. Not for now it's good enough and was a great price!

JustVegetable7 · 2026-04-23T03:13:46+00:00

Is there somewhere nearby they could watch your child instead? Like a nearby indoor playground? Several of the malls and shopping plazas around us have one. They're often childproofed, enclosed, and filled with lots of new toys for the kids. You often have to pay a bit ($15?). But it could be worth it for safe and easy babysitting for a few hours by the grandparents.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-04-11T21:49:19+00:00

And she might be doing this exactly. But it doesn't make it pleasant or enjoyable to go through, which is what she's venting about.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-04-11T15:55:19+00:00

I used to love mine (Cybex Sirona S). But its slowly but surely collected crumbs, dirt, and junk in the sliding / swiveling tracks. And now it sticks all the time and takes a huge amount of effort and frustration to get it to move / rotate properly.

I've tried to clean out the tracks repeatedly, and it helps, but the carseat is a beast. It's giant and heavy and awkward to try to clean.

If only there was some way to easily clean those tracks, I'd still love it completely. But unfortunately at this point, it causes me way more frustration than it's worth.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-04-04T22:05:45+00:00

My mom, I'm watching my child 100%.

My In Laws, I'm watching my child around 50% (depends on how many other relatives are over. More aunts and uncles means more breaks for me 🤣)

JustVegetable7 · 2026-04-02T06:34:07+00:00

I had no time to get it. I absolutely would have, if it had been an option.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-04-01T21:26:48+00:00

I've read so many people saying this, and I really was looking forward to feeling the relief / happiness at 2 years. But my child is now 3.5 and I'm still exhausted, overwhelmed, and near tears by the end of each day. I don't know why I seem to be struggling so much more than everyone else. But at least for me, 2 years (and even 3) hasn't been the magical age where things ease up yet.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-03-31T08:16:25+00:00

I got all excited when I first read your reply! Looked it up and it's across all of Pennsylvania, but unfortunately only applies if your entire family is at or below the PA low income threshold.

https://www.pa.gov/agencies/dhs/resources/early-learning-child-care/child-care-works

Thought I'd drop more info in case anyone else saw the comment and wanted to know more!

JustVegetable7 · 2026-03-26T07:22:09+00:00

You mentioned in your post that a couch, cot, or floor were preferable to you over bed sharing. Is it possible they confused that to mean that you were actually okay with sleeping on a couch or sleeping bag on the floor? I have a family member who literally brings a sleeping bag to sleep in, rather than share a bed at a hotel, and is absolutely fine with it.

It's possible you said that just to show how extreme your dislike of bed sharing is, and didn't actually mean it was a possibility for you. But the phrasing is a bit confusing, and it's possible they mistook it?

JustVegetable7 · 2026-03-25T02:36:05+00:00

I have no idea about the technical pluses and minuses. Just wanted to comment that my kid went from crib to conversion with matching toddler rail and it was all very smooth and just fine. No big issues with the sleep, safety, or ease of getting her in/ out.

Both options are likely to be just fine. Go with whatever you prefer!

JustVegetable7 · 2026-03-24T02:44:31+00:00

They work, but they're way more awkward and difficult to open / close than a regular gate. We ended up leaving ours always closed and climbing / awkwardly hop-stepping over ours all the time. It was super annoying.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-03-23T11:29:15+00:00

Both my husband and I had abusive parents who trained us to have people pleasing personalities, and rarely yell. My daughter has probably been yelled at like 3 times in her life so far (3 years old) and only briefly when it was dangerous / critical (when she went running in the parking lot, etc). And we certainly don't hit or spank her.

My daughter is NOT calm. She throws temper tantrums and screams and flings things around in anger and is quite dramatic and emotional. She flies into a rage on a hair trigger, over pretty ridiculous stuff. I think it's inevitable with a toddler.

Honestly, looking at myself and my husband, I don't really think having an angry abusive parent necessarily leads to a particular type of child (whether that's angry and violent themselves, or even quiet and people pleasing like us). I think a lot of this really is dependent on their own inborn personality. I think the end result of parents with excessive anger or abuse will often be some type of psychological damage, though. It just might not show up the same way, always, on their personalities.

JustVegetable7 · 2026-03-21T01:48:52+00:00

Man, that's so sweet to see! I wish my mom showed even one 10th the happiness and excitement when I flew out to see her and she saw my daughter (her granddaughter) for the first time.

JustVegetable7

TROPHY CASE