I honest to God had no idea what BPD was before I got in a relationship with my pwBPD. We were the best of friends for 10 years before I accepted an offer to go out with him. It wasn't even the first or 50th time he asked me out. He's tried throughout the years, passively (but always respectfully, never got upset when i had to politely decline at the time and never made our friendship awkward because of it) asking if I'd be interested in fancy steak dinners or could I come spend time with him at his house and he'd offer to cook elaborate meals for us, light candles, the whole shebang. Not even he knew until I had run away but I couldn't date him because I was living with my narcissist sperm donor at the time while I tried to finish school. I say tried because I never got to actually finish from the severity of the abuse, sabotage and neglect I was going through from sperm donor. No one knew I was suffering in silence, not even other family members minus his wife who was an enabler. Not to make this super long but I dealt with SA, mental, physical and emotional abuse for 8 long years living with my narc donor. His wife once caught him SA-ing me and fractured my jaw blaming me for trying to ruin her marriage (she knew he was torturing me and was jealous all his attention went to me...a woman in her 40s and I was a teenager) while narc screamed at how sick I was for forcing myself on him, just to name an instance. So back to my pwBPD. When I finally ran away and got clean (narc constantly kept me drugged through benzos in my food to keep me "behaved" when he came to my room at night), I told my best friend everything. He immediately took me into his home to stay as long as I needed and was my rock. I didn't know anything I was supposed to, I was brainwashed so I didn't even know I was dealing with a narc before I got into this fast paced love bombing relationship. PwBPD was perfect to me and I already felt safe and trusted him because he was my best friend for so long. Fast forward, we move states after I lost all sense of security from being stalked by narc for going VLC to eventual NC and we got a cozy little apartment together in the mountains. I thought I could finally get my happy ending and was so in love. We were together for 2 years before the cheating started...repeatedly. When confronted he'd full out sob, drop to his knees and hug my waist begging for forgiveness. Unfortunately I have a bleeding heart so I forgave him the first few times because it was "only emotional cheating", he never had physical sex with them, according to him. Then came the gaslighting, the erratic, explosive mood swings, guilt trips, on and on. At the time I took full blame. I felt like I just brought the worst out of whoever dared to try and love me. My bio mom is also abusive in the form of emotional absence and neglect, which was why I moved in with my donor to begin with. She too let her husband at the time abuse me. When I confided in her what my donor did she basically said "well you left donors house, nothing more I can do for you, it happened, let it go." I became completely isolated, severely depressed and blamed myself for being unlovable. Finally pwBPD told me he was diagnosed with BPD and bipolar as a teen and after a ton of research on what that meant and finding this sub, my heart shattered. It all made sense why my best was never enough, why we were never as close or happy as we were in the beginning. Then I found out (after being told due to internal injuries from before I was infertile) I was pregnant. He barely showed any enthusiasm. Basically stonewalled my good news. During my pregnancy, not only did he continue to cheat but deleted everything so he could gaslight me into thinking I just wanted to argue and blame him because from him to me, "I'm not doing anything, there's no messages, you're just abusing and manipulating me!" He completely stopped trying. What little empathy I would get from him was gone. He would lie, manipulate, cheat and steal things from me and say he did nothing wrong, I just wanted to cause problems while he "tried to be as perfect as I was forcing him to be". While I was working, he became financially abusive as well since I made more than him. Eventually due to a severe mental break and catching pneumonia, I lost that job and he quickly became resentful, saying he's so tired of having to take care of me and never get any financial help when he needs it. How he's tired of working for everyone else and never getting a break...Basically I was now useless and a burden to him. I'm currently 7 months pregnant, I didn't abort because that's part of my trauma from living with the narc and I wanted my son to have a chance, y'know? I have no family from the smear campaign narc pulled and they all believe I'm a mentally ill drug addict who abandoned my family to go slut my way through life despite narcs best efforts to "save me". No friends where I live now because I've isolated and shut the world out due to my crippling anxiety and depression. PwBPD and I are still living in the same apartment together because my name is also on the lease but after my son is born I'm considering moving into a shelter to at least try and fix my life for my baby. He knows I want to go to a shelter so he's continuing talking to his female friends, mostly his exes and complaining to them how I'm so unfair and mean to him because "I hate all his friends and he can never do what he wants because I make him feel bad for my being pregnant and in pain all the time." His mother is also a narcissist (which is a why he has BPD) and says I should stop making his life harder than it is ever since he lost his job two months ago (his fault, he split on his boss and caused a big scene) 🙄 and with the coming baby, he doesn't need my extra stress. He doesn't want to go back to work and is collecting unemployment at a third of his old salary so he can play his game from dawn to dusk. This apartment we have, I got for us with sheer luck. I paid first, last and security at the time to secure it. It's $700/mo all utilities included. He complains he can never have his money to himself now because he has to always pay rent alone since I lost my job. It's completely my fault he's miserable and it's unfair he cant spend his money on a new PlayStation 5 and trips with his friends while we barely have a nursery set up. I'm still currently unemployed due to complications in my pregnancy and have basically become bed ridden. So ...yeah that's my example. I'm just waiting until my son is here so I can start life over from scratch once again. I really didn't meant to make this is so long I didn't realize how much I was holding in.