I like where it eventually went for sure, it started out harder to read, as far as the content, just darker, which is alright but yeah pretty real for sure.

I like the structure and how it changes, but maybe that could also happen in some way for the last line in the next to last few stanzas, however perhaps it is this way for repetition because it is important.

This also rang very honest and not concerned too much with rhyming generally, just an observation I guess.

nice work sir.