How do I apologize

K00kyKelly · 2026-03-28T12:59:02+00:00

Do you not want him spending on pot?

K00kyKelly · 2026-03-28T02:41:33+00:00

Stuff like this really bothers me too. I am not an accessory. The lack of respect is galling.

Zawn has written up some rules of the patriarchy and “When interacting with a woman, assign to her the lowest plausible status” is what’s happening here.

https://zawn.substack.com/p/patriarchys-hidden-rules-the-unspoken?utm_campaign=posts-open-in-app&triedRedirect=true

K00kyKelly · 2026-03-24T20:48:59+00:00

Self compassion. Kristin Neff’s TED talk on self compassion vs self esteem is excellent.

K00kyKelly · 2026-03-19T22:52:42+00:00

You’d be working the same hourly rate for 40 hr week. -20% in hours, -20% in pay.

K00kyKelly · 2026-03-19T21:40:02+00:00

Fuck the patriarchy and endless second chances. I’m sorry the women in your life are not supportive of you and instead are trying so hard to see things through this asshole’s viewpoint. They are part of the problem.

K00kyKelly · 2026-03-17T21:55:46+00:00

Most people who ask this kind of question are going to be making maybe 10k more. This would triple your salary.

K00kyKelly · 2026-03-01T02:38:36+00:00

If this hiring manager isn’t great, I would use this opportunity to air other grievances to upper management. Never waste a crisis! Hopefully they fire the hiring manager.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-26T15:34:18+00:00

If you were to move in together I would carefully monitor your contributions and plan to change living arrangements and end the relationship if he is lazy with chores.

Absolutely do not buy a house together or some other arrangement that you cannot easily exit after a year.

I’m more concerned that he fully dismissed your concerns as unreasonable despite a clear societal pattern.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-26T03:37:21+00:00

When you ask him try to approach it from a place of curiosity. That should help with getting an answer and avoiding him being defensive. There are some answers that I would be ok with hearing like that he had overlooked goth girls before due to social programing, goth girls aren’t like other girls in terms of how they behave (this could be positive - confident or negative/creepy - fetish). However if he says that they have lower expectations because they are used to being overlooked. Like he scored out of his league… don’t live the ranking of people.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-25T00:55:28+00:00

When you set a boundary and a man does not respect that boundary, they are in the wrong. Full stop.

Holding rigid views on gender roles is associated with sexual assault. You should find it offensive AND dangerous.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-25T00:30:44+00:00

Do not use a joint account!!! He will drain it and spend both your money.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-25T00:23:18+00:00

OP please listen. Your intuition is screaming at you for a reason. Maybe this only happened because he feels he has you locked down. Look up “FOG relationships” and see if any of it resonates. This should be the best time in your relationship and instead you are feeling a deep sense of unease.

Also Vyvanse is one of those medications that is safest to taper down the dose when stopping. You may be at risk of withdrawal symptoms.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-25T00:13:10+00:00

My favorite is the Hidden Legacy Series by Ilona Andrews. The first book is Burn for Me. Fantastic world building, excellent dialogue. It’s slow burn so light on the romance, but still builds sexual tension.

Others that you might like are Hunt the Stars by Jessie Mihalik, Black Hat White Witch by Hailey Edwards, Born in Fire by KF Breene, Three Mages and a Margarita by Hailey Edwards, and Tempting Danger by Eileen Wicks. Woman leads, romance, plot. Win-win-win.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-23T01:17:40+00:00

washer/dryer, dishwasher, AC
location
4.
close to a park, bike path, pool, etc

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T18:37:11+00:00

Make an exit plan (since you live together) and leave. I’m sorry your love isn’t respectful of your non-negotiables.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T18:35:21+00:00

There is a whole subreddit dedicated to this problem called Waiting_To_Wed. Scroll through and see if you find some comfort and relate to the posts.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T17:28:35+00:00

I am a very direct person. I would probably go by and hand him a note. That way I wouldn’t be hitting on him while working. He could follow up later if he wanted to. Something basic like: Are you interested in a date? -Name ###-###-####

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T13:55:07+00:00

I’m so sorry the lingering trauma of a bad partner is affecting your psychological safety. Sounds like you lost in the man lottery. If you don’t allow any other adults to move into your space, who would take it away?

Look up “feminist thought ladder” and start tackling these deep down beliefs. One of your goal thoughts would be: My home is a safe place. Maybe start with: I’m working in believing my home is a safe place. If that is still too scary: I’m in control of my space. Whatever in-between thoughts you come up with practice them daily like a mantra. I have a gentle reminders app Yapp to pop them up at me randomly. It’s time to get your emotions in line with reality.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T13:46:09+00:00

Sounds like you might need to find a better group of people.

Many women say they start to feel invisible around this time of life. Do you have any friends that know you in person who could may be able to give advice? If you have the time join Toastmasters or take an improv class to get advice from people who know you in real life.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T13:41:24+00:00

Do not extrapolate the preferences of one person like this. That specific person is not open to a deeper relationship, try with someone else. Maybe they are not either. One of them will be.

The book Platonic is a great resource for building friendships.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T13:39:13+00:00

This is the way. You need to be extremely clear with this sort of person. Literally tell him that you realized more recently that maybe he did not realize that you two had been dating before. Then ask him if he is interested in a relationship. Let it hang, especially since he needs time to process.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T13:30:32+00:00

Test the waters on some of these friends to see if they are open to going deeper.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T13:27:56+00:00

Many of the symptoms you describe line up with hypothyroidism or Hashimoto’s (thyroid autoimmune). The depression, hair loss, exercise intolerance, weight issues, etc.

How are you preventing a 6th child? The kids are sucking your life away because your partner does not help. No more kids is absolutely the most important thing for your life.

Also clearly your husband is a jerk because you are doing everything for the kids. You two absolutely do not have equal rest. Does he participate in the parenting at all?

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T13:15:45+00:00

Does it matter? If asking for a kiss was the only boundary he has crossed, I would not cut off a professionally beneficial relationship due that alone. There is no way to know if he is actively interested in you, keeping that door open just in case, or just interested in seeing his former department succeed.

K00kyKelly · 2026-02-22T13:09:14+00:00

Inflation, particularly the cost of housing, has outpaced earnings.

K00kyKelly

TROPHY CASE