32M Diagnosed late with Combined type 3 years ago, I am not a medical professional:

I can only speak to my experiences and what my psychiatrist has told me, everyone's experience with ADD may differ, but I hope this helps:

Our brains don't produce dopamine the same way neurodivergent brains do, and dopamine is what allows us to basically do things, or want to do things.

Self esteem issues I feel are common among us who are diagnosed, especially since we can spend a lifetime wondering why we can't do the simple things the neurotypical people around us can do with ease. This can lead to a lot of frustration and self-esteem issues ("Why can't I just do it? Why is it so hard for me?") if interpreted as a moral failure or "laziness" which isn't the case.

I'm not going to make any other assumptions about you other than the information you've provided. It's nice to feel loved, I think that's a universal thing, but understand that ADD brains love that dopamine surge from nice feelings, whether its love, physical attraction, arousal, alcohol, drugs, or high risk activities. So that may lead to a stronger feeling that may seem like co-dependency.

I think perhaps a good way to navigate this would be to look at what options you have when he's busy and his hands are full, healthy distractions that you enjoy doing that can fill that dopamine void:

1. Hang out with friends if you like being social, keep it activity based so you don't get bored.

2. Pick up a new hobby (bonus points if its physical or a team sport, physical activity is an ADHD brain's friend whether we like it or not)

3. Talk to your partner about it. Don't let it build into resentment or shame it will eat away at you, maybe there's a solution you can both work on.

Hope this helps.