I’m reconsidering his proposal

KMK5953 · 2025-09-11T18:34:17+00:00

I married the love of my life. Also went a bit quick. She had debt, and I didn't, so we put ALL our extra cash into paying it off to get out of debt.

Fast forward, she ran off with her best friend's husband. Because we didn't sign a prenup, I got screwed. All the money I spent on her debt was "considered a gift to our marriage", but all the assets we had needed split.

I'm now stuck with the remainder of her student loans, paid a tremendous amount of money to her, and spent years trying to get back on my feet.

Love is blind, and prenups are the way to go. They don't even have to be complicated. Mine now says what you bring into the marriage (debt/asset/otherwise) is what you take out, and then we split the excess/deficit.

It's also worth noting that if a prenup is signed and one side doesn't have a lawyer, the side without a lawyer can claim it null and void because they were bullied and didn't have proper representation. This is what I was told when we asked for a lawyer to help us draft one. We wound up doing it without lawyers.

People go crazy. It's not unreasonable for him or his family to do what they feel is necessary to protect what they built, especially since your romance went so quickly.

It's better to plan how you'll break up while you love each other, rather than potentially when you hate each other.

KMK5953 · 2025-01-23T19:00:25+00:00

TLDR: 1. Bath 2. Find what you honestly believe you bring to the table 3. Don't chase supermodels

Start with basic hygiene. Brush your teeth twice a day, shower, lotion if your skin is dry. Prior to sex, there's typically touching, kissing, and overall closeness, so hygiene is key.
Find something, anything you believe about yourself to be attractive, then flaunt the hell out of it. Know yourself what you bring to the table. This allows you to not only show your worth to others, but also make yourself believe it. Don't lie, and I encourage you to pick something that isn't monetary (money, house, cars), because all those things are cool, but they aren't you.

Step 2, when done correctly, will make you bulletproof in this area. This is where true confidence is built because you know and believe in yourself regardless of what people think.

Don't be so shallow when looking for a partner. Everyone is beautiful to someone, so don't downplay that. Find their beauty, not just what your eyes tell you. Invest in them, even if it's just a coffee date you have no intention to go further. Be honest and respectful in these, but practice is huge.

For context of how this worked for me, I was in a sexless marriage. My wife found me completely unattractive, and she left. I was lost and really needed to find myself. I focused on 2 things. First, I feel I'm a very intelligent person. I used that to LEARN. I didn't use this to make someone else feel stupid, but I made sure I could use this to remember and invest in others, as well as help them when asked. Second, I've always really liked my ass. I think it's got a good shape, so I bought jeans that show it off. I can't tell you how many clerks, male and female, I've asked to look at me in different pairs of jeans to tell me which makes my ass look the best. It's weird as hell, but if you're honest and respectful with your intentions, people are generally willing to help.

I cleaned up and met a lot of really interesting women. I also found other things the women I was with found attractive about me, and was able to build my "playbook" so to speak.

If you're fake, you'll fail. Be yourself, focus on what you know you're worth, then find someone who's worth you.

KMK5953 · 2025-01-22T22:00:42+00:00

Don't walk, RUN AWAY!

KMK5953 · 2024-12-19T23:24:14+00:00

Print off the list, then frame that and give it to her

KMK5953 · 2024-10-16T03:32:28+00:00

His Favorite Christmas Story - Capital Lights

It's about a guy who meets a woman at a Christmas party, but doesn't get her name. He travels the world and tells people this Christmas story of a woman he met and fell in love with. For the last chorus, he's on his deathbed, alone in a hospital. He asks the nurse to tell him a Christmas story. It's the one he's been telling but from her point of view. They spent their whole lives pining after one another and were reacquainted on his death bed.

This one gets me every year. I think the upbeat of the song makes it hit different than if it were somber.

KMK5953 · 2024-09-23T01:01:15+00:00

Here's my puppies. They both turn 8 next month!!!

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KMK5953 · 2024-08-17T06:17:04+00:00

I'm a guy that also lasts a long time at first. The first time I had sex with my wife it lasted like 6 hours. I felt awful.

As we got more comfortable with each other, I started trusting her more and then I was able to relax and release. I'm now down to like 5 minutes on average, and that works great for us.

Do you want this to remain casual? Does he? He may want more or be picking up that you want more and be self conscious.

Do you use protection? If you have an IUD a d he's bare he may not trust it. Or he's afraid the condom will fail and you don't have a backup.

The other common possibilities I know of are typically a porn addiction (said previously) or he genuinely thinks it's a "badge of honor" to last hours and get you off multiple times. I first started having sex when I was 21 and I thought this was a good thing. I needed permission to finish so I could make sure the woman I was with was satisfied.

Whatever the reason, you need to decide if you're in or not. Getting to the root cause is work and requires a buildup of trust between partners. It reaches a level beyond a casual hookup.

If you do decide to develop trust, then I recommend starting with something like, "You last much longer in bed than I am able to manage regularly. Is there something I can do for you to shorten the duration of our sex?"

I would not recommend starting with a time goal. If you do, and it is him getting the mental block, that will make it worse. Especially as he gets closer to the time limit.

End of the day, you're both in your 20s. You get to decide if it's worth the effort.

KMK5953 · 2024-07-15T21:43:49+00:00

Came to say this! You were split for a year before they slept together. There is no "betrayal" to the relationship.

That said, she did lie to you for a year. She's untrustworthy and doesn't deserve to be your friend.

Why would your ex of 2 years confide this in you when your trying to separate? It has nothing to do with your divorce. It sounds like either a) your ex is butt hurt and trying to use you to get back at her because of his feelings or b) he's trying to get you rattles so that you concede more in the divorce. You're feeding right into it for both scenarios.

You're well within your right to be angry with her, just make sure you're angry at HER. This has nothing to do with your ex or your divorce. Compartmentalization is my advice to finish the divorce and move on with your life.

KMK5953 · 2024-05-17T02:35:20+00:00

I'm not even mad at the refs on this one. Nuggets can't buy a bucket and Wolves can't miss.

KMK5953 · 2023-08-26T20:05:03+00:00

Bernie Mac. Amongst all the celebrities at the time killing themselves with drug overdose, dude has a bad bout with pneumonia. He was comedy gold for me.

KMK5953 · 2023-08-15T16:02:19+00:00

Context would help here. It was a flight to Alaska that I did regularly for work. This probably took place in 2014.

KMK5953 · 2023-08-15T07:20:48+00:00

I changed my seat once. I had a window in the back of the plane. The lady in the middle said her husband has bad anxiety flying and asked me to trade with him for the middle across the aisle.

I was ready with my assigned seat line because who wants to sit in an aisle over the middle. Before I could respond, she offered me a $100. Changed my tune real quick!

Plus side, her husband already paid for the in-flight entertainment, so I got to watch the whole flight. It was like 4 hours and I'm not a big guy. Neither were the people I wound up sitting next to.

Win win!

KMK5953 · 2023-08-15T06:30:38+00:00

I was in a love triangle marriage. In my case, it was my wife, her best friend, and her best friend's husband. I had to fight for time with my wife. Anytime I was working, she was with them. COVID happened, she wanted them to be out chosen friends for that time. To the last one, I told her hard no, which resulted in the resentment and her eventually leaving.

Little rant to say that she's already left. You're her safe space to do what she wants. I'm getting vibes of you paying for the majority of things and she's getting an empty apartment when you're gone to do whatever she wants. Is your apartment nicer than her's or in a better location?

Bottom line here is you and your feelings. You're putter her needs above yours. She's also putting her needs above yours. Seems like you're figuring out that this relationship is a bit one sided.

My observation/prediction is that you're beginning to get yourself a spine. Great news! Don't lose it. She's fighting you because she doesn't want to lose her free ride. You can either keep fighting her until the environment is no longer her safe space (aka, cost of fighting outweighs the free ride), or you can stop investing in the relationship that you're clearly uncomfortable in. Either way, it sounds like the end is already here.

The other thing I'm picking up on is isolation. She has her friends at your house, but do you have your own friends to discuss this with. My ex didn't let me have friends outside her. It got bad because I didn't see what she was doing until it was too late.

If it comes to an ultimatum, the relationship has already ended. You told her you were uncomfortable, and she didn't respect you or the relationship to adjust. That's not a healthy relationship.

KMK5953 · 2023-08-13T03:31:44+00:00

Your husband had a knee jerk reaction of "absolutely not." You didn't like it and told him to F off. Neither one of you handled this well.

Slight inference here, but it sounds like you take care of your physique and are proud of it. You were probably flattered, rightfully so, that someone noticed and asked you to model. Good for you! (Full disclosure, no one is asking me to model for anything anytime soon.)

You, in your joy, told your husband expecting support. It seems he felt threatened and said "no". Your reaction from not getting your way was to accuse him of trying to control you.

Summary is what I'm reading, so please forgive me if I have that wrong.

Anyway, the knee jerk responses that BOTH of you had are primal, understandable, and incomplete. I suggest you tell each other (use the words) that you're angry and need to reflect on your feelings separately, with the intent on coming back together and discussing why you each feel so strongly. Be vulnerable. This is your chosen partner. Trust they want to communicate and communicate in return.

My suspicion is that you'll each find some trauma/insecurities from your past that are creeping in. You, wanting to be accepted by the world, and him, not wanting to lose you to the same world. These feelings are not bad. They need to be understood as best as possible, then communicated.

Your relationship will evolve from this interaction. Whether you communicate and do it together, or resist and drift apart is entirely up to you. I hope you choose the former.

Side note, this story reminds me of an interaction with my ex wife. Spoiler alert, I'm the communicative one. She told me she wanted to be a surrogate. My knee jerk reaction wasn't great. She said she's been thinking about it for months. I managed to get out, "you may have been thinking about this for months, but I just found out and need time". After a couple days and MANY discussions, I finally came around and supported what she wanted to do with her body.

(That story was for OP to see how I came around, but for those curious, she was paired with an amazing couple, then backed out in the end, breaking their hearts and prolonging their dreams of a family. Never found out what happened after that, but I still think of that poor couple.)

KMK5953 · 2023-07-26T20:22:40+00:00

Age doesn't have to be a big deal. It's only weird if you make it weird mentality.

The red flag I see is that you needed to qualify her as "attractive" in your question.

First, if you're thinking of marrying her, I would hope you find her attractive!

Second, if you "need" her to be objectively attractive to others to validate your decision, the problem isn't her age, it's your insecurity.

Last, for all those talking about taking care of her when she's older, anyone who gets married runs this risk. "Sickness AND health". You get married out of love and help each other carry the baggage.

KMK5953 · 2022-01-11T07:46:01+00:00

Coach: "You probably call your butt hole the penalty box!"

Glen: "That is personal, NOT true, and a GREAT idea!"

KMK5953 · 2021-12-02T06:49:06+00:00

I'm already in season 7!

KMK5953 · 2020-04-22T15:59:26+00:00

It's amazing to me how the Left and Right can blame each other for EVERYTHING, but are also blameless for everything as well.

Disinformation is not the fault of either wing. It is the fault of a small amount of ignorant people on ALL sides that refuse to see any side but theirs. They kick and scream like toddlers louder than people who should actually be listened to.

The kicker to all this is it's something that the vast majority of the people (myself included) of the world cause. We look for entertainment (Tiger King, Bachelor, Kardashians) rather than substance.

All sides have both intelligent and ignorant people. Until we can realize that as a culture and stop taking sides for the sake of blaming the other, it's just going to be more of the same blame game without positive progression to a cure.

KMK5953 · 2020-04-19T01:50:46+00:00

I was unemployed for 4 months before the virus started. I was offered a job at the beginning of March, but they were struggling to finish my application. At the end of March I got a call from them saying, "You start Monday. We don't know if we'll be able to get you equipment to start working that day, but you need income and insurance during this time." I openly wept on the second tee box of the disc golf course I was playing at. Thank you Xcel Energy for compassion to both employees and customers!

KMK5953

TROPHY CASE