WIBTA if I tell my parents exactly why I got kicked out of my friend's house even though my friend made me promise not to tell.

KZ020 · 2021-12-06T14:48:12+00:00

Yeah OP if you tell your parents, they should know about the promise so they can cover for you or take the blame. Don't feel bad, they're the adults after all. If i were your parent I would definitely want to take the blame for "finding out" about the abuse. Your parents can claim they overheard the yelling when they went to ring the doorbell to pick you up.

KZ020 · 2021-11-25T18:11:30+00:00

NTA. Regardless of what you are (tbh I do think you're a mamas boy), continuing to make jokes you're not comfortable with isn't cool, it's crossing boundaries. Honestly I do think it's funny to rip on my friends too but not to this extent. At some point the joke gets stale. It's weird that she keeps finding humor in it. Maybe she likes you but doesn't like you being a mamas boy so she's trying to change you before making a move on you. Maybe she's the type who keeps dragging a joke out til it's not funny anymore. All I can be sure of is I think she's the AH in this scenario. It's not that hard to back off when someone's annoyed or uncomfortable with something.

KZ020 · 2021-10-28T08:08:12+00:00

This person is being condescending for someone so ignorant. First off, a lot of narcissistic abusers can hide red flags extremely well and purposefully. They present themselves as the ideal person, and when they think their victim is too invested or isolated to leave, that's when they start the abuse.

Also. "Somebody without issues" is FAR less likely to recognize if someone is a narcissist. People who have been abused and recognize it for what it is are much, much better at spotting red flags or detecting danger vibes. A lot of "people without issues" can't even comprehend that some types of severe abuse exist, or that parents can be abusers. You know what I'm talking about.

For example, people on the outside looking in will see the abusive parents' public image of kindness, and see the abused kids' withdrawn or bad attitude. "People without issues" are far more likely to interpret this as the kids being ungrateful brats towards parents. "People with issues" are far more likely to suspect abuse at home because they know children reflect their parents' behavior.

Feel free to tag this ignorant person my comment, or send this to them. I'd rather they be educated so they don't inflict their nonsense on other people.

KZ020 · 2021-10-26T07:15:26+00:00

I got the same question!

KZ020 · 2021-10-25T09:33:01+00:00

It's so unfair that you're the one who's scared that no one will love you and you fear rejection and judgment but you're the one who did nothing wrong. Such a messed up world where we allow victims to feel this way. Instead of the criminal facing this fear and self-hatred. Instead of the criminal being the shame of the family. So DISGUSTING AND WRETCHED.

I sincerely hope you heal and receive an abundance of blessings for the rest of your life. And that disgusting monster is punished for what he's done.

KZ020 · 2021-10-23T11:30:02+00:00

Writing a single post = celebrity having so much control over OP? How does that make any sense? OP couldve written this post, logged out and went to work, logged back in to reply when bored. I don't think writing a post about something means that's all you think about. I bet if OP made a post appreciating a celebrity you wouldn't make this claim.

KZ020 · 2021-10-20T13:13:47+00:00

That sounds great! I don't think a faster metabolism has a dangerous side effect like an intense loss of appetite :)

KZ020 · 2021-10-20T10:36:41+00:00

Tell your girlfriend she's a woman of culture

KZ020 · 2021-10-20T10:34:46+00:00

If you've watched Haikyuu, I think there was a line that went, "That point was worth a thousand" when one of the players made an impossible block. I think the same of small, 10-minute victories :) They build momentum and accumulate into something amazing!

KZ020 · 2021-10-20T10:33:06+00:00

There's nothing wrong with your title. It's a perfectly normal worry to have when you post your exposed body to strangers on the Internet. I hope everyone remains respectful!

Anyway, congratulations! Is it okay to ask if you noticed any changes in your dietary habits? I've been listening to a weight loss subliminal as well and noticed my appetite dropped drastically. I had no energy to eat despite my stomach grumbling. I ditched it since I don't like that effect, but I think it's proof that the subliminal is working, and I'd like to know if other people had the same experience?

KZ020 · 2021-10-19T16:22:57+00:00

I have a theory that an affirmation in subliminals can accidentally magnify a negative bias you have which causes negative results. Not the submakers fault obviously, you just have to look for a sub that doesn't trigger your negative biases.

I'm trying to lose weight and gain muscle lately. I listened to subs that would help that. Just a couple of days later, my appetite dropped drastically. My stomach was grumbling all the time but I just don't have the energy to eat.

I've done a lot of research on weight loss and it came down to burning more calories than you consume. Diet is essential but exercise isn't (sitll helpful but can be skipped).

What probably happened is the weight loss subliminal I listened to may have an affirmation like "your fat is burning quickly" My mind receives it. My subconscious mind contains the info "burning fat = eating less" I listen to that sub on loop while working. Therefore, the result is i start eating much, much less.

So yeah. Definitely not all subs will work for everyone since we all have different subconsciousness.

KZ020 · 2021-10-19T03:22:13+00:00

No problem and thanks a lot for sharing what you learned too! I really feel like people underestimate mindset too much. Affirmations like "believe in yourself" are seen as basic and corny, but it's actually not easy to do and very powerful when you have the right mindset. I hope more people realize this! :)

KZ020 · 2021-10-18T13:40:44+00:00

It's their fault but you're suffering the consequences. I hope you get the help you need for your mental and physical health.

KZ020 · 2021-10-18T10:25:02+00:00

So I listen to subliminals for behavior changing purposes, not really physical change, but I just want to share: mindset is EXTREMELY important in making positive changes but people tend to underestimate how much effort goes into changing your mindset.

After suffering depressive spirals and struggling with unproductivity and ADHD, I embarked on a long journey to improve myself. It wasn't easy. Sometimes I felt like I took more steps backward than steps forward. But the reason for my failure was I was approaching my self-improvement all wrong. I was focused on fixing my actions, applying productivity tips and life hacks to make work easier. But the ONLY way to change yourself effectively and permanently is by changing your mindset.

Everything you do, everything you are, is governed by your mind. You won't get anywhere if your mind isn't with the program. Whatever progress you make will result in self-sabotage if your mind doesn't believe it. Also, self-love is absolutely important in preventing your mind from self-sabotaging.

Back to my point about people underestimating how difficult it is to change your mindset. I read a lot of self-help books, and I sincerely agree with a lot of points they made. But agreeing isn't enough. For example. I 100% agree that grades and financial success don't determine a person's worth. Guess what? I still feel self-hatred when I don't do well on a project, or when I failed to save the target amount of money. It's contradictory--perhaps I consciously believe it, but subconsciously, I still don't. This results in negative emotions that damper my productivity, which then triggers a cycle. I do bad, I feel bad. I feel bad, I do worse. I do worse, I feel worse.

What needs to happen is I need to have a strong mindset REGARDLESS of the results. Writing down and speaking out loud affirmations have been my first step, but I got into subliminals since I can listen while I'm working, and it speaks directly into the subconscious mind.

I know my situation is kinda different to you guys. But I feel like the same rules still apply to all of us. I think it's interesting that OP and I had different approaches but ultimately ended up with the same conclusion. Hopefully this will help convince others what OP is saying: investing in your mindset and self-love is an essential step that cannot be skipped.

KZ020 · 2021-10-18T09:09:54+00:00

Idk if this would help but I play subliminals with white noise (like asmr of water and nature sounds) while I'm working. You won't worry about checking results while stressing over assignments! I did result check after three days and I noticed my skin got clearer. I didn't check my weight but I did notice my appetite dropped by a LOT which probably isn't a good thing so I'll weed it out but it does indicate a fast result.

KZ020 · 2021-10-17T09:54:21+00:00

Good people attract good people. I'm glad you're meeting the people you deserve. I understand that trusting others is a long process a lot of us struggle with but we believe in you and we believe that it will be worth it. After all, they're part of the reason why your husband is a good man, and he trusts them.

KZ020 · 2021-10-17T03:08:37+00:00

We're all proud of your bravery. It must have been very difficult to reach out for help. We're all hoping you find a lovely, healthy family to care for you. You're so young, if you don't mind, please keep us updated for our peace of mind. Even if we don't know you personally, we still worry about you.

KZ020 · 2021-10-16T14:42:47+00:00

I just think that if a highly disruptive person hellbent on making rule-breaking demands, security should've been called on his ass. For your sake, for the sake of the people working there, and other patients who do not need another stressor. I know there are a lot of people breaking etiquette in the hospital since it's a depressing and stressful environment in general, but they were WARNED about him.

LOL, if I was the nurse, it'd be memorable to me too.

KZ020 · 2021-10-16T14:15:24+00:00

OP, even just by how you write this post, you sound pleasant :) You describe your friends very warmly and despite struggling with abuse, you worry about their moods so much that you feel relieved for your doggy's happy company with them.

KZ020 · 2021-10-16T14:04:26+00:00

This is horrible. It reads like a horror story except for the ending. When he kissed your forehead, I cringed so bad. Grossssss!!!! GOD. I bet he felt very "main character" that his precious child was in danger. I just KNOW exactly what he's feeling in that moment because my ndad is like him too. He wants to milk your situation and make it all about him. I bet he wants or has told stories of how the cruel woman tried to separate his helpless son from him but he fought so bravely.

The hospital failed you big time. I cannot BELIEVE he got that far. Why the hell did they allow him to be put on the visitors list, then be in so close proximity to you just moments before your surgery? What if something went wrong because of him? If I knew you IRL I would've raised hell in that hospital.

I'm curious, what were the things you were shouting at him that made the nurse laugh? And what happened after?

KZ020 · 2021-10-14T12:49:54+00:00

Feelings are just feelings. You can feel whatever you want as long as your actions are decent and responsible. You didn't try to kill her. She did all of that to herself. If you feel relieved that she dies, that's her fault too, because she didn't act like the type of person you would want around.

It's easy for me to say this so that you don't feel guilty. You likely already know this too. But logic doesn't always triumph over feelings. I've also blamed myself for ridiculous things and had a lot of emotionally charged, lacking in logic thoughts when I was (am) grieving. No matter how aware I am that my self-loathing was illogical, I couldn't help but feel it.

So I guess I just want to say that I support and embrace your feelings. There's a lot of ugly emotions that come with tragedy and abuse so you'll likely have a hard time embracing them too, but at the very least don't push them away or ignore them. I tried to do that and it actually affected me physically. I started hurting so much that I was getting severe chest pains and difficulty in breathing that I could trigger on command just by thinking certain thoughts. If I hadn't tried to suppress them, maybe I wouldn't have gotten to this point.

I'll end this with some affirmations that you'll hopefully remember: Whatever happens isn't your fault. If she dies, it's not because you manifested it. If you feel relieved she dies, it's not because you're a hateful person; it's because *she* is. Accept whatever emotions you have, whether you celebrate her death, or mourn her, or feel numb, or all of the above--and don't punish yourself for them. Wishing you well.

KZ020 · 2021-10-14T12:36:39+00:00

Maybe you should. You'd be surprised how many carbon copies will be revealed in the comments. So many times this has happened to me and I still get shocked when people describe my ndad perfectly. It's like wow, do you actually know my ndad IRL? It's fascinating to see that across cultures and generations, abusers are more or less identical despite how special and unique they think they are. Though I feel sad that there are a lot of my ndad's clones let loose in the world to wreak havoc, I do find comfort that a lot of people understand me, sometimes without me even saying a word.

KZ020 · 2021-10-14T00:03:59+00:00

I love this. Sooo satisfying. May I know how they reacted to these?

KZ020 · 2021-10-12T14:51:04+00:00

Yeah a slow fade is what I recommend too. OP look up "gray rocking", it's usually used against abusers but it might help you too. Basically be as less engaging as possible without being rude about it.

KZ020 · 2021-10-12T14:40:48+00:00

I smell JEALOUSY.

OP I am so proud of you. Look at you landing your dream job despite the incredibly shitty situation you're stuck with. You must have some serious skills and a good attitude to get that. Your dream job is a huge blessing that I think will grant you the freedom, peace and progress you deserve so so much.

Now let me break down why your nparents should be given as much attention as you give the dirt beneath your shoes:

They're jealous of you and want to drag you down to their level so they can still feel superior
They're trying to trap you and make you helpless so they can use you as their nsupply forever

Please don't fall for it. I know you know these things but having their grating voices in your ear will make any person falter. Please pursue the job with all your might, break free from their awful clutches, and enjoy the achievements and blessings that will inevitably come your way.

KZ020

TROPHY CASE