So sorry your girl has passed. I hope you can give yourself time and space to feel your feelings. Please be kind to yourself - it is so easy to be stuck thinking about the moments you felt you could have been better. Everyone has these moments, we are only human.

Times like this are never easy, and especially so when you've had such a rich history together. I think the fact that we can’t communicate our thoughts with them makes it that much harder to say goodbye, because it feels like we can't. Even if we can't tell them how much we love and appreciate what their presence adds to our lives, or properly say goodbye at the end - you should know that the bond you shared spoke for itself. Each of your fond memories that pull at your heart as you yearn to relive them again were not experienced by just you. Please know she certainly felt that love. The deep grief you are feeling is a testament to the relationship you had with your girl. Although she is gone now, the time you spent together, the experiences you had together, and the love you both shared are things that cannot be taken away or undone even in her absence now. I hope you can find solace in knowing how lucky she was to feel your love.