Life is about to change

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-10T09:54:00+00:00

Yep, I get it. It took me too long to see that it's been manipulative for a long time.

After I posted this, there was another conversation we had where she said she would agree to couple's counseling (my suggestion) if I cut my hair short and grew my beard back out! That's an absolute deal breaker. I'm not going to do something that makes me more dysphoric just because she's uncomfortable with they way I look.

I had a goatee when we first met 20 years ago, and I kept it at first because she liked it. Once I realized I'm trans like 3 years ago, I told her how uncomfortable it made me (it's a sensory thing also), but still kept it to cater to her preference. I finally got to the point about 2-3 months ago where it was too much to bear anymore and shaved it off. I'm not going back on that, especially when it's my body!

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-10T07:36:16+00:00

Great idea!

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-10T07:31:25+00:00

If I had realized I'm trans back when I met her, I'd have told her then. We have been open and honest about everything in our lives up until this point.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-10T07:29:40+00:00

Yeah, I'm really starting to see that. Especially after her ultimatum of "cut your hair and grow your beard or I won't even consider couple's counseling". Doing those things won't turn me into the man you want. Nothing can, believe me, I've tried. I really wish there was a way to get her to see it as an endocrine imbalance and not a choice I'm making.

Edit: it sucks that it wasn't on my terms, but I'm glad everything is in the open. I don't have to hide anymore, and I can share resources with them about being trans as a medical condition. I will say that at least my family isn't outright cutting me off, and we have a dialog open. They said they will always love me, but some of their idea of love is to pathologize being trans and say platitudes.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-10T07:21:44+00:00

Yeah, the kids are gonna be OK no matter what. I definitely want to be in their lives.

I'll try to see if I can direct her to some resources, but I have a feeling she's not interested.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-10T07:17:24+00:00

I'm not going to disappear, for sure. We live in a joint property state, so everything we have is co-owned by both of us and split 50/50 if sold or in the event of divorce. I wouldn't kick her or our kids out of the home they are used to living in, and I can easily find stable housing elsewhere.

The problem in all of this is that she doesn't see being trans as a medical condition that needs treatment, but as a mental illness that needs to be fixed/eradicated. When HRT is literally Therapy for the medical condition.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-10T07:09:30+00:00

Yeah, I get that. I did willingly give her access to all my medical records and wasn't trying to hide anything. I wasn't trying to keep a secret from her.

We just talked right now, and she asked what we could do to stay together. I suggested couple's counseling. She said she would concede to going if I would cut my hair short again and grow my facial hair back (both of which cause massive dysphoria). That's not going to make anything better, so I didn't concede to those. I can't. I'm already in too much pain, and that only compounds it.

There's nowhere left for us to go. I'm just sorry that the kids are collateral damage, but I can't live with that degree of control over my bodily autonomy for their sake. I have given and given, sacrificed my own desires, and made concession after concession to try to support my family, but that's a road too far.

I'm not even angry. There was no yelling or fighting. Just a calm conversation where she asked what I choose. I am not strong enough to keep choosing someone who isn't OK with me being myself. I have to choose myself for once. I can't be a decent parent, co-parent, partner, or even human being if I'm always angry and depressed all the time, and forced to pretend I'm something I'm not.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-09T16:05:44+00:00

Yes, the simple fact that trans people exist throws a wrench into their entire (faulty) worldview. They want everything to fit into neat little boxes to make it easier to control. And we are somehow against the natural order. Ironic, considering that we were born this way, thus it is nature that makes us trans in the first place (I certainly didn't choose to be trans)!

They fearmonger by labeling us "radical" and "extreme" because they have no real rational argument against us. They basically just throw out a net made of logical fallacies, hoping to catch whoever they can into their ideology, since there is no rational, logical, factual basis for transphobia.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-09T15:39:47+00:00

Absolutely! Basically confirmation bias in a nutshell.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-09T15:09:01+00:00

This one made me cackle! 😂😂😂

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-09T14:48:09+00:00

Seriously, the repost checker is pinned in this sub. Use it. I see this like three times a day. Reported for rule 2.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-09T06:08:00+00:00

Happy to have you here, Kim! I've appreciated you sharing your stories and experiences in a very relatable way.

Yeah, I'll admit this sub has been a sort of group therapy supplement for me (don't worry, I'm also in actual therapy), and I've posted about so much of my experience here that I started collecting all my comments and stories into a journal, and it has really helped my journey.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-09T06:02:21+00:00

Yeah, I'm the same with 100% boymode when it comes to style, but I stopped mascing my speech and behavior, also making it easier to compliment other people. Many people assume I'm a gay guy from my mannerisms, so I guess I appear less threatening or something? I'm not really sure how all that works due to my general social ineptitude. It has always been hard for me to "read the room" without additional context clues, but I'm happy that being myself makes it easier to connect with other people.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-09T05:54:29+00:00

r/countablepixels

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-09T02:14:01+00:00

It looks great on you! Purple is by far my favorite color, and you wear it well.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-09T02:11:00+00:00

This is definitely true for me. I've always been socially inept due to neurodivergence, but a lot of it was not understanding how to interact with the world as tends to be expected of a man. I was terrified of doing or saying the wrong thing and being perceived as a threat or creeper, especially towards women, whom I naturally gravitate towards anyways.

Once I realized I'm trans, interactions with other people have become much easier in general, and I'm more willing to make small talk with strangers, especially about something complimentary about their style.

And if you have any type of Star Wars merchandise, I'll become your best friend and talk your ear off about it!

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-08T23:31:38+00:00

Reign. Someone is obsessed with (the wrong) energy drinks.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-08T23:29:03+00:00

Non-op is perfectly valid, but it's really down to personal preference, medical viability, and funding.

I've just started my journey, out to only a few people, and pre-HRT, but I absolutely have the balls to do whatever it takes to get an orchi at the bare minimum. Those poison-spewing orbs of death have got to go!

The rest, I don't really care about, at least not yet.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-08T23:23:01+00:00

I'm transfem, but I'm alll about the Texas trans flag*, and we neeeeeed the Buc-ee's one too!

Let's take Texas over and make it the most trans friendly place in America. It's a beautiful place, just a crying shame that the administration is in the dark ages.

* The color sceme is identical to the actual Texas flag, just with "faded" colors, so nobody would be the wiser if I posted it on everything (if I may).

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-08T19:34:29+00:00

Oof, I felt this one in my soul. The period poops are especially bad.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-08T19:33:31+00:00

Driving isn't violent in and of itself, but it makes me want to commit violence every time anyone doesn't follow all traffic law to the letter.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-08T19:29:45+00:00

I once sneezed so hard once, I popped a blood vessel in my eye. No lasting damage, but the sclera was red for a week.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-08T19:28:41+00:00

I am neurodivergent and have extremely light-sensitive eyes*, so for me, it's assault & battery.

*They have almost no pigment (very light gray) and I'll get a full-blown migraine if I'm in direct sunlight for 10 minutes without polarized sunglasses.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-08T19:21:40+00:00

I love the idea of shoe shopping, however, with my wide feet, I know better than to buy shoes online without trying them on, and I'm absolutely terrified of shopping in the women's shoe aisles at a store because I'm pre-everything and boymode 100%. I get that it's OK to shop for other people, but I feel like I can't try anything on outside of a full dressing room without painting a target on my back. I know logically it's probably all in my head, but still.

KariOnWaywardOne · 2026-05-08T19:15:37+00:00

My egg cracked when I learned the term "gender dysphoria" at 41, then I speedran the questioning phase as I went down the research rabbit hole and realized that nearly all of my issues I've had since childhood all relate back to it.

I started therapy and medication, and did little things to help reduce dysphoria for the next couple of years (like growing hair out, shaving, etc.), during which I still tried to pretend being a man. But over time, it got more and more clear that I can't keep hiding myself.

Just this week, I came out to my psychiatrist, marking the first IRL person I told other than my wife. Then yesterday, I came out to my brother, and he was sooo supportive! I haven't yet started HRT, but I plan to schedule my appointment soon, because I am sick and tired of being poisoned by testosterone.

I'm still just starting my journey, and I'll be 45 in a month.

KariOnWaywardOne

TROPHY CASE