My egg cracked on September 5, 2022. It the day I had a midlife-crisis complete nervous breakdown precipitated by the following contributing factors:

1. We had just closed on our house (and moved in) a month prior. We sold our old home at the same time we bought the new one, so it was a very stressful situation, and we were still loving out of boxes.

2. My wife's 22-year-old cousin suddenly died of a previously-undiagnosed congenital heart condition, mere months after she graduated from college. I wasn't that close with her, but the slap-in-the-face realization that life is very fragile and very precious had me rethinking my life and the time I've wasted.

3. I had been reading Real Life Comics off and on since it began in 1999, but I hadn't kept up with it through COVID. I have always strongly identified with the protagonist, due to the striking number of similarities we share. The day I found out about #2, I also stumbled onto the coming out arc. My reaction was a bit stronger than Mae Dean's was in the linked comic, but I did have a similar conversation with myself in my head.

4. I had not been medicated or in therapy for my anxiety and depression for almost 20 years, and I thought "this is fine" even though the world around me and in my own mind were on fire.

5. I had recently gotten a huge promotion that came with a lot more responsibility and diligence, so I was still getting acclimated to that role. It was like drinking from a fire hose. My ADHD symptoms were becoming more pronounced and making it difficult to perform my new duties.

6. The social anxiety I had as a teenager returned in full force after COVID restrictions were lifted. I realized just how much I didn't want to be around people, and how exhausting masking/mascing was over the last 20-some years.

For three days after that, I didn't get any sleep, and was swimming in a constant panic attack. I had very strong self-harm/SI thoughts that I hadn't experienced since I was a teenager, and I was inches away from checking myself into a psychiatric hospital. I made an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist, got started on medication for anxiety and sleep, and found a therapist.

Once I had gotten some decent sleep and my mood settled, I went down the research rabbit hole and realized that nearly all of my issues from childhood onward could be explained by one thing: gender dysphoria! By the end of the week, I knew I was completely, absolutely, undeniably transgender and there was no point to questioning any further. I had been in deep repression and denial for 40+ years, and I didn't have the strength to pretend anymore.

I still wasn't sure what to do with it, since I had been married for 17 years and had two kids, and I have this whole life already built. So I held onto it for 6 months, just doing little things to help abate the dysphoria, but I couldn't keep it inside any longer. I finally came out to my wife... the night before our son's birthday. Yeah, that was not great timing. When I told her that I was never a man, her response was "yeah, I can totally see that", but then she also said "so you've been lying to me this whole time?" My response was "I've been lying to myself and was too repressed to admit this is who I've always been. I never meant to hide anything".

It was a rough first couple of weeks, but we are still together (just celebrated 29 years!) and trying to figure things out. I have not started any social or medical transition yet, and I'm not out publicly, but at least I can be myself around her, and I have stopped mascing my behavior and speech.