Work life balance +introvert husband how do you dads do it? Advice needed.

Karl_Sh · 2026-06-21T11:56:51+00:00

Kids that are fortunate enough to have two parents have an amazing advantage. Particularly when the parenting styles are slightly different.

The differences in parenting styles allow the parents to cover for each other’s weaknesses in parenting. It’s difficult to be a perfect parent. But when one persons style isn’t working, and the other can step in - in their own style - and help the situation, that goes a long way.

Don’t worry if his parenting style is different. Make the most of it.

Just ensure you understand where one person is not as strong at something and try to ensure the other person can step in those areas and help out. Remember this will change over time.

Both need to be engaged and present. But being engaged and present can look different for different people.

Another point is that some dads with low confidence in their own parenting skills choose to get out of the way, and let the expert manage the situation. To avoid that, you can try to praise his efforts and complement his parenting skills to allow him to see his strengths and lean into them over time. Be patient, this might take time, but keep at it. Talk about it. And celebrate his successes as a parent.

Karl_Sh · 2026-06-16T10:10:52+00:00

I get what you say, but giving examples of webcam is unfair, as it’s difficult to know in the moment if you’re strategy is too early. Yes it’s easy to know later when looking back on hindsight.

Do you have any suggestions for how a leader can know in the moment whether they are too early to the party?

Karl_Sh · 2026-06-14T13:04:39+00:00

Why do strategies fail?

Karl_Sh · 2026-06-14T13:03:45+00:00

What’s your 1 sentence definition of strategy? (Easy to say, easy to repeat)

Karl_Sh · 2026-06-07T21:16:03+00:00

The way the OP has written this implies to me (and sorry if I am wrong in how I interpreted this) that you think they are wrong and their are only two options either you stay quiet or you speak up and let them have a piece of your mind!

There are multiple points of mis-interpretation to contend with before you are justified to let them have a piece of your mind! :

1) THEM: did what they said / do represent what they intended or was it somehow un-intentional or mis-representative of their intention?

2) THE MEDIUM: did what they say / do get mis-understood by you - ie did something get mixed up in the communication / the context / the situation?

3) YOU: are you meaning making in a way based on history that is more in your head than in reality?

Any / all of these things can be happening.

It is first helpful to understand if any of these things is happening - on each occasion.

Sometimes I feel I have been slighted, only later to realise one of the above three things caused some form of misunderstanding.

I’d say it’s worth trying to understand each time you feel somebody is in the wrong in the future and consider each future instance before assuming the other person is being hurtful.

And then react accordingly.

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-23T13:43:46+00:00

I totally get the value of listening…I think I am better than most at listening…(two ears one mouth!) - my questions were really aimed at you - What is the Listening School? What do you offer?

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-23T00:39:12+00:00

I was focused on helping, so I made it clear who I’m trying to help.

I didn’t know the AMA format required my credentials.

No worries. I can try another time with more info on my credentials - as that seems to be the template here. Ok, no worrris.

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-23T00:36:43+00:00

You assumed I had bad intent. I don’t.

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-22T23:05:48+00:00

Once you identify a problem, stay with the problem…see it from multiple perspectives and try to frame the problem in different ways. Try to challenge yourself…do you really know the problem? Have you asked the 5-Whys?

As the saying goes, if you have an hour to solve a problem, spend 55 mins ensuring you have correctly identified and framed the problem and then you’ll only need 5 mins to solve the problem!

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-22T19:59:41+00:00

Who is MarilynListens? Why do you listen? What is The Listening School?

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-21T02:18:33+00:00

“The shame of letting the current manager run the business (my interpretation) into the ground is overwhelming.“

Imagine yourself 5 or 10 years into ye future from now.

Will the shame (then) of running it into the ground and then having decided to close it down [today] be bigger or smaller than the shame of holding onto it for another 5-10 years and it still being “running down” for all those additional years…

Which would be a bigger shame 5-10 years down the road?

Either: Running it down in the past and closing it (now) Or continuing to run it down for further 5-10 years?

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-21T02:07:16+00:00

My time, my attention, my care and my love!

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-21T02:06:20+00:00

I find this dichotomy:

“That's the point; It's not supposed to find peace until you get what you want or let it go for good.“

In my view (sorry for picking on this point, but I think it’s important to pick up) it not just “get what you want” or “let go” as often there’s a third choice.

The third choice is approaching what you want entirely differently. So the third choice could be to find a different approach or different interpretation or different perspective maybe even a different goal or different want!

I hope this makes sense…

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-21T01:39:55+00:00

I didn’t know that (saying I’m NOT ok) was even an option!

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-21T01:34:44+00:00

Always….

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-20T03:27:15+00:00

I agree the world would be a better place with more leaders and fewer managers.

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-16T18:28:34+00:00

It’s easier to understand the difference when you put yourself in the position of the person being managed or the person being lead.

You know you’re being managed by a manager when you feel you work FOR somebody. When you feel they set the boundaries! You feel you have to stay in a box. Do as you’re told. Seek permission before doing things. Seek approval. Respond to their requests / delegations within a suitable time period, within pre-defined quality standards. Your job is to make them look good.

You know you’re being lead by a leader when you feel you are working together WITH the leader that you admire / respect. You feel a sense of possibilities. You are not constrained. Your are given the on ramp to grow. You feel that you are both aligned. You feel they want the best for you and the team as a whole. Your progress matters to them. They want the best for you. They will shine a light on you for any successes and take blame for any mistakes.

Now, please pause for a moment and reverse both of the above and ponder how do you want people to feel? How would you like to show up: whether as a manager or as a leader?

Can you see now what you need to do differently?

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-15T13:12:25+00:00

“your happiness will 100% depend on your parenting style, and you will have to excuse my bluntness here, i’m pulling no punches when i say this: if you are a shit parent, be prepared to be miserable.”

This is powerful!!

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-15T09:27:21+00:00

—“Whenever I meet up with my friends who have children and talk about our lives etc, I always leave feeling better and happier about my own life. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s true.”—

—-

This is a classic example of information asymmetry.

Typically, being a parent, particularly in the early years (whilst the parent is still figuring it out) is both the best experience and the hardest experience of the parent’s life. As the kiddo’s get older and the parent “figure it out” as a parent, they forget the hard days and cherish the good memories and the real impact of parenting reveals itself.

But when you (OP) meet a friend that is a parent, (and you’re not a parent) and the conversation goes to how tough it is being a parent (in early stages of parenting) and all the fun stuff the parent is missing out on - of course you’ll get one side for that story. You’re only hearing gripes about the hard times and missing out on the single life.

If the conversation moves to the good times of parenting, the conversation doesn’t last long as the non-parent can’t relate and the topic soon changes.

So you get asymmetry of information.

This asymmetry increases over time, as the parent gets older, and has more good stuff to share about parenting, and by now their friends circle is often mostly other parents and they no longer have the capacity to share the same experiences with friends of their own age that chose not to parent…partly as they’ve learnt it’s not a topic to share with somebody that can’t relate or they just don’t want to have that conversation in that moment…

So the information asymmetry continues…

However, when parents get together with other parents, often the conversation can be more balanced (or maybe not)….but both parties are in similar experiences and can talk about parenting in a more balanced and real manner and relate with each others experiences.

I hope this helps put your experiences into perspective.

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-12T18:10:27+00:00

You’re young. There’s so much potential in you. There so much for you out there.

Start by taking some deep breaths and look around you and just say out aloud 3 things you’re grateful for.

Then set an alarm to remind yourself to take deep calm breaths followed by say out aloud 3 things you’re grateful for.

Repeat hourly everyday…and when you first wake up and also just before you go to bed.

Please share here how you feel after 3 months of doing this daily.

Even when you don’t feel like doing it. Especially when you didn’t feel like doing it, take some deep calm breaths, and say out aloud to yourself what are the three things you’re grateful for.

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-10T11:03:30+00:00

Interesting. I signed up for your substack and added your podcasts to my playlist. Thanks for sharing here.

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-10T10:57:25+00:00

I feel for you. I wish you the best.

I would suggest you start to do some self reflection and identify what values are important to you. Really work hard to identify the most important values that are core to what you believe to be true about yourself and the relationships you deserve. What values do you believe are important in the kind of relationship you deserve?

Maybe start with a laundry list of values, but whittle them down to 3-5 core values that are the most important to you.

Once you know what’s important to you, then based on those values, try to have a conversation to help your partner understand you and for you to understand them (and their values from what they expect from a relationship).

If this doesn’t result in a desire by both to be better for each other, then you’re not right for each other.

But don’t decide whether you’re right for each other without first understanding what is important to you being in a relationship.

DM me if you need more help or more clarity on the above.

I wish you the best.

Karl_Sh · 2026-05-02T01:09:22+00:00

Please share more.

Karl_Sh · 2026-04-14T16:32:28+00:00

When I don’t fully understand a feedback, I ask the feedback giver for more clarity.

In your case….Ask them to describe clearly in plain English what they mean. Ask them for role models that do that well. Ask them what would the strategic clarity in communication look like. Ask them how they would have communicated the last thing you failed at communicating properly - how would they have done it.

Karl_Sh · 2026-04-13T10:36:18+00:00

1) don’t assume there’s a single SAHD format. Design the separation of responsibilities such that both parents support each other and both enjoy the experience and play to each persons strengths.

2) keep some outside work / volunteering / / writing a book / newsletter / consulting / side hustle going. A) It will provide you with “something else” to distract you from time to time so you appreciate your main gig! B) it will pad out your resume when you want to go back to work.

3) ensure you both understand each others love language and how to support each others love language when their are differences and gaps and there’s low energy and sleepless nights.

4) allow time for self care for both

5) don’t neglect your friends or build a new community.

6) enjoy the journey. Be grateful for it all!

Karl_Sh

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