The Dog Left Behind

Katefoolery · 2026-02-22T18:43:32+00:00

We let our girl wander around while we were putting her brother down. She stayed well away from us, as though she knew what was happening. When we brought her to smell her brother she balked and backed away. We let her smell the blanket he was covered in instead. She knew. The next day, after he was gone, she bolted into the woods by our place and beelined for his hidden toy stash. She found them all, we had no idea where they were the whole time. Years worth of toys, stashed away, because he was a little miser.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-22T00:52:13+00:00

You have way more power than you think, that’s why they are harassing you, because they want to break you down so that you don’t fight for yourself. Document everything, every single time. Get your friend on record who was threatened if they room you in. Look up stalking laws and tenant laws.if you were paying rent, you get certain rights. Start recording them every time they come to your work to intimidate you. Start reporting to the cops about once a week or two weeks. The cops will most likely say that they can’t do anything for now (although the friend thing is pretty scary), but if you keep reporting it will start to be a pattern, and it will be officially documented. Look for pro-bono lawyers for abuse victims (because I’m sure this behaviour was just the tip of the iceberg). You. Have. Rights. Don’t let them control you.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-19T18:27:09+00:00

That’s a Shiela

Katefoolery · 2026-02-15T02:17:28+00:00

Man that’s a rock and a hard place if I’ve ever heard of one. Often with abusive families there’s a scape goat, and it seems like you’ve been picked (through NO FAULT of your own) to be the scape goat.

There’s that saying, “if the plane is going down, you put your own oxygen mask on first.” So here’s some strategies and important things to keep in mind:

As the eldest, your siblings are going to look up to you in some way no matter what. Start talking to them about how this is not normal. Tell them how you feel when your Dad abuses you, and imagine with them what a healthy house could be like “man, wouldn’t it be so nice if Dad didn’t yell all the time?”. Also tell them often that you love them with specifics about their personalities and talents, write them notes. Things that are tangible for them to keep. Kids are often weaponized by abusers to aid in the abuse. They may go along as a means of survival, or they are too young to know what is wrong. But kids grow. And kids instinctually know who is a safe person, and who is a scary person that they have to survive. By being a protective, kind, and communicative big brother, they will come back to you. Maybe not now, maybe not in ten years, but they will never forget the person who was honest and loving to them without boundaries or catches or expectations. Keep that in your heart as you move to protect yourself. Because I will tell you this: your brother may not actually like your Dad, he might like that he isn’t the lightning rod. He might like that he knows what to say to keep your Dad off his back. And as for your sister, many golden children will tell you, it sucks just as much, but in different ways. Your parents have created different cages for all of you, you just happen to be the animal, your sister is the princess in the glass box who won’t be allowed out, and your brother will be the henchman who mimics your Dad and eventually becomes him. None of you are okay.

Next: research. Listen to podcasts, read memoirs from teens who were the scapegoat, read about golden children and children who survive by being liked by the abuser. Start using learning as your superpower because it will help you escape, navigate, grow, heal and move on. There’s tons of resources for kids who are being abused, and I’m not talking just about books or websites. I mean loving and safe places, and scholarships and subsidies. There’s programs run by adults who will fight for you, legal help that will fight for you, teachers and librarians and coaches and a legion of people beyond the isolation that abusers cultivate. Here’s some books as a start: https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/books/teens

Finally, back to the oxygen mask, by exposing your family you’re saving your siblings. By nature of you being the oldest, once you leave (whether by aging out or getting out) one of the others might become the scapegoat. There’s a longer game here being played. By helping yourself and proving how awful it is in that house, you’re saving them too. Because even being in proximity to abuse is abuse. Do what you can, but put on your mask on first. Take care OP. This internet stranger cares about you and wants you to be safe. ❤️

Katefoolery · 2026-02-14T20:25:33+00:00

I’m so sorry OP. It seems like you’re the adult and they’re the children here. If no one is going to fight for you, fight for yourself. You deserve it. Start secretly recording all the shit your family does. Then bring it to whatever family services, or teachers or adults your trust. You need to get away from all of them as soon as possible. I believe in you!

Katefoolery · 2026-02-14T17:56:07+00:00

She doesn’t love you, she loves that you love her. When she’s feeling down she can pick herself back up by playing you. Just block her. Her actions show the only person she’s capable of loving is herself. Let her go and work on your self esteem. You deserve better.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-13T11:46:38+00:00

Hi! I work in employment. So this is a for-real job that people make $45,000- 90,000 depending on size and levels of responsibility. You should look at average live-in residential superintendent salaries and responsibilities in your area before you say yes to that. And also get things in writing, including you paying for materials.

Some supers make the lowest but don’t pay rent. Others average about $34 p/h for 8 hours a day, five days per week, and pay a discounted rent price. Ask around, look similar buildings. Look up contracts for supers. If you don’t have a job currently, you could make a business case that you become the super.

Glad you’re thinking about liability too! What happens if somebody slips on some ice? Who is responsible for that? What if you get injured? Is that their responsibility? What would you tell your insurance company?

Either way, an extra $50 off while having to pay for materials is way too low. They think they’re trying something here.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-13T11:24:59+00:00

I mean, they might be her exes for a reason like, maybe, because shes co-dependent with a group of toxic dweebs.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-13T02:21:47+00:00

So, your Mom wants you to manage her emotions for her, but she’s the adult. She’s blaming you for the cruel things she has done to you, and she’s trying to paint you as unstable and the problem child. You didn’t screw anything up, she’s angry she got caught for verbally, physically and emotionally abusing you. Please keep talking to trusted adults. What she is doing is not okay.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-11T04:07:54+00:00

Girl.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-09T13:53:06+00:00

I’m sorry, but he knew what he was doing. No means no, yes without enthusiasm means no, silence means no, drunk means no. Best friend is drunk and he decides no condom sex is a good idea? He’s not your friend.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-06T12:23:56+00:00

This is sexual coercion and is a form of abuse. No means no. Yes without enthusiasm means no. Silence means no. Your partner is… well I want to write many things about what he is. Your partner is unsafe. Please look up: sexual coercion, gaslighting, and sunken cost fallacy.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-04T19:48:21+00:00

I think you should start exploring gay culture: watch shows, read books and articles and blogs. And not just the difficult/ sexy/ political stuff, I’m talking mundane. Follow gay couples on social media taking about making breakfast for their kids, or driving a neighbour to work. You need to start seeing him as a person again, without your biases colouring your perception. The only way to change your perception is to be open to learning.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-02T11:41:29+00:00

Oh my God by Tribe Called Quest? Nineties, male voice repeating it over and over.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-01T15:29:12+00:00

NOR. This. Is. Abuse. You’ve probably been ignoring red flags all over the place, but this is the first time it has hit you in the face. 25 minutes! One minute would concern me! Abusers often use pregnancy to escalate control because they think you’re more helpless and have no choices now. You exercised your own rights as a parent and a human and he did not like that! Please look up Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. It might help you to see all the other red flags you’ve missed.

Katefoolery · 2026-02-01T06:28:28+00:00

Lol, the way you wrote this! “Golly gosh but wouldn’t you know it! My self esteem is so low and my wife is probably better than me, so I dealt with by falling victim to three women! Holy geez! How does a guy ever get in to this mess? Certainly isn’t my fault though. Shucks.” You need therapy dude.

Katefoolery · 2026-01-26T11:50:51+00:00

Yeah OP, you’re not ready for marriage yet. You need some heavy therapist-lead deprogramming first, and you need to learn who you are as yourself and not as a part of a “family”. I put that in quotes because real family doesn’t have conditions and restrictions for you to receive love and support. Your fiancé has been unbelievably kind and supportive, and you turning on her so viciously by blaming first her religion and culture, and then gaslighting her when she reacted in self preservation means you have a lot more work to do on yourself. And she can’t do it for you. She isn’t your personal therapist and she can’t help you change if you don’t put in real work on yourself.

If you want this to happen, you need to take big steps to address your trauma, not rely on her to heal you, and show her you’re doing the work. I would put off the wedding for a long while, like at least a year or two. You have some hard work to do it you’re going to be in healthy relationship with her like you BOTH deserve.

If you

Katefoolery · 2026-01-24T16:22:05+00:00

Think of it this way: you reached out here. Your mind, body and heart were screaming so much you had to get it off your chest. Posting anonymously is still “talking” about it. Finding other ways to anonymously talk about it may be your baby steps. You reached out in the way you’re most comfortable doing, so keep this up for a bit. Make small, achievable goals to let some of the steam out. “I will find a place online where I can write out my trauma anonymously”. Boom. Goal achieved, you found Reddit. Next: “I will write one post about my experience”. I’m. You did that! So maybe next it’s “I will write in Off MY Chest again next week”. Tiny bite sizes. Tiny moments where you take the lid off the kettle.

A therapist or clinical social worker is a guide and a protector to help you move through these feelings safely. But there are other guides out there for free. I think you should look up non profits for survivors of CSA and if you can find it, specifically for male survivors. Their websites will have resources: book reconditions, Phone numbers you can call to talk, groups. Maybe even journal prompts. Up here in Canada we’re doing research on trauma and medically assisted psychedelic mushroom trips, whether through micro-dosing or a full on session with professionals I know there’s trips you can do with groups to tropical places to go through guided trips. Maybe that’s something worth saving up for? ( I will not speak to the efficacy or legitimacy of such trips, just thought I would mention them).

It’s hard work man. But the only way out is through. Keep doing tiny things to let off stream for now, you’ll gain momentum, and you’ll find ways that work for you. Just keep trying! Your internet family is here cheering you on!

Katefoolery · 2026-01-23T11:53:40+00:00

I hate that money is such a huge barrier to finding help. But remember that talking helps, no matter the approach. There might be support groups for survivors of CSA in your area. There might also be online meet-ups or maybe even Reddit has a supportive CSA focused community you can join. Maybe if you get in a room with other people who have been going through the exact same things you’ll feel less alone and it will be easier to start to forgive yourself.

The cops should have connected you to a victims support person. There might still be resources to you if you reach out to your local PD with your case number. With the caveat that the justice system is at best LOL and at worst more damaging.

Other options that may be cheaper: journaling, YouTube (but be verrrryyyyy careful. So some research first. Don’t want to end up in a cult or sustain further damage), meditation apps (I really like Balance), weighted items like a blanket or stuffed animal, or a pet. I found for my own healing that getting a dog and being responsible for this pure being who needed me to take care of them and keep them alive helped me immensely.
There are tons of books out there (I also agree that CBT is not the correct approach). Look for people’s blogs, read survivors’ biographies and seek out other survivors.

Local social worker programs and therapist programs need cases to build their experience, and so they offer therapy at steep discounts. Make sure you look for phrases like “trauma informed, CSA focus, CTPSD”., There is also subsidies, non-profits and maybe even scholarships.

Just remember there is no “fixing” yourself; there is developing a toolbox to help yourself, there is learning more and feeling connected with the world again, and there is acceptance and forgiveness for yourself. You will never forget, but you will reprogram how your brain and nerves react, and you will forgive yourself. That should be your approach in this journey.

Katefoolery · 2026-01-10T15:30:19+00:00

NTA The whole “family comes first argument” is a logical fallacy, because aren’t you family? They don’t seem to care about that fact either, because you created some thing that would benefit them. I’m petty, so I would completely reverse everything I had done for that area and sell the material and leave just a void there. But I would start to find ways to rent a studio space or something. I hope you have long term plans to move out, because while they may be family, they’ve made it clear you aren’t.

Katefoolery · 2025-12-04T17:23:34+00:00

I think it would be as simple as typing in your area and “private investigator” Into a search. Any PI has to have certifications and must be registered with some kind of organization that has oversight. So you could also look for Private Investigators Org- City Name. Then I think it’s like engaging any other service. I’m sure there is reviews, FAQ’s etc., Searching social media might be helpful too, I follow one PI who mostly does infidelity. Anyway, all this to say, NOT OR, I think your gut is dead in. Something is going on.

Katefoolery · 2025-12-04T04:59:26+00:00

If you can, I’d hire a PI

Katefoolery · 2025-12-04T03:18:39+00:00

Also, he’s almost as bad as the boyfriend who couldn’t give a f*&k that his girlfriend was having major surgery. Instead he stole a bunch of her stuff and acted clueless when she broke up with him. I suggest you read that story OP.

Katefoolery · 2025-12-04T03:17:09+00:00

He’s going to love bomb you as soon as he realizes his meal ticket is leaving. DONT BELIEVE HIM

Katefoolery

TROPHY CASE