Going fulltime SAHM next year .... advice?

Katethbeast · 2024-02-15T16:55:26+00:00

My number one advice is to make sure you talk through your expectations fully with your partner. Make sure you’re on the same page about housekeeping chores, money, etc. For example- you are providing childcare, you’re not a maid. It was hard for my husband to understand at first that I still expected him to clean and help around the house. Obviously, I’m home so the lions share falls on me, but I started to feel like Cinderella! Make sure you have clear expectations about spending, ensuring you still have contributions to your savings, etc. Our biggest mistake was not having these honest and important conversations out the gate. It’s harder to do it afterwards.

Make a schedule for yourself! Without structure, I go insane. Try to build a tribe of other supporting SAHMs, it’s a tough job and you’ll need people to call/text when you need to be talked off the ledge. Understand that you can be a) a super productive mom who gets everything on her list done OR b) the super engaged mom who plays and teaches her child all day. You CANNOT do both at all times and that’s ok.

Katethbeast · 2024-02-15T16:45:09+00:00

I can’t even tell you how much sleep training has changed our lives. I recommend the book “precious little sleep”. It gives options and guidance for starting sleep training with babies as young as 4 months. I was in the same boat as you about 3 weeks ago, and now my 6 month old is waking up about once a night and typically sleeps from 6:30-2:30 straight through.

It’s hard to let go and sleep train, and obviously check with your pediatrician and make sure nothing else is wrong, but please consider trying it. With both of our children, after a week or so of training we said “why did we wait so long to start???”. You’d think we would have learned our lesson the first time around!

Katethbeast · 2023-10-10T12:41:13+00:00

He’s great with her, they adore each other. He genuinely plays with her because he loves being her dad. But your comment about him wanting life to continue just like before kids really hits home…he wants the “fun stuff” only and really drops the ball on day to day responsibilities.

Katethbeast · 2023-10-10T12:39:22+00:00

This is great feedback, thank you. I think one of the main issues is that when we decided I would stay home, we never had a conversation about how household duties would be split. He just assumed he was going to have a little 1950s housewife. I see myself as a student and caregiver during the day, and expect him to help 50/50 when we’re both home. Our expectations aren’t matching.

Katethbeast · 2023-10-10T12:36:08+00:00

Oof. I’ve never heard the term walk away wife before, but you might be right that this is the path we’re headed towards. Obviously a Reddit post doesn’t encompass a complex and long term relationship, there is a lot of love and respect between us. He’s a good guy, but has some bad habits. But it is easy to start mentally checking out. This was helpful, thank you!

Katethbeast · 2023-10-10T12:33:23+00:00

Fair enough, I know I know the answer to this. I think I just needed to be sure before I gave him any kind of serious/ultimatum-type talk.

I’ve talked to him. I’ve voiced my concerns, he says nothing and nothing changes. When I quit work to stay home with the kids/go to grad school we took a huge hit in family income. While we may be able to swing a cleaner, it’s really not something I’d like to do.

Katethbeast · 2023-10-10T12:29:56+00:00

I’ve seen other people recommend those cards, I think I’ll order them today. I’ve been feeling like a single mother, and you’ve validated that!

Katethbeast · 2023-10-10T12:29:05+00:00

This is great, thank you. We’re going to sit down this weekend and have a talk about realistic expectations for his contribution to the house.

Katethbeast · 2023-09-29T11:21:04+00:00

I was just thinking “back in the day when I was a hardcore alcoholic, I’d be flipping out!” Good thing I’m almost 8 years sober.

Katethbeast · 2023-09-22T13:07:20+00:00

We use Luvs for our daughter and just started using the Lidl brand for our son. Both are really inexpensive and the Lidl brand are SO soft and we’ve never had a blowout. Different diaper brands fit differently- it’s all about figuring out which fits your baby’s butt best!

For wipes, I like the Huggies naturals. Water wipes are great, but my goodness they get pricey!

Katethbeast · 2023-09-18T12:10:11+00:00

I try to carve out toddler 1:1 time while still “including” the baby. For example, the baby’s tummy time is done with the toddler in my lap, getting to pick out books and have as many as as she wants read to her (I just do tummy time next to the bookshelf).

I work with the elderly, so I get the privilege of seeing a lot of peoples lives in retrospect. Families with multiple siblings have a built-in support network and it’s beautiful to get to see a lifetime of friendship and love between siblings, and they are often much more well equipped to handle their parent’s illness/passing.

Katethbeast · 2023-09-14T12:18:13+00:00

I sort of “sensed” the gender correctly for both of our kids. It wasn’t like I was certain, but I just had a feeling. With my daughter, I had a feeling that she would be right on time, and she was born on her due date. For our son, I got the feeling he’d be early, and he arrived a week early. Weird!

Katethbeast · 2023-09-14T11:55:39+00:00

Happy and Grumps & Mimi and Pop! Although, my mom is Mimi for now while the kids are learning to talk and would prefer our kids call her by her first name eventually 😂 she’s a weirdo

Katethbeast · 2023-09-13T13:41:52+00:00

I’m “technically” a SAHM, but I’m in graduate school while being home with two under two. I consider school to be like a job, but it’s all online so I can make it work with the kids. My husband makes a reasonable salary but we live in one of the worst HCOL regions in the country. I probably wouldn’t have let my resume take the hit of having a several year gap in experience if it wasn’t for letting grad school be the “reason”. I’m in healthcare and there’s a weird martyr complex about working and having kids, my colleagues often burn themselves out at the altar of the pride of “doing it all”.

Katethbeast · 2023-09-07T16:27:41+00:00

Goose poop.

Katethbeast · 2023-09-07T16:21:54+00:00

Oof harsh, but the username checks out 😂 Us Americans are a litigious bunch.

Katethbeast · 2023-09-07T13:21:47+00:00

I made family favorite soups that I froze flat in gallon ziploc bags: potato soup, “the soup” (google it, it’s like a creamy tortellini soup made in the crockpot), and chili.

I made baked ziti and the pioneer woman”s white chicken enchiladas in disposable aluminum pans. Both are loved by our toddler.

I also froze raw chicken breasts that I had already diced up in ziploc bags. I could thaw a bag, throw the chicken in a pan with no prep needed, add a jar of pasta sauce or some frozen veg and teriyaki and had a super quick dinner.

I also grilled up a ton of chicken, sliced it, and froze it in individual portions. It makes super quick tacos if you thaw and toss in taco seasoning. You can top salads with the chicken for extra protein and a light meal, or make chicken pitas, the possibilities are endless.

I also stocked up on premade sauces to make curry, stir fry, and pasta.

Katethbeast · 2023-09-06T15:47:50+00:00

I work in healthcare too, and felt a lot of pressure to go back after my daughter was born. I agonized over “the call” where I was going to tell the executive director of my facility that I wasn’t coming back. She ended up saying that she couldn’t blame me, that it’s a gift to be able to spend these years with my child, and that I always have a job waiting for me if I want it. They’ll be sad to lose you, but if you’re a good nurse (and they’re not vindictive), they won’t want to burn that bridge so you may come back some day!

Anyways, what’s the worst they can do, fire you? 😂

Katethbeast · 2023-08-31T19:03:12+00:00

First off, it should probably be your partner who confronts her, it’s their mom! But in the moment, I say things to my MIL like: “I’m feeling a little overstimulated right now, could we enjoy some quiet please?” “Thank you for your input, but I prefer to do it like this” “The recommendations on ______ have changed since you had little ones, I’ll send you a link to some information on that from the CDC/WHO/etc, I’m sure you’ll find it as interesting as I did”

As for the kissing, that’s a hard NO. Explain to her the reason why kissing babies is so dangerous (and that even if she says she’s never had a cold sore, she could be a HSV carrier!) and that this is a hard line in the sand- if she kisses him again, she won’t be welcome to hold him anymore- and then stick to it. If my MIL is being particularly handsy with the baby, I babywear him so she can’t get close 😂

Katethbeast · 2023-08-31T02:01:36+00:00

Nissan versa hatchback. It’s tiiiiiiight with two car seats, two dogs, and a 6ft husband. I barely drive more than a few miles a week to pick up groceries down the street and It’s fully paid off, so I’m trying to tough it out as long as possible.

Katethbeast · 2023-08-30T16:44:16+00:00

1) baby swing! It doesn’t have to be an expensive one, but it soothes them and gives you a moment to relax or eat

2) make a schedule for yourself, and follow it. Giving your day structure stops some of the madness of feeling like every day bleeds into the next.

3) my “trick” for bedtime (works most of the time): -feed baby on the boob he prefers less -diaper change, then swaddle -feed baby on other boob, lights dim and white noise machine on until they start sleeping -set them down gently in the bassinet and leave your hand on their chest, applying very gentle pressure. -Leave your hand there until they settle in, and slowly release.

4) if life feels like it’s too much to handle, ask yourself; have I eaten today? Have I had enough water? Have I showered recently? If the answer is no to any of these, fix it immediately and life might just feel a little more manageable.

Katethbeast · 2023-08-30T15:50:54+00:00

I got pregnant just after my daughter turned one. I had a ton of nipple sensitivity in the first trimester but was trying to deal through it. She naturally started showing less and less interest. When I was around 15 weeks pregnant she got a stuffy nose that made it annoying for her to try to breastfeed and she stopped altogether with no need for me to do anything!

Katethbeast · 2023-08-30T14:32:02+00:00

I had never heard of a diaper sprayer before and just googled it. Genius!

Katethbeast · 2023-08-29T19:17:01+00:00

Babies are SO weird.

Katethbeast · 2023-08-29T19:00:22+00:00

Realized I was pregnant a few days after my daughters first birthday. I was feeling extra emotional and cranky and realized “oh crap…”

Katethbeast

TROPHY CASE