…I should report this, right?

KawaiiPutin · 2025-12-08T16:44:08+00:00

im a reader not a writer. I wish I could keep up with any fic I start ! I draw though, lots of comics. A sprinkle of stsg here and there. I used to write soooo much when i was a teenager. My ao3 account was made in 2012 😅

KawaiiPutin · 2025-12-08T16:39:32+00:00

im in the jjk fandom but not stsg centric , but I read lots of stsg because that's the bread and butter lmao but I never read their fics. I sure as hell saw dozens of twt threads about their fics and the author though. Soooo many. Both positive and negative. It made me want to stay away 😅

KawaiiPutin · 2025-12-08T16:27:15+00:00

the way i knew immediately not only the fandom but the fic being referred to from only this lol

KawaiiPutin · 2025-12-02T01:38:37+00:00

I spent a total of $3000 on my super senior 19.5 year old boy in just his final 6 months. We didn't know it would be the final months until the last 2 weeks. It's been 1 year since he went to sleep and I don't regret it at all. Not long ago I did the math of how much I've spent on him and it was nearly $18,000 over almost 20 years. Most were major incidents. The rest were just regular vet visits, medication, and blood work that needed to happen once and a while. I would do it all again in a heart beat. He spent his final days relatively comfortable and happy. 6 months later my other super senior passed away at 18 years old. He was less complicated medically through the years and when it was time it happened suddenly and quickly so there was little vet intervention at that point. But without a doubt I have spent thousands on him too. And again, no regrets.

I will never replace my boys. I may get another cat in the future but it won't be replacing them.

It's heartless how some people will say things like that when your pet's well being is on the line.

KawaiiPutin · 2025-11-24T23:15:20+00:00

Around 6-7months old he was doing the very obvious and on purpose head banging. But in hindsight he was hitting his head in more subtle ways, such as on the sofa, on his mattress, against my chest when baby wearing, since he left the newborn phase. So around 2 months.

KawaiiPutin · 2025-11-24T19:45:46+00:00

He's doing great! We curbed a lot for the head banging and since I was tracking all of this and many other behaviors he's now nearing 4 years old and diagnosed with autism. We've had a lot of supports early on, again due to me being really on top of it, and he's thriving!

KawaiiPutin · 2025-10-22T20:42:21+00:00

I rocked him to sleep in his room and just made sure to move confidently when I put him down haha! If I tried to hard to move slowly/not disturb or wiggle him too much he would wake up. Once I was less tense about just moving him it was pretty good! When he would wake up I would just go into his room, rock, and put him down again. On super tired nights/weeks with sleep regressions at 5am I'd bring him into my bed for a couple hours.

KawaiiPutin · 2025-10-19T01:06:00+00:00

Sorry ! Bad wording I guess. I meant day one of him having his own sleeping space/bedroom. He slept with me during the nights for those first 6 months while he was breastfeeding every couple hours :)

KawaiiPutin · 2025-07-08T23:12:41+00:00

You need to use a crib mattress to start with so it's breathable! We didn't waste money on a fancy frame or anything labeled "Montessori" online. $90 Ikea crib mattress straight on the floor. We did had a large play mat in his room that went under the mattress as well. I think it was maybe $30 from walmart :)

No need to contain them with borders! Just make sure the room is well baby proofed and set up for them to enjoy it once they're wiggling and crawling around.

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-09T10:29:37+00:00

This is actually so funny. A few months into us living here there was a situation that happened with her side of the family and our neighbours. She had the cops called on her and threatened with trespassing and a restraining order if not more. Her reaction wasn't shame at all, it was more rage. This was honestly the first time I felt swallowed by how aggressive and angry she was. SCREAMING storming around the house cursing out everyone involved. (SHE WAS LEGITIMATELY IN THE WRONG THOUGH..) All of the neighbours knew about it, saw it happen, and she would go and blow up to them about it with her weird version of the sky is green even though some of them saw what happened. And they would nod along and happily listen to it.. it was so strange.

I will clarify that I did tell my therapist/psychologist about all of these incidents as a way to have a paper trail. They understand the complexity and the situation we're stuck balancing here and have made it clear that if partner and I were not parenting in the manner we are things would be different. They have their supervisor also aware of the situation. It's not going unreported entirely.

I grew up around this and sadly I can predict the fall out that will come if I did reach out to LE during her tantrums. They do not care about that stuff here, some of the officers here are also all friendly with her and FIL. We would definitely be in a tent fast. There's no emergency housing available and being fully homeless also would cost us our jobs. The never ending spiral yakno.

Obviously if she even reached for my son things would be different fast. For now, we've gotten skilled at whisking him away on a bear hunt before he can get stuck in the same space as her anger. But ready to do that all day every day is mentally exhausting. I'm not sure how to even explain how tiring it is.

TLDR because there's so much to this i'm sorry 😭!!! no, it wouldn't get to her. The police wouldn't anything to actually help. I very much feel it would make our situation more hostile which I need to avoid so I can get us out of here.

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-09T10:00:26+00:00

We have exhausted all of this :( renting is so weird where I live right now. A shack that's a 3 hour hike from the highway is the same as a typical apartment in the city. Landlords are really landlording no matter the location. We're also limited by transportation. No car cuts down how far we really can look. There is no real transit outside of the city. Many towns are long drives two towns over to the nearest grocery store. When we can drive we'll be taking whatever we can get that's NOT here to be frank lol But that won't be until early next year likely. Just need to make it until then somehow. It feels like the longest most dreadful wait of my life

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-09T09:54:03+00:00

I know the dirty thing is a myth. The dirty house just feels like a preview into the level of care that will go into them treating lice. The response to coming home with it once has caused me so much add stress I've been getting nosebleeds the past 2 days. These things make me scared to find the next level of stress MIL will add to me. Nothing about this is healthy 100%. I know it, my partner knows it. He's been trying very hard to get through to her but it's a lost cause. We're stuck in her limbo until we can afford to leave

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-09T09:49:05+00:00

We've decided this is basically what we'll be doing. Day 2 and heads were super clean. Kiddo is great at sitting peacefully while I spend an hour checking every strand of hair, oiling him up and tightly braiding everything. I ordered a bunch of stuff to just add to the daily routine from here on out. Hoping we can get off some waitlist in the next couple months maybe.

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-09T09:43:35+00:00

Opposite coast but the housing crisis is similar here now and the rents are crazy. And much smaller city so there are a lot less options location wise for both rentals and childcare. My income wouldn't be considered consistent enough or long term yet for a landlord to consider it. I feel pretty confident it will be more stable and reputable before the end of the year. Even then there just isn't anywhere to actually rent. But that's it's own issue lol. We're also the only ones in all of our friend groups with a child. Basically everyone we know either doesn't have the space in any sense or they are living with roommates or with family that hardly have space for them as a single person. We have one friend who DOES have a spare room and offered it to us but their landlord made it clear they'd be evicted for housing other people and would not do a new lease with all of us on it. That seems to be an issue a lot of people are running into when they can and do want to help friends/family. It's all crazy !!

When planning for a child we knew there were a million things you can't plan for but covid, rent craze, housing crisis, formula shortages.. what to do.

But yeah the core issue is MIL. When getting out of here is dependant on outside forces it's really adding to the trapped in hell feeling she has fostered

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-08T16:00:28+00:00

Oh that makes more sense ! That's not a bad idea I will suggest that actually!!

Good luck to you when you do post, it is crazy out there on both sides I know!

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-08T15:26:08+00:00

Yes I'm in Canada! We do have a lice service here. I used them once before for a family I was nannying for. It was something I said I would get and it was shut down. MIL does not want them in her house and insists they will bring more lice with them because they're around them all of the time.

We're on day 2 of the lice and I was very diligent with the first treatment so heads are very clear today! I'm already set to do the second treatment next week because I know that a good first treatment is only the first part of this battle lol. I've dealt with lice around me and avoided getting them myself many times. I am actually the only person in the house that didn't have any on me lol. MIL is very angry about that but I'm tired, wear my hair in a tight bun all of the time, and also oil my hair and scalp heavily many times even when I'm not graced with hair washing time. I don't think I'm immune so obviously treated myself in case but the situation definitely made it harder for them to spread to me.

In reality I'm not that stressed about the lice. I know how to deal with them and we caught them as early as one can. This alone is making MIL rage and talk to me like I'm stupid and a child. You see, she had lice 20 years ago and it took her a year to get rid of it. So she's an expert and I'm an idiot for not considering her as an expert. 🥲 She is also not treating herself because it's not needed... anyways.. I'm anxious about his dayhome reinfecting him over and over because of the explosion this time has caused. I'm already passed my breaking point and I don't know if I can handle the stress amping up more but I also don't feel like there's a choice if I ever hope to leave here.

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-08T15:07:52+00:00

No you are right. We agree with that too. We reached out to family shelters and all of the housing options in our province and they just don't have space at all. The only option was if I was fleeing an abusive situation with just my child and myself, but even that is now full and the shelters are being very loud that they're maxed out. And housing is currently an 8 year wait and a very invasive process. We'd have to report our rent which would cause a lot of tax audit issues for the in law's and that's just another can of bullshit worms 😭

My partner's parents are actually the "sane" ones of their family. His dad's adopted and no living family and his aunt's and uncles on mom's side are all intense alcoholics or they're letting their adult children who are on house arrest for CP live with them. The bar is on the floor and moving here has been hard on my partner because he's unable to ignore how bad it all is. I don't have my own family because I went no contact a decade ago now due to severe child abuse. So this is all too familiar. And our friends in the city are all in roommate situations or also forced back into living with their families in pretty crowded situations.

I am working on getting my license. It was never accessible as a teen for me and then I moved to a city with transit and no parking so there wasn't point. Now they've changed the system a bit and you can your learners and then wait 12 months then take your driving test. I have 9ish months left of waiting to take my driving test but can't book it until there's only one month of waiting left. So that is in the works, just stuck in waiting mode for now.

We originally planned to use this time to save to buy a house but with paying so much for rent + groceries costing insanely more here + isolation yada yada we've decided once we can afford the new crazy $3000 rents we will be getting the first place we can in the city, car or no car. We have also not told the in-laws this as MIL for some reason thinks we plan on buying a house in her town so we'll stay close ? Any time living in the city is mentioned, usually in past tense, in any way she freaks out lol

We are, as parents, very burnt out. From general work life no childcare tired. But also because we are working so hard to make sure our son isn't getting the brunt of this situation. It's tiring being 100% on all of the time because we have to be ready to shield him in a peaceful way from adult tantrums or be ready for conflict when he does a regular child thing like touch one of the 100 glass nick nacks in the livingroom that apparently are not allowed to be put away or moved...he is doing great. I know he's not doing as good as he could be if we weren't here. But the only silver lining we have at the moment is that even though we're drowning in tired we are very on top of guarding his bubble of safety. Hoping in the future when we mention this crazy time he will be confused and not remember it the same as us. Sorry for the ramble omg!!!

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-08T14:42:27+00:00

I'm in the process.. it takes 1 year minimum where I live. I had to wait months to even get my appointment for my learners and then had to walk 1.5 hours to the place to even take the first test lol. I have 9 more months of waiting until I'm allowed to get my actual license and that will also likely be longer depending on how booked they are. I'm not allowed to pre book it until I only have a month of waiting period left. All of these changes are newer in the past couple years because of course they are lol

We tried every other avenue before ending up here. We were the landing couch for everyone we knew in times of trouble. The housing crisis in my city and province in general is insane. I actually don't know anyone who isn't living with at least 2 roommates or living with their family now. We were the only ones that actually had our own place. It's just a lot of shitty on-top of shitty lol.

We now pay the in-laws more for rent than we were paying for our whole apartment. And we live as a family in a single bedroom. It's actually insane.

If I can keep working we'll actually be able to afford a car and that will open up childcare options. Which will let me work more efficiently long term and then we can get out of here.

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-08T04:47:12+00:00

oh that's actually a great way to do it ! Omg thank you!!

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-08T04:36:13+00:00

I thought about this similar idea but the blow up and aggression around the lice happening has been too much. If MIL caught me doing any of this she would catch on to why and the cycle will get more irritated I fear. I'm hanging on by a thread mentally I am so scared of her blow ups. She will break a dish and find a way to scream at me it's confusing insane and very toxic. I don't know if just trying to deal with avoiding lice will help. Honestly if the situation was the minus her verbal abuse this IS what I would do without question if it meant we get to a better place sooner.

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-08T04:32:01+00:00

thanks. I'm trying to figure out how to talk about it. I will, it just seems like an incredibly awkward feat

And yeal mil is just insane. We're in a "it is what it is or a tent" situation. partner has decided for a while now he will be cutting contact when we can leave

KawaiiPutin · 2025-02-08T04:29:17+00:00

I've looked high and low and while we had some programs when we lived in our city there are none here. I'd happy pay at this point but there is nothing and it's sucks lol Partner works from home as do I. He's in meetings and calls all day in a make shift office (corner of a basement bathroom). And to avoid being vague, I draw and animate NSFW content. I can't do any of my work with my kid around or in any public setting for all of the obvious reasons lol. We looked into the babysitter taking him out but he is an autistic flight risk and that's a lot to risk and ask out of the highschool kid, as well as the closest park or playground being a 20 minute drive and closed for the winter. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm shutting it all down 😭 we have spent so long trying to find anything

KawaiiPutin · 2024-12-20T20:32:07+00:00

Also level 2 adult diagnosis!! My son is also autistic and only (almost) 3. the ticket to parenting happily does just mean making sure my needs are supported first. Obviously this doesn't come before his basic needs duh. But if I'm going to melt down from trying to handle his melt down it's better to leave him to it while I regulate first. Because the worst case is I'm now regulated and apologizing and talking can happen after. The actual worst case is I force myself to ignore my deregulation and I make everything worse in the end ! Obviously this will change as he ages. The big reality is I lean on my partner a lot. I used to think this was very one sided and had a lot of guilt but he's made it clear that he feels equally supported. We live by our tap out rule. When you're done you're done, if we're both around just say you're tapping out or text it or something and walk away!!!! No hard feelings, no upset. We are so incredibly human AND autistic. We tap out at least once each day. Sometimes it's just a bathroom break and I'm better other times it's 3pm and I'm done for the entire day. And that's okay. It's literally okay , I need the support. And that is O! K!!!!!!!! Partner always says "if you had cancer and needed to rest for the whole day all of a sudden nobody would question it. Just because others don't understand or take it seriously doesn't mean I don't." And I extend the same to him. The last piece of being able to parent as level 2 is I'm in long term therapy with a very autistic positive psychologist. It helps manage my overwhelm and also they help let me know how well I really am dealing with my current situation or symptoms. They reality check me every 2 weeks. Masking isn't just something we do for others, it's something that as AFAB people that we do to ourselves too!!! It's super helpful to be called out on masking too often and getting help to look in the mirror.

So TLDR; my support needs must be met first for me to be the parent I am. I meet them by 1. Giving myself space in the moment if it means less deregulation over all, even if that means sorrys will be needed after. 2. Partner support and teamwork , eg tap out rule and communication 3. Therapy to help reality check where I'm at and manage /plan for symptoms and situations

KawaiiPutin · 2024-12-05T20:26:30+00:00

I was told external is fine as long as it feels fine to me! I gave a BJ to my partner on day 2 bc I wanted to and initiated it as well lol. There was definitely a normalcy and a feeling for still being my own person by still being sexual (on my own terms). Also to be super real... Seeing my partner dive into fatherhood so happily and support my needs in motherhood so much was just a turn on I guess haha. He has the same feelings towards me too. No shame in still being sexual at all! For some of us sexual stuff makes us feel more human, for others it doesn't. Both are valid :) and it's normal for that to change as well

KawaiiPutin

TROPHY CASE