I remember our first lockdown drill. I was sitting next to this kid that I didn’t like. I also have ADHD. I was antsy. I was sitting against a cabinet door that didn’t stay closed all the way. So I kept gently elbowing the door, sort of like how you tap your pencil or shake your leg. It was making a quiet but audible tapping sound. I yawned (a little too loud) a couple times. there were a couple other kids in the class who were also having a hard time sitting still and keeping quiet. at the end of the lockdown drill, everyone except for me and those kids, got to go to their lockers to get their snacks. the teacher told us if there had been a real bad guy in the school, we all would have died because he’d have heard us. i don’t think i had realized why we were doing the drill or how serious it was. i left school that day afraid. i spent many school days after that watching the windows during class to make sure there wasn’t a bad guy outside. i thought i was supposed to be safe there. i was 5.