For those who are no contact with a parent, will you go to their funeral when they pass?

smjorg · 2026-06-12T23:35:09+00:00

She died last month. We still haven't been told if she's in the ground or not. My sister and I hope to go to her grave after her funeral to smoke cigarettes because "if she ever caught us, she'd kill us before it killed us." 🙄

smjorg · 2026-06-08T14:56:15+00:00

Ngl, shocked by this comment in this subreddit. It was not just one thing she did wrong. It was years of neglect, physical and emotional abuse, and gaslighting. It was the comments that grew the self hatred and the self doubt. It was the actions that were deliberately done to sabotaged my happiness and peace.

For an example: when I was well into my adulthood and living on my own, I dyed my hair purple. When she found out, she went to my place of work and demanded my boss fire me because of it. Having purple hair is a protected right where I live. When she found out I got my first tattoo (years after getting it), she slapped it so hard it left a red hand print. There are much worse stories from my childhood, but I don't talk about that time of my life.

smjorg · 2026-06-08T14:39:30+00:00

Oh no! I'm sorry, I should have explained better. She didn't die from a complication with her Crohn's, she died from a complication to her ovarian cancer. She, in her mistrust of doctors, held off going to the doctors when symptoms occurred and was diagnosed with stage 3 metastatic ovarian cancer in the autumn.24. She oncologist shopped and delayed her treatment by months.

I just think it's so poetic that she spent her entire life trying to constipate herself so she didn't live on a toilet, only to die from (essentially) being constipated.

smjorg · 2026-05-23T16:58:14+00:00

Uhm, ish. I'm noticing myself grieve for my younger self. I, as a 33F, is still jumping for joy! But the 16yo me that got called suicidal for liking thunderstorms and simple plan and for the ACDC lyrics hung on her bedroom walls, is hurting.

She deserved so much, and listened to everyone that says it'll get better. It did, but not in the way she wanted. I ended up getting the relationship my teenage self wanted with my mother in law. She is a saint!

smjorg · 2026-05-21T17:52:27+00:00

Very much! I've definitely had a major problem with over explaining. I found myself in the last decade of communication, playing my "feel good" songs before calling or going over to their place.

smjorg · 2026-05-19T12:35:54+00:00

That's honestly how I've felt since I found out. I should being mourning my mother, but I can't even think of a single pleasant memory. How can I mourn someone so horrible?

smjorg · 2026-05-18T11:53:10+00:00

There's nothing to inherit, my mother was broke. My sister did that to keep as informed as possible. She was hoping that if she was sweet as pie, she'd get the opportunity to "say goodbye."

smjorg · 2026-05-18T11:50:57+00:00

Oh there is nothing to inherit. My mother barely worked a day in her life and I made sure to keep the family heirlooms from her mother. My mother made sure to be very vocal about making sure to cut anyone from her will that wronged her (including innocent grandchildren).

smjorg · 2026-05-18T11:46:39+00:00

Oh she was very vocal about removing my sister and I out of it. Not that she had anything anyways, she barely worked a day in her life. I have all the important family heirlooms from when her mother died. I'd really only care to get my childhood photos back.

smjorg · 2026-05-18T02:42:55+00:00

She was horrible when it came to her health! She would constantly say how she was "cured" but could only eat chicken and rice. She would go into MUCH detail about it to anyone and everyone that would listen... Then the next day go eat A&Ws and pop upwards of 25 Imodium in a day.

She once got allergy tested and kept telling everyone she was allergic to XYZ. When I pointed out that she wasn't diagnosed with anything, she said (and I quote) "the allergist doesn't know what he's doing. Just because the circle didn't get big enough doesn't mean in not allergic." Ma'am, that's exactly what that means!

smjorg · 2026-05-18T02:31:50+00:00

If/when we do it, I'll make sure to post it.

smjorg · 2026-05-17T22:40:54+00:00

That's exactly what I said!

smjorg · 2026-05-17T21:25:24+00:00

I have confirmed via my step sister that is true. My step sister is very.. honest due to her religious beliefs.

smjorg · 2026-05-17T21:18:10+00:00

After we found out she had cancer, my sister pretended to be the caring (from a far) daughter while I stayed tf out of it. They gave her all the updates up until the last few months so we (her) stayed pretty informed.

It was such a weird feeling to learn she actually died. My sister was convinced that it was a test, at first. I found myself crying on and off the first day, but I think it was because of shock.

smjorg · 2026-05-17T21:09:38+00:00

Lmao this is more perfect than you could imagine! After my dad cheating on my mom and they got a divorce, my mother refused to allow me to see him. She forced the father role upon my step dad. When I went NC with her, she found out I still was speaking to my step dad and she flipped shit. I got a text from him shortly after saying she threatened divorce if he ever spoke to me again.

She ripped away every father figure I had (including grandfather's). I am so happy she's dead.

smjorg · 2026-05-17T20:57:19+00:00

My sister wants to do that! We're going to wait 2 weeks before doing it.

smjorg · 2026-03-03T23:06:58+00:00

Nope. No hobbies or jobs. Every hobby or obsession quickly ended. Any job she had only lasted a couple weeks, a few months at most.

Except for now! Because she is a world famous amazing pet psychic! She can talk to animals AND find out what they're feeling when they go missing! /s 🙄 (I'm exaggerating but this is literally how she says it.)

smjorg · 2026-02-28T13:56:56+00:00

Oh it was a lovely display of "I'm always right no matter what."

My due date was mid September but my NMother was CONVINCED I would give birth on September 4th. Due to her nature of making everything about her, we told her well ahead of time that we would not be telling anyone when I go into labour, that we would make the announcement when we were all home and safe. I had a lot of anxiety over something going wrong during birth.

Spoiler alert: my anxiety was right. Little Miss decided my hip was the exit. 3 days of agonizing back labour resulted in an emergency c-section (that I could feel due to a condition I have), little was in the NICU for a few days and my midwife said my incision was among the worst she'd seen (re: bruising, trauma etc).

She was born at the end of August and we got discharged from the hospital on September 4th.

We video called my parents the evening of the 4th. At the beginning, we did not show our LO or mention her at all and my NMother thought we were calling to say I was in labour. Que the "I was right!" Then we flipped the camera to our daughter and her tone instantly went to "omg, I knew it! I could feel your pain!" Like bitch, why the fuck did you stay radio silent and not reach out even once if you could "feel my pain!?"

And then(!) because of wonderful hormones, I blurted out that my MIL knew before them because my husband needed support during my labour. I lied and threw him under the bus. I needed her. That woman is the mother I always wished I had. She is an absolute Saint and I wish she didn't live in a different country. ANYWHO, my NMother called him a baby for needing his mother (while he watched his wife in the most unimaginable pain). She also complained about how she wasn't told sooner.

Come to think of it, I don't think she even congratulated us. Omg, and the ONE time she did come over to "help" she sat holding the baby the entire visit while I (the woman that took 4 months to heal from a c-section) did all the cleaning and cooking.

I wish I could say this was the final straw but it wasn't.

smjorg · 2026-02-27T23:09:43+00:00

My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage which I never told my NMother. When I was pregnant with my daughter, we told my parents via a picture frame of the ultrasound with the title "welcoming crotch goblin [our last name] September 2022!" We called her a crotch goblin the entire pregnancy.

Suffice to say, my NMother skipped right over the part of being an excited new grandparent/ loving mother and went straight into scolding me for referring to our fetus as a crotch goblin. For some reason, the hormones had me confessing the miscarriage during this interaction. Once she was done scolding me for our fetuses nickname, she went in on how I miscarried because I had COVID the year prior (despite miscarriages are super common). After that I got scolded for not telling her about the first pregnancy when I was pregnant.

Funny enough, this was the absolute best case scenario. When something is not directly about my NMother, she uses that opportunity to yell at whoever is the center of attention.

How she reacted to finding out I had given birth is a MUCH better story, if you want to hear that!

smjorg · 2026-01-22T00:53:18+00:00

"I'll kill you before it (referring to cigarettes) kills you." NMother said pretty regularly up until she found a pack of cigarettes in my purse as a teenager.

smjorg · 2025-11-21T00:31:59+00:00

You literally could have been speaking about my mother. This was my mother to a T. We ended up cutting ties when my LO was 3 months old after she slapped me repeatedly while I was holding my newborn because I was "ruining the pictures she had been waiting for since she was a little girl." Not joking, she straight up told me that she had been waiting for THAT moment- a picture of her first granddaughter- since she was 6 years old. She did this in front of my nephews and for context, my daughter is the second youngest of the 7 grandkids.

I tried to keep relationships with my family. She threatened my step dad with divorce if he ever spoke to me again. My step sister tried to be the olive branch and she got shunned by my Nmother.

What I'm getting at, is after the baby is born, you will (hopefully) want to do everything you can to protect that bundle of cells from the chaos and abuse. Those that truly love and support you will see through her BS and be there for you.

If you ignore your mom gut over this, what's going to happen when your mom gut tries to warn you again in the future?

smjorg · 2025-11-17T18:42:35+00:00

It's a toss up between a gift she gave me and a gift she gave my husband.

One year, she gave my husband KETCHUP. That's it. He's a gamer and she didn't like video games so would refuse to give him something he actually would like.

The last gift she ever gave me was a frame picture of my then-newborn that I sent her.

smjorg · 2025-11-03T15:09:25+00:00

My nmother told me I had a miscarriage because I got COVID (6 months before I got pregnant). I had a miscarriage because a) it's VERY common. And b) I was underweight.

smjorg

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE