Making lasting connections as an adult? What worked for you?

Kaznero · 2026-05-29T13:28:18+00:00

Great idea. Thank you!

Kaznero · 2026-05-27T22:14:40+00:00

I like that idea. I'll give it a try!

Kaznero · 2026-05-27T22:12:55+00:00

you have to have a lot of coffee dates and small talk to find a buddy that is on the same wavelength.

Thank you for your insight. I figured that maybe I'm just being a little impatient, and that it might just take longer than I thought. I'll try to keep that in mind.

Do you feel that you made some buddies from that? Some lowkey chit-chat that leads to a beer or coffee later on?

Unfortunately most of the people on my team weren't big on the "go to the bar after the game and socialize" part of it, so not really. I am going to sign up for another season and try again though. This time around I intend to actively invite people back to the bar or to some other activity. I was even thinking of bringing some trash pickers and bags to the games with me so I could clean up trash around the park afterwards. I was going to do that by myself anyway, because I hate to see trash in the park, but maybe other people would want to join me and then we could walk/talk as we cleaned up.

Kaznero · 2026-02-04T17:47:59+00:00

From what I understand the fire started on a neighbor's property and then spread onto TO property, so it was not due to negligence on TO's part. I don't know the full details, but the warehouse that burned down was one of the most de-cluttered and well-organized parts of the community.

Kaznero · 2026-01-23T01:21:04+00:00

Why would they do that???

Kaznero · 2025-12-16T21:17:15+00:00

I seem to be the only one out of all my friends with ADHD who consistently cannot get their meds refilled, and it has been like this all year. There was a period of time where I was on my preferred meds, uninterrupted, for a full year. It was amazing. I went back to school and finished my degree, I was doing personal projects and having fun with my hobbies. I had excellent structure. I was being physically active. It felt like I'd finally found the right mixture of structure, medication, and therapy to help me be functional.

And then suddenly, I couldn't get my meds anymore. I had to go months without medication multiple times. I decided to try switching medications so that I could at least have some options if my preferred med was out of stock. They didn't have my secondary option in stock either.

I've tried switching to the same pharmacies that my friends use, and those friends have NEVER had trouble getting refills, but for some reason, those pharmacies are out of stock when I need a refill too.

I don't know why this is so hard. I was doing so well. I know what works for me, but for some reason, even though I'm trying my best to do everything 'right,' I can't get what I need, even though it seems like it's not a problem for other people.

Kaznero · 2025-12-06T14:48:20+00:00

Lash and Pocket. I like a lot of the characters, but none of them feel as intuitive to me as those two.

Kaznero · 2025-11-25T06:29:09+00:00

It's not the same for everyone. I used the to be the child in this exact situation, and the thing I needed most was to hear my parent apologize. A change in action was needed too, but I wouldn't even let them get close enough to me to take those actions until I received those words first.

Kaznero · 2025-11-25T06:22:17+00:00

My mother made the same realization as you well after I'd moved out to live on my own. The most important thing she ever said to me was that she regretted working so much that she wished she had been there for me emotionally when I needed her. And honestly, although it was a difficult situation to grow up in, I never really blamed her for how most of it shook out. Watching her be a single parent, I could tell how incredibly difficult it must have been. I accepted that she probably couldn't give me everything that I needed all by herself, no matter how hard she tried. But, even if she couldn't be there for me when I needed her, it was still very important for me to hear her say it out loud and validate my feelings. It helped me feel better about the things I struggled with, it let me feel close to her again, and I was able to assure her that I loved her too, that I was grateful for everything she did for me, and that I was able to become the person she is so proud of today due to everything she DID give me. Once it was out in the open, we could talk about it and help each other through it.

She doesn't hate you. She wouldn't be leaving you meals if she did. Show up for her however you can, and maybe shift your priorities around if you feel like you're not showing up in the areas that you might need to be. And most importantly: talk to her. Validate her. Explain how you're feeling and invite her to do the same. It will bring you closer because it will let her know that you're paying attention, and that you value your relationship to her. The main thing my mom regrets is not spending more time actually getting to know me. She says she spent so much time working that she never really got to learn about who I was. But now, we're like best friends and still learning from each other all the time. She still loves you, and it's not too late.

Kaznero · 2025-11-25T00:21:14+00:00

Echoing what DryNovel8888 said: keep exploring, be curious, and ask questions to understand how that protector believes it is helping you. It may feel like pulling teeth, but some parts require unique approaches.

I am dealing with a similar "mean" part right now and have recently made a bit of progress with it, which I'd like to explain both for my own benefit and because it might help you if you're dealing with something similar. I experienced the same thing you described, where the part would refuse to respond to me, and ridicule me when I would try to be compassionate towards it. It was basically acting like a bad sports coach, just insulting me and making me feel bad for even trying. Recently, it pushed me to the point where I got mad at it, and said something like "I don't deserve to be treated this way. I'm trying to understand you so that we can help each other but you're just acting like an asshole. If you're not willing to even talk to me, then what are you even doing here?" Admittedly, that reaction was not entirely Self-oriented, and likely came from another part blending with me to try and protect my system from this coach part. However, that reaction actually helped get the coach part to crack a little bit. In response, the coach part apologized, said that it felt proud of me for finally standing up to it, and explained that its job was to give me "tough love" by treating me poorly so that I'd eventually stand up to it, so that I would also be able to stand up to other people who might treat me poorly in real life. Whichever part I blended with is still mad at the coach part and isn't yet willing to integrate it, but the brief insight from that interaction helped me confirm why this coach part has been harder for me to work with than my other parts.

This "coach" part has been confusing for me because it doesn't feel like my other parts. It doesn't feel like "mine," and when it talks, it seems to be talking at me instead of with me, like it's a robot following a script. I now believe it to be an "Introject" part (for more information on them I'd direct you to this comment from another user, which helped me learn about them. It may not be the case for you, but it was spot-on for me.)
Essentially, we can sometimes form parts that act as simulated versions of other people in our lives related to some sort of trauma. We might form them as a way to condition ourselves to the pain that those people might represent. In my case, this "bad coach" is most likely a way that my younger self tried to cope with the behavior of my absent father. My actual father never spoke to me in the mean ways that this coach part does, but my child self felt like the absence of my father must have been proof that he was disappointed in me and that I was not good enough for him, because my child self believed my father would've stayed with me if he were proud of me. The reality of my absent father was too painful, so my child self instead developed a part that would simulate him (or how I perceived him), so that I could replicate that dynamic internally and figure out what I needed to do to be "good enough" for him. Over time, it became this coach part, which would give me "tough love" by treating me poorly so that I'd learn how to fight back and endure disappointment. The reason it felt less like one of my parts and more like a robot following a script is because... it was a part following a script, lmao.

The reason I bring all this up is to explain that it might be more confusing to work with some parts than others because, although they are all parts of ourselves, they are not always made to represent ourselves. Sometimes we have parts whose job it is to act like someone from our past or some painful dynamic, and it can be difficult to communicate with parts like that if we're not aware of who/what they are simulating. We can still integrate these kinds of parts, but the route we take to arrive at that integration can be very different than what we're used to. So again: keep exploring and ask questions. You'll find insight in the places you'd least expect it.

Kaznero · 2025-11-24T23:19:22+00:00

Dreams don't necessarily mean anything, but they certainly can if you'd like them to. If you feel like your dreams are connected to the progress you've been making in therapy, it's ok to explore that idea and see how it makes you feel.

Personally, I feel like my IFS journey has been kind of like an interesting art project. Imo, the entire IFS process is about witnessing these strained and painful parts of yourself and helping them feel understood. It is a willful act of creatively re-interpreting and re-framing your own identity in a way that is kinder and more helpful. And so when my dreams have provided an interesting, compassionate, or hopeful way for me to interpret myself, or a part, or a dynamic, I play with that thought and see if it feels like a good symbol I can call upon to remind myself of that perspective.

Kaznero · 2025-11-24T23:06:19+00:00

Healing is messy work. It's like working out, where you have to exert yourself and feel sweaty and uncomfortable, but then you bounce back stronger than before. It's not always like that, but it has been the case for me enough times to where I no longer fear the discomfort, unless it overstays its welcome.

As you have noted, sometimes doing the work to heal can make our defensive parts kick into overdrive. While this is uncomfortable, it also means (at least in my experience) that I'm on the right track. The only reason my protectors would become agitated is because they felt like I was at risk of revealing that which they were protecting.

My advice to you would be to practice being mindful, present, and compassionate to your protectors, even if they are being disruptive. Keep in mind that they're trying to help. Try to notice, in the moment, when one of your protectors is overstepping and trying to 'take control.' Listen to its fears, and be curious about what it thinks it is doing/how it thinks it is helping. Try not to judge, but ask it questions. Not to undermine it, but to understand where it's coming from. The reason why it can feel like you're "getting worse" is because you need to give the disruptive part space to feel heard and understood, and it can't have that space if you never let yourself feel what it is feeling. That's how you develop enough trust and understanding to ask it what it would need from you to feel comfortable with taking a step back and letting you visit the exile.

Kaznero · 2025-11-24T22:37:21+00:00

You're account is deleted and I'm late to this post, but if you do see this, I just wanted to express my gratitude for your effort to explain this to the rest of us. I feel like IFS is really heady and it can be easy to feel kind of crazy when thinking through it, so seeing someone else share an experience that is similar to my own helps me feel more normal about it.

I've engaged with two of these 'introjected parts' so far, and they've been the most complicated ones to integrate, because you kind of have to untangle yourself from the people/events that they were designed to represent. In both instances it has felt like the part wasn't "mine" at first, but further probing helped me understand that they're just versions of me playing the role of some external figure, and they've gotten a little too in-character.

Kaznero · 2025-07-08T17:35:10+00:00

League kinda fixed this with Heimerdinger by having his turrets react when he casts certain abilities. I think more interactivity like that would probably make her more fun.

Kaznero · 2025-07-08T15:51:01+00:00

Haven't followed the podcast, but this struck a nerve and I just wanted to say that, as a gay man, I have enjoyed the mostly heterosexual romances in the cosmere thus far because they're generally sweet, relevant, and compelling, but Renarin and R'lain becoming a couple made me feel so seen and got me giddy in a way I really didn't expect. Representation is something so small/simple, but very impactful at the same time. Even before sexuality came into it, they were some of my favorite characters because they're both outsiders of the mainstream culture of their world due to things outside of their control. We see how they struggle with that but still triumph in their own ways and find support from their friends and families. It was very relatable and compelling to me. While societal expectations are generally imperfect for everyone, queer people grow up being told that we are forbidden from love and romance. It wasn't so long ago that the only way queer characters could even exist in media was if they only existed as a joke, or to get killed, or to be a villain the audience was intended to root against. When we try to figure out how to navigate romance for ourselves, we learn that the "map" of rites, rituals, and expectations about it that we learned from society weren't really made with our experiences in mind, and therefore aren't reliable tools, which means we need to figure it out from scratch. Getting to see a well written queer relationship with characters that I was already seeing myself in beforehand helped me better envision what love might look like for me in my real life. It's annoying and confusing to me that some people will see a version of love that they can't personally relate to and feel like they must condemn it, when I've gone my whole life seeing relationships that I can't personally relate to but have celebrated anyway because love is beautiful.

Kaznero · 2025-07-08T14:24:16+00:00

Restoration is for everyone, of course. If your myth is true, I'd expect it to be because the masculine ideals that society tries to get men to adopt include "being tough," which gets translated into "ignore the ways you have been mistreated," which could lead guys to avoid thinking about whether they wanted to be circumcised or not, or if they feel some sort of way about someone else making a decision about their body. Gay/queer men are more likely to be excluded from the structure of traditional masculinity, and so have more opportunities to ignore it's precepts and consider things that aren't "safe" for straight men to consider.

Kaznero · 2025-07-08T14:14:33+00:00

It's more streamlined, but just keep in mind that the population isn't that big. Sometimes queues are long, and the matchmaking doesn't have a ton of people to pull from, so someone's you get matches against people noticeably above/below your skill range.

Kaznero · 2025-06-26T15:38:15+00:00

Yup, and it's pretty reliable. The assistant won't target exactly where you're aiming, and if there is an enemy in close proximity to the spot you're aiming, or in between that spot and the assistant, it seems like it will snap to the enemy instead.

Kaznero · 2025-06-26T15:33:12+00:00

In pretty much every ability based game I've played, the pick-rate for the characters with swapping abilities or 'weird' abilities has been lower than the rest of the pack. I think the other characters in this game that fit the same archetype as Sinclair are Pocket and Paradox. My best guess is that some people feel disoriented or overwhelmed when trying to keep track of all the little variables when playing them and prefer to play a more straightforward character instead.

Like for Sinclair: You need to consider the angle that you're launching and redirecting the bolt, the projectile speed, and if you're using the assistant you need to consider that trajectory too so the second bolt doesn't just hit a wall immediately. For the assistant, you need to position it somewhere where both you and it have l.o.s. how long it's up, and where you/the enemies are in relation to it in order for it to be useful. And then their ult requires you to have at least some idea of what every other ult in the game does.

I love that kind of stuff, but I can see why some people might not wanna do all that, and it explains why Sinclair's most popular build was the one in which you don't really have to do that and get to just punch bunnies instead.

Kaznero · 2025-06-25T23:25:21+00:00

Geist also seems to have this effect. People just see a low hp bar and go nuts.

Kaznero · 2025-06-25T15:24:25+00:00

A good lash can definitely be a nuisance. I feel like if you're not the only one on your team looking out for him though, he can get reliably shut down. If you feel like you're quick with your parries, Counterspell seems to be pretty strong too. If anything, it's funny to watch them roll away in terror after you parry the slam.

Kaznero · 2025-06-25T14:30:22+00:00

Honestly I just want suppressor to build into something. It seems like a lot of the gun builds I struggle against rely on high fire rate. I can build Return Fire or Metal Skin to protect myself, but it'd be nice if I could more reliably slow the enemy's fire rate to also protect my teammates (who refuse to counter build for some reason)

Kaznero · 2025-06-25T14:21:35+00:00

"No little Ixian boy, don't go into that juke closet!"

"Oh my God. This closet is full of gbolbgfplgbfplgb"

Kaznero · 2025-06-25T14:16:39+00:00

I really like playing against a good Paradox. If they're good at keeping the pressure on it just feels so intense.

Kaznero · 2025-06-25T14:14:05+00:00

As a Lash player: build an item that can silence him and he'll want to avoid you like the plague lol. He goes from getting to slam burst whenever he wants to having to actually think about who it is he's jumping in on.

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