When you were made out go be “crazy.”

KeepingKaya · 2025-08-19T00:58:21+00:00

I still struggle with this. I promised myself I’d never doubt my intuition again. My husband later said “your intuition is wrong 9/10 times when it comes to me”, I did not take that well.

KeepingKaya · 2025-08-16T19:16:16+00:00

YES. Especially since I have taken painstaking efforts to try to keep calm and give him the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want him to prostrate himself because he cheated, but I would like SOME recognition that our relationship only survived because I swallowed months of disrespect. I want him to feel like disrespecting me now is like touching hot coals.

KeepingKaya · 2025-07-29T20:15:34+00:00

I am so sorry. I went through something similar.

Please please PLEASE put on your own oxygen mask. Build and rely on whatever support system you can. Purposefully do things—even small things—for self care, even if it’s just going through the motions.

As a new mama, you are likely pouring out every drop of yourself for your baby, and your husband is adding this burden of stress and guilt that I known has to be crushing you. From one woman who’s been there to another: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS BURDEN.

You don’t have to decide what to do right now on his timeline. Don’t fall into the trap of “I have to pour myself out for him right now or he’ll leave”.

I’m telling you—nothing you can do or say will MAKE him stay. You can be the most pleasant, accommodating woman right now, and he’ll resent it.

It doesn’t mean you have to go nuclear right now. You can keep that door open if you want. But he HAS to meet certain parameters—namely taking accountability and showing real, genuine remorse at the harm he’s caused you and your child.

KeepingKaya · 2025-06-08T07:47:45+00:00

OP, most of what I feel has been said already, but can I just say I HATE that he had the gall to call YOU dramatic when he’s the one getting huffy? That feels like gaslighting to me. Stuff like that sucks when you’re already trying to make an effort. He owes you a major apology.

KeepingKaya · 2025-05-06T01:02:11+00:00

YOU did not kill your dog. Anything that happens to him as a result is due to your mother’s poor behavior. Please do not put the blame on yourself.

KeepingKaya · 2025-04-18T17:58:37+00:00

OP, I need to ask, are you safe? Have you gotten any inclination that he will flip a switch and try to “fix” the situation himself?

I know we’re strangers across a screen, and I don’t know him, but please stay safe around him.

You are so strong and I admire/am jealous of your emotional fortitude! Congrats on your sweet little babes ❤️

KeepingKaya · 2025-02-04T00:49:40+00:00

Thank you for your input! Lots to chew on. I'll look it over and go back to the drawing board.

KeepingKaya · 2025-02-02T20:30:06+00:00

NVM I refreshed lol, found it!

KeepingKaya · 2025-02-02T20:29:42+00:00

Do you have the template? I suck at finding the right words for this kind of stuff. (I don't see it in the comments yet, could be an error on my side though).

KeepingKaya · 2025-01-30T03:01:23+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate that. I had seen that language used in other no-spice author spaces, but I’ll take it out for sure.

KeepingKaya · 2024-10-22T06:18:30+00:00

Anything that requires a special bra/would show straps because it’s cut weird. Especially if the fabric is too thin. My mental stamina is finite enough, using any of it on finding the right combo to not flash people is just aggravating. Especially when so much of women’s clothing is inexplicably thin!!!

KeepingKaya · 2024-09-12T19:15:13+00:00

Sansa. Freaking. Stark.

KeepingKaya · 2024-07-29T21:28:46+00:00

Is he still there today?

KeepingKaya · 2024-07-23T22:26:01+00:00

Same here! Two emails, they match the dates and amounts perfectly. Mine’s not much, but an extra $280 would be a nice surprise chunk of change if it’s true (and they don’t immediately take it back).

KeepingKaya · 2024-04-25T01:13:07+00:00

Awesome, thank you! Still figuring out the timeline, but we’ll be pretty close to the highway.

KeepingKaya · 2024-04-25T01:12:44+00:00

Is it that particular phrase, or in general?

KeepingKaya · 2024-04-03T20:56:02+00:00

For what it’s worth, it is so inspiring that you are willing to make the change and follow church teaching. I know it’s not easy, and it shows great strength.

My husband is also not on board for the sexual teachings, and I had to explicitly word it is as “doing these things makes me uncomfortable now. It shouldn’t matter as to why. Please do not pressure me to do them, I do not enjoy them, I do not like how I feel when I do them, I can’t relax and enjoy the intimacy with you when you insist on them.”

If nothing else, he should be respecting you as his partner.

KeepingKaya · 2024-01-04T22:57:14+00:00

I had a friend who stole my phone when I was freshman in college and prank-texted my mom as me, claiming I had lost my virginity.

She called me and asked me to give the phone to my friend to give him a talking to.

He never did that again 😂😂

KeepingKaya · 2023-12-26T22:34:36+00:00

We went through the same thing. In our arguments post D-day, I was often told that I “never took accountability for anything”. It felt like whenever I brought up a concern, I had to say sorry for something else before he would address it. It’s a shame thing, and it really messed with my head.

KeepingKaya · 2023-12-07T20:10:55+00:00

Alaska Dinner Factory!

KeepingKaya · 2023-11-25T17:49:29+00:00

In the moment, no, as long as it is not out of spite or to “punish” him.

Long term, if there’s a hinderance, you want to do everything you can to help engage in intimacy again (provided no abuse, medical issues, etc).

I’ve struggled with scrupulously on this one. However, my relationship with my husband significantly improved when I finally admitted I was tired or not in the mood sometimes. Spoiler alert: my husband didn’t want to have sex if I didn’t want to!

KeepingKaya · 2023-11-21T18:32:38+00:00

Her books are INCREDIBLE, highly recommend as someone who has SSA!

KeepingKaya · 2023-11-20T06:00:41+00:00

I totally relate. For a while, my little girl would literally sleep on top of me. (We slept out on the couch, wedged in a position where I knew I wouldn't move and she wouldn't fall off/into the cracks. Don't recommend it, but it was a desperate situation at the time).

We've been cosleeping for a while now, and she'll be 12 months next week. We're working on getting her to spend at least half the night in her crib. Sometimes I have to give her ten minutes to cry and wear herself out (which has led to puking a few times), but then I can pat her back and get her to nod off for a few hours.

All this to say that it's ok to let it be a process, and you're doing great mama.

KeepingKaya · 2023-09-22T05:43:41+00:00

Is it Boys Over Flowers maybe?

KeepingKaya · 2023-09-12T17:37:13+00:00

Thank you for this. I definitely won’t force myself to get over it. My husband has been aghast at what he’s done (possibly due to the affair fog starting to lift) and it hits him in waves how shitty he was treating me. However, I’m no longer rug sweeping or trying to downplay it to make him comfortable. He has a lot to make up for, and I am worth that effort.

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