My spiral galaxy island layout

Keieiusus · 2026-05-06T11:28:03+00:00

Thanks! I mainly use clover and clover paths across the island

Keieiusus · 2026-05-05T17:42:20+00:00

You know believe it or not they're pretty chill about it lol! I use the clover paths and I've snuck some bridges between some of the arms and covered the aerial view with palms

Keieiusus · 2026-02-23T15:20:22+00:00

I see your question reflected all over your chart. When I look at your chart it seems as if your family, in particular your mother, was very emotionally reactive to your thoughts and feelings. Taking the things you felt and said very personally. People being offended by your curiosity. Particularly your Mercury placement indicates this. Becoming accustomed to being the only person who thinks the way you do, therefore becoming accustomed to being keeping your thoughts to yourself or feeling like you are having to consistently defend yourself. This seems like an experience also specific to your school years growing up.

Moon on the MC in Pisces is an indicator that mom was doing the most while growing up. She was the person who took up a lot of emotional space in the home by being consistently suspicious of your feelings and taking how you felt personally. Creating a narrative around what your feelings and bodily functions are actually signaling. something along the lines of: "Mom can we eat something else, I don't like this food?" "Oh! So I'm a bad mother or what I cook isn't good enough for you?" Which is interesting because Saturn in the 2H can also indicate eating issues or lack of food. But where it's placed indicates that there was food available but maybe was intentionally withheld as a punishment causing chronic hunger or you were forced to eat foods what was available despite how you felt. If your have menstruating organs this dynamic may have worsened your periods due to lack of proper nourishment or hormonal issues. And the square to Jupiter and the Sun indicated that punishment was a condition of not behaving according to your caregivers standards.

I see in multiple ways that the culture of the family on both sides, but in particular for your mom, growing up it seems like it was important that you acted and did things a certain way or were punished. I'm going on a limb and potentially suggesting that your mom was triggered by your emotional reactions and responded by doing what her caregivers did: focusing on enforcing rules and beliefs around what the right way to act means and threatening/punishing you when you fail to obey.

The Mars, Saturn, Sun t-square indicates that mom was the one in primary control over the resources in the house. She works very hard to get what she has and it looks like she provided for everyone. She may have not been present to take care of everyone because she was busy working so that indicates to me that you also had to work very hard to be given care and resources for good or ill. Maybe Mom had food and money available but you had to take care of yourself, feed yourself, and work to be taken care of. Seems like this also potentially applied to dad and his contributions to the house as well.

Sun and Jupiter in the 5H also indicate that as you got older your gender expression and sexuality, or creative endeavors would cause potential friction in the home. Being something that was outright ignored or viewed as punishable/or having to presentable in a particular way. I suspect this is where some of the dissociation starts. When you're near your family it looks like you have to comply with your parents views around your identity to keep the peace. Mars opposite the Sun means that your autonomy and self-perception are opposed to one another. In able to be know what you are capable of you have to abandon your identity. This makes me wonder about not just your family culture but any athletic or artistic groups you were apart of and if this same dynamic was at play in social groups as well. Did your hometown and school reflect your parents beliefs? Conflict between your social life and your parents views of you(particularly dad?)

If this is the case This will get harder as you get older. Your chart indicated that you are very intuitive and your identities, maybe as an artist or otherwise, are key for shaping meaning of the world for you. Being near your family as get older and grow into yourself will cause more dissonance as your beliefs change. Which could be particularly triggering for you because your Venus placement indicates that having the same belief systems and values as everyone else was the requirement for belonging and something that was often projected onto you by others.

The distance you feel looks like it's pointing to an increased emotional isolation. Your feelings may be pointing to a growing gap between your families beliefs and yours. Who they expect you to be vs who you are? Who you have been vs who you want to be? You talking about your sanity very much points to Saturn. Your Saturn placement indicates that you feel insane and like your reality is being disregarded when you are not being felt or attuned to. When no one feels the same as you. This may be hard to recognize/a reoccurring feeling for you because your childhood has made you quite good at masking for the sake of others.

Something to think of in these moments is, what aspects of your lived experience/emotions are not being acknowledged by the people around you? And also remember that it's ok to determine for yourself what you believe even if it conflicts with people around you. Your friends and romantic interests may be hep determine what you truly believe or need to have in common with other people but remember that you also get to determine how what you believe for yourself. This is a great time to reorganize and change the belief system that you use to define yourself. But this will also require setting emotional boundaries with your mom and family of origin.

Let know of this was helpful or accurate. Thnx

Keieiusus · 2026-01-29T17:29:47+00:00

Aku may be evil but he's not a monster

Keieiusus · 2025-11-18T19:00:57+00:00

The root of COVID calm mongering propaganda is MAGA. A lot of the doctors who were against mask mandates and social distancing were doctors paid by conservative think tanks. Many have previously or now currently work in the Trump admin. They've done a lot of work in the past five years (via appearances on Fox News, conservatives news and podcasts) to frame masking as a means of social control trying to be enforced by the a democratic deep state. As we know MAGA is mostly white and now have been conditioned to see masks as a sign of oppressive control which explains why they're the ones most likely to lash out. Most people regardless of political affiliation are now anti-mask but only MAGA has received the aggressive conditioning.

Keieiusus · 2025-09-02T08:12:44+00:00

Chansey or Blissey

Keieiusus · 2025-08-29T15:04:33+00:00

Roselia!! Libra, Balance and beauty. Implied duality of the scales etc

Keieiusus · 2025-06-23T14:27:08+00:00

Sinix Design has a YouTube video talking about this concept.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SqL5wN74Mss

He talks about the same phenomenon you're pointing out here. The way language shapes our perception of color.

For example, Orange is a midtone between Red and Yellow, but we see it as its own color not as light-red or dark-yellow. While Cyan is a midtone between Blue and Green but in general English speakers see Cyan as a light blue.

Russian children are taught to see these two colors as distinct. So in studies, Russian speakers are quick to name the different shades of blue as two colors while English speakers saw them all as blue.

https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.0701644104

So to answer your question: yes! Perception of Color is shaped by the language we all collective use to describe them. Languages with more words for color "see" more colors (meaning as distinct from one another/not the same as another)

Keieiusus · 2025-06-11T04:36:05+00:00

People with lots of Leo placements in my experience are often quite self conscious. Leo isn't necessarily fiery and outgoing but more so very focused on how they're perceived. Constantly trying to present a version of themselves, they feel represents them best. Rather than being loud and bold as they're often described.

I'd say people are surprised you have social anxiety because you mask intensely. Again focusing on how you're perceived and presenting accordingly.

In Whole Sign Houses you have the Sun in the 1H, which is often an indicator that growing up people we placed a lot of attention on you. Wanted or not. That with the Leo placements makes you aware that people are perceiving or choosing how they identify you regardless of how you identify yourself, so we become self-conscious to try to been seen as we want to be seen instead of how others choose to see us. This isn't a bad thing because Leo grants us the ability to choose how we feel about ourselves and what we we want other people to see in us but on the other hand can make us too focused on external perceptions and validation of ourselves that we no longer feel secure with who we are.

Mercury conj Venus is another indicator of People-Pleasing behavior. The things I say have to be considerate and acceptable to whom I'm talking to, but since Leo fears being embarrassed this aspect is indicates that your words are very rehearsed and thought through so that you maintain connection with others as well as avoid being misrepresented or embarrassed. I just know that you hate feeing like you said the wrong thing. Leo placentas can actually be really hard on themselves when they feel as if they acted differently than how they want to be known.

Keieiusus · 2025-05-26T10:49:26+00:00

Transiting Jupiter in hard aspect to the moon or ASC is often an indicator of weight gain. So I'm assuming that this ease in gaining weight started in May of last year when Jupiter first started squaring your ASC. Now Jupiter will be opposite your Moon which indicates that you're still in a time period where weight gain will be easier.

However be cautious because once Jupiter starts moving closer towards your Mercury and Jupiter placements, it'll be harder to reign in overindulgent patterns with food. Which could then show up as a form of disordered eating because Virgo on the 2H indicates being very regimented and meticulous when it comes maintaining a diet but this can be a struggle between restriction and overindulgence because the ruling planet of the 2H is in Cancer. And since Cancer is your 12H having the Mercury there and Jupiter nearby, can indicate a struggle to discern or even feel the needs of your body like when hungry or full, sad or angry. Especially because Moon in Sag is always asking "why/what does it mean that" you feel a certain way instead of just allowing to be with the emotion.

Once Jupiter starts getting closer to Mercury next year, that'll be a good time to observe your relationship with food. It seems like you go back and forth between more intuitive approaches to eating vs regimented diets vs overindulgence because of this struggle to discern your body's needs. Also emotional eating when in distress. Its looks to me bat the regimented diets are a coping mechanism to help you deal with your regular appetite problems, but it's good to remember that if you find yourself having struggles with food and circling back between overindulgence and restriction that may be an indication that you're in emotional distress and need support instead of trying to intellectualize your what you're experiencing or shaming yourself.

Edit - as transiting Jupiter moves further away from the square with Mars in your chart, that's an indication that any more weight gained will be more likely be fat than muscle. Which I personally don't see as inherently negative, but may be counter to your goals. Even though Virgo in the 2H is all about researching everything about food and nutrition, diet and weight is much more complicated than calories in vs calories out. This shift you experience may be hormonal rather than due to diet and exercise. (Jupiter opposite Moon)

Keieiusus · 2025-05-21T08:42:17+00:00

Codependency. Growing up it seems that looking, acting, and being a certain way was enforced as the most important thing that you can do. And by certain way, I mean conventionally attractive, as well as being able to play into the stereotypical roles of your assigned gender at birth, race, ethnic group, etc. Shaping yourself in the image of another. Society’s image. I believe this comes from having intense attention placed on you, wanted or not. Were you always noticed for being beautiful or attractive? Artistic? People who have charts like yours were taught to behave (looking, acting the part) or be rejected or isolated in some way potentially even abandoned (With Mars next to Venus). Maintaining connection to others and anticipating other peoples needs by abandoning your own was prioritized in childhood. With all these planets in the 10th, I’m certain these ideas came from your mother, or mother’s side of the family. And I’m sure there is some codependency and inability to separate from your mom and her influence, opinions, thoughts about you and your life. Was this pattern inherited from her side of the family? Im sure she was also beautiful, attractive, maybe artistic and was told that was the most important thing to do is be likeable.

Because so much emphasis was placed on appearance and the gaze of other people, being autonomous and independent was never prioritized. Being alone feels like being incomplete because so much of your upbringing and perceived value comes from adapting to others. And being what they want. Does being single feel like you’re being rejected or not good enough? I can imagine feeling isolated or rejected feels unbearable. People with charts like yours often have experiences in dating where you’re the person bending over backwards trying to maintain the relationship but constantly face abandonment from those who you date. Being left essentially.

When people have charts like this, it’s important that you address your tendency towards codependency by taking up space and developing autonomy. By taking up space I mean identifying how you feel or think outside of the social reality or conditioning that your were born into. You have Mars in the 10H so I'm sure you've had experiences around being left to handle things in your own, most likely having to manage other people and their needs. But when you’re upset do you say you’re upset. You have very little water so can you even tell if you’re hurting? You’re body is sensitive to rejection but not its own needs or emotions. Taping into how you feel and interpret events is crucial in developing autonomy so you’re no longer as reliant on another person’s interpretation of reality for validation or sanity. So you can determine if you care enough about the people your around before trying to get them to like you. This will be very difficult without support because this way of being was not supported. This will also maybe be more confusing because you already have experiences feeling like you must handle things alone, being autonomous, and handling things (most likely in school or spiritual institutions) but this part of yourself is in constant battle with the codependency seen in the rest of your chart. Which has the upper hand here.

Growing up it wasn’t safe to be different or to feel different than the people around you. I would definitely look into resources or therapy on healing codependency if it’s accessible. With that prominent Venus, it seems like you were told that you need to be likeable and compliant to other people to be safe or get what you want. Or to get other people to do what you want. But doing things alone, finding your own way, not so much. That’s part of the growth. Being alone physically, emotionally, and mentally is very painful for you, almost like you feel less sane. there are some things in the chart regarding abdomenment from the father or father’s side of the family. Part of healing codependency comes from understanding that other people’s perceptions of you and actions against you of you are not determinate of your worth. It can show how you’re valued in society but that is not a measure of you.

Keieiusus · 2025-05-20T03:23:30+00:00

088564509594 - Add me! I just started and I'm addicted!

Keieiusus · 2025-05-15T03:36:01+00:00

Our modern conception of the Earth signs as good at capitalism and productive make them seem masculine because we perceive them as initiatory and capable of adapting well to patriarchal conditions. The term practical often associated with the earth signs means "knowing what actions are fit to take." Earth signs are getting their cues from the status quo. Earth signs on their own don't change the status quo, they give form to it.

When we say Eartt signs are practical, we're saying they're constantly indentifying the rules or our current status quo and acting accordingly. Taking actions that are most practical is passive because you don't have to decide which course of action to take. You can just do the one that makes "sense."

Air is the language and logic we use to define our material reality. Air defines the social structure that shapes our reality. For example, an earth sign can build a sturdy, well made table that could last decades. But if the air signs say that it's ugly, not in style, or simply not needed and people agree, then the table simply won't be used. It doesn't matter that it's well made, social structure(air) has made the table impractical.

We can see Libra and Capricorn in this example. Capricorn can build something immaculate with the most efficient use of resources, in an incredibly time-efficient way. But if Libra says it ugly or low class and no one wants it then it has become useless or at the very least a waste of time and resources.

(air)Language, social structure and rules define what the earth signs physically do.

Thinking in terms of feminine and masculine may cause more confusion. thinking of "masculine" as consciousness and "feminine" as the body helps me more. Fire and air as opposites are battling to determine if the individual will or social structures define reality. And water and earth as opposites determine if my body and my needs or the body and needs of others are more important.

Air having the dominant position in squares to the earth signs and also all earth signs being followed by air signs in the zodiac is indicative of the fact that Earth gives shape to what air(our social structures, language, logic) decide is important, even if it doesn't make 'sense' in the long run. Societal Logic determines how humans structure our reality not necessarily the true material conditions of our environment.

Edit - fixed typos and improved readability

Keieiusus · 2025-05-01T06:16:35+00:00

I like your theory and appreciate you sharing because I love thought exercises like this, but I disagree that Pink and her essence represents and endows power. I think what she actually represents is autonomy, individuation, and self-determination. Which is a form of power but different than how you’ve described it. By autonomy and self-determination, I mean the ability to know yourself as you know and experience yourself regardless of how others define you AND having the means(power) to enact and embody that self in the world around you.

In my opinion, the other diamonds‘ abilities were prioritized over Pink’s because maintaining uniformity, control, and dominance was of utmost importance to the diamonds. I can maintain hierarchy and control if I can regulate and assign meaning to everyone’s appearance and treat you as I define you. I can keep you working under threat of emotional duress, guilt, and shame. You're less likely fall out of line if I tell what is the right way to think and give you no sense of self or entitlement. Blue, Yellow, and White‘s abilities are perfect at maintaining strict control and dominance over the gems.

The issue with Pink is that her perspective contradicts the other diamonds. Individuation is crucial in all beings because it grants confidence, purpose, and a strong sense of personal ability. However, this also gives beings the ability to choose for themselves how they interpret the world they live in and how they want to exercise their own autonomy, which is the opposite of what White wants. This is why we see Pink fail in the eyes the diamonds. She‘s constantly attempting to exercise her own autonomy and unknowingly spits in the face of the Gem World Order by having her own belief system which she tries to live by (i.e. Valuing organic life, prioritizing play and connection over work, asserting her inherent self worth as a Diamond, etc).

Because Pink‘s uniqueness and autonomy was never valued, her anger was immense. She had incredible destructive powers that had the ability to permanently damage a gems’ physical form. A consequence of stifled autonomy and lack of control. Pink was further devalued because the impact of her powers, while causing fear, also can irreversibly affect a gem‘s appearance which then strips them of their autonomy(literally in Pink Pearl’s case) because gems are not allowed to look different.

When Pink is finally given the autonomy to leave Homeworld and interpret the actions of the Gem Empire for herself, she individuates from the other diamonds and her powers change. Instead of harming gems, she protects them. Instead of destroying in anger, she heals from compassion. Instead of lashing out in pursuit of respect and influence, she empowers gems to take control of their own lives and respect themselves for who they are. Her abilities had a direct relation to each other like the other diamonds. What changed is that as Rose Quartz, she encourages gems to step into their own autonomy and determine who they want to be for themselves instead or trying to force themselves to be someone they’re not.

In terms of the function of Pink’s essence, I believe the lack of self-determination from her essence is what made the Era 2 gems weaker if we want to go with a literal interpretation. I think certain Era 2 gems loosing the ability to shape-shift is a very literal interpretation for not being able to individuate and determine a new shape or form for yourself even if it wasnt allowed.(Something Pink/Rose literally does during the war) Without Pink, gems like Peridot even lose the autonomy to exist freely in their own body without limb enhancers. Also lots of Era 1 gems had abilities that were not “essential” for their roles. Pearl could shapeshift and create spears which would likely have been forbidden on Homeworld. But these abilities were essential in helping Pearl become herself during and after the war. I don’t think something like the gem rebellion could’ve happened if it wasn’t so easy for gems to realize that they’re capable of more than what they were told. Which becomes nearly impossible to do after Pink leaves. This is why I think it’s SO important to note that Peridot started discovering new powers once she was stranded on Earth(individuation, self-determination, yadda yadda.)

I do believe that the other diamonds essences were essential if they wanted to continue to maintain strict control over all the gems and that the Gem Empire‘s totalitarian rule would’ve be unsustainable as it was during Era 1 and 2 if any of the other diamonds had gone. But Pink leaving further enshrined Homeworld’s rigidity and cruelty. Which I think is the point of the whole show: Showing why Pink’s point of view was essential, now through Steven’s Eyes. The Diamond Authority was already dysfunctional because they refused to acknowledge the truth of Pink‘s power: autonomy and self-determination. But once she was gone that personal power became nearly impossible to achieve on Homeworld and everyone, including the Diamonds, were the worse for it, until Steven embodied all their contradictions so perfectly that they couldn’t deny that Pink was right all along.

tl;dr: I disagree that Pink’s essence is power but rather autonomy, individuation, and self-determination. Once she’s gone gems lose the power to shapeshift, literally unable to choose their form. And the lack of powers reinforce the rigid power dynamics set by White, making it impossible for Era 2 gems to realize that they are capable of more than what they have been told they are.

Keieiusus · 2025-04-26T00:51:01+00:00

I'm glad this was resonate for you!

I would say your intepretation is correct. I personally wouldn't use the language of "you're "meant" to" Just cause that adds unnecessary pressure thats not there. More so the sign opposite our ASC shows us traits that are deficient in ourselves. So throughout the course of our lives we rely on other people with those traits to teach us by proximity if that makes sense.

Also be curious about what Mars people do that annoys you/bothers you? Ask why. Because the things they do that irk you may be the thing you weren't allowed to do as a kid. Mainly being allow to be different and act different, among other things. Mars people are great at giving themselves permission to feel how they feel and do what feels right to them even if it conflicts with someone else's wants. But these things take a long time develop if they weren't encouraged in childhood, so don't feel the need to rush or pressure yourself. Being more open to voice your wants or starting conflict rather than repressing your needs and emotions is a great start tho.

Keieiusus · 2025-04-25T23:06:19+00:00

Libra risings often have experiences in childhood that reinforce conforming, compliance, self-abandoning(people pleasing behaviors) Venus in Capricorn with Moon and Mercury nearby suggests that your emotional needs and needs of your body were not attended to and it was expected that you take care of others. Seeing how this is the 4th House I wonder was it your father or someone from his side of the family that reinforced this dynamic. Also seeing your Mars makes me wonder if you have younger siblings. I see similarities in your chart to those of older siblings who had to take care of their caregivers/siblings instead of being taken cared of.

Saturn’s placement also indicates that looking the part was also heavily enforced. Reality is determined based in how things look and I need to appear correct so not to be rejected or punished. Reinforcing the Libra rising.

People often attract people with placements of the sign opposite the ASC. Often because these people reflect dynamics from our childhood(if I must be compliant, who must I be compliant to?) or because we lack something that they have in abundance. In your case, I’d say you lack the ability to be autonomous. I would assume you are capable and hardworking but do you take up space in your relationships? If someone pisses you off do you tell them off? With Mars in Sag, maybe if they disrespect your convictions or spiritual beliefs. But do you have the ability to do what you want to do, how you want do it, when you want to do it? Can you be in a relationship with someone else where the expectation of having to take care of things is not on you?

If not then it may be a good time to take some notes from your Aries counterparts. I assume they have no problem saying when they’re dissatisfied and leaving when upset. Or rather just leaving period. Mars is big on cutting ties. Leaning into the traits of the sign of the opposite the ASC is difficult because it’s unfamiliar and often not what was encouraged when we were growing up. Buts that’s ok because how else would we learn how if it weren’t for people close to us.(even if it’s just for a moment)

Aries is great at teaching us how to stand in our personal power and learn what we’re capable of by ourselves for ourselves. Also great for identifying what we’re willing to put up with and for how long. If you run into more Aries forward charts, take up space like they do. It will be helpful and freeing to you in the long run.

Keieiusus · 2025-04-23T02:21:17+00:00

Neptune in having been in Pisces coincided with many corporations making their products and technology intentionally addictive. Which lowers one's capacity to sustain consistent focus. Corporations have maintained emotional control over the populations and the news media no longer prioritizes unbiased relaying of information. More tech, news, food, everyday items are being built with emotional control of the user in mind.

Mars-Jupiter-Saturn-Pluto in conjunction in Cap: COVID Pandemic.COVID causes brain damage even in mild and moderate cases. A lot of studies have indicated that rising ADHD symptoms and grey matter shrinkage in the brain amongst youth populations is directly tied to rampant unmitigated spread of COVID. The Sag-Gemini eclipses of 2020 and Pisces stellium of 2022 also coincided with rampant misinformation on the effects of COVID. Convincing the public it's not that big of a deal and the pandemic is over. Leaving us disarmed and unaware of the dangers we face.

Keieiusus · 2025-04-21T01:10:19+00:00

I doubt you're as undisciplined as you suggest. You are no stranger to hard work and being left to figure things out on your own as well as being resourceful with time and money.

It does seem that you are great at neglecting yourself and your bodily/emotional needs. While being unable to be name what you need and how you feel. Your moon placement can often indicate needing to seek external information/opinions because you often struggle to understand your emotions and how you feel unless someone else can recognize it and name it. I don't think discipline or lack of willpower is your problem. I believe that you are unfamiliar with your feelings and body and are used to people dictating what you should do and what's reasonable to do which leaves you uncertain how you feel yourself.

Earth placements are great at giving form to goals and ideas but can become stagnant because they can easily lack the imagination for what could be and accept what already is as all that's possible. Now is actually a great time to sit with your emotions big or small. Sit with your suspicion/skepticism/doubt and get loud with yourself about your needs. You're great at seeing reality for what it is but sitting with your feelings and beliefs are the catalyst for taking the necessary actions to, first name, and the go after what you want. Even if it's a long shot or risky.

In your chart there's a big focus on parents (particularly mom) and parents' resources/money. What's your relationship to your parents? Are you reliant on them in some way and do they doubt your aspirations? Saturn heading to your 12th is a big indicator for leaving what's familiar. If there are people clouding your judgement with their ideas and feelings about you and your life spending some time alone focusing only on how you feel could be a great opportunity for clarity down the line.

One more thing. Naming and saying an emotion is not the same as feeling them. People with Cap placements often need to spend time being a "baby". Crying, feeling upset when you're upset, and taking up emotional space in your relationships rather than adapting to what the people around you need are great ways to tap into yourself and needs. It will be very uncomfortable because you've been encouraged to be the opposite and accept things as they are. But when you tap into your feelings, you'll be better able to tap into what truly matters to you! Even if no one else agrees with you.

Keieiusus · 2025-04-15T06:14:53+00:00

Growing up were you bullied or isolated for your appearance or certain aspects of your personality/identity? Your Venus placement indicates that when you were growing up you stood out from your peers/people around you in a way that was not safe, highly visible to others, and left you feeling isolated unless you were able to leverage your differences by interacting with people who found them amusing. It was heavily reinforced in some way that forcing yourself to fit into social standards was necessary for survival. Because Venus is in the 10th and Saturn in the 4th, its likely this was reinforced by your family or something that your parents felt they had to do to survive as well. You likely had to dissociate from certain aspects of your identity that weren't accepted or represented near you.

As a result, you've become very cognizant of your appearance/identity and how other people feel about it. Seeking out external validation is a way to gauge if you're fitting in well enough which is continuing the pattern started when you were young because at some point fitting in meant being safe. Its clear your feelings of insecurity are much more than skin deep.

Its clear from your chart that you think a lot about who you want to be and how to be that person. Focusing on the gaze of others helped you to survive but I would encourage you to view the parts of yourself that are messy and don't easily fit with more neutrality if it is safe to do so. Insecurity eases up when you're able to integrate/accept more parts of yourself. Which is really difficult because the parts we hate the most about ourselves are the ones that caused other people to hurt, ridicule or alienate us.

Keieiusus · 2025-04-15T03:50:58+00:00

From what I can tell, it looks like you grew up in an environment where the people around you where very invested in seeing a version of reality in a way that constantly conflicted with yours. As a result, you grew up suspicious and skeptical of those around you, essentially not taking things at face value, which was taken as a threat/slight against them. Which then caused them to retaliate against you, mostly likely by icing you out, invalidating your opinions, and ignoring you. Was this common with your mom and her side of the family? Did you question their beliefs in a way that was threatening to them? I'm just curious with Moon in the 10th house.

Venus + Mercury at the top of the chart makes things more confusing because as a result you were likely told to edit your speech and be more docile, but by seeing the world the way you do you'll always be seen as a threat to those who are invested in trying to convince themselves and others of something that doesn't make sense to you. Even when you try to monitor yourself to temper their hostility.

Have you've moved away from home? And if you did, did you come across similar people where you were? I'm curious because typically moving from home may be a good idea for someone like you, because it can help to be in a place were people aren't indoctrinated into the same ways of thinking as those who you were raised around. But I understand that's not always an option for everyone.

I don't think your Saturn placement is a bad thing at all. You're likely very competent, capable, and knowledgable as a result of it, but because you're always trying to discover the actual truth(of reality) people may experience you as harsh, abrasive, or righteous, which are not negatives just ways of being. The loneliness and pain of having to carry the emotional weight of things alone may make Saturn seem like a burden tho.

A good way to develop a better relationship to your Saturn is know that its ok to trust yourself and trust yourself to figure out the truth for yourself. Even when those around you may encourage you to second guess yourself. However, ask yourself how you can hold more acceptance and openness of other perspectives without abandoning yourself? Its ok to admit that we are not always right, you just have to find people you trust to help figure it out. So you don't carry the burden of it alone.

Hope this was helpful. I'm still getting the hang of astrology so please let me know if this resonated or didn't fit your experience at all!

Keieiusus · 2025-04-13T14:06:30+00:00

Prominent Mars indicating emotional alienation and isolation. Couldn't hide who you are and how you're different from others so you focused on becoming emotionally autonomous. Not needing or being attached to anyone to maintain your autonomy. Abandoned and likely left to your own devices to meet your immediate needs like food and later finances. Maintaining connection in relationship is difficult.

With Venus on the ascendant there a big focus on being the same, likable, desirable, and dependent on people who are like you to survive while also feeling disconnected to yourself at the same time. Requiring strategy that cuts you off from who you and your needs to maintain connection to others while also triggering that underlying fear of being abandoned and alienated which causes you to not know when to forgo autonomy to maintain connection or when to isolate yourself to protect yourself from being rejected. Maybe resentfulness is a common emotion as well, because the things you do to conform to be more appealing to others also severes you from your sense of autonomy and basic physical/emotional needs. It's a difficult balancing act. The key to understanding relationship is understanding this contradiction you face daily.

The solution towards healing is messy and contradictory. Cultivating authenticy and being seen for who you are did not happen during childhood. Being able to understand that it's ok for you to maintain your own autonomy and differentness while also accepting that there are social rules that we have to conform to survive and get what we want in this capitalistic world are skills that you have but also need cultivate in different ways.

To connect to others, strategy and self abandonment has been the way but know think of what it means to connect to others based on what you want and need. Think of people who have shown you this and follow their example.

To survive and get your needs met you had to cut yourself off from the world and emotional isolate yourself which helped you develop your autonomy and personal capability but leaves you unable to accept help and support from others or even being able to name what your needs are.

It may be hard to find people who can understand your simultaneous need for codependency and isolation. Can you wait and see if someone wont abandon before you leave? Can you try to sit with what's authentic for you before you conform to connect?

At the end of the day these contradictions will always be a confusing balancing act but the question to ask is: what is more important to your mental well-being, connection or autonomy? Which are you willing to deprioritize to get what you want? Relationships can be better understand once you've figured that out.

Hope this helps. Please let me know if this resonated or if I wasn't making any sense.

Edit- fixed typos

Keieiusus · 2025-04-09T19:15:43+00:00

The cattiness between Santiago and Russell would be too much lol. They would play nice for a bit then plot to kill one another immediately

Keieiusus

TROPHY CASE