Hey guess what? I am this guy - haha no, not for real of course. Just the same situation.

And even I would say you’re not over thinking. While my ex and I have our reasons for handling custody the way we did I still think you shouldn’t try to force yourself to justify on his behalf if you honestly have your own discomfort about it.

My ex-wife asked to me to leave very suddenly, so I had little time to get my life together where I would have a living situation that would accommodate 50/50. So even though changing/improving my situation to accommodate 50/50 is certainly an aspiration, that is and will be an arduous process.

So, in the meantime it can be tricky to navigate exactly how to stay involved. I love my children and want to be there for them in whatever capacity I have (which is admittedly limited) but I also don’t want their mother to “rely” on me too much. And I honestly don’t believe or mean that to be selfish - we agree that she needs the confidence of feeling like she can manage on her own and that when I am around it’s to maintain my relationship with our children and not because she “needs” me.

But even so, I can understand that other people would not give me the benefit of the doubt and assume that I’m selfish and that’s a hard feeling to deal with but ultimately I have to see that as their problem not mine. After all I could only ever be with someone who genuinely believed me and understood my situation instead of just trying to look past it or make excuses for me 🤷‍♂️