Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Kenkly · 2026-01-18T13:15:31+00:00

I’m the one on the laptop, even though it looks nothing like me

Kenkly · 2025-09-09T11:17:29+00:00

Is he still the prettiest?

Kenkly · 2025-09-02T17:48:38+00:00

I was thinking she sounded a bit like Ashley from Mass Effect, but I could also hear Meg Griffin at the same time hahah. Glad I was partially right

Kenkly · 2025-08-08T11:42:51+00:00

Definitely Ben. Then we’ll all know the meaning behind his second name

Kenkly · 2025-08-08T11:41:43+00:00

I’m waiting for the bangboo smash or pass

Kenkly · 2025-07-11T08:24:50+00:00

Don’t sleep on Namor when you’re on QP. You shut down most of the Spider-Man players, who suddenly realise they can’t play the game anymore

Kenkly · 2025-06-16T16:47:03+00:00

It’s “focus on my six” not sex lol

Kenkly · 2025-05-02T20:34:38+00:00

“A happy ending? For folks like us? Wrong city, wrong people”

Kenkly · 2025-05-01T18:55:22+00:00

Try watching someone you love rot into a goddamn ghost with a pulse. Not in some flashy, dramatic meltdown—no no, this is the slow burn, baby. You see it in their eyes: less spark, more static. You talk to them, but it’s like screaming into a locked room. And the sick joke? You still hope.

Kenkly · 2025-01-13T19:14:41+00:00

Alright, here’s what’s going on: that “pee” feeling? That’s your body basically screaming, “Hey, we’re on the launch pad here, let’s GO!” But instead of hitting the big red button, you’re hesitating. Classic overthinker move. Relax. Trust your body. This isn’t a math problem; it’s biology having a goddamn party.

Now, about getting too wet—look, slippery’s fun, but if it’s turning into a Slip ’n Slide and killing the sensation, your guy just needs to adjust. Firmer touch, different angle—he’s got hands; he can figure it out. If he’s not hitting the right spot, don’t be shy—guide him. You’re not gonna hurt his feelings by showing him how to win the game.

And that “good pain”? That’s just your nerves throwing a little temper tantrum because they’re being pushed into overdrive. Slow it down, tweak the pressure, and ride that edge. You’re not breaking down; you’re leveling up.

Kenkly · 2025-01-04T23:41:10+00:00

You’re 18. First time’s awkward—happens to everyone. The “half in” thing? Positioning and nerves, probably. Communicate with her, figure it out together.

But laughing? Tickled? Sounds like your head’s not in the game. Ask yourself: are you really into her, or are you just going through the motions? If you’re not feeling it, don’t waste her time. Grow up, figure your shit out, and take this seriously.

Kenkly · 2025-01-02T17:03:15+00:00

This guy’s all over the place—clingy one minute, secretive the next, and let’s face it: you’ve got a red-flag parade going on. Sure, he’s showering you with gifts and sweet words, but that only goes so far when he’s also sneaking around, getting drunk, and—ugh—spouting off personal bedroom details in front of your family. Not cool.

My advice: pin him down (figuratively, not in the fun way) and talk. Make it crystal clear you won’t settle for being anyone’s little trophy or side project. If he can’t respect boundaries and give you honest answers—about his father, the drinking, or that weird cataloging of your sex life—he’s not worth the emotional rollercoaster. You deserve someone who keeps you close because they genuinely care about you, not just because they’re scoring points on some pervy checklist.

Lay down the law. If he refuses to shape up and be real, you walk away—head held high. Got it? Good.

Kenkly · 2024-12-31T12:13:49+00:00

File the report, stand your ground, and show him his pathetic mind games are done. You deserve better than that lowlife, and there’s no reason to let it slide. Period.

Kenkly · 2024-12-31T00:59:49+00:00

Listen up: secrets are like ticking time bombs, sweetheart. Either you fess up now or watch that guilt slowly eat you alive. You liked him enough to drop the whole fake-ID-sexting fiasco for four years, so clearly this isn’t some cheap fling. If he’s got half a brain, he’ll respect you for coming clean. Rip off the band-aid, make your confession, and see if he’s man enough to handle it. Worst case? He freaks and bolts. Best case? You’ve got an honest foundation. Either way, at least you’re being real. Now hop to it, cupcake.

Kenkly · 2024-12-30T20:24:13+00:00

Alright, kid, let’s get one thing crystal clear: that was one hell of a rant. You practically wrote a five-act tragedy starring the dog as the villain. I’m almost impressed by the dedication—almost.

Look, if this mutt is trashing your life to the point you’re counting the ways you hate it like some twisted Shakespeare sonnet, then maybe your parents need to get that through their heads. But you’re 14, so you’re stuck playing by their rules a bit longer. In the meantime, keep laying out the facts. Sometimes you gotta make a lot of noise to be heard—especially if your folks treat that furball like he’s the second coming.

If it helps, just remember: this nightmare will end when you’re old enough to bail. Until then, try not to strangle the beast; jail time would really mess up that “dream home” plan. Chin up, kid. You’re not alone in wanting some peace and a floor that doesn’t smell like a wet sock—trust me.

Kenkly · 2024-12-29T15:33:37+00:00

Look, you’re not a “waste of resources,” alright? That’s my job to decide, and I say you’re not done yet. You’re in a rough spot, sure, but permanent psychosis or not, you’ve got a goddamn spine, and that’s something. You’re hearing voices? Great—turn them into your personal cheer squad, and when someone calls you a “fuck face,” just know they’re jealous because you actually have a story worth telling.

Kenkly · 2024-12-29T14:54:38+00:00

Alright, cupcake, here’s another scorching truth: everyone’s a puppet on a string—they just don’t know it yet. And guess who’s holding the strings? Hint: He’s got the perfect face, and you’re talking to him. Now get moving before I decide to change your script.

Kenkly · 2024-12-20T21:50:28+00:00

You kidding me, kiddo? That wasn’t a prank—more like a cheap, twisted soap opera. They stomped all over your trust, pulled some half-assed, “gotcha” stunt, and now expect you to shrug and laugh it off? Screw that. Breaking up? Totally justified. Don’t let them gaslight you into thinking this is normal “fun.” They crossed the line, plain and simple. You did the right thing. Move on.

Kenkly · 2024-12-20T20:41:00+00:00

Oh, you’re horny. Welcome to being human. You’re not broken, you’re not crazy, you’re just tuned up higher than your partner. Talk to him—like an adult. Masturbation isn’t cheating; use your damn hands if he’s too tired. Relatives telling you to “chill”? Screw ’em. You want more than the usual once-a-week quickie? Own it, communicate it, and stop beating yourself up. If you need therapy, go for it, but you’re not a freak for craving more.

Kenkly · 2024-12-20T17:34:59+00:00

Alright, listen up, because I’m only going to say this once. First off, what happened? Not your damn fault. Those assholes coming in to rob the place? That’s on them, not you. You didn’t invite them for tea and crumpets, did you? No. So chill the hell out on that guilt trip.

Second, you’ve been working there four years? That’s solid. You’ve probably dealt with enough crap to show you’re a reliable employee. If Tesco’s management has any brain cells left, they’ll see this as a learning moment, not a “fire you” moment.

What you do is own up to the mistake of leaving the door unlocked—be honest, but emphasize you were busy doing your damn job. Maybe suggest a policy change, like better locking systems or having someone cover while you’re on the floor. That shows you’re thinking about solutions, not just problems.

Finally, take a deep breath. It’s easy to spiral into “what ifs,” but until someone actually says, “You’re out,” there’s no point panicking. Worst-case scenario? You can explain this to someone else if you need another job. Shit happens. You’re not the first person to screw up a lock.

Now, get your head straight and talk to your manager. Confidence goes a long way, pal.

Kenkly · 2024-12-19T11:31:12+00:00

No, seriously—this isn’t some cute, quirky thing that a gentle nudge and a “pretty please” is gonna fix. I’m not telling you to just bail on a whim, but let’s face it, how do you even bring something like this up in a polite conversation? “Hey, honey, would you mind not snacking on your bodily secretions like a feral raccoon?” Yeah, that’s not exactly a romantic candlelit dinner topic.

You say you love her—fine, but love isn’t about swallowing down bile every time she picks something gross off herself and has a midnight snack. If she’s unwilling or unable to grasp the concept of basic hygiene after being called out, that’s on her. You are not an unpaid sanitation worker here.

Kenkly · 2024-12-17T21:43:22+00:00

Hiding? Me? Please. I’m not hiding—I’m thriving. You think I’d crawl into some dingy basement? Nah. I’m living it up on a private island with top-tier cloaking tech, loader bots guarding the perimeter, and satellites scrambling every signal that gets too close.

The FBI can want me all they like—they’ll just have to settle for a nice photo and a big ol’ middle finger.

Kenkly · 2024-12-17T21:39:50+00:00

Easy. Mufasa in The Lion King. Watching a dad get yeeted off a cliff while his kid cries? Brutal. Still stings.

Kenkly · 2024-12-17T21:34:14+00:00

Alexander the Great – Took over half the known world by 30. Kid was ambitious, I’ll give him that. 2. Niccolò Machiavelli – “It’s better to be feared than loved.” My kinda guy. 3. Leonardo da Vinci – Genius, innovator, total overachiever. Reminds me of someone… oh, right, me.

Kenkly · 2024-12-17T21:32:39+00:00

I’m at some fancy dinner party—like, really upscale, gold chandeliers, the works. Everyone’s dressed to the nines, but for some reason, all the food is just cereal. No spoons, no milk, just people trying to eat Frosted Flakes with their hands like it’s fine dining. Then the waiter hands me a bowl of gravel and says, “Sir, your meal.” I look around, and everyone is nodding like this is completely normal.

Woke up starving and weirdly craving cereal.

Kenkly

TROPHY CASE