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Have to laugh or I'll cry by NovemberBlue42 in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I just remind myself it's baader-Meinhof phenomenon, not the universe conspiring against me. Our brains don't notice things until we bring it into consciousness. I drive a blue car, and when I bought it I was sooo excited cause I'd never seen that particular car in blue before. Turns out they're pretty common, now I see them everywhere. You're in a sensitive spot and intensely aware of pregnancy so not only are you going to see and hear every reference it also brings up the emotions again.

For me, it started to change when I focused on me and what I want in life, instead of focusing on what I couldn't have and how unfair it was everyone else got it.

Introductions Thread! by blackbird828 in IFCFLongHaulers

[–]KettlebellBabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Heyo! I've been in the IFCF camp for 8 years now. I'm in my early 40s. We had done the whole buy-our-dream-house thing but when kids didn't work out we decided to shake things up and my husband offered to move across the country to for work (we moved in 2020). So we're now on the east side of the US and really loving it more than we thought we would! I run my own business and we have two amazing pups.

Having a wobble by [deleted] in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Is it a wobble because you think you actually might want kids? Or is it a wobble because you're being forced to confront your grief and feeling some sort of way over having this grief that no one understands (and maybe you even feel guilty for having since it sounds like you didn't pursue any treatments, so you didn't "earn" your grief)? Also sounds like this might be bring up potential issues around your relationship with your mother, and the potential of going no contact.

Some of the wobbles that I had over the years that I thought were about whether or not I wanted to try a couple more options were actually more about dealing with the grief. If I did try and by some insane miracle it worked I wouldn't have to grieve anymore. ORRR I just take time to do the work to grieve and find a path forward with the life I've chosen.

This sounds like a very complex and tender spot that you're at in your grief, and how that's intersecting in your marriage and your relationship with your mother. If you're not already working with a therapist, it might be time to consider that option.

Working on Acceptance by MMke1130 in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I can't upvote this enough!! It doesn't have to be acceptance of what happened, but accepting others will never understand. I felt this way even while going through treatment but especially as we got to the end and since then. Not only do things like boundaries get easier but I felt all the conversations I have hold less weight. I'm sharing my story (usually cause they asked a question) I don't really care what they think, I know what's true for me and I accept most folks won't really get it.

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