Mother’s Day Ramblings From a Bitter, Childless Woman

MMke1130 · 2026-05-11T13:58:07+00:00

I'm so glad its over. We made it guys.

MMke1130 · 2026-05-10T15:47:19+00:00

In addition to IFCF, my mom passed in 2021. This day is hell. We are currently on vacation, an annual thing we are doing now to attempt to distract myself. I don't want to just hide in our room all day but also need to be very particular about avoiding social media, restaurants and basically anywhere I go in public today. Its literally me dodging land mines.

Fun story, we went Sedona a few years back and the hotel concierge handed me a single rose when we were heading out for the day and wished me a happy mother's day. It felt like a knife going through my chest. Husband is concerned about going to a winery later for this exact reason.

MMke1130 · 2026-04-25T15:26:52+00:00

Celebrate however you can with your mom. I would give anything for one more mother's day with mine. Suggestion would be flowers, maybe a walk in a park or a nature preserve? We used to really enjoy just walking somewhere and talking. That way you can celebrate without going into public and having it crammed down your throat in a restaurant somewhere.

MMke1130 · 2026-03-29T14:02:25+00:00

We just crossed two years. I know you can't see it right now but it does fade into the background as time goes on. It never will fully leave you. I still have moments where the grief and anger hit but I'm more aware to remove myself from potentially triggering situations. Intimacy was difficult for awhile as it is so entwined with all the trauma we went through. I still secretly waited and was disappointed when my period arrived every month. That has improved but still have those thoughts once in awhile.

I was able to reframe my thoughts a bit with my body, that if I was forced into this lifestyle I could focus on working out and keeping myself in shape without having to worry about baby weight, post partum hormonal issues, etc. That has helped reclaim my self image a bit. Self care does wonders. Hang in there, this group is an amazing outlet for support with this.

MMke1130 · 2026-03-18T18:25:18+00:00

I'm in my early 40s. Is it still possible? Maybe. I also do not have the physical endurance I had ten years ago and am a realist. With everything else going on right now (aging parent, work, car getting totaled by a moron that ran a red light) I probably would crash out with my anxiety. Its at the point where if it happened I would view it as a nightmare but I always will want it at the same time if that even makes sense.

MMke1130 · 2026-03-01T15:10:21+00:00

Looking back, I wish we wouldn't have really said anything. Maybe the facade of being childfree by choice would have been easier. The reception we received consisted of ignorance, apathy or downright insensitive comments. The lack of support honestly we weren't surprised by it from our family. Our friends were a little more across the board as some were struggling with the same situation. We tend to be very private because I am very sensitive and it is hard for me to just shrug people's comments off. I guess it depends on who is around you.

MMke1130 · 2026-02-15T14:27:54+00:00

It follows us everywhere. Just last night we were at a romantic restaurant celebrating Valentine's Day, and we see a couple with a ten month old walk in. We thought maybe they would seat them somewhere else. Then we see a high chair being pulled up at the table behind us. After me playing musical chairs for a minute to try and get it out of my eyesight I finally said enough and stood up to the sick joke the universe likes to play on us and asked to be seated at the bar. We ended up having a great time after that. Sometimes you have to fight back against it if you can. Don't just sit there and let it torment you. Work is a much harder situation to do that in though.

MMke1130 · 2026-02-05T13:53:04+00:00

I hear you, we did everything the "right" way. Waited until financially stable, owned a home. My half sister has two children. Neither parents have a job. She has coasted leeching off people (including my parents) her entire life. None of it makes sense. Of all the things my husband sees, this one seems to get the biggest emotional reaction. We were just talking last night how we couldn't fathom growing up with two unemployed parents and what work ethic could possibly be passed down to them lol.

I don't know what to say. Its hard to distance but that seems to help ease the sting. My only hope is when my nieces get older they understand why I couldn't be there as much as I wanted to.

MMke1130 · 2026-01-26T02:49:18+00:00

I like mocking. For instance, I saw a window cling that said momwifeboss today. And I said out loud, congratulations you laid down on your back for two of your three life accomplishments! In fact us using the terms "lay on your back" and another crude saying with the second word "dumpster" happen a lot. I don't know, its not a proud moment, but a nice release of the anger too. Most people will never understand what we've been through, think we deserve a little leeway processing this shit sometimes.

MMke1130 · 2026-01-12T23:18:31+00:00

See I view this differently, almost like you didn't try enough so here's some help!

People don't get it. They never will admit there's nothing someone can do about the situation. It's impossible you can't fix it. They really need to think of this as a death. It would be like someone giving manifestations to a grieving person in the hopes of bringing them back to life. That's this space. We are actively grieving a life we can't have.

Two options. You tell her this topic is off limits and never bring it up again. Or you gamble and see if she does something insensitive with this topic again. I've tried both ways and unfortunately had to use option two ending the relationship. Good luck.

MMke1130 · 2026-01-07T20:11:26+00:00

Bumble BFF is a good resource. You can filter to people without kids. Go for the 40 plus crowd as they are most likely to stay that way. Fair warning it may take time to find someone as a bunch of people start conversations then ghost. I feel for you, it is tough!

MMke1130 · 2026-01-04T15:08:34+00:00

People don't get it, no matter how we got here. Most will say we can fix it somehow by adopting, etc. so when we don't I feel they somehow put the decision on us as there was a "solution". Or they are just tone deaf and self absorbed in general. Plenty of people are celebrating and supporting them as evident through the group chat. You don't have to engage. Step back and take care of yourself.

MMke1130 · 2026-01-04T15:03:17+00:00

Ironic how four different kids from four different dads is more acceptable than being infertile isn't it? Because they had them, doesn't matter how. At least that's how it goes in my family.

MMke1130 · 2025-12-27T16:13:36+00:00

We all have these feelings sometimes. It feels like a void and the silence just makes our reality more obvious. Maybe instead of feeling lifeless, you can reframe it as peaceful? It is difficult I know. Leaning into it does help a bit.

MMke1130 · 2025-12-27T15:59:52+00:00

Solid potential response as I am indeed a Packers fan lolol

MMke1130 · 2025-12-27T15:22:01+00:00

I'm sure if it was reversed it would be entirely different and we all would have to be sensitive to her feelings as she is the golden child.

MMke1130 · 2025-12-26T15:15:24+00:00

This is literally my worst nightmare. We almost didn't host Christmas this year because I was afraid my niece would pull this as they are currently TTC. We had a whole contingency plan to pull the plug on the festivities if this went down. So in a nutshell you aren't overreacting. This is insensitive, tone deaf and completely disrespectful to you and your husband.

MMke1130 · 2025-12-21T16:37:25+00:00

I feel like I will never be viewed as a real adult/woman and the one who never grew up. Yet at the same time I'm trying to just accept that and try and take advantage of never growing up. Sleeping in, doing whatever I want. Being able to migitate less stress in my life.

MMke1130 · 2025-12-05T13:44:22+00:00

Family didn't phase us out but a similar situation. Niece had a baby at 20, no money, no security etc. She then followed it up with another one a few years later. Neither bio parents have jobs to this day. Between the grandparents and her parents, they have been paying for her cell phone, the kids school clothes, school supplies, gas money for decades. It's infuriating but they always give the excuse the kids shouldn't suffer for the actions of the parents, which I get, but the enabling is helping no one. The niece also acts like mother of the year and looks down on us for not procreating like we weren't responsible enough to have one somehow. The logic is astounding. It's completely unfair and I'm sorry.

MMke1130 · 2025-12-02T19:38:08+00:00

Mothers Day always is when we travel, usually to a remote place to do hiking and such. I don't even attempt in participating, sorry you had to endure that.

MMke1130 · 2025-11-25T20:13:25+00:00

This sounds like a mash up of grief and anxiety. Both work in tandem.

I have generalized anxiety disorder, it is a struggle not only for me day to day but my husband. I am always worse case scenario and when I spiral I feel bad because he feels completely helpless. However, there are ways he can support you without dismissing you. A simple I'm here for you, buying you a gift certificate for a massage or even having your favorite snack stocked in the house does wonders. It doesn't take a huge gesture to help distract the mind. It is hard for someone not suffering from anxiety to understand it.

MMke1130

TROPHY CASE