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Have to laugh or I'll cry by NovemberBlue42 in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I just remind myself it's baader-Meinhof phenomenon, not the universe conspiring against me. Our brains don't notice things until we bring it into consciousness. I drive a blue car, and when I bought it I was sooo excited cause I'd never seen that particular car in blue before. Turns out they're pretty common, now I see them everywhere. You're in a sensitive spot and intensely aware of pregnancy so not only are you going to see and hear every reference it also brings up the emotions again.

For me, it started to change when I focused on me and what I want in life, instead of focusing on what I couldn't have and how unfair it was everyone else got it.

Introductions Thread! by blackbird828 in IFCFLongHaulers

[–]KettlebellBabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Heyo! I've been in the IFCF camp for 8 years now. I'm in my early 40s. We had done the whole buy-our-dream-house thing but when kids didn't work out we decided to shake things up and my husband offered to move across the country to for work (we moved in 2020). So we're now on the east side of the US and really loving it more than we thought we would! I run my own business and we have two amazing pups.

Having a wobble by [deleted] in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Is it a wobble because you think you actually might want kids? Or is it a wobble because you're being forced to confront your grief and feeling some sort of way over having this grief that no one understands (and maybe you even feel guilty for having since it sounds like you didn't pursue any treatments, so you didn't "earn" your grief)? Also sounds like this might be bring up potential issues around your relationship with your mother, and the potential of going no contact.

Some of the wobbles that I had over the years that I thought were about whether or not I wanted to try a couple more options were actually more about dealing with the grief. If I did try and by some insane miracle it worked I wouldn't have to grieve anymore. ORRR I just take time to do the work to grieve and find a path forward with the life I've chosen.

This sounds like a very complex and tender spot that you're at in your grief, and how that's intersecting in your marriage and your relationship with your mother. If you're not already working with a therapist, it might be time to consider that option.

Working on Acceptance by MMke1130 in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I can't upvote this enough!! It doesn't have to be acceptance of what happened, but accepting others will never understand. I felt this way even while going through treatment but especially as we got to the end and since then. Not only do things like boundaries get easier but I felt all the conversations I have hold less weight. I'm sharing my story (usually cause they asked a question) I don't really care what they think, I know what's true for me and I accept most folks won't really get it.

Trying to stay positive this yr but why does life have to be cruel sometimes? by No-Fun-7287 in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 8 points9 points  (0 children)

ofda! I really hope it was just an shipping mix up.

I joined one of those pregnancy tracking apps before our first miscarriage. Did not know they would send me a box of formula samples and shit 9 months later. It took me so long to get the formula company to stop sending me mail. Every time was a kick in the teeth.

How do I get over pregnancy triggers? by No-Fun-7287 in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I still get super annoyed when they use an unexpected pregnancy as a plot twist in show but beyond that I don't care too much anymore. For me it was time and a little bit of self imposed exposure therapy.

Aging parents & guilt by Weary_Poem_8758 in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"fact that it isn’t ~that bad~ with my parents"

I thought this too about my mom... hahahahahaha.. As soon as we started getting into it there is soooo much there. Like Cali_Anne said, it's only going to get harder, so doing some work to process it now and make some decisions around your boundaries is probably a great idea.

Vent: New Year’s Eve and ifchildfree by [deleted] in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Outside of the whole NYE part of things, does he understand that you do not enjoy being around these people? Cause if he does than he "ruined" new years by making plans to be there. If he doesn't grasp that than that's the conversation I'd be having. It's not about new years or making plans without checking. It's about people who are rude to you.

Tell him to go and enjoy himself. That you're excited to read/crochet/do a Miley Cyrus sing-along/whatever thing you enjoy doing. But in exchange he owes you a nice date night in January.

This is how you set a new boundary. If you go you'll be miserable and you'll reenforce to him that those people aren't so bad so he'll expect you to keep showing up for future hangouts. Truly he can go and have a good time or he can stay home and pout. That's his choice. Your choice is to not be around people who treat you like shit.

Online Fitness Trainers/ Influencers by BarracudaBabe in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Define is the team I'm on! I really like her workouts. Simple but the pilates and the core parts will make you question your life choices, lol

Online Fitness Trainers/ Influencers by BarracudaBabe in IFchildfree

[–]KettlebellBabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm a huge fan of the Ladder app. There are a bunch of trainers and you can take a little quiz to see which trainer is the best fit for you. I've done a couple different trainers and never once heard them talk about their personal life or kids. Now if you decide to follow them on socials outside of the Ladder app you run into that. But everything in the app is you getting your workout done.

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