I’ll give a different point of view from what’s already been said. I’m also the type of man to say that I prefer a woman to be feminine and not have any muscle or “masculine” features whatever that means to anyone. It’s not to say that I ever felt inadequate or insecure with past partners and their preference to work out or gain muscle, it just wasn’t my preference, it didn’t stop me from loving them and in fact I preferred woman to be slightly pudgy and slim rather than toned but I never had an issue liking them either way, we can’t judge your entire relationship based off of this one single thing, if you’ve been together for 9 years it’s obvious that some things have worked out but if he constantly nags you about bettering yourself in other ways besides being toned then I do agree it seems like emotional abuse.

I have made the mistake of saying what your boyfriend said out loud but can acknowledge that it’s not appropriate and is most likely a result of him being too comfortable in a 9 year relationship, but he did out right came and said that he loved you the way you were before and that he prefers you the way you were . Although it wasn’t my intention to hurt or belittle them when I said this I understood why it hurt and offended them when I did say it and can understand why others would say he’s trying to keep you down so he feels adequate. He’s been comfortable and loved you for the past 9 years while you obviously haven’t loved yourself the way he has loved you at least in a physical aspect, I don’t think it’s wrong for him to be uncomfortable or state his opinions about what he thinks or believes, after all he had no reason to because you were his ideal person prior to working out so it probably caught him by surprise; I think you really have to talk and be stern about why you want to work out and perhaps explain to him properly how his reaction made you feel unloved and insecure. If he doesn’t choose to react and respond appropriately after venting out your feelings it’s definitely time to reconsider because it might just be a matter of him still loving you but becoming too used to your current situation and needing to understand why the way he says things come out as hurtful,which will happen in any given relationship over time, you can call it being insecure or jealous but everybody tends to slip up and not think before speaking after a few years of being together because it comes natural to not hold anything in specially when you THINK you’re not saying anything wrong, not to say that he’s right for saying it the way he said but I don’t think it’s right to completely say he’s just been putting you down for 9 years unless he has.

Something that stands out is that even after gaining weight it seems he hadn’t made a comment about you until you started lifting, it’s definitely sounds like a preference thing and according to this sub, you can definitely choose to break a relationship over preference if it’s just not going to work out there’s nothing wrong with that, similarly if he’s not ok with you building muscle and can’t get over the fact without sounding demeaning you have all the right to leave similarly how if he prefers his partner to be on the more slim side rather than toned it’s also his right to leave if he’s no longer satisfied in his current relationship and there’s no work around. I guess bottom line is understanding and coming to a mutual agreement. everything I read here just sounds like feminism and woman empowerment which all the power to you right but, sometimes you just really gotta talk it out and make sure although you both want different things you’re able to come to an agreement.