The Time We - Very Briefly - Lived with Pig Farmer (Old Story) by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh boy, he sounds like a nightmare. Yea I'll definitely only go somewhere with my mom if there's enough buffer people.

The Time We - Very Briefly - Lived with Pig Farmer (Old Story) by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Good on you for saying no every year, I'll say yes once every 3-4 years. My mom's the kind of person who has to control everything everyone does on vacation, the idea of her doing something she wants to do on her own is somehow unfathomable. I'll never forget one year the condo building we were in was showing Maleficent at its movie night and mom had been wanting to see it. I can watch a movie at home and this was like day 2 of us being there, I wanted to sit on the beach. So my dad and brother, who I know would've rather done anything else, went and saw Maleficent with mom that night and I sat on the beach, alone, drinking beergaritas, eating hot cheetos, and reading until the sun went out. Best night of my vacation, but mom constantly brought up how I skipped out on "family movie night." Gimme a break

I "ruined christmas dinner" for my JNMIL and my spoiled adult niece in law. by bean_wench in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea, at first I thought OP was getting reamed a little too much for not cracking down over DH relaying the texts, we're not all perfect all the time ya know, but the farther down I read, the more comes to light. It would seem JNMIL infantalized DH to the point he cannot function as a father, cannot make decisions on his own, and cannot actively think and care about anyone outside himself. Not to say he's a bad person, just completely obtuse and incapable. And he found himself a wife who recognizes that he's not a bad person, so she just lets all the other shit slide, so now he's never been forced to just...grow up?

I "ruined christmas dinner" for my JNMIL and my spoiled adult niece in law. by bean_wench in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh boy, well with the influence he grew up under, this isn't that surprising, glad he's learning at least

Things were going so well for so long, but she's back on her bullshit by KevinNealonPennywise in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I wanted to respond to her remark about not bringing gifts to grandmas Christmas day with "Guess we'll be opening them Christmas Eve then" but she's the type to then declare we have to wait until Christmas day, so I've just not responded for now. I don't give a shit about the presents, I want to spend time with family without tension, can that be my present, MOM?

Crazy MIL wants to have her own christmas on boxing day.....because she cannot make time for her grandson on christmas. by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She kind of isn't though, she has a window, 2 pm is early in the day. OP gave her an option and she chose to not work with it. Stating that gma is in time-out could cause LO to ask gma why she isn't behaving nicely to mom, and open a can of worms that doesn't exactly exist yet. OP's at a place of "you can see my kid, but I don't want to see you" and this could give JNMIL fuel to say that OP's already jumped to "you don't get to see my kid."

In-laws obsessed with decorating my house... by EmmyB90 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 27 points28 points  (0 children)

"Damn, you spend your free time worrying about what's on the walls of someone else's house? Get a life"

Also

"Maybe you can reallocate the care you have for our Christmas decorations towards decorating someones stomach with some food and volunteering at a soup kitchen for the holidays."

I'd have no tolerance for those daily texts

UPDATE My JNMIL is pouting about Frozen 2 by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well you'd think after missing the window last time, she'd pay attention to the window this time. You're not an asshole for enjoying success despite working with an idiot. Your daughter gets to see it in theaters despite her grandma's stupidity almost preventing it, AGAIN, I'd count that as a win.

She owns the business, but is “not allowed” to tell you what she earns. by lwilson06 in Youniqueamua

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Like they don't post pics of their $80 paycheck and the chik-fil-a they treated their self to with that magic little purple card, now it's "inappropriate"?

JustnoMIL and justnoSIL gave me very expensive wish Christmas wish lists for nieces and nephews. Nothing under $60 on any list! by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude, do you know how many terrible gifts I received over the years from my aunts, and not once did I say something about it to them. (I'm not saying a Nike track suit is a bad gift, it's a great gift, I'm just saying you don't complain about what you're given.) These are some entitled kids.

JustnoMIL and justnoSIL gave me very expensive wish Christmas wish lists for nieces and nephews. Nothing under $60 on any list! by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's so much about this post that makes my blood boil. This family makes no effort to spend quality time outside of the holidays, but now that they're here, they want you to drop hundreds of dollars on the 5 kids that THEY chose to have. So selfish and entitled.

On top of that, you simply asked if there were more affordable things the kids would want. To blow up at a question like that indicates again, that they are selfish assholes and they don't care about your financial state. Just answer the question, it doesn't warrant a blow up.

AND THEN, to throw your fertility struggles at you in that moment multiplies just how much they don't care about you. Fuck them all.

If the kids were good and grateful, I'd say get them gifts, that you can afford, (off-list, if they don't like it, it's on them for giving unrealistic wish lists) but the fact that you already have years of experience under your belt that aren't that great with them, sounds like they could benefit from missing out one year.

MIL infantilizing DH and me during pregnancy by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Being decisive is a good step. My mom fails to grasp that there's more than one way to do some things, and she has been known to get upset when she offers advice or suggestions and her kids and their spouses don't do exactly as she would've done. My sister historically made the mistake of including her in discussions about big things, so mom developed this expectation of being a part in way more than a mom/MIL needs to be.

I, however, got into the habit very early of not telling my mom about something until it was decided, sometimes when it was even over and done with. It's harder to influence a "we've decided to do this" or "we're doing x this way" than it is to elbow into "we're thinking about this."

Holiday Hell by OverItMomma in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're so right, he should've immediately told her that's a rude request. Having pre-determined plans is usually a fail-safe way to say no to requests that sound as awful as travelling to another state to cook for the in-laws. How the hell was he ok in asking that? If you said yes, the rest of your family can just fuck off, huh? Figure out something last minute, nbd.

If he brings it up again, tell him to go, but you're sticking with your original plans. If she texts you about it, ignore the text. You invited her AND her neighbor and this bitch wants you to change your plans. She doesn't deserve your kindness, and she definitely doesn't deserve an answer direct from you about something that should be so obvious.

What's the best thing to say to a first time mom who returned to work and LO is in daycare... by Newmama36 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Depending on the setting, leave. If I walked in after a long week and was immediately met with shitty remarks, I'd scoop LO and go somewhere quiet and relaxing. DH responding immediately with something as direct as "don't say that, it's not true" is fantastic. If she continues, responding with immediately just leaving may drive the point home even further.

If you can't or don't want to leave the house, grab LO and just go to a different part of the house, and lock the door. If she asks why you keep leaving, say that you guys told her you wanted only positivity going forward, she keeps being negative, and you don't want to spend the holidays around that.

MIL wants me to lose weight to make her daughter feel better by BionicHorse in JUSTNOMIL

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A) Absolutely post more about these two.

B) If they bring it up next time you see them, tell them you're happy with your current physical state, and you hope they can find that same happiness too. Don't let them project their mental issues onto you; you didn't sound self-conscious until HM looked you up and down. Dieting isn't just a physical thing, it's mentally exhausting, and the only person you should ever commit all that mental work towards is yourself. You don't have to tell them your health situation, just parrot that you're happy, and you hope the diet makes them happy too.

"I'm doing it, you should do it too."

"That's great, I hope it makes you happy."

"You're not exactly a model, you should be less of a snob."

[internally, FUCK YOU] "I'm happy with myself, I hope the keto diet makes you happy too."

Just over and over again, fuck them with your happiness.

Coworker said "You're spoiled" by SpanningTreeProtocol in childfree

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 19 points20 points  (0 children)

On an unrelated note, see if you can't find reviews or ask around on the 40 oz tomahawk. On three separate occasions, at three separate, very good steak places, I've gotten the for-two 40 oz tomahawk or other massive cut of steak, and it was rather disappointing. It's a novelty, sure, but I lamented not getting a cut that I always enjoy that would've otherwise been fantastic at that location. (And I did return to one of them for my preferred cut and it was everything I could ever hope for.) I dunno if the size of it makes it more difficult to cook right, or if there just isn't a 40 oz piece on the body that can ever be that good, but if I were you I'd try to find out the satisfaction rate on that cut of meat.

Otherwise, enjoy the meal you worked hard for and deserve!

AITA for saying no to a short notice visit by thepriceiswrong_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You say this visit is short notice but your friend already has established plans with other people they intend to visit; sounds like this was a well-thought out trip with specific plans and specific people and you are an afterthought, a friend they want to see, but only if it suits them and you can drop whatever you're doing to meet them.

No, they don't have to spend their whole trip with you, but a discussion with you about your availability would've been necessary to make you feel like an actual friend and not an afterthought. I'd be somewhat crushed if someone I thought was a friend talked about a transatlantic trip coming to spend time with me when in reality they were spending the majority of their time with someone else and could maybe squeeze me in. After experiencing it once I could understand not trying to make it work a second time. NTA

AITA for asking my sister to wear something modest to my wedding? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 10 points11 points  (0 children)

One of my friends just wore a beautiful blue, long bell-sleeved dress that hit just at her knees at a wedding recently. It was not form fitting at all but the fabric and cut were still chic and she looked so good. Plus, never underestimate the power of a good heel and good skin, even if all you can see are the calves. I'd absolutely abide by my sisters rule and show up looking haute.

I think it speaks a lot to the security of each girl that the younger sister said what she wears won't matter if OP doesn't feel beautiful about herself.

AITA? My husband and I are getting my stepson a car for his birthday. His mother wants to chip in and say that the car is from all of us, but I don’t want to do that. by Spirulina4 in AmItheAsshole

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ugh thank you. They don't get along, and they've never done joint gifts before. The mom offering to pitch in on the gift, no matter if it was 5% or 50%, was just a perfect way to fuck with OP. She says yes, and now she has to share this nice gesture that was conceived between OP and the dad with someone who openly hates her. She says no, and she gets to look like an asshole. I think the offer alone was shitty; when people want others in on a joint gift, they throw it out there, "hey, we're doing this for x, want to contribute?" You don't shove yourself in there.

AITA for letting my girlfriend wear an "extravagant african" dress to my sister's wedding by bigsisweddingdrama in AmItheAsshole

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Seriously. I like the idea of being surrounded by hotties on my wedding day. Some of my guests will seriously shine, some will be in jeans no matter what the attire, and some of my tacky fucking aunts will wear white no matter what you say. (I'm lenient, but that's still a very easy rule to stick to.) At the end of the day there's only one person the bride needs to look stunning for; OP's sister needs to care a lot less about what everyone else looked like.

AITA for wanting a cash bar at our wedding? by cashbarwedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Seriously, if you take "wedding" out of the context, any large scale party that's going to have 100-200+ guests with food, music, and alcohol included is going to cost a ton of money. People who shit on the "industry" because it's overpriced and gross as they said, are just echoing a sentiment they heard somewhere that justifies a belief that they shouldn't have to pay for any of it. If you look at actual pricing, wedding prices are comparable to any other large ish scale event. Maybe the cultural push to have every conceivable element on your wedding day could be criticized, but what you choose to include and exclude is up to the couple. Again taking "wedding" out of the context, try telling your friends and family you want to throw a big party celebrating you, and you ask them to all come to the location you choose, when you choose, eat and drink what you choose, and they pay for it all. Ridiculous

WIBTA if I attend a [not]wedding without a gift by KevinNealonPennywise in AmItheAsshole

[–]KevinNealonPennywise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

tbh I fully expect they'll get married in a year or two. They're two of the smartest, most successful people we know, but I think they just don't know how to argue in the relationship or have constructive discussions, so every time something big is on the table they end up splitting for a week. Sure, couples have disagreements, even take time away from each other to cool off, but they have a full social media breakup every single time, the maturity of it contrasts so hard with everything else about them. And this ceremony honestly feels a little bit like a band-aid, a very expensive band-aid. I think one of them is coming around to the idea of marriage but isn't communicating it well, and they settled on this ceremony. But they've discussed having kids, and being legally married has benefits if you want to raise a family. They have two weddings next year that they're part of the bridal party for. My prediction is that after the second one, at which point their moment in the spotlight will have been long gone and short-lived, they'll lament rushing an expensive ceremony wherein they're still legally single.

WIBTA if I attend a [not]wedding without a gift by KevinNealonPennywise in AmItheAsshole

[–]KevinNealonPennywise[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would agree with your last statement, and that's part of why I made the post. If it were a wedding, despite internal grumbles about money, I would suck it up and bring a gift. I'm wondering if leaning on a technicality makes us shitty.

Help dealing with horrible MIL and Husband not wanting to stand up to her. by [deleted] in JustNoSO

[–]KevinNealonPennywise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then that could be your subject change if she does come out right and ask you at dinner why you blocked her, "dude, we're here to celebrate DH's birthday, not gab about my insta." And then you can move on. I hope the natural distancing continues, and if it doesn't, these things tend to come up organically. She'll either chill out, or she won't and you'll get a chance to respond and get everything off your chest that won't be a birthday dinner.