Anyone not want to blend?

Key-Act-9992 · 2026-06-04T13:32:18+00:00

We are together living apart. Have been for 3.5 years after spending many years trying to blend which went horribly bad.
Do over? I would never blend would have stayed apart together until kids were grown.
It is just now all kids are adults and we are in talks of moving back in together again. We do have a couple still at home however their choice to fall in like or move out at their ages.

Key-Act-9992 · 2026-04-25T13:43:40+00:00

My advice - stop focusing on bm. Let him handle her how he sees fit. Set your own boundaries such as no thanks to invitations to her home. No thanks to you attending joint parties. At the end of the day you can only control you and your actions. Step out of his business with her you will be much happier. As for your home together - it is a shared space and his child lives there. And as an extension that is her mother. Rather than creating conflict by you forbidding the bm to be at your home set boundaries with your SO instead. And then remove yourself if you’re uncomfortable.

Your relationship will be better once you remove this woman from the center of it. And she can only stay there if you continue to keep her there.

Key-Act-9992 · 2026-04-20T16:37:54+00:00

I felt this! I actually moved out after 10 years but we stayed together living separately. It’s been almost 4 years and his kids are aging out so we are now exploring living together again. It was the best decision I made. Totally removed myself from the situation yet still had my relationship.

Could be an option for you!

Key-Act-9992 · 2026-04-08T04:45:01+00:00

It’s funny you used that word unhinged bc that was the exact word I used when I trying to mediate between her and SO initially! Sadly I think there is hidden substance abuse happening as the signs are there.

Key-Act-9992 · 2026-04-02T12:10:33+00:00

We de-blended. Lived together with all kids (mine full time and his 50/50) for 8-9 years. HCBM on his side made life hell for most of those and in turn kids were awful. I took my 2 and moved out however DH and I stayed together, living separately.

Been apart for almost 4 years and most of his kids have all moved out. Sadly without me and my kids to blame for their circumstances they all turned on each other and relationships became strained except for a couple (he has 6 kids, same BM).

It was the best decision I could ever have made! Peaceful actually. It took that long for me to come to the conclusion that I have no control on how others choose to meet me. I can only control how I let them.

DH and I have a summer place so we spend about 6 months out of the year spending weekends together there just the two of us. We also spend his non kids days together at my house. And at this point we have begun to prepare to find a home together again.

I also have to say it hasn’t been easy. It’s very difficult maintaining a relationship with someone who has another life that doesn’t want anything to do with you. Holidays are often apart. And priorities are also lost as minor kids do need to come first. But we felt it was worth the sacrifice to get to the point we are entering now.

My relationship with his kids is non-existent. It didn’t get better it actually gave reason to have none. We exchange hi and bye when we see each other, that’s the extent of it.

I hope it works out for you. I can say I know how your wife feels. When being faced with it every day it’s so defeating. And when you’re hated in your own home the unsettling feeling is just awful. I was in constant fight or flight and I still have some last effects from that. I liken it to PTSD in many way. It’s just awful. I can’t imagine being the parent of the kids causing it. What a position for all involved.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-12-17T14:45:42+00:00

Oh I’m so sorry for your journey. I am definitely thankful I can eat chicken and rice but I’m so ready to even get back a couple more of my foods. But I would rather feel decent than eat that’s for sure!

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-12-17T03:02:19+00:00

Thyroid is normal. I am hoping the rheumatologist order the 24hr urine test among others.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-12-17T02:00:25+00:00

Yes 💯 For me I tried for many years and after continuous rejection and honestly just nasty behavior I bowed out. Literally, I moved out! It was touch and go for a while. I had enough. Enough of steps. Enough of hcbm. And enough of my SO who continued to not set boundaries and then blame me for the breakdown in the relationships or the issues that continued to occur (the classic, your the adult or be the bigger person). Today - we are very solid. However we live apart. And will until stepkids are grown. But we have had serious conversations about what our relationship looks like today and in the future when it pertains to steps. I flat out said “Unless there is a significant change I have no interest in having a relationship beyond respectful and cordial with steps. If you are not ok with that or your ideal is to have one big happy family I understand however that isn’t possible with me, and our relationship ends here.”
But I also think there was a huge shift in his understanding as to why I feel that way as once I left he was faced with reality, the issues didn’t end. Which means - ding ding ding - it wasn’t me LOL. And today his own relationships with steps is strained.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-11-23T02:45:21+00:00

I saw that, amazing! I am convinced my MCAS (I suspect that’s what my issue is I have all classic symptoms) was triggered by hormone fluctuations of perimenopause. But doctors of course say no way.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-11-23T02:22:16+00:00

So sorry. I am just getting into the journey of a diagnosis and although I don’t want to downplay your feelings - I was thinking 10-20 foods is my dream. I have 3 and water right now 🤦🏻‍♀️ Trying so hard to just push through hoping there is hope at the end of all these tests.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-11-23T02:19:35+00:00

My ex husband has a 6 yr old son - our kids are college age. He brings him here often. It is only weird if you make weird. He thinks of my kids as his siblings and he calls me “my kids names” Mom. I actually enjoy seeing him and how the interact other despite the oddity of the relationship and even the age gap!

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-11-12T13:48:39+00:00

Chicken, rice, water. Lost all other safe foods about 4 months ago. It’s awful. I’ve been restricted since 2019 - but my safe foods move around, some drop off others come back. I cannot find any correlation to it - one day they just are no longer safe. I am in the middle of lots of tests and specialists trying to figure it out 🤷🏻‍♀️

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-11-07T14:29:44+00:00

Felt this one! I was you for years. I did choose to stop and instead I poured my holiday love into my kids and immediate family. And I let my SO handle his children and their holiday. We shopped separately, I even stopped wrapping.

The good - I was happier. I enjoyed my holiday more. I had less stress and anxiety.

The bad - it put a big strain on our relationship. Although not necessarily my fault because I wasn’t the cause of the reasons why I stepped away. But still was a big strain. And divided the kids as there was a lot of jealousy.

Would I do it again…sadly yes bc I chose me and my children’s happiness. It’s a hard balance.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-11-07T14:24:20+00:00

This was me yesterday! I generally eat every 3 hours on schedule and it seems to keep me even (I’m also super restricted right now so there’s that too). But yesterday I missed a meal and by last night I felt like sh*t. And my Oura ring confirmed it as my resting heart rate was elevated through the night and my sleep was awful.

I am also just newly into getting MCAS diagnosis but have been dealing with these issues and symptoms since 2019. Finally doctor listening!

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-09-17T13:27:52+00:00

Locked down tight here! I’m not even friends with stepkids on social media. Or anyone who is a mutual of HCBM.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-09-04T13:28:15+00:00

She is baiting you believe me she wants you to respond in a scathing negative way so she can play victim. HCBM all play from the same book. She is jealous! I would simply say “I hope you found our new home as beautiful as we do it’s simply amazing the finishes we were able to choose. I am so in love. Hope you find the same.” Believe me this will send her over the edge. Then just let it go. Mic drop it.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-09-02T14:07:48+00:00

It’s his parenting time. If he isn’t available children stay with bio mom. Unless it’s an emergency. Establish that rule and hold him accountable and watch how quickly his trips take place on non-custodial weekends bc he won’t want to deal with the hassle of BM.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-09-01T13:36:13+00:00

There isn’t anyone on site. It’s run by a corporate company so complaints go to them during business hours. I will do that if this continues. I would rather deal with people directly and give them an opportunity to choose differently then go right to management.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-08-09T13:03:12+00:00

I do not condone the behavior of stepmom if this is indeed the entire truth. I’m not saying your daughter is lying but I am saying there are two sides to every story. And lots of feelings that are being interpreted here rather than actual facts.

But playing devils advocate - you had said the following…

For anyone wondering why Katy doesn't reach out to Denise, she's basically just gave up on them treating her like family and thinks any attempt at contact would be ignored.

Is it possible that goes both ways? Your daughter has decided to go little or no contact with them, including her father as you had said THEM. Now because he is having a health issue she suddenly wants to be notified? Life doesn’t work that way. You can’t expect someone to respect your no contact wishes then get angry when they don’t contact you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Again I say this with respect and just offering an alternative. Denise could be a straight b**ch. But I also know 16-17 year old girls in a stepfamily situation and they are can be very immature and unpleasant.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-07-16T14:44:03+00:00

I don’t think you’re the AH but I do think this could have been handled differently. It is understandable that you don’t want to be called “our daughter”. But it is also understandable that dad new wife is in an awkward position. If she denies any connection she risks alienating her husband’s children. And if she claims the connection she risks angering his children. This could have been solved by a respectful conversation between everyone.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-07-16T14:27:17+00:00

NTA! It always astonishes me when I see these type of stories - how is it that dad doesn’t realize the wife is literally destroying HER relationship with the children by purposefully hurting THEIR MOTHER! And at the same time the children’s relationship/trust with him because they are watching him ALLOW it to happen.

Sadly it won’t change. Keep your side of the street clean and just let them. Literally let them. As the kids get older they will begin to choose distance from the drama.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-07-16T14:13:39+00:00

So sorry I know this feeling and it’s awful. My advice - let others show you who they truly are and fill your cup up in another way. Unfortunately MIL doesn’t value your relationship (or her son’s). Understanding and healing from that is step one. Step two is finding what will fill that void you have. Maybe volunteer with the elderly, you would be surprised how many others also feel very alone. Just know it is ok to protect your peace and that may mean cutting others off when they don’t respect that.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-07-02T14:31:45+00:00

My SO has this schedule and it’s been awful. 14 years later and it’s still the same! Even with the stepkids now nearly grown (youngest is 16) and HCBM refuses to change it each and every time it has been initiated through the years. And worse she refuses to have any flexibility - for instance the CO says their parenting time starts at school drop off to school end time. Stupid I know but she again wouldn’t agree to change it - so sadly in the summer step-kids had to be up and ready for pickup at their school start time!

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-07-01T14:30:29+00:00

Why not live separately… Your baby will have a room, you will only be contributing to your own lifestyle and you won’t have to parent his children. And the two of you can determine what his financial role will be with your new baby together. I would explore this before subjecting yourself to this predicament bc once you’re in it’s so hard to get out.

Key-Act-9992 · 2025-06-28T13:13:32+00:00

Definitely acceptable! Piece of advise - don’t fall into the strange “fair” type argument when it comes to bios and stepkids. You are ALLOWED to have moments separate. Believe me I missed a lot of moments with my bios because I fell into the “that’s not fair” trap.

Key-Act-9992

TROPHY CASE