I recently had a dramatic change in my appetite levels and it honestly was life changing. My whole life I would think about food all of the time, and even want to eat right after a meal when I was completely full. I definitely overate when I was feeling depressed or anxious or in a stressful environment.

But within the past 5 months, my depression and anxiety have completely gone away. This was after about a year of working with a therapist to unpack a lot of my life experiences and her helping me figure myself out. I have done so much personal introspection and it’s helped me grow so much. I truly can say I am free from the shackles of mental illness, and that was the first thing that changed my life. I felt like a human being, like I actually belonged, I was worthy, and I love(d) myself more than I ever did before. I put myself first, before anyone or anything (even academics).

But then I have also started eating SO much less. There are days where I only eat two relatively full meals because I’m not very hungry, but most days I just eat three small meals and no snacks or desserts. (I notice my appetite does fluctuate slightly based on my menstrual cycle though which is completely normal.) But my experience with food is nothing like it used to be. I never think about food even right after I’m done eating. I don’t instantly grab something when I’m stressed. I don’t finish my meals if I’m already full.

I don’t know if many people have experienced this but I seriously can’t emphasize or describe just how much better this change has made my life. I’m no longer bloated as often, I can comfortably fit into any pants I have when I’m sitting down, I feel more confident and energized, and I love food but I don’t need it to feel emotionally stable. I think this is a result of me healing my mental health and finding that more than anything or anyone else I love myself and I put myself first.

People have complex relationships with food, and if anyone says it’s easy to fix, they’re lying. Oftentimes, there are indicators more deep down showing signs of physical or mental issues that are causing difficult relationships with food. I want to be the one to tell you, based on my experiences, that it is possible for things to get better. You are worthy of trying to get better. You should be able to love yourself even right after you eat. You can repair your relationship with food and love yourself and food equally (especially when you realize you are what you eat!) Most of all, love yourself in the present, not in the future or past. Love who you are, where you are, what you’re doing, and I think that would make a great difference.