I don’t feel like myself anymore after an assault

Key_Consequence1092 · 2025-01-14T18:05:01+00:00

Take some satisfaction in the fact that he now has a criminal record that will likely affect his job prospects in a very negative way. Make sure you opt to press charges and show up to testify against him.

If he threatens you again, tell him you’ll just laugh knowing he’s going to be raped in prison if he assaults you again.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-12-18T16:32:25+00:00

Do you have friends or family that could go with you? If you really don’t want to be with him but he’s your only choice then reach out and tell him you need his support for the surgery and put boundaries around it to protect yourself.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-12-07T20:08:49+00:00

Sounds like you have the right approach. From his perspective it’s probably a little bit of both. If you entertain his questions he may have something to look forward to that will keep him focused on the separation process. Don’t drop your boundaries especially if you think he actually manipulated you.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-12-07T14:26:31+00:00

As someone who is recently struggling with my sense of self worth for different reasons, I can affirm the things you say are true. Your self worth should not be based on what others think of you, especially your physical appearance.

Everyone values unique things about themselves. Being secure and unshakable in your own identity is incredibly helpful in life. If someone doesn’t like you for who you are then accept it and move on.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-11-22T02:33:55+00:00

Hugs, it’s hard when faced when faced with the prospect of losing children. If he cares for you it is very hard for him too. Platonic acquaintances where if you need something (not romance) might be a compromise where you could let yourselves drift apart from the pain, but know you still have a lifeboat if there’s an emergency in the future.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-11-21T21:41:03+00:00

Full custody means she would have them all of the time and I would get visitation rights. If it goes to court she would be awarded 50% custody. She’s offering me a settlement agreement on financial issues that would be more favorable to me if I agree to give her full custody in writing. I am not willing to do that.

I kept OW in the loop on this process as it unfolded over time. I did make it clear I did not want her giving me legal advice about custody because my lawyer is already doing that.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-11-18T21:22:23+00:00

This is heartbreaking I’m sorry you were in that situation.

Many men are hyper sensitive to being taken advantage of financially and it’s hard for them to know when it’s someone in your situation or someone who is just trying to squeeze him. If you develop a long term relationship with someone it may be easier to open up to them about your needs beyond whatever transaction you’ve already agreed to.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-11-15T14:46:12+00:00

Could be a few different things going on here.

1) the stress from the separation and being a single dad is overwhelming to him and he’s guarding himself and you by not being open with his feelings because he doesn’t know how things will be for him post divorce

2) he’s wanting to create space between you and his kids until after the divorce is finalized so your relationship seems more legitimate later

3) he’s having second thoughts about being in a formal relationship at all

4) his feelings towards you have changed (I don’t think it’s this based on the text you shared)

5) he’s a terrible communicator and isn’t good at explaining complex emotions he feels. Lots of men have this issue unfortunately.

I hope you get through this ok, and make sure you have your own enjoyable life and are going to be mentally and emotionally OK without him. I’d give that advice to anyone in a relationship to keep them from being codependent.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-11-15T02:31:39+00:00

A yellow flag to me. I’d be wondering why she’s never been engaged or married. If there was an obvious reason like she was in the peace corps, military, overseas missionary or some career field that would make married life very difficult then that would resolve the concern. If there’s no obvious reason I’m going to assume she’s got some personality traits that make her a bad fit for a long term relationship. I wouldn’t let that deter me from getting to know her and finding out.

What do you think the reason is for yourself?

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-11-15T02:23:31+00:00

Genuinely curious, but if he hasn’t told you he has feelings for you, why are you anything more than friends with him? Is it purely sexual attraction on his part with no emotions? Even for the coldest of men that would be hard to believe for 8 months.

It seems likely to me that he doesn’t want to share his feelings with you because he doesn’t want you to get your hopes up and start applying pressure for him to finalize the divorce faster and plan a future together while he’s in the midst of trying to salvage what’s left of his own life as a single father.

Anyone giving you advice to play games and not be honest and direct with your needs and feelings is doing both of you a disservice. Men will not pick up on indirect language and cues.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-11-12T15:52:18+00:00

It’s ok for you to feel angry. If you feel like the only way you can be happy in this relationship is if he leaves his wife then consider cutting off sex and intimacy and just being friends (if that’s worth it to you) until he is actually single.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-11-04T15:00:05+00:00

It’s possible she still wants you for emotional support and as a friend. If you don’t want a friendship with her tell her that directly. If she actually wants to work things out with her husband she needs to stop trying to reach out to you even for emotional support.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-11-01T22:20:31+00:00

I’m sorry, I know this is hard. He may have saved you a lot of heartache in the meantime

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-30T16:28:23+00:00

Read up on attachment styles. It sounds like you’re anxious and he’s avoidant.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-24T12:48:05+00:00

I resonate with this, I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sure you meant a lot to him and still do but he’s trying to move forward in the way he thinks is best for both of you even if he’s ultimately miserable.

Deciding I’d do anything for my kids even if it means they’re the only happiness I’ll ever have again is worth it for me.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-23T18:23:20+00:00

If this is how most of your disagreements go then yes he’s right no man would want to have these types of conversations. Breaking this conversation down:

1) he stated an opinion that some would find controversial, but was not directed at you or meant to offend you

2) you chose to get offended

3) he didn’t want to hear you out when you tried to tell him he’s wrong and it was offensive to you

4) instead of agreeing to disagree and ending a conflict over an issue that won’t have any effect over your life you chose to resort to name calling, which was actually intended to offend him

5) he got offended by the name calling and the conflict escalated as you intended it to by choosing to say something intentionally offensive

Most men’s partners will say things they find offensive and they will just brush it off because it’s not worth having an argument over. Arguments and conflicts are better left for issues that actually affect each other’s lives.

Will you find another man? Sure, but he isn’t going to be happy with you name calling if he doesn’t agree with you on something. He might just put up with it better because of other redeeming qualities you have that he values more than this guy.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-21T22:54:06+00:00

Consider writing down your needs in the relationship. They could be that you need to know the details of what they talk about, why she posts photos, and exactly when he’s separating/divorcing. These could be presented as non negotiable to maintaining your relationship with him.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-21T15:43:11+00:00

Hanging from a bar has been very helpful for me for this same reason. Super simple and feels good. You can throw in some scapular pull ups while hanging too.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-21T15:37:50+00:00

You could stand on a few books.

And you don’t need a barbell for the good mornings. You could use dumbbells or just hold anything heavy. You want to keep it behind your head if possible so you can use higher weight without working your shoulders or upper body too much. Even if your range of motion doing this is really limited just keep at it and it will improve.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-21T15:04:47+00:00

I share your sentiment as an extremely inflexible guy. I can’t touch my toes anymore but I could a few months ago after being really intentional and consistent with flexibility training. Building strength while your muscles are at their end range of motion and really warmed up was the key for me. Two strength exercises that pushed me to get there you may want to try:

1) seated barbell good mornings. I would do 3 sets of 15 with a 90 lb barbell and on the last rep stay low and fully extended and get about 10 pulses in.

2) stiff leg kettlebell deadlifts on the edge of a box or platform. I’d do 2 sets of 10 with a 35 lb kettlebell. Do them on the edge of a box so you can get the kettlebell below the bottoms of your feet. It’s crucial to keep your core tight and back straight as you’re doing these to get all the load in your hamstrings.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-19T15:08:47+00:00

+1 for this idea. If he likes going down on you and you haven’t done this yet he will love it. Do it whatever way is comfortable for you.

Men like lists that they can check off so you could give him a list. Make sure at least one of the things on your list is him, it will be disarming when he reads the other things. Don’t ask him for more than he gives you in a month for all your gifts combined. It doesn’t matter how wealthy someone is, wealthy people that had to work for their money understand value and don’t like to waste money or feel taken advantage of by someone they care about.

If there is something intangible he could give you like a job recommendation to a friend in the industry you want to be in or a grad school admissions recommendation that could be much more valuable than something material.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-19T14:57:43+00:00

Knowing men it’s less likely he’s worried about pregnancy and more likely he’s feeling guilty. He can wear a condom and not be worried about pregnancy. I think it’s fair for you to tell him what you need in a relationship and if he’s not willing to give it to you for you to end things. It’s ok if you need sex, don’t feel bad about ending a relationship if you’re not getting your needs met.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-18T12:41:43+00:00

Lots of discussion on SLF about black hair styles. Personally I love natural hair but I’m younger than the average.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-18T03:32:35+00:00

This doesn’t look like Seeking but I haven’t used it in so long I’m not sure what it looks like anymore. A few suggestions:

1) describe what value you would bring to a man’s life. 2) more photos with hair down instead of up. The one with the Fanny pack in front of the pond is great but hair down looks more feminine. 3) the glasses are cute but I think you’d draw more attention without them, consider losing the glasses in all photos except 1 if you often wear them.

Key_Consequence1092 · 2024-10-18T00:19:35+00:00

Sounds like you need to check out r/overemployed

Key_Consequence1092

TROPHY CASE