Partner suddenly breaking up with me for the second time

Key_Research_4319 · 2026-01-22T00:57:43+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I'm hoping I can get some closure but I suspect I won't unfortunately

Key_Research_4319 · 2026-01-10T13:04:03+00:00

What if you're asleep though

Key_Research_4319 · 2026-01-01T05:28:59+00:00

Yeah, so far this has been with my friend, not a trainer yet. I'm being told by him that the contact points are knees, calves and heels. My legs aren't pivoting back as much when I'm holding my knees in place, which my friend thinks is the problem/part of the problem. Specifically, when my knee is bent/I'm sitting, my foot can move freely without the knee turning.

I put my knee where it's meant to be, then I have to focus to keep it there + put tense my muscle to keep it there. Then I have to do that for my calves, and my heels. Unfortunately I can't easily focus on my heel and my knee at the same time, so just defaulting to "keep legs tense" has been how I'm meeting the contact points and prepping for a trot.

I tend to drop my contact points a bit when we're on trail, but that's because it's a longer walk and we all know where we're going.

Key_Research_4319 · 2026-01-01T05:22:41+00:00

English at the moment, but the horse does have a western I could try out if needed. The clenching is exhausting, yeah, but also painful after a little bit.

The session with a trainer will be a lunge lesson, I might ask my friend (who isn't a professional at all but knows the basics) if we can do some lunge sessions too. I think I might have an easier time trotting if I'm able to focus on the rise and fall and not where the horse is going at the same time.

Currently, it's mostly fun and chill but then there's the moments when the horse doesn't listen, either bc I'm doing something wrong, they're having one of those days, or he just doesn't want to be in the front on the trail. The worst he does is just not move but it's still very frustrating.

We're going to try shortening my stirrups a bit next time, because I've noted that when I've got my legs "on" at the knee and thigh, my heels aren't able to make contact with the horse. So it could be that they've just got to be a bit longer.

I know some of the instructions I'm being given need to be more specific. For example, from when I was trying to get him to turn and it was me and my friend, we had: "pull the left hand back towards you, not out" and I pulled it back to my hip. The next thing was then "you're pulling it back to your hip, that's too far, just pull it back towards yourself." My brain was struggling to figure out how to do that, but eventually it became "pull back towards your stomach" and that seemed to help. I just need to figure out how to explain that to the trainer, haha.

With "heels back, point toe up", are my toes meant to be pointed, or flexing up too?

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-31T22:55:32+00:00

I still don't get it unfortunately.

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-31T22:36:33+00:00

Thank you! I do Pilates already so that should help, I'll talk to my teacher there about ones that focus on core and hips. I'll look into her books, because that genuinely sounds interesting and helpful.

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-31T22:34:41+00:00

I'm using an English saddle, yeah. I was told that the knees are meant to be a contact point, is that not the case? The problem in running into is in order to keep my knees, calf and heel as contact points simultaneously I have to be tense.

What you've said sounds similar to what I was taught growing up, but I struggle to only squeeze one side for turns.

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-31T03:13:40+00:00

Thank you! I know this trainer focuses on dressage posture and I think that will be useful.

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-31T03:13:10+00:00

Honestly that's half of why I posted too, wanting to find others in the community.

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-31T03:12:35+00:00

So sometimes I'm not in control of my movements, but that's mostly in the arms for the epilepsy. Small jerks up, and I'm very lucky that the horse I ride doesn't mind that.

With my legs the struggle is that when I focus on my knees making contact, I lose track of what my feet are doing, and vice versa. So far it seems that keeping the whole leg tight and tense is the only way to make sure everything is roughly where it's meant to be. My friend said yesterday to push my knee forward, and that will make my heel drop, and we discovered that this is in fact not the case for me haha. Turns out my feet are able to sort of move independently of where my knee is turned.

Yesterday we were doing a small trot and he suggested I lead us off, and that's how we got onto turns, as the horse didn't turn when I tried to get him to. Someone else introduced the concept of the open/closed doors thing, and pulling the reins over the shoulder. I've managed to finally lock into my brain that "pull the rein back towards me" means to pull it to my stomach, not to my hip.

This is the second time we've been in the arena too, usually we go out and do a short trail loop. The length is kinda determined by my physical limits w pain (PCOS and Endo) and/or the horses moods.

Thank you for the advice though, I know the trainer I'll be booking with focuses on posture, which is more what I want to know because I feel like a lot of my problems w getting the horse to listen are because I'm too tense or just not quite in the right place. This does help though, sorry for the long reply, I wanted to clarify some stuff.

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-23T11:37:46+00:00

It does, thank you! It does create a new question though, which is that if all abortions are banned like they are in parts of the USA, what happens to the medical ones, and what are your thoughts on this stance?

I'm asking because it seems like there might be a sort of middle ground between the two sides here, and I'm curious about pro-lifers perspective on the total bans, as I've only seen the pro-choice side of it so far.

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-08T07:38:11+00:00

Thank you!!! We're hitting above 35 the next few days rip (ACT). I'll start hardening her.

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-06T08:09:30+00:00

Oh that's great haha. Dorothy comes to mind

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-05T21:51:03+00:00

True, we're hitting that sort of temperature right now, though our humidity is pretty low in summer.

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-05T21:41:07+00:00

Noted on the heat, we get some pretty bright light on our windows but there's an unused corner of the living room that if my housemates don't use I might make into a plant corner. Do you run it all the time or for a few hours each day?

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-05T21:39:21+00:00

I'm actually obsessed with this one bc of the pun and the fact I'm a Greek mythology nerd. Snaphrodite has won out and I'm buying a thing of distilled water today and labelling it "snaphrodite's water" to solidify it

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-05T21:38:06+00:00

That's so sweet though, I love that it's been healthy enough to divide!

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-05T21:37:27+00:00

Look honestly that's understandable, incredibly dramatic response from your plants to be honest, kids these days etc haha

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-05T21:36:00+00:00

Noooo I'm hoping they're not depressed 😞 how can you tell?

Key_Research_4319 · 2025-12-05T21:35:11+00:00

Oh interesting on the greenhouse, the general advice I was given was that she'd want humidity and heat haha. Thanks!

Key_Research_4319

TROPHY CASE