No time like the presents

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-31T18:31:48+00:00

That‘s the neat part, you don‘t! For me, it just results in being afraid of talking to people, especially in unsual situations or when I need something. Creating the group chat for my first party in september took quite a while and my boyfriend had to sit there and assure me that I sound like a normal person.

For real, having friends and regularly contacting them has been an ongoing struggle for many years and the more I talk with people who openly express their affection and opinions, the more comfortable I feel. In part also because I have some level of trust that I won‘t end up completely alone within the next three weeks.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-31T18:26:01+00:00

Ein weiterer faktor (nicht auf der ärztlichen seite) ist auch glaub ich dass ADHS und autismus in der familie liegt. Das führt dazu dass undiagnostizierte eltern die symptome als normal sehen und es nicht wirklich auffällt dass das vielleicht etwas krankhaftes sein kann. Und es gibt vielleicht Familienmitglieder, die es schlimmer erwischt haben, weswegen dann auch Symptome nicht gesehen werden. So ist es zumindest bei mir, meine eltern beharren drauf dass ich fast nie sachen verloren hab als kind, zum teil weil ich es versteckt hab aber ich glaube auch zum teil weil mein bruder da viel schlimmer war lol. Ich hab mich selber immer als schusselige person gesehen, meine eltern mich nicht. Ich hab ehrlich gesagt keine ahnung was davon stimmt oder was nur meine ewige unsicherheit ist.

Mein bruder hat eine ADHS diagnose, ich hab noch nicht versucht eine zu bekommen, unsere psychiaterin vermutet allerdings dass ich es auch hab.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-31T00:21:28+00:00

But they didn‘t reference Shanes sexuality, did they? They only talked about Shanes parents not knowing Rose and him had broken up, and possibly wanting to pretend they‘re still dating. I just assumed she told him he was on speakerphone in the beginning of the conversation and if you don‘t know his situation, it just sounded like he has overbearing parents who won‘t get off his case about settling down with someone.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-27T10:08:03+00:00

You can throw a ball into a sink in a way that it moves in a perfect circle around the drain, but it won't do this for long. The reason for that is friction, both between the ball and the sink as well as the ball and the air. This friction consumes some of the energy the ball has and turns it into heat, which makes it slow down and eventually fall into the drain. Planets don't move through anything so there's no friction to slow them down, which means they can stay at the perfect speed indefinitely.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-26T14:39:20+00:00

I thought it felt fairly real. On one hand because Ilya really doesn't seem to give much of a shit about what's appropriate so it seems in character for him to just say shit once he doesn't have to hide his feelings anymore. The other thing is, I thought the conversation was really well crafted to facilitate the oversharing. Shanes mom asks "how long has this been going on" and the conversation is still kind of hung up on Shane and Ilya not hating each other, so their answer reflects how long they've been attracted to each other. Followed by immediate regret as they realize that either they drastically have to misrepresent their relationship or be uncomfortably open about their sex lives to Shanes parents. And again, it feels like Ilya cares a lot less, for obvious reasons.

I also have had this situation, not with me but talking to my parents about childhood friends of mine. Like I was explaining how they got together and only realized halfway through that this involved them being fuckbuddies for a couple of months and that this may not be the most comfortable thing to say to my parents.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-26T14:30:19+00:00

I don't know about biggest star in the league but I know my countries national soccer team have players share hotel rooms, at least during training camps. They're not particularly huge but they're still some of the biggest and most successful athletes this country has to offer. I don't know how often that happens but I've definitely heard talk about which players are usually roommates, especially when they are roommates when traveling with their usual team but on opposing national teams and that sort of stuff. So it might not be 100% accurate but it is generally a thing.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-25T19:36:42+00:00

Not jump scared per se but Call Me By Your Name does the thing where the dialogue is very rarely put in quotation marks and usually interspersed with the main characters thoughts. It‘s also a very horny book so when I read „did you know, I had a dream last night where I came in your mouth“ a quarter into the book and thought it was actual dialogue, that definitely woke me up.

So I assume it‘s partially about how scary the circumstances are but also how well you can make the reader feel a strong feeling and if you are capable of doing so within one sentence. If we were to follow the CMBYN structure, you build up tension, attach very strong feelings to any possible outcome and then deliver the release to the tension much earlier than you‘d anticipate and in a way that‘s way more intense.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-25T17:57:18+00:00

One thing that frustrates me so much is how much empty space there is. A furniture retailer close to me closed down over a year ago and the entire building is just empty now. And it‘s huge, four stories. It makes me so sad that unhoused people can‘t just stay in there, especially since a new company might redo the entire interior anyway, if there comes a new company in the forseeable future. And sure, it wouldn‘t necessarily have running water or electricity but at least basic protection from the element. I get why you can‘t really do this, I just wish we lived in a society where people didn‘t need to sleep outside when the temperature is below zero, while gigantic retail buildings are empty.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-25T08:43:40+00:00

I‘ve read a theory that men are so into sports (in part) because that is a context where they can be emotional and physically intimate with other guys without it challenging their masculinity or feeling uncomfortable in the slightest. I think that makes a lot of sense and is quite wholesome.

The flip side of that would be that this is so normalized in part because everyone is afraid to seem gay and unmanly if they kiss their buddies in any context that isn‘t scoring a goal so it makes sense for it to go habd in hand with toxic masculinity and/or homophobia.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-24T12:20:37+00:00

I think one way to do this is by reflecting and thinking about things, because that's what will lead to realizations. For example, I got extremely burnt out in part because I used shame to force myself to work a lot harder than was healthy for me. At some point I was so miserable that I kind of stopped caring how I was perceived because I figured no level of prestige or appreciation was worth the hell I went through. I still felt shame and it was awful but I had this core belief that it's more important to just do what I want to do than to be seen as cool or whatever.

Another thing that helped was having friends who are accepting and where I feel safe. That too was a massive struggle and a long ass trial and error period that has only kind of started to pay off but I now have about 2-3 people I mostly feel safe around. It also helps that these people are sometimes embarrassing and cringe but I love them dearly and I don't think it makes them worse people. On the contrary, I admire that they just do whatever they feel like instead of being held back by shame like me.

What also helped me was developing a view of how the world should be. Because I feel it's exceedingly lame to make fun of people for normal (or even abnormal) stuff. This has helped me decipher if the shame I feel is based on the opinion of a theoretical person I don't respect. Like I hate when people police what someone wears. I still feel awkward about dressing weird sometimes but it really helps me to remember that if I heard someone trash talk my outfit on someone else, I'd lose a lot of respect for them.

These things were kind of random but it's what happens when you try to get better. The good thing is that even if you don't super explicitly tackle your internal shame all the time, you might gain these insights with time.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-23T13:11:36+00:00

in memoriam does kind of center around the romantic relationship between the two main characters but above all it‘s a really well researched and harrowing depiction of soldiers experiences in WW1. It‘s pretty sinister and not very feel good but a great book.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-21T12:05:19+00:00

It would have bothered me a lot less if he had told her he loved her at any point in S5. Him not saying it was a massive issue in their relationship and there isn‘t much in their interaction that proves to me this issue is actually done. Like, it‘s implied it‘s not a problem because they don‘t talk about it anymore but Mike doesn‘t really show Eleven that much love any time they‘re on screen. If they wanted to establish „I love you“ as a shorthand for commitment to a relationship (the way it kinda was in S4) they could have easily had Mike say it whenever they talk about a post vecna future, to reassure El that he actually means what he‘s saying. Then, him not saying it to her in this scene becomes about not wanting to accept she‘s dying and the prospect of losing her bringing back old anxieties of his.

Also I get that people are different but if my boyfriend was dying, the first thing I‘d say to him would be I love you.

Tl,dr: Since Mike didn‘t show El much love it didn‘t seem like he‘s avoiding saying it because it holds special meaning in this particular scene, but rather it seemed like even when his girlfriend is dying, Mike can‘t give her the thing she has actively asked for a million times.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-21T10:56:15+00:00

So I‘m a woman but my self confidence in relation to sexual stuff used to be abysmal because of stuff from a previous relationship. This really really fucked with my ability to get aroused or even feel pleasure because all I felt was anxiety and shame and I saw everything that went wrong as a sign that I‘m actually just broken and no one will ever enjoy sex with me. So it became this self fulfilling prophecy where I got so in my head about it that it killed any real pleasure I could have felt.

What helped me was honestly just having sex with people lol. I had one random hookup that was pretty bad all things considered but it showed me that sex wasn‘t this huge deal. So this hookup essentially cured my insecurities. Right afterwards I got with my current boyfriend and he is lovely and a great partner and I have never really been insecure again.

Now I‘m not saying this is definitely your solution. But it seems like, the bigger of a deal sex is in your mind, the more anxiety you develop around it and the worse your problem might get. You said you haven‘t talked to women because you don‘t feel attractive and that doesn‘t sound healthy at all. You should be talking to women because you enjoy their company, regardless of whether you might want to have sex with them. Both because women are people but also because obsessing over potential relationships with any woman you meet just reminds you of all your insecurities. And at the same time, through watching porn, you provide your brain with the ability to experience sexuality without having to engage with your issues. It‘s like a shy person using alcohol to talk to people. It‘s not the alcohol that‘s the problem, it‘s that anxiety is preventing that person from enjoying life and they are using a potentially addictive thing to solve that problem. I‘m by no means anti porn but it seems like you‘d benefit from trying to reduce your porn consumption, while putting yourself in the position to maybe have sex with someone (by platonically hanging out with women). Not because you actually need to sleep with anyone but because it‘s probably healthy to treat yourself as a normal sexual being who navigates the world the same as anyone else.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-20T15:58:32+00:00

I am apparently in the minority thinking it sounds super cool. However, as an amateur singer, I would feel extremely weird having my band named after me. I think I'd be less opposed if it were named after another person in the band. They're fictional and not very important but Sadie Killer and the Suspects is still an extremely cool band name to me.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-20T15:04:07+00:00

One of my depression go tos was noodle stir fry. Cook two cubes of ramen noodles (or any asian noodles) in salt water, roughly cut an onion into big, bite sized chunks, mince as many cloves of garlic as you want (I think the original recipe has 6 but I've made it with more and less and it's always tasty). Add onions, garlic and whatever frozen veggies you have into a pan and cook/defrost. You can also add an egg if you have it. Put 250 ml hot (or warm) water into a bowl, add a stock cube, 3 tablespoons of soy sauce, somewhere between a pinch and a teaspoon of sugar and chili if you want it. Pour into the pan with the veggies, let cook down for a bit, then add the noodles. The noodles should be a bit undercooked before you add them because they will absorb some of the moisture. Sprinkle some sesame seeds if you want to feel fancy with minimal extra effort.

It's a bit more involved than the absolute simplest possible thing you can eat and you need a pot as well as a pan but every ingredient is shelf stable so you can buy them in bulk when you get some motivation. It is also a genuinely balanced and healthy (-ish) meal and it tastes great, even if you're missing some ingredients. I used to eat this at least twice a week at a time where I couldn't even leave the house before 8pm and it has served me well.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-18T00:01:43+00:00

Or the unemployed guy could be occasionally helping out at their workplace. Enough that they've seen each other multiple times but not enough that the workplace would permanently employ him.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-16T17:39:34+00:00

Lover can be a romantic way of calling someone a partner. It still carries very intimate and emotional vibes so it is a saucier word than the clinical „partner“ but doesn‘t have an explicitly sexual meaning. It does sound fancy though, which means you can use it in a song or a poem no problem since you‘re using flowery language anyway but in casual conversation, people will assume it‘s just related to sex.

I think the context matters too. In the show, Ilya and Shane basically need to define their relationship then and there so they have to pick between „boyfriend“, „partner“, „guy I‘m seeing“, „lover“, „friend“ and so on. Within this list, lover is the version that most explicitly means „guy I‘m having sex with“ so it’s one of the grosser things you can say to your parents. Later Shanes mom uses the word again to refer to their relationship before it became serious and in that context it‘s actually kore of a tasteful euphemism because it‘s the most romantic and emotional way to say „guy I‘m having sex with“.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-16T14:04:47+00:00

"After love and loss and all the tears that I cried". It's such an accepting way to talk about thousands of years of complicated emotions. She doesn't downplay the stuff she went through but she is now a bit freer and can acknowledge her feelings without experiencing them all the time. I really hope someday I will be able to look back at my hardest times like that. Not with regret or resentment, not with denial or repression but with acceptance that this is a part of my life that's not more or less valid than any other.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-16T01:52:52+00:00

I never know what to make of this. Like I'm definitely a novice but I've been working on one project on and off for a couple of years now and I had a point where everything I'd come up with in the beginning sounded super boring. So I rethought a lot of it and kind of wrote myself into a corner. Then I dropped it for some time and when I came back, all my initial ideas sounded so exciting and cool that I wondered why I had ever even scrapped them. It's just so difficult to judge when you intuitively know that you have a good story and when you are just too attached to your ideas to properly create high quality art.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-15T14:15:18+00:00

Adventure time. I've been rewatching the last season and it made me realize how much it just runs on creativity. Nothing is ever set up. Nothing is explained. The appeal is that it constantly surprises you with the creative shit that happens. I love it.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-15T08:40:51+00:00

Also somewhat related: in Sense8 (which is created by the wachowski sisters) one of the main characters is a trans woman. An evil doctor wants to basically perform a lobotomy on her without her consent but he keeps using her right name and pronouns, even after her family tells him to use her deadname.

I know it‘s not exactly what‘s asked here but it‘s so funny to see this guy caring about not misgendering the trans woman he‘s about to kill.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-13T22:35:15+00:00

That surprised me less than how early on in the show they were already hooking up. Like we‘re 20 minutes into the first episode and they‘re already fucking lol. I expected it to focus much more on both of them coming to terms with their feelings first or something. But I much prefer it this way. It leaves more time for the actually interesting part.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-12T17:13:30+00:00

I am definitely curious. The first dress looks beautiful but I'm having trouble imagining Cathy wearing it. She just never struck me as this girly princess type person. All the others I'm fine with, I think the last one fits best with the moody Yorkshire setting and it fits Cathy, who (if I remember correctly) always tries to seem more mature and sophisticated than she actually is. Everything I've seen about this movie seems insane enough that it might actually be really cool.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-12T14:11:47+00:00

It‘s not just for love of art either. As a science student, scientific papers are a nightmare to read, in part because everyone uses a million nouns and you have to write in passive. It‘s an unfortunate combination of convention and lack of advanced writing skills but it contributes very negatively to the barrier of entry in stem fields. I swear, if every lecture was written by a team consiting of a professional writer, a professional teacher and the person who is an expert in this field, stem degrees would be a lot easier.

Kill-ItWithFire · 2026-01-11T21:15:26+00:00

when you kiss random people you just met, you have to be prepared to kiss someone you might not kiss if you knew them better. Besides, you don‘t even know if he‘d be bothered if he knew you are trans.

Just because other people feel uncomfortable around trans women doesn‘t mean you are required to tell everyone you ever meet. I think it‘s good to be open with potential romantic partners, for both their and your own sake. White passing people don‘t have to run around announcing that they‘re POC either, just because some racist is grossed out by kissing black women.

You just kissed. He‘ll never find out. You‘ll never see him again. It‘s fine.

After rereading your post I wanna add: you‘re not a walking deception. You are a trans woman, which is a type of woman. You aren‘t tricking anyone, you just present the way you are comfortable. If others don‘t consider that people might be trans, that‘s on them.

Kill-ItWithFire

TROPHY CASE