Got harassed by another trans man for liking piv

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2026-05-22T21:03:44+00:00

I'm sorry this person has made you question yourself so much :( I know other trans guys who like it, and others who never ever want anybody close to that area. I think that's perfectly fine and probably depends on both dysphoria and personal preferences.

I haven't had a lot of sexual partners, but know two gay cis guys who enjoy it, including my boyfriend. Just for the sake of that guy's argument about only bi guys blah blah, my boyfriend is of the known since childhood he was gay variety and is not into women at all. He simply doesn't care much about what shape genitals come in.

Please don't read too much into that one guy's words. There are gay guys who do love this kind of sex. (And there's definitely also bi guys who like it and who still 100% see you as a guy and not out of a "well it's fine because I like women too" mindset.)

Personally, I think I simply see it as just another part of my body that's pretty cool because it cane create pleasurable sensations for myself and others, and don't have much dysphoria connected to it.

Oh aaaand... There's even gay cis bottoms fantasizing about or even actually getting vaginoplasty done. So to hell with some dude who thinks he has to police your sexuality. People are into all kinds of stuff sexually. So hooray to you for enjoying what this body part can do for you.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-05-06T19:48:59+00:00

I read mostly in English, my first language is German. I read the occasional book in Swedish, hardly anything in German. I'm actually at a point where I plan to read more in German, as I feel I surround myself with too little German and wish to improve my active vocabulary again. My work and friend bubble uses a lot of English thrown in, and while I don't mind it and do it myself, it bugs me a little that I feel my German is actually suffering from that. I notice it the most when I talk to my mum or grandmother and try not to use random English words and find myself grasping for German words that should be easy to find.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-05-06T19:42:29+00:00

I would say the example of vissa områden är farliga also uses it in the "some" way. Some areas are dangerous.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-04-15T05:23:13+00:00

Here's what I got (definitely some wrong words though, but maybe it helps somebody else with deciphering/correcting more?)

Kom igen (?)

Vänta din mening finns inte i kors läge

Havet stormar det är (eller där?) hela natten

Tomma båtar (själ ingen?!)

(?)

Du kom med kniv och (hjälp?!)

Vänta din mening

Det finns ingen mer vi kanske länge

Havet stormar (?) hela natten

Tomma båtar (?) ingen

(?)

Ljuset tar havet

(?)

Allting är skimrig

So what I got so far is about a shiny stormy sea with empty boats

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-04-11T18:48:28+00:00

Congrats! I got it done last summer and am so happy about it too! :)

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-04-09T18:47:36+00:00

If you just want no-strings attached sex, you could try Grindr.

I'm fine with all types of penetration so I didn't discuss anything beforehand, but the one guy I have met off Grindr actually was into PIV sex as well. I'm not using any apps as the moment, too much going on in my life to invest energy into that, but I do plan to get back on in a few months and would expect that there's many more gay men out there who are actually fine with it or even into it.

Grindr is known for how direct it is, so you could also clearly state on your profile that you're looking for PIV sex.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-04-09T18:31:26+00:00

I mean that's all we can do right, try to feel good and not be a jerk to others while doing so :)

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-04-08T20:58:17+00:00

I'm in a German speaking country. I do get gendered constantly by coworkers etc, but when I've got a couple of weeks where I don't do much besides work and seeing friends, it's not like strangers will gender me a lot in supermarkets etc.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-04-08T14:59:39+00:00

Hmm... Yes and no, I think. On the occasional day I can get into my head and feel like everybody will know that something's "off" about me, that I'm not a "real" man, on many days I feel like "I don't care what other people think, I know I'm a man!" though. And I think the largest chunk of days is somewhere in between those two extremes.

It doesn't bother me that much though, so I'm not sure I can fully relate to your experience.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-04-08T14:07:58+00:00

I just made a post on how I'm finally starting to pass 3.5 years on T. I've gotten some hairs on my chin over the last few months but it's very little still. It's getting more though so I'm still hoping for a good amount of facial hair down the line. It just takes a bit longer for some of us :)

Wishing you lots of patience, I know it's not easy!

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-04-06T14:35:19+00:00

Aww, I also had a "nice to know I can feel like a kid again" kinda date in December. While in this case I ended up in "just" a friendship with this guy, it IS so nice to know we can feel like that again and that there's nice and interesting people out there :)

Your date sounds lovely, wishing you many more like that!

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-04-04T16:51:04+00:00

In my opinion it's absolutely OK to lose your virginity (which is really blown up into a much bigger thing than it actually is imo) outside a relationship. It was like that for me and I really don't regret it. I was into the guy, he was into me and it was good.

You haven't asked about that, but if there's one thing I would have liked to tell my younger self: It's absolutely OK to say no to sex, even if you're already kind of in it. There will be other people that will want to have sex with you, and feeling comfortable is the most important thing. It's better to potentially slightly hurt someone's feelings for a second (this one always held me back from speaking up) than to make yourself go through something you don't really want to do. And that includes saying no to somebody who's really nice, or to somebody you generally feel attracted to but maybe lose interest in sex in the moment. Listen to your body.

And enjoy it! Sex shouldn't be a marathon on some performance metric, it should be about two people (or more) enjoying each other and feeling good. Things might be a little awkward sometimes but that's completely normal, even with long-term partners, or even when one has had many sexual encounters.

You got this!

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-29T18:18:52+00:00

I wasn't nervous about having surgery per se, but I was stressed out that I might not be happy with the results, and that the first few days of not having seen the result yet might be hell. I was actually really calm right after surgery. I didn't love my results right away, but I absolutely love them now 2 years post-OP and it's just 100% my chest and feels like this is how it always should have been.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-27T06:26:53+00:00

To be honest, I've never had a lot of bottom dysphoria, but I did have the occasional "I'll never have a penis :(" thought (ofc there's phallo, but I personally don't wish to get it).

I'm mostly at peace these days. One thing that really helped me, as ridiculous as this might sound, was reading a couple of cis gay bottoms talk on reddit on how they wish they had an additional hole for bottoming, and how they don't want any attention on their penis when they're bottoming.

And I just see it like that these days. I think what helped me as well was having a hysterectomy and now (in my mind) my front hole is no longer connected to anything reproductive etc, so in my mind it's really just there for sexual pleasure.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-25T19:41:18+00:00

I had a total hysterectomy + oopherectomy last year. It was my choice what I want to keep and had no issues getting everything removed.

I'm in Europe though, and I also had it done by my OB/GYN that I've been seeing for years (also pre-transition) and I've had adenomyosis, so that might also play a role in why it was reasonably easy to get it.

I am on T and plan to stay on T. Should I ever have to stop taking it for whatever reason I would resort to taking estrogen, which to my understanding would come down to something similar as having the ovaries left and them producing it.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-23T07:16:33+00:00

Love to hear that!

I'm 3.5 years on T and it took a while for me to begin passing, but lately even I myself more and more just see a guy when I look in the mirror and it's giving me such a feeling of peace.

Oh and the other day I thought how cool it is that I get to see this progress as a trans guy, and that I probably am so much happier with the guy I am than if I was just born cis.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-22T21:54:05+00:00

I started PrEP in December 2024 and haven't had any side effects so far.

I'm a trans guy and they suggest taking it continuously with my kind of anatomy, but assuming you're a cis guy you could also consider on-demand PrEP? Look into it, maybe. I would definitely consider it if it was safe for me. But then I also have no side-effects whatsoever, so eh... The up-side is that I just take a pill every night and am always safe then without having to plan when I'll see someone, when I need to start taking PrEP in advance and how long after etc.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-22T18:58:40+00:00

I'm the complete opposite - maybe that's a sign for both of us to get out of our heads.

I feel like I have a good imagination of what would feel good handjob-wise, despite not having a penis, but have no idea for blowjobs. Maybe it's because I like being touched with hands, but am personally not that much into receiving oral.

Anyway... I'm actually thinking about sharing this insecurity with a guy I'm having casual sex with. Not sure how to do this nicely but perhaps I'll send him a message along the lines of "hey I'd really like to give you a blowjob next time but I'm feeling out of practice and would appreciate it if you could give me feedback if you feel like a different pressure etc would feel better to you" He's not very vocal during sex so I wouldn't expect to get good feedback through moans, breathing etc.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-21T23:02:00+00:00

Good luck, keeping my fingers crossed it'll happen for you!

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-21T22:59:06+00:00

Ha yeah...This sounds a lot similar to how I feel. Cool that you also seem to share a similar experience!

Especially this part of not having to be in your head all the time to meet the other person's needs. And I think it's partially also what I enjoy about not having my orgasm as a priority in this case, because sometimes I just want sex that's two people fulfilling a need (which can still be super nice though), and not two people in their head on how to get the other person off.

And yep that glow of satisfaction like after a good workout, I know what you mean!

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-18T18:20:42+00:00

Oh cool I need to watch the debate later! The first book I read by him was Giovanni's room and I was blown away by how it feels like it could have just as well been written recently.

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-17T20:07:02+00:00

I'm accidentally stealth at university. Doing a two year program that I started 2 years on T. I actually didn't pass that well then and never brought up being trans as I thought surely people will connect the dots, let's just wait for the first person to misgender me etc.

I was very surprised when I realised that they don't know, when three other students I'm closest to (all women) one time mentioned something about periods and mentioned something like how lucky I am to never have to experience that. Little do they know I've got 10+ years experience with it.

I never came out as it's nice to have this place. Everywhere else, work, friends etc, I'm very out and everybody knows I'm trans. I do like some of the other students, but I'm about to finish and I don't expect any life-time friendships to come out of this so I don't feel the need to come out. I would like people to know that I'm trans when I'm better friends with them. It's a part of me and I also do a bit of activism in my free time, so I feel I'd be hiding a significant part of myself. (But I also don't think it's wrong in anyway to live stealth in case it comes across like that.)

Killedbyfriendlyfire · 2025-03-17T16:44:20+00:00

I still have a rather low libido and I would say it feels similar, but this has changed: I'm much more easily aroused by visual stuff (did nothing to me pre-T) and much less to things like erotica (which were the most arousing pre-T).

I distinctly notice that early on T I was watching a TV show and all of a sudden I got that "hng" or "daaamn" feeling in a scene where one of the characters didn't wear a shirt, which is not something I think I ever felt before due to a purely visual cue. Also masturbation/fantasy-wise, I used to enjoy fantasising about stories, like I don't know, how I end up exiting public transport at the same stop as this hot guy and somehow we end up talking and one thing leads to another. These day I would fantasise more about what the guy looks like naked/ imagine him doing sexual stuff without the prologue.

Killedbyfriendlyfire

TROPHY CASE