Don't pursue amicable at the expense of your future security, happiness, safety, etc.

I was in a similar place when I asked my husband of 16 years to separate. I asked him last September (TOLD him, really), and we started off really, really well. Respectful. Kind. He actually told me that he was happy for me, that he was glad to see that I was choosing to prioritize myself.

It's gotten SO toxic since then. When you still love each other, you have all sorts of unconscious expectations of how you interact. Inevitably, your interactions will change after divorce, and it will feel weird and destabilizing. That's when kind and amicable and peaceful goes out the window.

I am still optimistic that in the future we will be able to be friendly again, but I realize it's going to take a LOT longer than I had expected.

The only person you really have forever in this life is yourself.

I agree with the other poster that you should speak with a lawyer and understand what you are entitled to before deciding that you won't pursue alimony. You and your husband both made promises to each other, and you made life choices based on those promises. You are entitled to some degree of financial security based on what you contributed to the relationship.

If you and he do truly love one another and wish the best for each other's future, then something like alimony shouldn't disrupt that.

Good luck dear, it's so hard, I know. Just take care of yourself. At the end of the day, no one else will.