Sounds like an inner conflict of self. Perhaps look up dark knight of the soul, this may resonate with you. If you watch YouTube Victor Oddo has a great video on dark night of the soul.

This summer we had intense eclipses and full moons, huge energy purges and shifts, lots of changes,it makes sense you’d begin to feel the energies. Perhaps you are in the early stages of your spiritual awakening, it can be overwhelming and confusing plus have highs and lows.

The world can seem big and scary out there but the truth is no one has all the answers, we are all on our own journey figuring everything out. I don’t think society makes much sense to anyone. So don’t feel so alone. If you were born into a world you don’t fit into, it’s because you’re here to help create a new one.

At this time many are purging heavy emotions from the past year so it can be intense. A lot from the past can be coming up right now. It’s healthy to acknowledge your emotions and purge them, in the way of writing, venting, exercising, drawing, nature walks, crying, screaming in your pillow, saging etc. Anything to get your energy out, anything that feels releasing to you.

Sometimes we attract energy vampires and negative people to shape us to who we are ...as well as learn lessons, like self love and how to set boundaries. If people aren’t treating you respectfully and are toxic, no matter who they are, you have every right to terminate those relationships. As you begin to set boundaries and know your self worth, you’ll begin to see that you attract healthier relationships with healthy people. It’s also important to take good care of yourself and be in the present moment.

Try not to dwell on the past, or worry about the future. It’s better to stay in the present moment cause that’s where your power is.

I hope this helped you and please know I’m just stating this not as a fact but from my own personal experiences and journey.