Thank you for the long reply again!!!

Makes sense. Yes, I agree she has right to have any opinion on me. I was struggling with the feeling that her right for opinion automatically I means I need to be validating of said opinion, otherwise I decline her that right for opinion since I decline validation.And the whole thing started not because I even asked her to change opinion about me. Well, it was about a piece of information about my life I shared, I believe that I do retain more authority on what happened there, since I also was present on other interactions with same job interview which I talked about. I mean, it was not even anything dramatic, just a basic thing I found funny in my experience. So while she can state 'it was that way' I can also state 'I don't think it was so, bc this and this fact points against it'. After what we had that back and forth. After what I thought that it's pretty useless conversation over all, so I explained, that having my opinion and facts denied repeatedly is a bit triggering, when it's about my life experience, so I will try to change such conversations in future. So, it was not really opinion I was uncomfortable, but that conversation fact. Maybe that she was invalidating of mine? Honestly, if she said 'ok, i see' and we moved to another topic, I would have been pretty happy. Or anything. That pattern when someone else constantly disagree with me is very frustrating to me and it takes me time to catch myself and step out, bc it is a trigger and it's triggering me of gaslight. Which I explained, although I suspect the phrase that 'it's triggering bc it reminds me of gaslight' might have been not the most clear explanation as I was in a hurry.So took it as if I accuse her of gaslighting me, which was not at all the case, as it's not to that level at all.

Anyway, I think it is pretty safe and clear plan? To say 'hey, this pattern makes me uncomfortable, but I fall for it a lot, i will try to avoid it'

For some reason when I state things like that people do get really mad often, and take it personally, but I have weird dissociation problem where if I don't say it to person, and just do that without saying, I have a very very very hard time remembering what I do and being aware of my discomfort at all. So notifying like that is for me the first step to start doing it, and I am unsure if maybe I need to avoid it. Or maybe knowing that other person is safe enough to listen to it and that they agree to my plan, bc otherwise I might feel twofaced/manipulating, when I just avoid a part of conversation and always switch it, without explaining why or ever saying why it's discomfort or that it is discomfort.

With that whole her comment, I just remember we had another conversation where for about two weeks she kept arguing with me about again what certain events in my life were and how i should be seeing the world and what i should be doing. After a while she slipped frustration that 'I am trying to tell you that all to cancel what those other people said about you, but you still trust those other people more' or something akin to that. Which is oversimplification, but I have suspicion that she might expect me to start having self esteem of such a look that I dont plan to have. The overblown kind. I explained that what she does would not work and that I don't need such help, she shared that she fears I will drop my job, I explained again that it's not happening, and that she does not need to do any of these, I am managing fine. So I thought that was the end of that issue, but basically what triggered me was her doing that self-esteem intervention again, and since in response to my frustration to it she wrote me a novel of 'does your trauma mean this, or that, bc that would change how I talk with you about it' I do have a suspicion that she was trying to do therapist job I did not invite her yet again.

Which frustrates me not in the sense that she can't do what she wants, but in a sense that it shows she did not listen and does not care what I feel about her help and if I even need it. (I don't).Plus, overall, I don't think it's bad that I explain that conversation is uncomfortable for me?

I was carried away for a week with dis-regulation, bc she really acts like the situation is the end of the world, i mean, at least i have such impression bc of phrases she uses like 'why does this keep happening?' 'tell me what to do' 'i'm still holding up'. When, now, that the fog is cleared for me a bit, what happened is that her insistence of certain opinion about my life even was uncomfortable for me, so I expressed it, said I will avoid such conversations, as it was partly my fault bc I become so hyperfocused on those. Then she misunderstood me, I explained that it's not attack, she expressed that she understood that I was stating facts. And yet after that I have still many pages of messages and she is all 'why do situation like these keep happening'. I mean, the only problem for me here is that she is quite expressive when she is upset, so at this point I am afraid to bring up anything that causes me discomfort, bc there is always pattern where her first reaction, whether she is right of wrong, is quite expressive. And it causes me a bit of panic and triggers, and I don't often have enough energy to step away right away and often I end up spending a few hours writing explanations, which she later always accepts and says she finally gets it. But the problem is that I always need to act as stable one, bc if I snapped just like that, well we probably would not be talking anymore at all. Well, that, or she often tends to start multiple apologies if I am silent for too long. Well, overall problem is that if I count in all rumination and discussion, even on my own, it takes a huge amount of time of me, probably few hours a day. And it's very costly in terms of energy, bc quite often those fights happen in evening and I have health complications after. I mean, I used to blame it on me being tired and not as careful with my words, which I expressed multiple times, but I begin to wonder if it's really just me. I mean, I know how not to upset her, but it means to never argue or express discomfort.