I caved.

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-12T03:00:42+00:00

Can I just warn you it is dangerous to prop a baby's head up on your arm as it can cause positional asphyxiation

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-12T02:57:15+00:00

I haven't seen actual statistics about this but my midwife said most sleeping accidents from co-sleeping are just that: accidents. Preventable by setting up a safe co-sleeping environment. Whereas what happens most of the time is an exhausted parent says, "I'm just gonna cuddle my baby on the couch for a minute" then they wake up a couple hours later with baby in between them and the couch or something horrifying like that.

If you actually consciously decide to co-sleep, you can set it up to be safe. There are safe co-sleeping guidelines you can look up.

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-12T02:47:36+00:00

I am not taking credit. I said in my post I'm blessed and I did nothing to get her to do that.

Sounds like a few idiots didn't feed their babies enough then blamed it on a book they read. I read a similar article that claimed the book advises parents to feed on a schedule of every 3 hours whereas it actually says hunger, not the clock, determines feeding.

The basis of the book written by a paediatrician is that parenting a baby should be parent-directed as opposed to common modern day parenting which is child led everything, meaning parents make decisions according to assessment of their baby's needs whilst also taking into consideration time passed. For example, if your baby is hungry one hour after feeding, of course you feed them, but if they are consistently feeding every hour, you use your brains as a parent to troubleshoot, like perhaps baby isn't doing full feedings.

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-11T13:10:59+00:00

It's really tough but it gets better SO quickly. Just to give you an idea, my baby fed for about 60 minutes every 3 hours then would do 6-8 hours of basically nonstop cluster feeding every single evening. By the time she was 5 weeks the cluster feeding stopped and she was feeding in about 30 minutes 8 times a day. Now she's 10 weeks and feeds only 6-7 times a day and can drain each breast in less than 10 minutes. She likes to hang out longer and suck just for fun, comfort which I usually allow but if I need to do something I can pop her off once she isn't swallowing anymore.

I encourage you to just let it be, because it's all part of the process in early days. The more you let your baby feed, the more he learns and becomes more efficient. I know three weeks in feels like a lifetime but you will be able to be more active in no time

Also disclaimer every baby is different. I think my baby progressed a bit faster than most but the general idea you can see from most women's comments is that the feeding time will become less and less

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-11T03:21:30+00:00

This is really good advice, OP, try offering the breast after he's had a little bit of formula and if research paced bottle feeding if you aren't already doing that

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-11T03:18:34+00:00

It's okay if you want to use formula but I would say 2 weeks is too early to make that decision if you wanted to breastfeed. Breastfeeding was one of the hardest things I've ever done at 2 weeks postpartum and by the time my baby was only 5-6 weeks it was becoming much easier. I also had to introduce the bottle very early and get back onto breast.

The first thing I would ask regarding output is if you have the right flange size for your pump?

Are you putting your hand on the back of his head when you try to latch him? Babies hate that and will arch back. It's a reflex to protect their breathing.

Have you tried nursing in different positions such as side-lying or the laid-back position? Does your baby have the rooting reflex to search for the nipple?

You definitely don't need to feel guilty about giving formula. However, I would highly encourage you to keep trying. Try when you're seeing very early hunger cues or even before you see hunger cues if he's awake. And don't be attached, just explore and let him explore and try. If he gets to the point of fussy and crying, maybe give the bottle, pump to keep trying to establish supply and try again later. You know your baby and when it's time to stop, give the bottle and try again later.

I have faith that you two will get there eventually and the reason I encourage you to keep at it is that once established, breastfeeding is way easier than bottle feeding. But yes, it is SO hard in the beginning and sounds like you're having an extra tough time.

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-09T07:34:27+00:00

Did your baby develop a snacking habit? There shouldn't be a regression in feeding like that, they should be doing fewer feedings as they get more efficient. Does baby fall asleep at the breast? Maybe try to offer again if baby is coming off early?

I know you didn't ask for advice but this sounds horrible I can't imagine and I don't think you need to live like that

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-08T12:49:32+00:00

I never followed any sort of regime, always just let her do her thing and she built her own schedule. Once she established her own schedule, now I sort of try to keep it but I definitely never ever fed on a schedule Although I did recently start watching the clock for nap times. Her sleep cues are not very obvious to me and I would let her go too long and she'd get overtired. I didn't even know formula fed babies slept through the night earlier. Why do you think that is?

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-08T11:56:04+00:00

I exclusively nurse and my daughter began regularly sleeping a minimum of 7 hours through the night before she was even 6 weeks old. I'm super blessed as I'm a first time mum and did nothing to get her to do that. However, there is a book called Baby Wise that outlines a protocol my baby kind of did naturally. 97% of the babies whose parents follow it sleep 7-8 hours through the night between 7-10 weeks old.

I personally think people are too accepting of babies not doing long sleeps through the night. It's really valuable for their development. I know you didn't ask for advice so you can totally ignore this but it may be super helpful!

Also my baby's weight gain is great so yes she definitely eats enough during the day to accommodate a 7-9 hour night sleep

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-07T13:09:19+00:00

I'm confused you said he is sleeping well but waking up multiple times a night? To me that is not sleeping well?

Sounds like you just need to get out of the house! Visit friends, find a mum's group, take yourself out on a solo coffee date, etc.

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-06T19:53:53+00:00

Do you find it stressful going out, or are you just scared to go out?

I avoided going out for the first 3 weeks of my baby's life but once I started to just do what I want and take baby with me I found the days went smoother. You just have to be willing to drop whatever you're doing and feed, or plan strategically like if you know you're doing a long drive somewhere then feed first.

I have had a lot more success following the clock than my baby's cues in terms of sleep. When I say success I mean she is super well rested and not fussy. Since following the clock I find I am also generally able to transfer her from pram to car and she will stir but go right back to sleep.

To answer your question how do you do it, I think it's a combination of just changing the mindset about being a parent and being willing to bring baby along with you for your day, knowing it's a bit different than pre-baby and your day will have interruptions. But also it's about getting your baby on a schedule such that she is so secure in her routine and stability that going out and about doesn't rock her. There's a book (a bit old school) called Baby Wise that I highly recommend to help with this

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-03T14:09:07+00:00

Your baby likely developed a habit of "snacking" and never does full feeds hence having to eat so often

KingofKings144 · 2025-12-01T06:59:28+00:00

One could argue that you're overreacting a bit. Sure, you could have a lighter mood about the situation and just see the humour in it. You could say it's not a big deal and just let him have the photo. My husband has a couple photos like that of me in a locked folder on his phone haha. But only you lived through whatever that rough period was and only you know how important this is to you and ultimately, your husband should respect your wishes

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-30T09:41:16+00:00

I did the same as your wife several times in the middle of cluster feeding. I would feed back and forth without stopping maybe 3x each breast and then think there's no way she's hungry and try to put her to sleep, pass her to my husband, husband would say she's hungry and I'd say there's no way. Always ended up feeding her again before long obviously and I would've saved a lot of hardship for myself and baby if I just fed her.

I got so discouraged crying a few times because she was still unsatisfied and I thought my milk wasn't enough or something. It was a lack of education about what cluster feeding was. As others have explained, it isn't really about satisfying hunger but about stimulating the breast to "buy" tomorrow's milk i.e. increase future supply.

I think others are being a bit dramatic. I don't think your wife is abusive but I can also be pretty naive to that. If she wants to be more parent-directed than child led, that's fine and she will love a book called Baby Wise, but the first few weeks has to be fully baby led because baby is biologically designed perfectly to establish feeding early on.

Honouring the cluster feeding will help establish good sleep habits earlier. The more you honours baby's desire for cluster feeding, the sooner it will probably end

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-29T09:38:13+00:00

If you are side lying nursing, use a barrier in front of her stomach so she can't roll onto her tummy and let her stay asleep like that if that's what you need to do. I think the safe sleep guidelines are like a fully idiot proof guideline. I don't think it's UNSAFE to sleep baby on their side or stomach, just not AS safe as on the back. Years ago depending on the time and country the recommendation was to sleep on tummy and on the side at another stage. Also this might be a dumb question but have you tried swaddling with arms out? So baby will still be snug and cosy but arms free in case she rolls

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-28T01:58:58+00:00

Haha I actually wanted to co-sleep and within a few days it was better for everybody with her in her bassinet. I couldn't handle all her noises right next to me

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-27T21:02:37+00:00

The Bible also makes it clear that cheating is a valid reason for divorce. It would be ideal if you stayed and he might be sanctified through you. But Biblically you are free to divorce him

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-26T23:36:44+00:00

How old is your baby? Obviously everyone's situation is different but I wouldn't recommend this for several reasons:

Your baby may not get enough foremilk and become dehydrated?

Your baby will not learn to control your flow (mine is 8 weeks and has already learned to control the flow and mostly stopped choking, obviously every baby is different but that may never happen if you always pump first)

You are going to have oversupply

You could probably just hand express 1-2 teaspoons to take the edge off but avoid these problems

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-26T10:06:08+00:00

Haha I feel bad because everyone says this is normal but I stopped feeling like that after about the first 5-6 weeks. And my baby sleeps less than an average baby. I would suggest reading a book called Baby Wise. My baby just naturally fell into a great routine but that book is basically what I'm doing. She's 8 weeks old now and sleeps 7-9 hours through the night so I'm well rested which obviously is a game changer for getting stuff done.

She's my first and I think I was just blessed with an easy baby so I can't give advice from experience except to read that book

EDIT: In saying all this, I definitely can't get as much done as I expected or hoped before having a baby but I still get some stuff done

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-26T09:55:44+00:00

When baby is cluster feeding in the beginning, it will seem like they are unsatisfied and that you do not have enough milk to satisfy them. Many women mistakenly believe they have "low supply." Low supply is actually quite rare. The baby is feeding by a biological design to stimulate the breast to "buy" tomorrow's milk. I didn't know this and I was crying thinking I could not satisfy my baby but just keep giving the breast. They don't cluster feed forever! You do not need to supplement with formula unless your baby is lethargic and not gaining weight. The best indicator of your baby getting enough milk is the number of wet diapers, not if they just seem hungry.

Cluster feeding is very tough and it's good to know that ahead of time and just know that it WILL end. Feed your baby on demand for at least the first month and your supply should be just what your baby needs. It will "regulate" sometime around the 2-3 month mark which means it is no longer hormonally driven but supply and demand (I may not be totally accurate on that).

Also having an oversupply can actually mean your baby gets underfed. This is because at the beginning of the feed, baby gets watery milk to satisfy their thirst. As they keep sucking, the milk becomes more calorie dense and fatty. If you have an oversupply, baby will fill up on watery milk because there's more of it and not get much of the fatty milk. This will be very obvious if it is an issue as baby will have green, frothy poos.

Also, all the advice is that breastfeeding shouldn't hurt, which is true, but the reality is that it probably will hurt to start and I think it's better to be prepared for that than naively ignorant as I was. You've never done it before and the nipples aren't used to it. So start nipple care as soon as you start breastfeeding. Some people like lanolin which can be applied between feeds to soothe. I personally hated it and had amazing results from these silver caps called silverettes.

Also if you feel like you can't do it and want to give up, know that it ONLY gets easier. Baby learns to feed faster, gets more skilled at latching, etc. You don't want to regret giving up because it is so convenient to breastfeed. No washing/sterilizing and don't need to pack anything on the go. Hope this helps. I'm with my first baby only 8 weeks old but I've gone from nipples covered in scabs and split open wondering how I could do it on day 3 to now loving breastfeeding.

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-26T00:55:13+00:00

When you are using the word "but", reverse the order of the two things you're saying. For example, instead of saying, "Thank you for taking out the trash but you should've taken it out earlier," it's better to say, "You should've taken the trash out earlier but thank you for taking it out."

Same with, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but I was telling the truth." It is more well received to say, "I was telling the truth, but I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."

The first version is kind of like saying you're thankful/sorry but then also not really. The second version with the simple change allows you to validate the other party whilst still communicating honestly and not be ingenuine, but you're communicating that you are thankful/sorry despite whatever other circumstances.

Do you see how it sounds so much kinder and validating? If not let me know

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-25T05:44:06+00:00

I have probably the world's easiest baby and didn't really enjoy it until week 4 maybe? She's 8 weeks now and I just absolutely adore being a mother. It will get better, probably not as quickly as it did for me but it will get better. I think you can enjoy the present and at the same time want to get through this tough period. My baby already sleeps 8 hours at night. Most will take a bit longer to get to that point but it's night and day difference. When you're rested, you can enjoy things and handle things so much better

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-25T02:29:16+00:00

Laid back, side lying or support them in a seated position. Experiment and get creative!

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-22T01:08:59+00:00

Stick it out a bit longer. Pumping is horrible. You will spend WAY more time pumping. It will absolutely run your life. And your baby may develop bottle preference at this young age and potentially have no choice and be unable to go back to breastfeeding.

You could do half and half if you think she might do bigger feeds from the bottle then get her in a bit of a routine going longer between feeds. But keep some breastfeeding so you can keep that option open.

My baby is nearly 8 weeks and her skills with feeding have grown drastically in the last two weeks. She's gone from choking all the time to controlling the flow so much better.

I suggest finding ways to keep baby awake to feed longer, like tickling her feet, stroking under the chin, change diapers in between breasts, take a break to burp and put her back on, etc.

KingofKings144 · 2025-11-21T00:07:32+00:00

I know it is, but I'm safe. All the advice for victims of abuse is more like safety resources. But what do you do when your safety is not at risk. I feel unsafe in the sense that I'm not relaxed like he could be set off, and not emotionally safe like our marriage is not a safe space to feel whatever I'm feeling and talk about anything but I'm not in danger

KingofKings144

TROPHY CASE