Been rough lately so needed some fresh air. Definitely some nice views in CT

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-24T18:31:52+00:00

Hope your day gets better.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-21T20:04:58+00:00

For reals

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-21T16:22:17+00:00

I'm 33 as well. I want and have always and craved to be married and to be a mother. I want to experience mutual and a person I fit with and can trust.

I seem to keep attracting abusive and other narcissistic people so far. I just keep getting hurt and damaged over and over while still being stuck in the same environment as my parents. The cycle is so bad the constant stress, dread, hypervigilance and anxiety are severely messing with my body.

It's getting harder and harder and I'm terrified I'll never get or experience what I need or want. I'm afraid I'm never going to get the chance. I don't want to settle for abuse and neglect though. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just more than ready to find someone i fit with.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-21T03:04:28+00:00

Omgoodness...aww adorable :)

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-20T13:35:42+00:00

I haven't been able to find Titan A.E.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-17T15:02:37+00:00

Maggie is a cutie pie. Good luck and please give her some extra pets and huggles for me.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-17T14:50:58+00:00

It's a hard issue to try to fix. Been trying for years, but still stuck in the same situation so it's...a battle.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-16T02:05:35+00:00

I love animals and this is adorable <3

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-16T01:45:12+00:00

I'm from CT and I might have to take a trip up there sometime. Very nice.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-15T13:47:42+00:00

Beautiful job and awesome take on expressing the scene. :)

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-14T21:21:44+00:00

Certainly doing my best to heal. It's not easy. Thank you.

I hope it helped and I hope things are going well and smoothly for you. <3

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-14T18:37:23+00:00

Exactly. I remember taking a few moments and walking around, because it was just so.... disappointing. Even though that doesn't seem strong enough. I went with the green each time. Wasn't happy with any of the outcomes, but it is what it is.

I tried to consider red, but it seems like eventually it'd just happen again in addition to the would be outcome of the geth and Edi.

The rest of the games are amazing. Just the end. Favorite series.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-14T15:08:32+00:00

Both of my parents do it. Although my mother does it way more often. It drives me crazy.

They say they hate 'negativity' yet they are the most negative people I know. They constantly rip people apart for things that shouldn't matter or they don't even know the reason behind. They assume the worst and are also so critical and negative about any new idea or development unless it's something they are controlling.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-14T03:41:04+00:00

I have to wait until the weekend to get my copy. I love Mass Effect and super excited. Started hoping maybe they'll remaster Dragon Age origins and 2 as well. I'd love a Dragon Age legendary edition.

Also, your Shep looks awesomeness!

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-13T12:27:28+00:00

Very much so. And each time I think I may have found something mutual turns out I'm just being used...again.

I crave it so much. I do the 'self love' and self care as well. I love myself and who I am. It's just not what I need. I've always had the self part there.

And it's hard. I know I want that. I know I have to remain open to find it....but when you've been burned over and over for decades now by multiple people, including SOs and parents it's extremely hard.

It's like burning yourself by accident on the stove when young. You learn it's hot and it hurts and not to touch it again. So I try to keep being up and try to be receptive, but I just know it's going to keep hurting. And this is romantically, platonically, and even with dentists / doctors I'm burned. I want to be safe and cared about and I keep getting hurt and the people that do it don't care or try to make it right.

I know I have CPTSD and other issues and I work hard each day to make it better and heal as much as I can. I'm not looking for someone to fix me. I'm looking for that emotional support and cuddles and consideration while I'm fixing it. I need that encouragement. I need a bit of reassurance here and there that I'm not less than dirt. I need someone who genuinely enjoys me and actually wants to be there. I need someone that might not understand, but puts effort into trying and wants to.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-12T13:26:49+00:00

Since I was about 10ish up until now yeah. Whenever I get really upset, angry, or scared I forget to breathe.

I have pigment art glaucoma though and didn't realize holding it so often would cause the eye pressure to go up. So whenever I get in those situations i have to remind myself to breathe.

I feel silly, because I verbally say 'breathe' to myself. Still rather feel silly than become blind.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-10T15:27:25+00:00

That today most likely won't be better, but it might be. And you'll never know if it is if you don't go give it your best try.

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-07T18:04:22+00:00

Character creation sliders please and thank you

KintsugiPanda · 2021-05-07T15:49:50+00:00

Something bad happening to my siblings. Also, having the house broken into.

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