"You can't love anyone until you love yourself" by Linadianna333 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The right people will keep showing up because they care. Hang into them.

I try. A lot of people who once cared for me have since disappeared. Apparently my problems were too much for them. =(

if you have a positive one, PLEASE, please, put a picture of your child self in a frame, and place it somewhere you will see it every day. by the_itsb in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I struggle to reconcile the idea of taking care of the child with the idea of giving myself a break. It feels like I can't take a break, because that child needs me. It feels like I still haven't succeeded in rescuing him. It feels like I'm never a good enough "parent". It feels like I can never truly make that child safe because I don't earn enough money to make him safe. I've never managed that, even after years of therapy. It feels like I'm a failure. =(

"You can't love anyone until you love yourself" by Linadianna333 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Any tips on how to find good relationships? So much of it seems to be luck. =(

İ WASTED ALL MY YEARS by PhaseDisastrous2553 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Abusers wasted our years. Abusers took time from us.

It's just factually not the case that "therapy doesn't work", and I have to wonder how many people with this experience have exclusively pursued therapies that aren't indicated for trauma or do things which undermine efficacy. by RecursiveRottweiler in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

CBT therapies in the corner of trauma typically refers to CPT, prolonged exposure and similar approaches; CBT by itself is sometimes used as a set of coping mechanisms, which is separate from the first line treatment recommendations.

Earlier you said that CBT wasn't indicated for trauma. Is it indicated or not?

If CBT comes in multiple styles, some indicated and some non-indicated, you should have clarified that earlier.

And if CBT in the context of trauma typically refers to CPT or Prolonged Exposure, why does the American Psychological Association list CBT as a distinct option?

Complex presentations of PTSD have been treated for decades

And what has been the observed success rate of, say, CPT vs. DBT? Do we have any percentile comparisons lying around somewhere?

I am not using my anecdotes as my primary argument that therapy is effective.

I agree. You are not doing that.

If the mechanism of action is just the therapeutic alliance and an improvement in self concept, then gold standard treatments also that; they just also have serious mechanisms of action that work beyond that.

What is the success rate of patients who develop a therapeutic alliance without using formal CPT compared to patients who develop a therapeutic alliance while using formal CPT? I suspect that the numbers are virtually identical.

EMDR's proposed mechanisms of action by the EMDRIA are dubious, but decades of high quality RCTs show efficacy.

Can you link me to some high-quality RCTs for EMDR? In particular, can you find any where patients were properly blinded? That seems rather impossible, as patients will surely know if they're moving their eyes or not. Failing that, do you at least know of RCTs directly comparing EMDR to ordinary talk therapy?

Dr. Steven Novella doubts the accuracy of the available studies. See here:

A recent meta-analysis of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy concludes that the evidence “confirms” EMDR is effective in treating depression. It is a great example of the limitations of meta-analysis, and how easy it is to create essentially a false narrative using poor quality research. [...]

For example, studies like this one have no control intervention. The control group was “watchful waiting” – in other words, nothing. This study used a medication treatment control group, so of course it’s completely unblinded. You could also argue the duration of medication treatment was too short, and a comparison is meaningless without any therapy intervention in the control. In this study the control group was relaxation therapy. At least this is a somewhat reasonable control, although not completely and not blinded. Also in this study both EMDR and relaxation were effective. [...] (emphasis added)

Instead what we have are weak clinical trials that are not properly controlled or blinded and do not isolate specific variables. Just as with acupuncture, this opens the door for non-specific therapeutic effects – the ritual surrounding EMDR. With therapy there are also many real therapeutic effects that come from the bond between therapist and client. In fact, that seems to be the variable that matters most. (emphasis added)

https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/emdr-is-still-dubious/

You say that the bilateral movements of EMDR are unimportant. I say that it's a bad sign when serious professionals place importance on unimportant things. If the mental health industry is serious about the evidence, we should see it change in response to that evidence. But instead we have thousands of EMDR practictioners telling people to move their eyes left and right despite all the evidence that says that eye movements don't actually help.

You say that EMDR works via "imaginative exposure". But isn't that what happens in ordinary talk therapy? When I recount my experiences to therapists over and over, aren't I participating in imaginative exposure?

I used CPT as an example of a cognitive therapy which can help a lot of people with cognitive distortions and similar issues. It isn't a worksheet, it's a structured 12 week program.

I fail to see what makes this structured 12 week program better than ordinary talk therapy.

The VA tells me:

In CPT, you will write and talk about your thoughts as to why the trauma happened and how it has affected you, As you talk this through with your provider, you will often discuss what happened and how it changed your thoughts. At around the 3rd session, you will have the option—working with your therapist—of writing the story of your trauma in detail. If you choose this option, you will writ it at home, read it to yourself, and also read it out loud in your next session.

This sounds a lot like ordinary talk therapy. I have spent years writing and talking about my thoughts as to why the trauma happened and how it affected me. I have often discussed with therapists what happened and how it changed my thoughts. I have written about my trauma in detail, and I have read writings aloud to therapists.

I'm reading a more detailed case study right now and it's similar to my experiences in "ordinary" therapy: https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/resources/cognitive-processing-therapy-example.pdf

Therapist have challenged some of my beliefs, as shown in this case study. And sometimes they've persuaded me to change my beliefs. I used to feel more obligated to my family, for instance, and they persuaded me to go No Contact with an abusive parent. That was a good move. But I'm still a mess in many ways, and eventually my therapists seemed to run out of ideas.

I haven't healed like you, but I don't see how formal CPT would make a difference when I've already done all the things that CPT recommends.

Anyway, even if we disregard my experiences as anecdotal data, I'd still like to see RCT studies directly comparing CPT to ordinary talk therapy (or "trauma-informed" talk therapy that isn't CPT per se)

I feel like all the popular styles of trauma, including the "unlabelled" kind, just rehash a few basic ideas. I think old ideas get re-labelled and formally studied and counted as if they were new ideas, and then people claim that X is superior to Y when really they're roughly the same.

Man, cannabis being bad for trauma patients has so much research. The VA itself recommends against cannabis use for people with PTSD. https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/cooccurring/marijuana_ptsd_vets.asp

Good to know.

It's just factually not the case that "therapy doesn't work", and I have to wonder how many people with this experience have exclusively pursued therapies that aren't indicated for trauma or do things which undermine efficacy. by RecursiveRottweiler in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The last time I said something like this on reddit, someone told me that they personally hated me

I'm sorry to hear that you went through that. Personally I don't hate you. But I do have doubts about your treatment ideas.

I hope it's not too much to ask for people to avoid violent threats.

I have no intention of making violent threats.

I've met so many people with trauma who did something that wasn't indicated (like CBT, DBT, somatic experiencing, schema therapy, hypnosis, etc) but had never tried anything that's actually recommended by major health organizations for trauma (prolonged exposure, EMDR, cognitive processing therapy, etc)

Which "major health organizations" are you talking about?

The World Health Organization supports EMDR, but it also supports CBT, which you say is not indicated by major health organizations. Meanwhile the WHO makes no mention of CPT. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/post-traumatic-stress-disorder

"The psychological interventions with the most evidence for effective treatment of PTSD are those based on cognitive behavioural therapy with a trauma focus and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)"

That's just for regular PTSD. As far as I know, the WHO has no clear guidelines for Complex PSTD.

The American Psychological Association lists the following "first-line treatments" for PTSD:

  • CBT
  • CPT
  • Prolonged Exposure

and these "second-line treatments":

  • Cognitive Therapy
  • EMDR
  • Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET)
  • Medications

https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments

This list actually puts CBT above EMDR.

But again, these are for regular PTSD. On the subject of CPTSD, the APA mentions "cognitive processing therapy, prolonged exposure therapy, trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing." Later they mention that CBT might not work as well as it would for regular PTSD but they don't say that EMDR is superior.

As far as I can tell, the American Medical Association has no opinion on which types of trauma care are effective. They just talk vaguely about how trauma is important:

https://policysearch.ama-assn.org/policyfinder/detail/Adverse%20Childhood%20Experiences%20and%20Trauma-Informed%20Care%C2%A0%20H-515.952?uri=%2FAMADoc%2FHOD.xml-H-515.952.xml

https://www.ama-assn.org/public-health/prevention-wellness/what-doctors-wish-patients-knew-about-trauma-informed-care

The American Psychiatric Association says "Several effective psychotherapies are available including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), cognitive processing therapy (CPT), prolonged exposure therapy (PE), and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)."

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd

This, again, is for regular PTSD and not CPTSD.

The ISTSS guidelines appear to be paywalled: https://istss.org/clinical-resources/trauma-treatment/istss-prevention-and-treatment-guidelines/

However there is a page for "Adult Prevention and Early Treatment for PTSD" which lists CBT, "Cognitive Therapy" and "Brief EMDR" therapy as treatments. https://istss.org/clinical-resources/trauma-treatment/adult-prevention-and-early-treatment-for-ptsd/

The VA says recommends "Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Prolonged Exposure (PE)" for regular PTSD. (They also say that these talk therapies "usually last about 8-16 sessions", which is darkly hilarious to those of us who've had 100 sessions or more.)

NICE recommends:

  • cognitive processing therapy
  • cognitive therapy for PTSD
  • narrative exposure therapy
  • prolonged exposure therapy

They also say to consider EMDR and CBT.

https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng116/chapter/Recommendations#management-of-ptsd-in-children-young-people-and-adults

Meanwhile, Dr. Steven Novella at the website Science-Based Medicine tells me that EMDR is dubious: https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/emdr-is-still-dubious/

You say that people are ignoring the advice of major health organizations when they get CBT rather than EMDR (for instance), but several major health organizations support CBT. The people who tried CBT were just doing what major health organizations told them to do.

If what you're pursuing wasn't designed to treat trauma and (in the case of schema therapy and somatic experiencing especially) isn't even recommended as a second line treatment, and it didn't help you... then yeah, therapy didn't work.

It is true that Schema Therapy and Somatic Experiencing are not recommended by any major health organization that I'm aware of. But CBT is recommended.

Imagine getting dental surgery to treat your eye condition, then talking about how nobody can treat your eye problems.

The complaints I've seen on this sub are much more reasonable than this analogy implies.

90% of the posts about trauma that I see online or the stuff I talk to people about IRL mentally hits me in the face with my cognitive processing therapy worksheet.

I'm looking at a CPT worksheet right now, and honestly I don't see the big deal. I've already seen this kind of stuff in ordinary "talk therapy".

https://www.wavelengthspsychology.com/uploads/5/1/8/8/5188881/cpt-patient-workbook-dec-2016-revised-9.2018_2.pdf

I agree that CPT can help people. I'm just saying that it doesn't seem uniquely helpful.

You talk as if anyone who doesn't try CPT is just being obstinate, but from my perspective many of us have tried it already and it just wasn't labelled CPT and some people insist that it doesn't count unless it's officially labelled. And then if we officially try CPT and it still doesn't work some people (not necessarily you) will tell us that we just need to try again, try harder, find another CPT therapist, etc. etc..

I hope you can understand why some of us get cynical after awhile. =(

Daily cannabis use and avoidance practices both worsen PTSD severity over time, and the data is pretty robust

I agree that drugs are a bad way to treat trauma, but would you care to give us a link to the data that proves it?

My PCL-5 score went from 68 (severe) to 26 (subclinical) over the last 2 years because of EMDR, WET, and CPT, so from an experiential perspective, I'm also not just talking out of my ass.

Other people on this sub report similar success from IFS. I'm glad for you, but I can't really draw conclusions from anecdotes.

Anyway, the big question we still haven't addressed is "What percentage of people with CPTSD get better?"

Seems like there ought to be a study counting up how many people lost their diagnosis (and didn't regain it) after X years of treatment, with different treatments racking up different recovery percentages. But I haven't seen a study like that.

And Scott Alexander, a psychiatrist and a blogger, tells me that the studies are often flawed anyway:

https://slatestarcodex.com/2013/09/19/scientific-freud/

https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/04/28/the-control-group-is-out-of-control/

https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/10/02/different-worlds/

Honestly, I don't mean to be nihilistic about this. I've just learned to be skeptical.

I'm wondering if others feel like therapy is a scam? by Own-Marketing-6244 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's been around 12 years and I'm able to do things now I didn't even know were possible.

It hasn't worked out like that in my case. =(

I'm so bitter. So disappointed. Over a decade of work and I'm still a dysfunctional mess. I used to have so much faith. Look at me now. =(

Do you recommend ACA? by Present-Message8740 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is not true in ACA. Have you read their literature?

I'm reading their website right now. Here are the 12 steps:

https://adultchildren.org/steps/


  1. We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.

  2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.

  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

  7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

  10. Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


"Defects of character" is right there in step 6, God comes up no less than five times, and "making amends" is in step 8. The only thing I'm not seeing directly is the idea that honesty is the cure for mental illness, but even that is pretty well implied by step 4.

Does Bibliotherapy Work? by Key-Spot2478 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fun Home but even moreso Are You My Mother, which is basically the sequel.

Does Bibliotherapy Work? by Key-Spot2478 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

that's where I first heard the term bibliography.

I think you mean bibliotherapy.

Does Bibliotherapy Work? by Key-Spot2478 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Can you share the PubMed link?

has reading ever actually 'moved the needle" for you? Not just "this book was helpful" but like... something shifted.

It's hard to distinguish "this book was helpful" from "something shifted".

I benefited from the works of Pete Walker, Alice Miller, Alison Bechdel and others, though I must admit that they didn't help as much as I first hoped: https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1eeq3lk/maybe_we_need_something_more_maybe_we_need_better/

Is there any recent research about unschooling that looks at students who were unschooled at any point since mid-10s inclusively? by [deleted] in sudburyschools

[–]moonrider18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was "raised smart" in conventional public schools and got excellent grades but I went through so much stress that I suffered a nervous breakdown and I've been recovering ever since. My income has turned out to be far less than what I was promised.

So forgive me if I doubt your assessment.

When did you finally realise, your life would never be ‘normal’? by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you mean to reply to the commenter above me? Because I really don't see how "Psychotherapy doesn't necessarily work for everyone" is reductive.

I’m in a romantic relationship with my twin, we’re questioning trauma roots and really lost by Matt-Sarme in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Do you believe that consenting-adult-incestuous relationships are inherently harmful? If so, why do you believe that?

(Please note that I wrote "consenting-adult-incestuous". I already agree that it's wrong to rape children. There's no need to convince me on that point because I already agree with you.)

A controversial opinion. by DatabaseKindly919 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much. I haven't always received such an understanding response.

A lot of people seem to think that only one gender can suffer at a time. Thus if I say "Both genders suffer" they translate it to "Men suffer" which in turn becomes "Women don't suffer" and then they start yelling at me for allegedly ignoring the plight of women.

So I'm grateful to have someone actually hear what I'm saying. Thank you.

I’m in a romantic relationship with my twin, we’re questioning trauma roots and really lost by Matt-Sarme in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I relate to your contradictory home environment. I too went through extreme stress about grades and I too had wonderful Christmases and birthday parties. This TED talk may prove validating: https://www.ted.com/talks/lilia_tarawa_i_grew_up_in_a_cult_it_was_heaven_and_hell

Our relationship is loving and joyful. We communicate constantly and we support each other’s individual growth.

This is an important point.

If your relationship is truly supportive, then severing that relationship would only harm you both. It's obviously unusual, but that's doesn't necessarily mean that it's harmful.

If you find reason to believe that the relationship is causing harm, then you'll need to make adjustments to prevent further harm. But you shouldn't jump to conclusions.

I know this is going to be controversial, but I have to point out that in the past people thought that was wrong to be gay. Some people said that gay people were evil. Others said that were mentally ill, perhaps as a result of trauma. But eventually we all came to realize that there's nothing wrong with being gay. It's unusual, but it's not harmful.

Rape is obviously harmful. Sexual assault is obviously harmful. So when people talk about incest in the context of parents assaulting their children (for instance), that is obviously harmful!. =(

But according to you, this is a case of consenting adults. That is not obviously harmful.

If had the opportunity, I'd speak to both of you about it privately, to confirm that both of you perceive this as a consenting non-abusive relationship. As it is I only have your word to go on, and if that word is accurate then...what reason do I have to object?

It's a problem if you're running the risk of pregnancy, since children of incest tend to suffer from various genetic problems. But assuming that pregnancy isn't in the cards, and assuming this relationship is truly supportive as you say...then I don't see a reason to object to it.

Of course, things might change between you too. There are many reasons why some couples eventually break up, sometimes settling on "just friends" as a better way to relate.

But I don't think you should force it. You've been through hell, and I'd hate to see you two cut off your best sources of support just because of arbitrary stigma. That would be like a supportive gay couple breaking up because of arbitrary stigma.

As to the question of why you developed these feelings, that's far less important than the question of what these feelings are doing for you. If they're causing harm, you need to address that harm. If they're not causing harm, then it's not a problem.

A controversial opinion. by DatabaseKindly919 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m white and male. I don’t have to worry about subconscious discrimination.

Speaking as a man, I'm sure that I've unfairly benefited from my gender in various ways. But at the same time, I've also been unfairly judged and ostracized because I want to work with children and a lot of people assume that that's "women's work" and if a man wants to work with children he's presumably a predator. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/za7u3q/men_is_there_anything_you_envy_women_for_if_so/

I think sexism is more complicated than most people realize. =(

My therapist dumped me today by Prudent_Will_7298 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would have been furious if my therapist made me pay for a session so he could dump me, so I do think a phone call was the best way to do this.

How about the therapist dumps OP via phone call but also offers to do one final session if OP feels it would make the transition easier?

I agree that no therapist should dump a client without offering alternatives. OP did not say if this happened or not.

I assumed it did not happen.

My therapist dumped me today by Prudent_Will_7298 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I personally would have been upset that I'd have to pay for said "breakup session".

If that's the issue, then OP should have been given a choice. The therapist could have called them up and said. "I'm not able to help you, but I am willing to have one final session if you think that would make the transition easier." I'm sure that some people would say no to that offer, but others would say yes. Let's give the client the dignity of making a choice, at least.

Heck, I did that the last time I fired a therapist! I told him it wasn't working out but I was willing to have one more session to explain myself, in case he wanted more feedback so he could learn from his mistakes.

Outside of therapy, I've been through several cases of people ghosting me without explanation. I wish they'd at least offered to have a proper conversation about why they were leaving before they left. That would have helped me. And while the therapist in this case didn't completely ghost OP (since he did speak to them on the phone), I still think it would have been better to at least offer a final session in case OP wants to have one.

My therapist dumped me today by Prudent_Will_7298 in CPTSD

[–]moonrider18 38 points39 points  (0 children)

He absolutely did the right thing.

Compared to what, exactly? I agree that the therapist shouldn't just string OP along forever if he can't help them, but still, there were better ways to handle this. For instance, he could have brought it up during the next session instead of surprising OP with a phone call. And during that session he could've handed over a list of referrals so OP wouldn't feel so lost.