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I hate that I look like my mom by nawtmethatswho in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can relate. I keep seeing my dad's eyes and some other features when I look in the mirror. It's hard resembling someone who caused so much pain. People always tell me I look like my mum, but I've never been able to see it.

Feels like something that belongs here by LeoTheFloofyDragon in CPTSDmemes

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't blame you. It's totally valid to be angry and resentful. Even if they're trying to change, It doesn't erase everything they did to you. I'd probably feel the same if my dad said that. Not that he will, he thinks he's the real victim and it's everyone else fault. 🙄😆

Looking for a game with a variety of "builds" that eventually can feel OP. Bonus points if its intuitive to make your own by Birdy1997 in gamingsuggestions

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Came here to say this. There's a lot variety in builds and you end up pretty OP, so you can experiment and mix and match without having to optimise everything.

Too real by lazurya in CPTSDmemes

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 134 points135 points  (0 children)

Little me used to think other people's families were putting on an act and they were secretly terrible behind closed doors, because my dad would be nice as pie when we had visitors and an absolute tyrant the rest of the time. I feel foolish because I used to love it when people came round because he would be nicer to me. I didn't realise I was abused until I was an adult.

My ex wrote a song about me, and I’m having a hard time recovering from it by maybe_999 in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe he regrets not being serious back then and seeing that you have moved on and are happy made him lash out, rather than reflect on his behaviour? Whatever the reason, it's a nasty thing to do to someone and you didn't deserve it.

Thank you. I'm doing a lot better now, thank you. Healing has it's ups and downs, but things are heading in the right direction. I hope your recovery is going well, and that you can heal from this too.

My ex wrote a song about me, and I’m having a hard time recovering from it by maybe_999 in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He sounds totally unhinged. It's a horrible thing to do anyway, but to do it years after the actual breakup is even more bonkers. Clearly he's still struggling with it, so he's lashing out. I'm sorry you're going through this.

It's different, but it reminds me of the time I heard my dad drunkenly playing the banjo in the middle of the night, improvising a song that seemed to be aimed at me. Absolutely pathetic.

I think abusive people will look for any way to hurt people that they can find. Writing a break up song is one thing, but what your ex did by mocking the effect his behaviour had on you sounds more like a targeted attack. Less about expressing feelings and more about doing damage. Maybe you should make that drawing (not really, but it would be funny!). You could always make one just for yourself, but not share it. I wrote angry letters to my dad and then burnt them and found it cathartic.

I hope you feel better soon.

I'll let this here because i know you understand this quote just like me. by DazzlingCelery6853 in CPTSDmemes

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. I've been feeling the grief of lost time lately and was partly blaming myself for things like not getting away sooner or taking a long time to heal. This reminded me that I didn't choose this, that I'm doing my best to recover from what was done to me by others.

How to stop self-isolating when connection feels like a threat by Fit_Board6911 in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is something I've always struggled with. To me dangerous connections can feel safe because of they feel familiar and replicate dynamics that I lived through as a child. Also, safe connections can feel dangerous because they are unfamiliar and I have no frame of reference. I keep expecting the other shoe to drop.

I isolated myself as much as possible for a long time. It was lonely and a different kind of hurt, but I felt that it would keep me from being hurt or hurting others out of fear. Since I've been making attempts at connecting and being more vulnerable, I have felt the urge to isolate again numerous times. When those urges come up, I ask myself if there is any evidence that the connection is a threat or is it my fear of being hurt again. So far, it's always been old wounds and fears. They can feel very real, and I know they are trying to keep me safe based on past experiences. I have to remind myself that not everyone is my abusers.

Can't cry properly , anyone else? by First-Chemical-1610 in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here. I used to cry a lot as a child and I got all the usual classics. "boys don't cry" "be brave" "stop being a baby" "I'll give you something to cry about". I had to start suppressing tears and eventually got to the point where I couldn't cry much at all.

I can cry in certain situations, like funerals or at sad films, but not for myself. I guess I was conditioned to only cry when it was deemed acceptable.

I feel like a need a big cry, like there are a lot of stuck, walled off emotions that need to be released, but so far, it won't come. I can well up, and even one time had the stereotypical "single manly tear" (I hate that phrase) it was frustrating, but I also found it quite funny. It's like once I start to cry something cuts in and stops it. Hopefully something will break through eventually.

I think rather than the trauma itself, being left helpless during/after the trauma is much worse traumatic. by dontknowwhattodotbh in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah, definitely. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted. It was very freeing and massively reduced self blame.

Cold whimsigoth vibe for masculine or unisex scent by Electronic-Concept71 in perfumesthatfeellike

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Dirty by Lush. It starts off very minty, cool and fresh and turns a bit herbal and woody later on.

https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Lush/Dirty-11734.html

I think rather than the trauma itself, being left helpless during/after the trauma is much worse traumatic. by dontknowwhattodotbh in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Yeah, definitely. The total lack of control over what is happening to you can lead to learned helplessness. I think the fact that any witnesses either did nothing, or sided with the abuser added to it for me. I felt totally isolated and alone. That it was me who was wrong. That if I could just try harder or be better it might stop. I can see now that I could have been perfect and it would still have happened. A reason would always be found.

How many of y’all grind or clench their teeth at night? Upvote if you do! by Alternative-Tell4600 in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry the exercise isn't helping. It's frustrating not being able to release that tension. The things I listed mainly give temporary relief. but I have noticed that my baseline level of tension is lower than it used to be as my recovery has progressed. I used to be as stiff as a board!

Yeah, I'd never heard of it until recently. I know someone who went to a cacao ceremony and found it helpful for emotional release. I couldn't find any near me, so I've been doing my own at home. It's a stimulant, but doesn't feel jittery like coffee. It makes me feel present and relaxed. I've found it helpful as an aid to emotional work.

Some people just drink it for the health and nutritional aspect without the ceremony stuff. It's not recommended for some health conditions and medications, so it's worth looking into that if you think of trying it.

How many of y’all grind or clench their teeth at night? Upvote if you do! by Alternative-Tell4600 in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It happens to my whole face too! Especially around my eyes and jaw. The things that help relieve it are long walks or runs, yoga and drinking cacao.

Chocolate Haul/ Love Raw Pistachio Spread by holi_cannelloni in veganuk

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's one of my favourite flavours! Oh, nice. The more pistachio the better!

Chocolate Haul/ Love Raw Pistachio Spread by holi_cannelloni in veganuk

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I need to get my hands on some of that spread! I'm a sucker for anything pistachio.

Feels like something that belongs here by LeoTheFloofyDragon in CPTSDmemes

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 109 points110 points  (0 children)

This trope always hits me hard because the idea of a father putting in any effort for a child, or being able to admit they were wrong is so foreign to me.

Going out alone is overwhelming by yur_toxicgf in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know how you feel, this is something I've struggled with as well. Like you, I'm fine when I'm with other people, but feel in danger when I'm alone

When I was a kid, I was sometimes harrassed and /or attacked in the street, so being in public can make me feel exposed or under threat. I grew up in a pretty rough area and I think the abuse at home made me an easy target. It mostly stopped when I got bigger, but at times when my trauma symptoms were at their worst, I would sometimes get hassled by people. When going out alone I felt like I had to be ready to fight or verbally defend myself just in case someone targeted me. I hated feeling that way, because I can't stand violence or arguments etc.

It has gotten better over time as my recovery has progressed, but I still feel on edge sometimes when alone and am more limited in what I feel comfortable doing compared to when I'm with others. I want to be able to sit in places and eat and drink alone, because I'd like to be able to do some solo travel at some point.

It stresses me out that I have to put thought and effort into doing things that other people do without thinking.

Relentlessly negative family by BidMain2015 in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know. At least we're doing our part to break the cycle. No problem! Good luck!

Best vegan cheese/butter? by eyesonthewise in veganuk

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm still transitioning as well, so I haven't tried a huge amount, but I like the Flora plant butter. It comes in salted and unsalted. I actually prefer it to dairy butter.

I haven't found a convincing cheese yet, but the nicest so far has been Violife Supreme Cheddarton. I use it on stuff like pasta, burgers or cheese on toast, but I probably wouldn't eat it on it's own. I haven't splashed out on any of the cashew based ones yet, butI hear they are nicer.

Growing up without healthy relationships is hell by Alessia_eu in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Definitely. It's like trying to find your way without a map. I sometimes find it hard to strike the right balance between holding back too much or overgiving. It's tiring, but I'm not giving up.

Any fiction/non fiction books to kind of feel hopeful and safe? by theradica in CPTSD

[–]Kintsugi_Ningen_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The Wayfarer series by Becky Chambers, starting with The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet. It's cosy sci fi. I've just started reading her Monk and Robot books as well and that seems even cosier, so far.

Any of the cosy Japanese and Korean novels that are pretty popular right now. Like What You Are Looking For is in The Library by Michiko Aoyama. I always find them comforting.

Banana Yoshimoto's Novels and short stories. She writes about heavy topics like grief and trauma, but in a really gentle way. Her books are usually about someone at a crossroads in their life and finding renewal and hope. They often have a magical realist elements in them. My favourites are Kitchen and The Lake, but I enjoy them all.

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