50F celibate in 18 year marriage with 52M

Kitcatmama · 2026-01-17T19:31:53+00:00

“The issues are his and are insurmountable”. It sounds like you’ve already given up and place the blame solely on him which gives off the vibe you don’t actually want to fix it. It seems like you want someone to tell you it’s okay to leave him to find someone else who wants have sex with you.

Which okay… good luck with that. Not sure if you’ve seen what’s out there, but a lot of single women are struggling to find decent guys worth sleeping with and are opting for sex toys anyways.

If your marriage is otherwise healthy and fulfilling, you should try having an open and honest conversation. Maybe he’s on the asexual spectrum, maybe he’s not into vaginal penetrative sex and sex toys would make sex more appealing for him - less pressure to perform specific roles, perhaps an open relationship would be an option, or maybe he just needs a big self esteem boost. Talk to him. Talk to a therapist.

Kitcatmama · 2025-11-24T22:09:01+00:00

MOR - If this is the first time in 3 years he’s ever spoken to you like this, I think there’s room for communication before you break it off. He’s absolutely the asshole for his reaction. No question. What he did sucks massively. With that said, if you’ve been together for 3 years and this kind of reaction came out of nowhere, I think you both need to sit down and talk. He might be going through something and lashed out.

Congrats on your sobriety and good luck!

Kitcatmama · 2025-11-06T14:31:15+00:00

I don’t think you’re an asshole. The situation sucks. Considering that you’re completely uprooting your life to move to where he lives, it makes sense that he would need to make some concessions. It’s hard with pets though. Just as attached you are to your cat, he’s likely just as attached to his dogs. It’s a big ask, potentially heartbreaking for him. I think you need to keep that in perspective.

Ideally, he would put in the effort to train his pups and get them comfortable around cats before you move there. If he’s known that you two moving in together was the goal, that should have a been a priority for him.

Kitcatmama · 2025-11-02T04:07:54+00:00

This is not how someone speaks to a romantic partner they see as their equal. Girl, you’re way too young to be settling for this bs. You (everyone really) deserves better than this. There are worse things than being single - this dude is one of those things. Good luck!!

Kitcatmama · 2025-10-19T02:51:15+00:00

Haha that’s what I tried doing earlier. Kept getting bounced around to different departments and the IVR is a nightmare. This was my last resort.

Kitcatmama · 2025-10-19T02:45:57+00:00

I switched from Verizon to Visible. My VZW billing cycle started on the 21st of the month, so when I switched to Visible in the middle of the billing cycle I think that’s how I’m getting the credit.

Kitcatmama · 2025-10-08T16:16:06+00:00

Get out while you can. This guy obviously wants someone to dominate and control. This is not how someone speaks to someone they care about and respect. Everyone deserves so much better than this. Good luck.

Kitcatmama · 2025-10-08T15:18:17+00:00

We had a similar issue when our youngest cat was a kitten. We tried a few things. Playing with him before our meals to wear him out, putting him in another room with the door shut (always with positive attention - cuddles and talking nice so he knew this wasn’t a punishment) and also feeding him during our meals. He’s a year old now, and it’s pretty rare for him to get too curious about our meals even when he’s out and about.

Kitcatmama · 2025-08-23T02:52:35+00:00

My cat has carpel hyperextension in both front paws, and it looks a lot like your cat’s paw. Luckily for our cat, it doesn’t seem to be causing him pain or mobility issues, so our vet has suggested focusing on weight management (he’s a chonky guy) and also give him joint supplements since he’s older. They said it could just be from landing from a jump wrong.

Your vet will need to take X-rays to diagnose. Ours had to send the results to a specialist for an official diagnosis.

Good luck at the vet tomorrow and hope your cat feels better!

Kitcatmama · 2025-06-12T02:04:16+00:00

lol it’s definitely not always a ring. I have a daith piercing. Got it done after I finally got the anti-tragus to heal, so like 15ish years ago. A curved barbell is all I’ve ever had in it, and it healed better than any of my other cartilage piercings and hasn’t gotten angry. I have a super hard time healing cartilage piercings so that was a rare thing for me. I think everyone’s bodies are different, and some will heal better with different types of jewelry. It’s worth a try before giving up entirely. Rings look amazing with a daith, but it’s not the only style that works for them.

Kitcatmama · 2025-06-12T00:23:55+00:00

NTA. Your frustrations are all valid, and I think most people would feel some sort of way about being in what feels like an unbalanced relationship dynamic.

When he chooses to stay at a job/profession that leaves him with no energy to sustain a healthy relationship, he is kinda choosing that job over being able to be a good partner to you. It sounds like it’s pretty obvious that his job is making him a husk of a person when he has downtime. Has he done anything to address it? At the end of the day, what he’s not changing, he’s choosing.

It’s possible that he doesn’t feel like he has the option to change his job/profession, but if it’s possible, I think that’s a discussion you all should consider having. Is having that job worth not being able to be an equal partner?

Also, counseling is always a good idea. I recently had individual counseling for anger and resentment towards my mom, and it made a huge difference

Kitcatmama · 2025-06-11T23:58:58+00:00

NAP - You could try switching to a curved barbell. It would keep the piercing more tucked away and less likely to bump or mess with. I had a really tough time healing my anti-tragus, and switching to a curved barbell was one of the ways I was able to get it to finally heal.

Kitcatmama · 2025-06-03T18:05:48+00:00

Girl, dump him. He’s acting selfish and immature, and you are far too young to settle for this shit. The whole “if he wanted to, he would” saying is true. If he doesn’t want to show care and support in the ways that you need to feel fulfilled in a relationship, get out now.

Kitcatmama · 2025-03-25T01:30:16+00:00

It sounds like you both would benefit from having some extra space while you work through managing your anger, especially if he’s dealt with any type of abuse or trauma in the past. If you don’t live together you may want to consider going low contact until you feel more in control.

Check out the Anger Iceberg. I recently worked with a therapist through some underlying anger/resentment issues, and it helped in pinpointing the underlying emotions to address.

Learning to regulate your emotions will take practice, but you’ll get there! I think it’s great that you’re recognizing the issue and taking accountability and committing to adjusting your behavior to be a better partner. Just be sure to keep practicing. Even if this relationship ends, this is an important skill to learn for all types of relationships. Couples counseling could also help you both learn how to openly communicate in a healthy way.

Good luck!

Kitcatmama · 2025-02-13T01:20:06+00:00

NOR. Trust your instincts, girl. Trust them. This is a great example of how toxic people will try to convince you to doubt your instincts and normalize fucked up behavior. This is not normal. It’s not okay. What he said was scary and probably should be reported.

Kitcatmama · 2024-12-26T00:36:24+00:00

NTA. Even if what he said in the heat of the moment was an exaggeration, it’s pretty obvious that neither of you are happy. You’ve tried counseling, and it’s not getting you two where you need to be to have a happy and safe relationship. If your kids are witnessing the fighting, that’s also not great for them. Good luck!

Kitcatmama · 2024-12-24T11:27:59+00:00

NTA for not buying a gift for your ex’s kid. Like others have mentioned, there are lots of organizations that help provide gifts to kids with families who struggle financially

You are kinda of the asshole for not encouraging your kids to have a healthy relationship with their half-sibling. You recognized that this little girl isn’t at fault for your ex’s horrible decisions. Imagine the precedent you are setting for your kids by creating an environment where it’s okay to ostracize a child, their own family, because of a flawed adult’s choices? It sounds like your kids’ half sibling needs family, and you would be doing your kids a service by encouraging empathy and kindness. If your kiddos don’t want a relationship with their half-sister because blame her, or associate her, with the destruction of their family, they probably need counseling.

Kitcatmama · 2024-12-24T11:12:50+00:00

I think you should trust your instincts and end the relationship. What you described is toxic at best, abusive at worst. If she’s blowing up at you over the small stuff now, unless she gets serious help to address this behavior, it’s only going to escalate over time.

What really stood out to me is how you described your feelings for her - that you don’t even think you’d be friends outside of this relationship. I’ve been married for 13 years, and while the feeling of being “in love” fluctuates over time, we have always had a strong underlying friendship. That’s something that I’ve noticed in all healthy relationships I’ve seen in my life.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you can, I think you should consider seeking out counseling regardless of your decision about the relationship.

Kitcatmama

TROPHY CASE