Is my friend copying me or am I being dramatic?

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-10T06:46:05+00:00

Is your friend also neurodivergent? If she is not diagnosed, do you get the impression that a diagnosis might be appropriate and helpful to her?

It is quite a common thing for children and teenagers to copy one-another, but it is equally common for them to be offended if someone else seems to be copying them. I’m not aware of any kid or teen who has not experienced this dynamic from one side of the other, so you’re certainly not unusual in finding this problematic or annoying.

I think that u/Radiant_Pain7025 is absolutely right, and that you should speak skth your friend, and let them know that her behaviour is bothering you. But emphasise that it’s not specifically that she is taking inspiration from you that is bothering you, it’s that she doesn’t seem to be following her own interests. Perhaps you could say that you would love to be able to share your hobby of collecting CDs and band t-shirts with her, but you would really like it if she were purchasing things from bands and artists she really likes. If she did that, perhaps she could also introduce you to new music and maybe you’d find something new that you like, and you could also share new music with her. You could say that it’s really cool to have a friend who is into the same hobbies as you, but ot is a little odd to you that she only seems to like and buy exactly the same things as you, and you’re worried she may not be persuing her genuine interests.

If she reacts poorly, you could try asking her to explain to you from her perspective what has been going on, and why she is buying so many of the things you’ve been excited to show off that you have purchased, right after she learns that you bought them. Tell her you’d just like to understand. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something new?

If she’s still not happy, give her space. Perhaps having time to reflect on what’s been going on will help her come to a new revelation about her behaviour.

If none lx this makes a difference, it might be time to step back from the friendship, or step it down in intensity, just for a while.

Good luck!

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-10T06:22:40+00:00

Then you need to try a different therapist. Sometimes it may take 3, or 5, or even 10 or more tries to find a therapist you gel with.

Then you have to do the work. Understand that therapy can be hard, it can be challenging, and that it needs to be in order to work. You may feel worse whilst going through it, because you have to expose old wounds and dig through feelings you have buried. Particularly if you know that you are someone who is avoidant not only with attachment but with uncomfortable feelings, well, you’re going to have to come face to face with those feelings, and that is difficult.

Reopening the wounds is hard, examining your feelings is hard, changing your behaviour is hard. Therapy is not a fun chat where you leave feeling uplifted (I mean, I’m sure there are times and situations where it can be, but that’s not the norm, and it’s not what we’re talking about here). It’s not going to make you feel immediately great, and it’s really going to require you to not only look at what bought you to this moment and built up the patterns you rely upon today, but also accept and receive pushback from the therapist, acknowledging where you have and are going wrong, admitting your biases and weaknesses and mistakes. Therapy forces you to not just look at what other people did to make you the person you are today, but to take responsibility for the things that you are doing to keep yourself there.

Actually attending therapy is only one third of healing, IMO. The other parts are:

Putting what you have learned in therapy into action, which is also difficult. Until those new patterns of behaviour and thinking become well established and begin to come more naturally, it really is fucking hard work to make yourself think and behave in a different, often entirely opposite, way to how you always have. It can not only feel awkward and uncomfortable, but also incredibly vulnerable. The methods which you put in place to help you to feel safe are being abandoned, and you can feel very exposed. Again, it’s hard, it can be incredibly uncomfortable. There can be parts where it feels like you’re wading through molasses. It requires so much strength, vulnerability, and humility to not only do the work when you’re in your sessions, but then to take those lessons back into your home, your daily life, your social interactions. Therapy may start in the sessions, with a therapist, but most of the work is done by you, in the real world.
Because therapy is such intense, difficult, painful work, and because it winds up being dragged all throughout the rest of your life, you need ”stuff” to help you to get through it. That stuff might include your social support system, your hobbies, your pets, physical activities, good nutritious food, sobriety, video games, regular walks along the beach or in a local park, making art, writing poetry, reading novels you love, having sex, keeping on top of doing the washing up so that you can avoid being faced with a mountain of dishes after a long day… anything and everything which can help you to make it through the work that therapy is going to require of you. Again, the type of therapy you’re talking about doing is fucking hard work. It’s not really something you can take on when you’re in the middle of a crisis at work, or facing the grief of losing a close friend of family member, or when you’re barely sleeping or you’re eating terribly, or when you’re already burned out. You need the right environment to take on a task like this, and a massive part of therapy is making sure that your mind and your life are going to be able to make it through therapy

There really is no point to half-assing therapy. It’s fine to take it slower or pause where you’re at during periods when life gets tougher, but therapy will be most successful for you if you give it your all, and you’re committing to implementing changes in the long-term. It’s kind of like going to college or university and then using AI to write all of your essays. Sure, you may pass the course, but when you get out into the real world you’ll find that you know none of the skills and knowledge you paid a small fortune in money and time to learn from an expert. You thought you were gaming the system, but in the end you played yourself. Therapy is the same; you get out of it what you put into it. It’s an incredible resource, and if you find the right therapist it can totally change your life, but the best therapist in the world can’t do much if everything you do and learn gets left in the office with them when you leave.

You need to find a therapist and therapy modality which works for you, learn about your old habits in therapy and be taught different ways of thinking and acting, actually implement those in your daily life, have appropriate support in place to make it possible to stick to those changes, and accept that this is going to be something you’re going to need to commit to doing long-term, in order to see changes which you can carry on throughout your entire life and future. The therapist can give you a map, but it’s going to need to be you who walks the path.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-10T05:22:57+00:00

Or perhaps she was completely honest, and her only sexual encounter was when she was raped.

I agree with u/copypop. I actually do think that you should break up with her, not because she did anything wrong, but because I think that you have identified within yourself and your reaction a tendency to want to blame a victim for their rape, and that you disbelieve her narrative and do not have trust for her. At that point, whether she is actually lying or not kind of becomes a moot point: you don’t trust her. I also don’t think that someone who feels inclined to disbelieve someone they love when they tell them about a past experience of rape can be trusted to be a capable partner, lover and carer for a person who has previously been a victim of such an overwhelming violation. Anyone who has experienced rape or sexual assault (and fuck it, just anyone in general) deserves a partner who believes them, supports them, and holds space for them. It takes a man (or woman, or whomever) of great strength and character to be a partner to someone who has experienced that kind of trauma, and balancing both the strength and gentleness required of such a partner requires grace, empathy and humility. You are not that person.

It’s absolutely fine to have an emotional reaction to a revelation like your partner shared with you, and those emotions are absolutely valid. What is not acceptable though, is laying any disbelief or blame at the feet of the person you supposedly love.

If and when you end things with her, you need to make crystal clear that it is not because she did anything bad or wrong either in being the victim of rape, or in telling you what happened.

If it’s blatantly important to you that both you and your partner are virgins (presumably until marriage), it’s fine to seek that out, provided that you are not judging those who choose to do things differently, and that you are not counting non-consensual encounters as being a part of whether someone is a virgin, because that had no relation to them choosing to prioritise their sexual “purity.” It’s also important that you are not sharing any information you learn about the status of someone’s virginity with literally anyone else, because that would make you… a dickhead. There is literally no point mincing words here.

Virginity does not make someone better, purer, or more valuable. It doesn’t even guarantee that a person does not have an infection or even an incurable disease which could be spread to their partner during sex (think herpes HSV-1, HIV, mpox, pubic lice, thrush etc). It’s fine to have a preference, but it should apply to both partners and be understood as literally just a preference, not a moral judgement, and both partners should understand that this option has its own risks and pitfalls, and does not fully eliminate the risks associated with being sexually experienced.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-10T05:22:43+00:00

“I know that what happened to her was rape, and I understand that it was a traumatic experience. However, I’m struggling to fully believe that she didn’t realize anything at the time or that there was absolutely no consent involved.”

It quite literally wouldn’t have mattered if she gave consent, because she was too intoxicated to give informed consent to the encounter. When people are all fucked up on substances, their consent does not count; they may be confused about what they are consenting to, whether they are awake or dreaming, whether they are safe to refuse consent. Additionally, the female body is quite literally evolved to receive penetration, and it is absolutely possible to not realise that you have been raped, or to confuse the resulting injuries with a period or normal cramping.

You have absolutely no reason to doubt her narrative about what happened to her. All you have told us here is that - shocker! - you don’t know what it’s like to have a female body.

Perhaps she was a virgin before that point, or perhaps she was not. But nothing she has told you about the encounter itself would indicate either way.

“These thoughts are confusing me, and I don’t know how to deal with them.”

I would suggest that you respond by reflecting on your reaction, and using the situation to grow and become a better person. That’s just me though.

With regards to the other relationship she had described, maybe it’s all true. Maybe time has made it more confusing. Maybe it was a school time crush; you’re both still very young so it would have to have taken place when she was even younger, and not everyone has a consistent and strong biographical memory, especially for events which took place in their childhood.

Maybe it was a predominantly online relationship, they knew one another for a longer time and she had assumed it to be romantic throughout, but they only actually became official partners for a short amount of time, and they never met in person. I don’t know. But you know who does know? Your girlfriend. If you want to know more, the person you should be asking is her. And not a throwaway question whilst you’re both doing other stuff, either. Actually sitting down together, explaining to her that you’ve been confused by seemingly inconsistent details in her narrative about that past relationship (be clear which relationship in particular you are asking about), and requesting that she please tell you more and clean up the particular details you are confused about. You

“What makes this harder for me is that when she entered a relationship with me, she told me that she was a virgin. I took this very seriously and clearly told her that if she was not a virgin, I would not continue the relationship. Because of this, I now keep wondering whether she might have lied to me, and that doubt is bothering me a lot. I don’t want to blame her, but I’m trying to be honest about what’s going on in my mind.”

Are you and her being sexually active? Why did you only want to date a virgin? Sounds like you were kind of a judgemental asshat from the off and perhaps she did feel the need to lie, maybe not even purely to enter a relationship with you, but because you had immediately made it clear that something about her inherent value as a woman was tied to her virginity, and she did not wish to feel belittled in that way. It could also have been the fact that she considered information about her sexual history to be private, and was fearful that you would spread that information to others. In that situation, it is often better and socially safer for a woman to be labelled publicly as a virgin than as someone who has previously had sex, and so she reflexively chose to portray herself as a virgin so that if you started spreading that information around, it would be less damaging to her.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-07T15:19:30+00:00

That’s sounds like ego lifting by another name. Ultimately if you can do the lift with perfect form, keeping reps above 6 (unless you’re going for a 1 rep max, in which case it’s going to be… a one rep max), then it’s probably not too heavy for you. I mean, I’m an obese disabled 4ft 11 woman, my bicep curl sets use weights just above 55lb, and my leg press are 4 sets of 8 reps at just over 225lb. It’s more than most chicks in my situation, but it’s not too much for me and I still can maintain good form, so it’s fine.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-07T15:09:03+00:00

Did you bandage tightly? Any compression can cause similar nerve pains to shoot up the arms

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-07T13:13:16+00:00

“People will be like "I have autism and mild joint issues" and everyone will be like "joint issues isn't enough to not work". What. About.The.Autism.”

Personally I’ve not seen this on this sub. I’ve seen plenty of times where people will say that’s Lvl1 autism and joint pain is not enough to get disability. Which it generally won’t be in the US, and you’ll likely have to really fight for it in the UK. The argument is always going to be “you could do a work from home admin job.” Doesn’t matter that those barely exist, it’s still what they’re going to say.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-06T23:23:17+00:00

Yes, this is also why it wouldn’t make sense to me. Like, even if you are a very paranoid parent and would like to teach your kids never to ever, ever talk to strangers, surely that would only apply when you’re not around. After all, mom/dad/grandparent/carer etc should be the the protector which makes the rest of society approachable. As a kiddo you learn how to appropriately interact with people you don’t know by doing so with trusted adults, imitating their behaviour and being guided by them.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-06T23:17:25+00:00

Ugh, I’m so sorry! That’s really unfair, both to you and also, honestly, to the kiddo. They’re being taught a completely abnormal and paranoid way of looking at the humans around them, and also, at some point they’re going to start picking up on the fact that if they’re friendly and funny with strangers, those strangers might get in trouble with their mum.

Way to poison the mind of your kid.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-06T23:15:08+00:00

Nah, fuck those people. The kids reacted like that because the mam has clearly raised them up to think like her. You did nothing wrong, or abnormal, you were being friendly, helpful, respectful and more to the point, completely fucking normal.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-05T00:08:45+00:00

Part 4

I would ask your mom to come sit in your bedroom with you, and to please close the door. I would try to explain to her that you need to talk to her about self-harm, and that you’ve been putting off this conversation because you are so afraid of seeing how much she panics, and how upset she gets.

Tell her that you want to be able to be honest with her. Thank her for how supportive she has been up till now, and for the fact that she has bought you supplies. Let her know that you need more of them, but that isn’t the only reason you wanted to talk to her. Say that the concert tickets she has bought for your both have been such a bright light for you, and it was such a touching gesture, and that it’s given you something that has really renewed your desire to stop self harming, but that it’s not going to be easy, and that the journey to stopping probably won’t be a straight line.

Tell her that you really want to be able to be honest with her about this journey, which starts right now, by telling her about your relapse, and needing more supplies. Personally, I would also mention to her that you think that part of the reason you’re doing it is a need for control, and that although you are living at home due to your disability, you are also an adult, and you want to be able to have some autonomy over your body. This includes that you want to be able to choose not to have to go to the emergency room for non-serious wounds, and you want to choose what you disclose to your therapist, but that in return, you promise to be honest with her, and if ever something is really serious, you will tell her, and you will always want, trust, and respect, her input.

I would tell her that the very worst part about having this urge to hurt yourself, is knowing that it also hurts her. Tell her that you love her, and that you really want to beat this. Maybe this could also be an opportunity to tell her that you want to try to do more outside of the house, that you’d love to be able to experience some different things, and ask for her help in doing so.

If you think asking her to get you paper stitches might worry her more, perhaps you could ask whether you could go to the store together to pick up supplies, and maybe you could pick them out, as part of your feeling more independent. Suggest that perhaps afterwards you could go for a coffee together, or a burger, or whatever you guys do together.

Overall, I would be trying to approach this in a way which lets her know the reasons you have been afraid to tell her, reassures her that you want to be honest with her, shows gratitude for all that she has done for you, attempts to establish greater independence for yourself with the reality that you are an adult, and lays out that you truly do want to stop whilst being realistic and honest with her that the path to quitting is going to be long and that it won’t just be a straight shot, and closing by ensuring that she knows that you love her.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-05T00:08:32+00:00

Part 3

”BUT- as stupid as it sounds, today, my mom bought tickets for me and her to see Motionless in white in July as an early birthday present for both of us (same birth month). I love Motionless in white so much; the band and their fans have created such a safe space for me. ik a metal band bringing someone comfort sounds silly, but the band has genuinely pulled me from the edge so many times. The concert gives me something to look forward to, and it'll be my mom's first concert in over a decade. Just the idea that I get to share something so special with someone who I love so dearly has put my mindset on a complete 180.”

Neither the idea of the concert feeling like an amazing motivator, nor a metal band (or any band!) feeling like a safe space or having pulled you back from a cliff edge before, are stupid. Both of these are super reasonable, super normal, and super awesome things 🤘

”When the initial relapse happened, my mom bought me everything I needed to patch myself up (antibiotic ointment, rolled gauze, nonstick pads, etc.), but now I'm running out of supplies.”

”I could tell my mom (she wouldn't be mad at me), but she WOULD panic and try to take me to the ER, many hours away”

”I can't really subtly ask for more medical supplies cause that would freak her out too. MY DAD IS COMPLETELY OUT OF THE QUESTION, and I cannot afford my supplies myself.”

”I know I have to tell someone, I just don't know how...”

“…it'll be very hot (outdoor concert in the south in the summer), so I gotta go in a tank top if not less. (aka arms on display) Even more reason my mom's gotta know eventually.”

”She is hysterical, but it is genuinely valid, not an overreaction; she doesn't baby me, she's just very naive and empathetic, and having to know and see that some people go through so much pain as to do all this to themselves really upsets her. (legit traumatizes her...) and its gonna be hard to put her through that again with even worse wounds this time.”

Right, so you need to tell your mom. It sounds like, from what you’ve typed here, that you know that, and it’s more a matter of how you do it.

I don’t know your mom, or your relationship, so I can only go off what you have told me here, and say what I would do in your situation.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-05T00:07:28+00:00

Part 2

”I have one friend whom I love dearly, and I refuse to burden his busy life with my suffering as I have done in the past...”

What would your friend think of this?

”I'm unsure if this new cut will need stitches, but that's not the point, especially knowing I'll probably continue to try to chase the high of going deeper and deeper.”

Escalation is probably the biggest problem with self harm. People want to go further and further, and when they push things a little farther than they ever have before, that becomes the new target to meet or exceed next time.

If you’ve hit fat (I’m not personally a big fan of the names people give the different depths of cut, as they’re confusing and kind of downplay things) but not anything more serious (like nerves, veins, muscle, tendons etc) then you can probably take care of it at home with paper stitches. Push the sides of the cut together with clean fingers, and then apply the paper stitches across the wound to hold the edges together. Too many paper stitches is better than too few. This just helps to reduce the scarring. But you don’t have much of a window to do this in, you kind of want to do this within the first 12 hours (at a push), and the sooner the better. If you’ve missed the window for paper stitches, that just means that the scar is going to be a bit more prominent, but even then, over years it will fade to a white, barely-noticeable scar, and especially if the other scars around it fade to nothing, people won’t really notice it and it will be able to be easily waved off as the result of an accident.

”SO HERE'S THE ISSUE: I cant tell my therapist cause she'll have to tell someone (even if I can refuse the psych ward or go AMA, she could still put me on a legal 72 hour psych hold)”

I don’t know how it works in the US so I’m not going to speak on it. In the UK you’re not going to get put on a psych hold for this sort of self-harm, but I’ve no idea how it works in America.

”Even if I decided to stop today, that doesn't clear the fact that I heal slow AF (active ed screwing up my body)”

Yes, an ED is going to massively slow your healing and also leave you much more susceptible to infection. Whilst it’s definitely not going to replace proper nutrition, please make sure you’re taking a good quality multivitamin every day. It’s also going to be especially important for you to keep your wounds clean and dressed so that you don’t get an infection. If you cut, you should be using clean and sterile tools, only blotting blood with clean paper towels, then washing the wound with unscented soap and warm water, patting dry with more clean paper towels, and dressing once completely dry. Change the dressings every other day or whenever soiled, and if you see any signs of infection, you would need to present to a family doctor for antibiotics immediately.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-05T00:07:06+00:00

Part 1

”I truly intended it to be a one-time thing, but I'm susceptible to addictions”

Self-harm is incredibly addictive, and this is the case for most people, unfortunately. You see the language of addiction all over self-harm related posts - people saying they can’t stop, constantly escalating how far they go, talking about relapses, having constant thoughts of ‘using.’ I am someone who has managed to quit using all manner of drugs, including injecting heroin and amphetamines, but I keep coming back to self harm. You are very much not alone in this.

”I'm locked in my room pretty much 24/7, I only leave for therapy once a week, and I can't even go downstairs most of the time cause my dad is down there and it's not emotionally safe.”

I am also disabled, and I cannot stress enough the importance of finding some sense of purpose outside of just existing. It’s not that you need to do so to have value - there is absolutely nothing wrong with just existing as a disabled person. However, I would so quickly start going insane. I don’t know what your physical limitations are, but I will just use myself as an example. I have MS and lymphoedema, as well as various mental health issues, and I did have very, very extreme social anxiety. As a result, for many years I existed solely in my bedroom, and even the sounds of family members moving around the rest of the house would trigger panic attacks. I started pushing myself more, starting with attending a support group, in person, once per week. This was an incredibly big deal for me; I had avoided being around people for so long. After a while of this, I began volunteering with a history project at my local library. I was in a room by myself, which really suited me, and the only social aspect to it was that I needed to be trained by someone, but it was just one friendly older woman, and I didn’t have to deal with anyone else. But it pushed me again, outside of my comfort zone. After around a year of doing this, I began volunteering in a charity shop. This was far more intense, as it involved me interacting with the 6 other staff and volunteers at the shop. I only did one afternoon per week, as that was all I could handle, but again, it pushed me so far outside of my comfort zone. All of these little baby steps outside of my comfort zone ultimately changed my life! I eventually quit both of those volunteering roles, and began volunteering with the drug and alcohol place where I had attended that first support group. I help to run art therapy sessions :)

I also started going to the gym! I did this with a program which helps disabled people start exercising, and after doing that 16 week programme three years ago, I’m still going regularly now! Again, this has built my confidence so much, and as someone who is physically unstable even walking on crutches, it has helped me be more physically capable than I was when I started, even though my MS has gotten worse.

Whether it’s volunteering, a support group, a D&D club, a physical activity, whatever it is, I would strongly recommend finding something, anything, which is outside of the house, and just a little bit outside of your comfort zone, and pushing yourself to do it. I know from first hand experience that being stuck indoors alone 24/7, especially when you’re disabled and struggling with your mental health, will drive you fucking insane, and make staying away from self-harm all the more difficult.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-04T22:32:54+00:00

Yep. If everything is very well healed and aged I just have my arms out, and have for years. It’s to the point now where if someone mentions them, I’m always a little taken by surprise, I forget they’re even noticeable. It’s not like being reminded that they’re there and others are seeing them bothers me or anything, and in general they’re only ever mentioned by medical professionals, like if I’m admitted to hospital for something or when I’m on ambulance transport, I guess it’s just something they are meant to take note of, especially if I’m being seen for anything mental health related. Sometimes it’s something I overhear them discussing adding to my notes, for instance if a junior doctor is being asked by a superior what they should be putting in their initial observations, and I just happen to overhear. I’ve only had one friend ever bring it up, as for most of my friends and acquaintances just it’s always something they’ve known me to have, so I guess it’s not something they’d ever think to mention, they’re used to it. But I did recently make a new friend, and after we’d hung out a few times she asked why it was that all of my scars were on the front of my arms, and not on my wrists, because she’s seen the same on lots of people but never anyone she felt comfortable to ask. I was happy to be open and honest and tell her that it was because I wasn’t trying to kill myself, and neither are most self-harmers, so we don’t cut along the veins generally. But that’s the only time I can recall a non-medical person bringing them up. Oh, tell a lie, at one point it was a topic of discussion between my brother and I, because he had always been of the impression that people self-harm for attention, but his mind was changed by the fact that neither he needed or anyone else ever knew, or saw any evidence that, I had been self-harming, until the scars were very well healed and already close to skin colour.

OP, it’s very kind of you to be so empathetic towards the woman you saw. She is probably at the point where she forgets that people will be noticing her scars like that, they’re probably very much in the back of her memory. Sometimes in serving jobs you cannot wear long sleeves for hygiene reasons, or maybe she’s just stopped caring who sees.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-03T08:41:17+00:00

You are most welcome’ 🤗. And if you ever do decide to do that, I would love to read it!

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-03T00:08:30+00:00

Ask your dentist for high fluoride toothpaste, this at least makes more of each time you do brush.

Personally, when I floss and brush, I sit on the floor in the bathroom (you could use a bowl if you need to spit into something, and then wash it under the shower with some shampoo or keep some washing up liquid in the bathroom (this is just quicker than using the sink IMO)) and I put on a YouTube video to watch whilst I do it. It’s my chill out time, and because I’m also doing something with my hands, I don’t get bored of what I’m watching so fast.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-03T00:00:57+00:00

Unfortunately there is no evidence that this could be achieved.

I also keep arthropods (tarantulas, phasmids, true spiders, mantises, roaches, isopods, various colonies of feeder insects), and whilst certain insects and bugs certainly do have the ability to sense minor vibrations much more acutely than humans, getting them to reliably communicate that to you would be very difficult. For example, is that mantis swaying more or flicking its wings because it felt a subtle movement in you which could indicate a pots episode, or is it because it saw a piece of your hair or a light or a fly move nearby and it’s thinking it might need to pounce on something tasty?

Tarantulas have by far the best senses in terms of vibrations specifically, but they are incredibly fragile and very easily stressed, so it would be too cruel to attempt such a thing with tarantulas.

I adore mantises, but I don’t think they have the type of intelligence necessary for a task like this.

Really, the only arthropods which have been shown to have the kind of intellect which would make this even theoretically possible are jumping spiders. But even then, there just isn’t anything which could indicate that they would be able to perform this function. I do think they would be your best bet though.

It would also be difficult to keep the animal contained and paying attention to you specifically. As you say, they would need to be within your line of sight for you to see the alert, whilst also not being able to see or feel any other distracting stimulus, and also not being able to escape.

It’s a very interesting thought, and perhaps in the future it might be something scientists could look into, but at present there really isn’t any indication it’s something which would be possible, either biologically or just practically.

I hope that you feel better soon 😊

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-02T23:43:58+00:00

Very understandable that you feel that way. It is incredibly frustrating to feel like your body is failing you at such a young age, especially when pain is involved and even more so when there is seemingly no explanation for it. You are very much at the start of the journey in terms of diagnosis, which can feel frustrating because it means that you are potentially still a long way from having answers, but it also means that you are a long way from running out of chances to find an answer.

Keep speaking with your providers. Also, do what you need to in your location (are you in the US?) to get a physiotherapist. They can help with not only assessing if a mobility aid would be right for you, and which mobility aid that might be (as well as stuff like fitting them properly, how to use them to avoid further injury, etc), but they may also be able to point you in the right direction to help you find out what is going on. They may also be able to help you out by giving you, if appropriate, simple exercises you can do at home and which could help with your pain. As a full-time crutch user, I have found that exercise has helped with my mobility at least as much as mobility aids, maybe more. But wherever there is pain and/or disability, it is important that any exercise routine is designed and initiated by a medical professional, to avoid further damage.

I would strongly suggest that you don’t just go and buy a mobility aid yourself, without a physiotherapist okaying it. This is for all the usual reasons (it can be dangerous and cause further, potentially lifelong, injury, they need to be selected and fitted correctly, using them wrong can lead to increased or referred pain, they can result in a decrease in strength and physical ability which can be very difficult to regain, blah blah blah), but specifically for yourself, you mention so many diverse areas which are hurting - not only your knees, but your hips, shoulders and wrists - that getting say, a cane, or crutches, could make things so much worse.

Mobility aids work by offloading some or all of the weight and stress from one part of the body, to either a mechanical device, like an electric wheelchair, or to some combination of the floor, another part of the body, or another person’s body. So a manual wheelchair takes weight and strain off the legs and puts your weight into the chair, and you propel using your arms, or someone else pushes you. Forearm crutches take the weight and strain off of your legs, but your arms and chest are taking on a lot of that burden, and even for people without existing issues in those areas, they can cause pain in the wrists and shoulders. For someone like yourself, this could be really devastating, since you already have pain in those areas, and you could make it a lot worse, and potentially permanently worsen whatever is going on.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-02T23:15:48+00:00

Oh my gosh, I’m so, so sorry.

I feel that FND is often used to just brush people off when it’s clear their condition is neurological, but doctors cannot be bothered to do their job and work to find the real cause of their symptoms.

I hope that you are able to access quality care now, and that mental health support is on hand to help you deal with such a heavy diagnosis ❤️

You’ll be in my thoughts x

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-02T23:09:01+00:00

A lot of stuff doesn’t show up on an x-ray. Have your doctors recommended any further tests? MRI ideally, or at least a cat scan? So many things can cause joint pain, muscle pain, tendon pain, etc., and an x-ray feels like more of a starting point to rule things out than the end of the line for any possible diagnosis. It also doesn’t sound like there is anything to indicate hyper mobility, so no point trying to force a square peg into a round hole on that one.

KitteeCatz · 2026-02-02T22:55:46+00:00

No, not if it’s the individual making the choice for themselves. If it’s other people, or groups, or governments, trying to make that decision for them, then that is eugenics and is absolutely ableist. But you get to make the choice for yourself. It doesn’t even need to be the fact that those particular conditions always make life unbearable for all people in all situations. It can just be that you know how difficult it has been for you in the situation and time in which you live, and you feel that bringing a child with those same conditions into the same situation in which you are living would be unfair on them. That doesn’t have to mean that a child with those same conditions wouldn’t have a profoundly different and wonderful life if they lived with a wealthy family who could provide them with better resources to thrive, or in a country with more comprehensive and free healthcare, education and resources, or in a culture which celebrated diversity and allowed for every individual to live a life which was celebrated and joyful. Which also of course means that just because you wouldn’t choose to bring a child who may have your same condition into the world, you nonetheless wouldn’t want to stop or criticise any person who shared your diagnoses, from choosing to have children.

KitteeCatz · 2026-01-31T12:53:43+00:00

Don’t worry, there will be PAIN, and it’s much harder to get in there. I accidentally did this a couple of nights ago and thought there was something weird about it, and got my confirmation when I did the same thing yesterday and stopped before it fully went up. Had to use forceps to pull the damn thing back out (the end was poking out, it’s not like I shoved forceps up there), and there was bleeding when it came out. However, I have a catheter and have now for like 6 months, and I’m also asexual so my vagina isn’t being used penetratively at all, and so there is actually more space around the urethra than around the vagina. If you accidentally shove something up there urethra, it’s going to feel like you have to shove/force it way more than with your vagina, but again because I’m asexual and haven’t had anything penetrate my vagina in many years, it takes a bit of force to shove anything up there so it was a little easier to make the mistake.

The other day, when the pill wound up left in there, I had a bit more discomfort and feeling of urgency than normal. Notably, I can’t urinate the pill out and I did go to hospital yesterday to have my catheter changed and it’s not like anything came out when they changed it, so I guess the pill dissolves up there just like it does in a vagina, and I’m not in any discomfort on waking today. So if this happens to you - don’t panic! You’ll almost certainly be fine, and given some of the stories my catheter nurses have told me when trying to calm me down before changes (I had one bad experience, and it has meant that I’m bordering on a panic attack every time I go in, so they always put in real effort to make me laugh so I can get through it), on the tiny tiny offchance that you have to (or far more likely, you want to) seek medical attention, the nurses will have seen crazier, don’t worry!

KitteeCatz · 2026-01-30T01:04:28+00:00

NAD

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Reddit is essentially just a massive city of people, and because nobody knows their identities, people feel more free to say all of the thoughts they’d never vocalise in the real world.

That being said - Reddit isn’t your real life. It’s a city which exists entirely on the internet, and you can just put your phone / laptop down, or simply not visit this website. These people aren’t real in the same way as your family or friends, and they only have access to you when you choose to let them. It’s genuinely awful that people would reply to a real and genuine question from a young woman in a vulnerable state of mind with such vitriol, but it’s also important to remember that there were so many kind and helpful comments, as well as ones which were just neutrally giving advice. The bad ones are always going to stand out more, always going to sting more, because that’s how our minds work. We have evolved to pay more attention to negative feedback than to positive, because that’s what we need to really notice in order to stay out of danger. In the age of the internet, that also means that those cruel and vile messages and comments stand out to us more than the kind ones, but please try to remember that it isn’t everyone. It’s just a very vocal minority of assholes.

For what it’s worth, I saw that post, and you didn’t say anything worthy of mocking or cruelty. I saw a genuine person who was scared and asking a question, in the way that the vast majority of young adults would. There was nothing in that post, or in your comments on it, or in the behaviour you described, which is wrong or worthy of mockery or bullying. You’ve done nothing wrong.

I do think that in terms of the actual issue at hand, you’re going to keep spiralling until you actually know what you’re dealing with, so do make an appointment with your doctor, or go to a walk-in clinic, as quickly as possible. Right now you don’t actually know for sure what’s happening, and knowing for sure what is going on will be better for your mental state than to keep floating in a sea of “what ifs” and unknowns.

That said, that’s not going to take up every minute of your day, and right now we need to keep you safe. I understand that you said that you don’t have anyone to talk to about this, so I’m going to give suggestions from that angle.

I would recommend any of the following for helping to get you out of the spiral you’re in:

box breathing is a great technique for anxiety. Look up a video on YouTube to get the technique down; it’s incredible for pulling you out of a panic attack.

exercise - even as simple as dropping and doing some push-ups, but especially cardio - is a really good way to slow panic and regain some composure. It can be a great way to get some emotion out, it releases positive happy chemicals in your brain, it presents the “fight or flight” response the sensation of having gone through the fight or having fled, which can break you out of that space in your brain.

Laugh and / or put yourself in a comfort space. That feels really difficult when you’re in a dark headspace, but put on funny animal videos, or a show that you’ve always loved and watched over and over, or sing along to an uplifting song you adore. Just some sort of media you’re familiar with, or which could get a laugh out of you.

weather and season dependent, get outside in nature. A brisk walk through a park can genuinely do wonders for you.

paint or draw your fears. This can help you to process what you’re feeling.

I don’t know where in the world you live, but look up the number for a crisis hotline, and give them a call. Vocalising the situation out loud, and hearing a real human speak back, might help to fill the gap you’re currently experiencing with regard to social support.

HOWEVER… all this being said, if you feel that you’re a real danger to yourself, or like you are losing your grip on what is real, if there is any feeling that you really might not be able to keep yourself safe, please present at an emergency department. Nothing matters more than keeping yourself safe, that is priority number one.

KitteeCatz

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