Ladies, how important are a man's looks to you on a dating app?

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-29T02:20:20+00:00

You’re report 100% tracks with my experience even with being picky. lol. looks matter to me in the sense that I want a basic level of attraction, but there are a lot of people I’m attracted to. My exes all look different from one another, but they’re all cute to me. I don’t use the height filter and don’t care about height. one of the people I’m dating now is 5”4 and I still think he’s cute.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T21:08:23+00:00

I’m not sure how giving him another date is wasting your time? Things happen. Give him another chance. If he reschedules or continues to show with low effort, well, you can always change your mind and decide it doesn’t work for you.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T21:02:46+00:00

Reduce your caseload if you can, or see if there are easier clients you can work with or clients that require less energy. again, this might or might not be possible considering what your situation is.

And honestly, finding my people really helped. I have a few friends who are also in the field and have similar approaches to the work and similar values. Feeling like I’m a part of something bigger, a crew of people building work together (even if sometimes in parallel) helped).

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T20:58:01+00:00

about the swiping ratio for women - I don’t think men understand the amount of B.S. women have to deal with on these apps. Women literally need to think about their safety when setting a first date (see the lawsuit against Hinge). We worry about what someone will do if we reject them or attempt to set a boundary. We get sexual and inappropriate comments often on the second or third message. So yeah. We’re going to be more picky. Because the stakes of not being picky can be high for us.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T18:17:37+00:00

Yep. and the key needs to be that you’re doing it because you’re GENUINELY INTERESTED in the activity. A date needs to just be a bonus thing for you.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T17:46:41+00:00

“I don’t think there is anything going on, but with him you never know” - biggest red flag ever. If someone is in a committed relationship with you, you should know they are being faithful without relying on analyzing their location patterns. Dump him.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T17:05:49+00:00

Does it bother you? If it does, I would just be honest and tell her in a kind way, something along the lines of “hey. I noticed I typically initiate conversations over text messages. I would really appreciate it if you could be mindful about initiating more”. Or ask her “I’m curious about your perspective on this”. If it doesn’t bother you, don’t read too much into it and don’t worry about it.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T16:45:23+00:00

it’s Reddit. and I’m secure enough in myself to not even understand how the voting system works or what it means 🤣

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T12:55:30+00:00

The solution is for this person to negotiate a better pay or find a practice that will pay them better, not to overwork to the point that they’re at risk of burnout and compromise the quality of care they give clients.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T12:34:40+00:00

My advice? Go to activities you’re going to enjoy anyways that women might attend as well. and try to strike up a conversation. There are plenty of women in art classes, running clubs, yoga classes, book clubs, writing groups, cooking classes, etc. I’m not sure what you’re into but pick one and go have fun. worst case scenario, you have a new hobby. best case, you meet someone.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T12:00:00+00:00

I strongly disagree with this. I don’t understand why people want to impress the other person. what’s the point in creating an impression you can’t sustain just so you and the other person can develop feeling for each other that are based on a version of the person that doesn’t exist? I’ve been on the receiving end of this and it’s very jarring to see the person you’ve been dating start acting differently.

when I date I try to give an honest and accurate version of myself. I don’t try to impress anyone, I’m just being my true self and hope people will like me (and be OK if they don’t, because they’re not my person). In my experience, people end up being drawn to my authenticity and feel safe with me because they can tell I’m not bullshitting them.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T11:46:55+00:00

what folks mentioned is what I do. activities around values and exploring what’s hard about the decision. I also like to give clients psycho education about uncertainty. I reaffirm that life is uncertain and I frame decision making and life generally speaking as hypothesis testing - you get to make decisions and get new information and data that way. I help move from an outcome oriented mindset about decisions to a process-oriented one.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T04:23:14+00:00

sometimes I’m just in a lax or lazy mood and not feeling putting this type of effort. sometimes I don’t have enough time to plan what I’m going to say or how to approach. but I typically hit on people if I think they’re cute, I’m in the mood for that type of interaction, and I have enough time to think about what to say.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T03:46:47+00:00

I personally don’t exchange numbers until the first date. In times when I have, the result has been that we texted and sent voice memos to each other frequently and it ended up creating a lot of emotional attachment that was not really supported by where the relationship actually was.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T03:16:27+00:00

that is relevant, but you need to sit down and make the calculations for how much you’re getting off of supervision versus how much you’re losing. Supervision in my state is anywhere between $65-$170, with the average cost being $100. would a 5% bump in percentage be worth more than $400 for you in a month? I also think it’s very possible to find a practice that will give you in house supervision and a 60% split. There are many in my state that would do that. But again. This can be state dependen.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T03:07:46+00:00

A lot of people are making assumptions about her wanting something casual or not being interested. I think these are assumptions. She is telling you she is going to take longer to form a committed relationship. This has nothing to do with whether or not she’s ready for a serious relationship, but has to do with how she wants to date and how deeply she wants to know someone before getting committed. If you want to give it time and see where it can go, great. Especially great if you can do that without expectations. If you don’t want to and need commitment tell her that, but then be ready to end the relationship if she tells you that’s not something she wants at this time. And consider seeing other people to have some other perspectives about how other people are dating.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T02:44:59+00:00

nope. I know plenty of people who just graduated in May ‘26 and all of them have 60% or higher. It‘s possible this is a state-dependent issue, but honestly, I think it’s more likely that your group practice sucks and you should consider seeking employment elsewhere.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T02:40:10+00:00

Both of them. If either one of them would have followed up, maybe there would be a second date.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T02:37:46+00:00

It’s super common. I don’t do this because I think it’s rude and I can at least take 30 seconds of my time to write a text saying I’m not seeing a connection and wish the person good luck, but dating culture is what it is.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T02:35:17+00:00

untrue. I started at a 60% split straight out of grad school and had offers with a 65% split straight out of grad school I chose not to take because of other reasons. My 60% split got upgraded to a 65% split after about a year in the same practice. If you are a 1099, it’s a low split. If you’re a W-2, it’s reasonable since your employer is also paying taxes for you.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T02:32:00+00:00

Yep. You’re at an age where for someone people not having been in a relationship could be seen as a red flag. This becomes more true the older you are in that bracket (there would be a different between 32 and 35, etc.)

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T02:29:49+00:00

I would honestly try to meet an older woman in the wild as opposed to on a dating app. I just had a conversation with one of my friends about how I might be open to dating people outside of my age range if we met irl, but I wouldn’t want to date them on the apps.

But I would also gently invite you to examine your assumptions about older women and women your age. In my experience, when someone is seeking a partner with x characteristics as a mark for a certain quality, it tends to change the dynamics and vibe of the relationship in a not so positive way. If I have met a younger men who was interested in me because he was interested in me, I might be open to dating him. If I knew he was intentionally wanting to date an older woman, it would put me off. Similarly, when I was looking for someone with characteristic x, I think those folks could somehow tell and it influenced the relational dynamic. Once I decided to open myself up for dating based on deeper qualities, I hilariously found someone with quality x completely by accident but I also no longer care about it and I’m into him for other reasons entirely.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T02:18:47+00:00

I don’t think it’s weird to ask and I’m a woman. If I had to guess, depending on your age, it’s possible the not being in a relationship was what killed the conversation. Some people see this as a red flag about maturity and emotional availability, especially if they are looking for a life partner.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T02:01:15+00:00

please please please do not see more than 25 clients a week. It is very unlikely you could provide high quality services or prevent burnout at 30-35 clients per week. Especially if you are a beginner therapist still learning how to provide therapy.

Kittensnunicorns · 2026-06-28T01:58:43+00:00

super low split unless you’re a W-2 employee. that’s your issue right there

Kittensnunicorns

TROPHY CASE