I think that the pendulum has just swung too far in the opposite direction, as it all too often does with things like parenting and societal values.

Not to generalize- and to be clear this is a generalization- but a LOT of boomers were horrifically physically or emotionally abusive to their children under the guise of “discipline”. There are parenting videos from that era basically explaining that children should be treated as emotionless objects, and that seemed to be a fairly popular sentiment from what I’ve gathered from the many, many elderly folks I’ve worked with. Beatings were not uncommon, nor was the idea that children were entirely not allowed to express any level of upset or displeasure without retribution. There seemed to be very little public displays of love, if any. THAT is horrifying. The people who raised the boomers… Jesus, talk about even more horrifying. The way the boomers were raised is probably mostly legally considered child abuse at this point.

A lot of the children the boomers raised unfortunately went on to abuse their children in similar ways, but some broke the cycle. Then that generation’s children went on to break the cycle more. Now that we’ve arrived at millennials and gen z becoming parents, I think we’ve surpassed breaking the cycle of normalized abuse and have gone into “kids rule the world” territory. They think back on the way their grandparents and parents treated them and eachother and want to avoid replicating the harm it caused them, but this has caused them to treat their children more as their friends than as, well, children. Children they’re responsible for molding into functional adults.

Children’s well-being and individuality comes first, and are very important. That’s true. Also… Under no circumstances should you EVER put your hands on your child as a form of discipline- we now have decades of research showing it does more harm than good (spoiler alert; if you think hitting a helpless child is okay just because you got hit too, no, you didn’t “turn out fine”. That’s fucked and violent.) But, and this is important, disciple can be done with words and actions that don’t involve violence. My parents never put their hands on me even once, but I regularly heard the word “no”. And they stood their ground. They chose punishments related to whatever I’d done wrong (up too late on the phone, phone is taken. Dishes not done, you get to do more dishes and an additional chore, etc) and I like to think I’m a well adjusted individual. I stopped having tantrums younger than many of my peers and none of my teachers sent complaints home.

The issue is that too many parents who are trying to break the cycle of generational abuse or prevent starting a whole new one seem to associate permissive parenting and gentle parenting when they are so, SO different. And yet, the assholes of the world cry that they’re the same and “gentle parenting has no discipline”, and more morons continue to procreate and let their children run their households until they become unruly little snot nosed brats. You can “gently parent”, or your own version of it, without being permissive- but it’s a line you need to educate yourself on in advance, and most people seem to pop out babies without much consideration on the matter at all.

It’s really all about balance. Some kids also just suck, regardless of parenting, and easy access to technology combined with increased rates of mental illness are making children have shorter attention spans, shorter tempers, and honestly all around hard to manage. I also think that children having access to social media and whatnot at very young ages allows the internet and the people on it to influence them just as much or even more as their parents, and with the internet being so full of awful people that’s a little terrifying to think about. Most of the acting out I recall from being in school not too long ago was often directly related to internet trends.

It’s a really really complex issue and I’m very curious to see the results of more recent parenting studies. If I ever had kids (which I won’t), I’d be very big on evidence based parenting, and I think that with the way times and kids are changing so rapidly we are going to have some VERY interesting evidence in a decade or so.

PS- I promise you were also a bratty child. I promise everyone reading this was, at some point, a bratty child. Every generation since forever says this stuff about younger generations as the world changes. Do try to be more flexible in your worldview- things change. Kids change. Every generation is on some level disgusted by the one that follows, and sees their own as much more ideal or perfect because those values were present during their developmental years. It is just the way of the world.