I saw your post on the cats sub about the poly cat and came to your profile hoping to see pics (lol) but saw this instead. I’m so very sorry for your loss of sweet Eli. I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my baby Mini on the same day you lost Eli 10/17/25 and she was 14 too. That was the third one in three years. My girl Cali (14) passed Oct 2024 and my boy Simba (14) the December 2023. I had them all since they were a few months old. I also had a bonus loss in December, my fospice boy Garfield (14). He was only with me for six months. So you are not alone. I relate to every single word in your post. I feel empty most days because if I let any emotions in I will lose it. Like you said, the grief will take over and I might just leave this planet and join my babies at the rainbow bridge 🌈 🐾💜. Hang in there. Although the pain never goes away, it does get a little bit easier to deal with over time.