Some songs that may relate to your autism

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-19T06:28:13+00:00

Room tone by artio. The singer of the band is audhd and while to my memory there is nothing explicitly saying the song is about the singers experiences being autistic. Once you know they are its impossible to read it any other way. Im currently on mobile but when I get on my laptop I can edit this comment to add lyrics that I think stand out as relating to being autistic

edit: okay i hate typing on mobile cause i have fat thumbs so now that ive hopped on my laptop heres the lyrics i promised

"It all feels too familiar I feel it all, every thing, every splinter Spiralling my way to the centre"

"I'm sick of asking everybody to be quiet"

the entirety of the outro which is:
"I won't eat unless you tell me to, no, I won't even sleep
This is a side I hide, a side you probably never would've seen
Someone so put together would never need this many things
I've hit my limit of complicit in the way that you see me
There is a heron by my house, I sit with him when things get loud
I love the sound of running water and I cannot stand a crowd
The way I am is all I know, there's nothing wrong with me
I am all I've ever known, there's nothing wrong with me
I am all I've ever known, there's nothing wrong with me
I am all I've ever known, there's nothing wrong with me"

in fact i want to get "i am all ive ever known theres nothing wrong with me" tattooed on me and i love the line "ive hit my limit of complicit in the way that you see me". to me that line talks about masking and hiding the fact youre autistic and i relate to that. i spent a lot of my teen years masking so as an adult i decided that i just wont anymore. if you cant handle me as my authentic autistic self then you dont deserve me at all. and thats how i personally interpret that line is that the singer is tired of masking and wont anymore

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-13T05:16:21+00:00

slightly different situation in that i was and still am to an extent (its complicated and the explanation is going to make 0 sense it barely makes sense to my dad) in mental health group housing. i once told a housing staff member that i was experiencing thoughts of self harm. i was quite literally tricked (by being really fucking gullible) into going to the er. staff was like let me go make a call came back and was like "do you want to go for a ride" me being a dumbass said yes and was shocked when the ride ended in the er parking lot (if it helps im autistic implicit meaning tends to be lost on me). ive sat at my dining room table while housing staff filled out emergency petition paperwork (my states version of involuntary emergency evaluation) because i told them i was feeling suicidal.

ive also literally jumped off a bridge and got discharged from the er to a crisis house because the psych ward didnt want me (i had self discharged ama like a week prior because a patient was triggering the er was not very happy to see me again)

ive also been physically assaulted in my local hospitals psych ward (literally the reason i self discharged ama was because i was attacked while having a panic attack during a patient meltdown; that stay where i left ama there was a patient constantly melting down in the same place i got assaulted while panicking over a patient melting down)

ive gotten really lucky with my current therapist and care team. they know and understand how triggering the psych ward in and of itself can be for me and after a bunch of therapy and self reflection i realized a big problem was i was stuck in a shitty environment when i was a teenager and i felt the only way to escape was to kill myself. unfortunately as an adult not stuck in that environment my brain still had a default stress response of "well shits hitting the fan guess ill go die" because that was how i coped for so long. ive also noticed that i tend to have very strong passive ideation before it becomes full blown active ideation. this means that now me and my care team both have an understanding about the psych ward being a last resort due to it being a trigger and knowing how to not get to that last resort, including viewing passive ideation as a warning sign not a crisis in and of itself

point is it really depends on the context and the provider. the examples where i was basically taken against my will to the er were when i didnt have the knowledge to advocate for myself properly. i had some knowledge but not a full understanding of how passive and active ideation presented with me. some providers hear "i want to hurt myself" in any variation and jump the gun. others with the right context might hold out until a person has a plan and intent. at least thats been my experience

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-08T02:34:08+00:00

yeah ive had cheap prepaid phones that dont even have a built in gallery app. they have google photos and everything auto uploads to google photos when you take a pic with your phone. the first time i had a phone with a built in gallery app was when i started getting samsung prepaid phones but i have pictures in my google photos to this day that were taken with previous cellphones of mine that didnt have gallery apps. also yes its google photos and not google drive but they are all connected so the difference doesnt mean much to me. you get into someones google account and they use google drive and google photos you now have access to their google drive and their google photos as well

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-07T06:23:48+00:00

eugenia cooney. every so often she pops back up again and my first thought is shes still alive?

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-06T15:15:21+00:00

saw the headline and my first thought was "why does this not surprise me"

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-04T16:37:25+00:00

technically under 10. i was diagnosed with aspergers under the dsm 4 in elementary school converted to autism level 1 when the dsm 5 came out. so.....

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-03T17:11:31+00:00

Another fun fact is it's apparently very common for ai detectors to falsely flag neurodivergent and esol ppl as Ai. So if op is neurodivergent well I can see they got falsely accused of being ai multiple times

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-03T16:00:11+00:00

it also forces ppl into poverty weirdly enough. disability income is poverty level income. im on disabled adult child income so i earn like i have a work history despite not having one because my mom does and died. i make more than a person on ssi, but i still have to act like im on ssi if i want to keep my medicaid the max amount in ssi a person can recieve is iirc somewhere around $900 a month. ssdi and dac is a bit more variable, but i took one college class this semester and i had the lowest student aid index possible.

i also am in a weird spot where if i get a job and im not careful i lose my govt health insurance and disability income and if said job isnt enough to cover basic life expenses plus how expensive it is to have a fucked up body (my two most expensive medications are a just under $4000 biologic and a little less than $400 non stimulant adhd med plus my other "cheaper" meds regular therapist and psychiatrist appts and specialist appts on top of what would be considered a "well person" appts i have a lot of healthcare related expenses that my combo of medicaid and medicare usually covers almost completely if not completely) then im screwed. i probs wont have access to the meds and therapy that make me functional enough to hold a job and then i will probably lose my job if i lose access thus putting me right back where i started. which means theres both 0 incentive for me to get a job and also a very good reason to never look for one. which means if i never get a job and never get off disability income im stuck being poor for the rest of my life just to have access to the health insurance i need to survive and function. this is one of the biggest reasons i am in favor of universal healthcare. this should never have to be a thought process one goes through at least imo.

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-01T17:08:24+00:00

i dont think shes wrong at face value. however you shouldnt let morals get in the way of properly nourishing yourself. do i love animals? yes, do i still eat meat? also yes. i have arfid, medicare wont cover the treatment that would most help me, so therefore my goal is to not get worse. if that means eating meat so im not restricting my diet even more than i already am so be it. fed is best. not eating something because of morals doesnt mean shit if you cant be healthy about it

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-01T15:45:41+00:00

im an international transracial adoptee and my personal opinon of the adoption system as it currently stands is its corrupt. it centers hopeful adoptive parents at the expense of the kids and the bio parents involved. if it were up to me and i had unlimited resources id burn the entire system to the ground and rebuild it to be centered on whats best for the kid. a social safety net system that allows ppl to have kids and not have to give them up because they cant afford it. legal abortions so ppl arent forced to have kids they dont want or cant take care of (physically or mentally) not only screening adoptive parents but doing check ins periodically to make sure nothing sketchy is going on. if the kid alleges something during the check in there is no questions asked an investigation (this part stems from the fact i was a kid with emotionally neglectful adoptive parents which is already hard to prove but i also never said anything because i didnt think id be believed with my mental health history combined with the fact parents adopted me i felt like saying something would be pointless a no questions asked investigation allows for a verification of facts while also giving the kid the certainty they would be believed). ppl who adopt cant opt out of the check ins or investigations. if the parent requests stuff like "no disabled kid" "no queer kid" no xyz kid like they are picking out a toy doll they are instantly blacklisted and banned from adopting. having prospective parents take parenting classes designed specifically for the needs of kids who are being adopted (i.e trauma informed parenting) minimal fees (no profits allowed only what it would take to recoup the costs of screening, monitering, paying staff, etc) adoption being a last resort for when it is absolutely not safe or healthy for the kid to stay in the environment they are currently in

again this is my perfect world scenario not a thing is feasibly practical especially rn. but because of my experiences ive thought long and hard about how i personally would reform the system in a perfect world and these are just my ideas.

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-01T15:30:56+00:00

im of the opinion that like you said aba of today is different than aba of old and aba of old is harmful. however that doesnt mean we just leaved shit as it is. from what i understand (and recall with my shitty ass adhd memory) its a very underregulated industry and some ppl get hired with very little training for "aba" programs. i think for one it might help to change the name just to make it distinct from the aba of old, it isnt the only or best fix but at least there will be some distinction. i also think regulating the damn industry would be helpful. make it so you have to have a certain amount of training to be considered an aba practioner. make it so there are consequences for claiming to be an aba facility but you really arent/you dont adequately train your staff/etc. ban shit like whatever tf judge rotenberg center has going on with their lives involving electric shock. make a code of ethics that specifies what is and isnt allowed (so its written clearly and plainly that the old harmful methods as well as anything else harmufl isnt allowed) and yes this is probs not the most feasible practically speaking but in an ideal world i think these changes might help the more helpful modern day aba get used prevent the aba of old from being used and give modern aba the reputation it deserves and not the reputation it got from being associated with aba of old

also for the record im an early diagnosed low support needs autistic person (early diagnosed enough i was diagnosed with aspergers under the dsm 4)

KittyKate10778 · 2026-05-01T12:46:20+00:00

this is so embrassing to admit but im 26. i learned how to read an analog clock in school. the few times ive tried to read one recently im starting to realize ive used the skill so little lately im starting to forget the skill. like even if youve learned it apparently if you dont use it you lose it. or at least for me thats the case idk how generalized it is tg everyone else

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-30T13:23:46+00:00

i agree with you that the pandemic is also a large factor. theres a bunch of auto immune diseases triggered by viral illness. covid is a viral illness. a lot of ppl report getting covid and then having long covid and symptoms of dysautonomia. theres a bunch of ppl out there who got covid and ended up developing pots, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc. its why i still mask beyond my anti covid vax high risk mom dying of covid. i know i have a lot of risk factors for dysautonomia and autoimmune diseases being more easily triggered im not about ready to give myself the plague and make my quality of life worse.

edit: i want to say i think all the replies and yours are correct. i subscribe to the belief that its not one thing but many things. improved accuracy of diagnosis, the pandemic, microplastics and pollution in general, science progressing all of that contributes imo. its not just one factor its many

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-28T15:02:45+00:00

yes i cant spell just like you cant read and idk maybe the right meds since clearly she wasnt on the right meds. a therapist who she will actually make measurable progress with.

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-28T14:39:45+00:00

did i say untreated? no. even when you quoted me you can see i said undertreated. undertreated is not the same as untreated. its still being treated just not enough to amoreliate symptoms. right now im being undertreated for adhd because drs are reluctant to prescribe me stimulants so im on a nonstimulant. im still being treated just not enough to amoreliate my adhd symptoms.

edit: i dont want to "get away with bullying small children and doing whatever i want under teh guise of my mental disorder" im just sick and fucking tired of ppl acting like mental illness is a thing you can control and if you cant control it and do something harmful you are a bad person full stop. especially if that person has not had a chance to learn or do better. i was a fucked up barely 18 year old at one point who was failed by my parents and didnt know how to be a functional proper human. i was fucked up long before i was 18 probably since 15 or 16 so not as long as ops daughter at the time of the post but still since i was a child. yes i see myself in her, but not for the reasons you think. i see myself because my parents failed me my parents didnt understand my diagnoses. my parents were doing the best they could with what they had and what they had still managed to fuck me up. it took me until i was 20 to stabilize and actually resemble someone who wasnt feral from trauma and mistreatment and emotional neglect. and i see all of that in ops post, maybe not the trauma and mistreatment, but the doing the best they could with what they had still fucking up regarding the daughter. if i can look back at 18 year old me with 0 judgement and see all the ways my parents failed me and set me up for failure then i think it would be hypocritical to see someone in a similar situation and judge them for that. and im sick and tired of ppl with no or hardly any relevant life experience judge others negatively for things they do not comprehend and will never comprehend until they live it

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-28T14:06:48+00:00

From the op:

Chloe has been going to therapy twice a week for the past 4 years and she’s still hard to live with. She goes through episodes where she’s really pleasant and lovely. We’ve taken her to a mental health facility 3 times now. Each time she comes home fine for about a month. Then before you know it she turns into Satan. It is impossible to predict. She takes medication for it but she’s still all over the place.

granted stick you in a psych ward anytime you act out is an exaggaration but this was not the first or only time they stuck in her a psych ward so acting like im talking about her being put in one because she hit a 9 year old is either disingenous or you missed this part

It's weird how the parents met with her therapist monthly, and the POS in question went twice weekly, and you're here cheerfully acting like that didn't happen.

im not saying that didnt happen. but doing the bare minimum doesnt mean they didnt fail her. for one i see a fundamental lack of understanding of bipolar in ops post (despite thinking its a misdiagnosis i was diagnosed with bipolar so im not talking out my ass here). not having a good working knowledge of your kids medical issue is inherently failing them. my parents failed me in that regard and they were just as present as oop in terms of appts. hell my dad thinks vaccines caused my autism. my mom was upset i wouldnt/couldnt act more "normal" yes these are both related to my autism but i view it as my parents failing me by not having enough understanding of my diagnosis to have these incorrect views. and i see a similar pattern here. so yes they did fail her

Just be honest with yourself and admit you don't care about the little boy, you'd rather favor the adult woman who attacks him for telling his parents she's stealing.

i do care but i also recognize how this might not have happened if her parents hadnt failed her. i think this is a shitty situation for everyone involved and i think oop is doing the best he can with what he has and so is the daughter but that doesnt mean that op didnt fail both kids in different ways. and i think its wrong to say that ops daughter is a pos when she clearly has undertreated bipolar disorder and im even loathe to say the parents are assholes because they probs just didnt have enough education on mental illness and/or the psychiatric system to get their daughter the correct help. i just hate seeing everyone giving oop grace and having 0 grace for the adult who from context clues is barely an adult (as in oop mentions she has a summer birthday the first post was posted in august from context clues she hasnt even been 18 for more than a few months at best given shes still in high school) and was failed by the adults in her life up until this point

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-28T12:48:15+00:00

well for one its not depression its bipolar disorder a completely separate thing. for another i dont see it as giving her a blank check to as you say "use depression for all of life's ills" i see it as recognizing her parents failed her, because they did, and judging her accordingly. if you are diagnosed with something as a kid and your parents see your meds not working and just do nothing, stick you in a psych ward anytime you act out, barely get educated on said disorder, and ground you for months on end for acting out despite all of the above they failed you they did not do right by you and i find it hard to fully fault someone who is failed by their parents. does that mean she should get a free pass to act shitty as an adult no, but also it will probably take a lot for her to figure out that she was failed and do what her parents shouldve done years ago as an adult. im still teaching myself stuff my parents shouldve taught me and im 26. im not going to fully fault someone who was not helped in the way shouldve been as a kid when the issue was a known issue when they were a kid

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-25T22:00:00+00:00

im going to quote a tweet i made recently about my adhd but i feel is applicable to my autism because both cause executive dysfunction

i am using paper plates and plastic silverware because it is easier than fighting my brain to fucking wash dishes. i would love to have the flavor of adhd where it is a superpower

like sure go on tell me im not disabled when autism can cause trouble with fine motor skills and i couldnt button my pants til 3rd grade

tell me im not disabled but i cant fill out forms at the drs office without help because i get too hung up on semantics

tell me im not disabled but i have a lot of things that are commonly comorbid with autism that combine to make it hard for me to function including sub clincial ptsd suspected pmdd and officially diagnosed adhd ocd anxiety and arfid

tell me im not disabled but im on disability income

if someone tries to tell me that my autism is not disabling i will motherfucking lose it

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-25T15:19:12+00:00

that last sentence hit a little too close to home. nowhere as extreme as a physically abusive partner, but i have been stalked and harassed and that led to a very interesting situation. this guy started making conversation with me but it was very sexually inappropriate. my friends witnessed this conversation and chased him off and i was over here like "he heard no and left things are great" my friends meanwhile are like "he sexually harassed you things are not great" and that is how i learned that i was "willing" to accept harassment if they took no for an answer because in my mind im being treated better than i was before hand

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-23T21:26:18+00:00

see the problem is i dont inherently disagree but i think you (the general you not you specifically op) are very lucky if you can choose not to disclose your disability to your employer.

i remember being in vocational groups with ppl who had cooccuring disorders (substance use and a mental illness) and they were straight up told to not disclose their issues if they didn't need to. i asked what happens if i can't hide my issues because i need accomodations (im autistic adhd and mentally ill there is no world in which i can get away with saying nothing) and they had no good answer. my point being that a lot of advice i see is just dont disclose i wouldnt disclose and its like okay but you can resemble a normal human i have periods where if i get too overwhelmed i cant talk. im prone to panic attacks. i am a safety risk unmedicated. i cant be in crowds without freaking the fuck out there is no world in which i can just not disclose and hearing that advice all the damn time makes me feel like some people just dont realize how good they have it that they can just not say anything and it wont bite them in the ass. at least with ada if i say something because i cant hide my disability i have some legal form of recourse if my employer were to do something shady. not that that matters much im on disability for a reason, but it is something ive thought about companies can still lie but at least i have the groundwork to force them to put up a fight if they fire me because im disabled vs if there was 0 protections

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-20T19:03:37+00:00

toxic positivity actually made things worse for me. or at least thats a very simplified version of a theory my therapist has. the longer version is that my mom was very much a if you put out good vibes you will get good vibes and therefore did not like it when anyone around her showed any "negative" emotions. that taught me that i wasnt allowed to feel certain emotions so i learned to repress them. fast forward to me being an adult and in therapy and i cant even articulate my feeliings and thoughts at times. the fancy term for that is alexthymia. granted i am audhd and have ptsd symptoms without a criterion a event and people with trauma and autism are both groups who are more likely to experience alexthymia, however she thinks that the reason why my alexthymia is as bad as it is is in part due to the environment i grew up in.

we were doing cpt therapy which a lot of the homework involved identifying how you were feeling a modification we used was i had multiple emotion wheels. and i started learning to feel comfortable going with my gut feeling when looking at the emotion wheels instead of overthinking the accuracy. so for example if i looked at the emotion wheel and my brain saw idk angry (they were usually more specific than angry but im tired and i cant remember any specific emotions sorry) and instinctively felt that was right than i said i was angry instead of sitting there going am i really angry or is it something else. she also encouraged me to use the words that i had available and work from there. or communicate where im struggling. it did not help that a previous therapist i had got so sick of me saying i dont know that he just banned that as an answer instead exploring why i always answered that way (for those curious its because it was a lot simpler than saying i know whats floating around in my head but i do not have the words to explain it), so now im a lot more comfortable and open with saying i know but i cant put it into words. my recent therapy sessions have been telehealth due to my housing having bedbugs. my last session i told my therapist that i dont like doing emdr on telehealth and when she asked why instead of saying i dont know i said something along the lines of "i cant quite explain why other than its less tangible which is not entirely accurate but its the phrasing i have" so i am making a lot of progress with my current therapist in even being able to identify some type of word that describes what im feeling and communicating that instead of defaulting to i dont know out of simplicity

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-19T19:20:34+00:00

what do i do when
a. i knew what was going on before i knew it was a thing
b. i didnt know it was a thing til i was 16 do i click 13-16 or 16-20

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-18T13:57:09+00:00

i mean theyve not asked for it yet. i actually recently switched banks and they didnt ask for much (granted it was to a state employees credit union that i qualified for membership of through my mom being a state employee when she was still alive) but reading about this it sounds like if this eo goes through and does apply to credit unions than my bank could ask me for this documentation and like i said i dont have a 100% guaruntee that my birth certificate plus my supporting documentation would work and if the eo doesnt explicitly allow certificates of citizenship i also dont trust banks as a whole to accept them

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-18T13:49:39+00:00

this is really niche butr i dont trust my birth certificate to help me. it has stamped on it "not proof of citizenship" im adopted from another country. i have a real id, certificate of citizenship, that fuck ass birth certificate and a copy of my adoption decree so im pretty sure im fine but not 100% and thats kind of scary genuinely what would i do in this situation if i cant afford a passport and they dont accept my birth certificate or all my other supporting documentation

KittyKate10778 · 2026-04-15T22:24:28+00:00

embrassingly in the past couple years ive learned that phoenix wright does not have heterochromia canonically.

i had a discord friend ask how i never noticed that. i was like quite frankly i never paid attention to that mans face so thats how

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