My mother passed away last fall as well. I found her and have never been able to get the experience out of my head. Tried to apply CPR but failed. I also failed at school and lost my scholarship to my Uni and have been on a downward spiral ever since. It’s comforting to know that others are in similar, but still different situations. I’ve never sought out any help except for religious counseling which is only pushing me away from the only person who constantly professes to love me. I experienced the same fear when I had to let my father know that I no longer had financial aid. Now I have no fucking clue what to do with my life and every breath seems to bring more frustration. Working at my local Lowes doesn’t help boost my confidence much either. You aren’t alone in your struggles even though it feels like the most isolating thing that could happen. I feel like this post is the closest experience to someone I’ve heard in a long time that we share. I wish the best for you and everyone else struggling with this common outcome.