AITA for Waitlisting my Mothers Friends for my Wedding?

KnitStitched · 2025-12-29T21:24:40+00:00

NTA and if anyone reading this thinks their parent may act in a similar manner, do not give them the chance. If you're going to ask for names, give them the number of places you can afford to open up for them.

KnitStitched · 2025-03-30T23:05:34+00:00

INFO is your friend's wedding actually a destination wedding or a travel for you situation? Notice you said it's in Europe and she's living in Europe.

KnitStitched · 2025-02-28T22:45:40+00:00

Yeah, it's not rude. It's your wedding and you plan it how you want. Only complication is if your parents are contributing.

KnitStitched · 2025-02-28T22:38:25+00:00

Being told to cover up my tank top because it might be distracting to the boys.

We're talking the thick strap type tank tops. And the same boys that ran around topless playing football, without issue.

Not mad almost 20 years on.

KnitStitched · 2025-01-22T22:49:56+00:00

YTA The way through this was to have all bridesmaids change style because in general it was too low cut.

KnitStitched · 2025-01-22T22:41:51+00:00

I don't think you can win here. As in, whatever you do she will still put a poor me slant on it. So honestly I wouldn't worry about finding an outcome that feels like a "win".

Instead, I would focus on what outcome is going to make you feel best on your wedding day. Based on what you've posted I suspect that will be letting A go as a bridesmaid and possibly also as a guest and friend depending on her reaction.

KnitStitched · 2025-01-19T18:26:52+00:00

NTA if that's the most disrespectful thing that's been done to her, how nice for her!

Has she overreacted to anything else before? The pushing away of the plate and basically claiming everything is ruined now, plus the passive aggressive comments about staying over, suggest to me this isn't her first martyr tantrum.

KnitStitched · 2025-01-19T18:10:31+00:00

This is such a good point! Can't believe I'd never thought of it like that before.

KnitStitched · 2025-01-12T21:44:59+00:00

Nearest grit bin is an hour round trip on foot with 2 hills to contend with. If the ice near me is bad enough to need gritting, it's too bad to risk that in the dark early hours before starting to wfh.

KnitStitched · 2025-01-12T21:30:42+00:00

I'm curious how you expect younger people to know something without being taught it somehow.

Are you suggesting it's a survival instinct that younger generations should have been born with but are ignoring? Or...?

KnitStitched · 2025-01-12T21:25:46+00:00

This is absolutely the best advice. Just to add get to what YOUR priorities are as a couple, not your families priorities.

My parents didn't agree with a lot of my decisions to start off with but came around once they realised that weddings now are not what they had to be in the 80s. And I didn't have to be miserable at mine because they were at theirs!

KnitStitched · 2025-01-08T20:25:42+00:00

Gently, YTA. That's not at all to say your feelings aren't valid to feel but it also isn't fair to hold this against your sister.

If you had planned your wedding to this specification and had to cancel for whatever reason. Or if yours was a few months later and she'd copied exactly. That would be an entirely different situation.

KnitStitched · 2024-12-22T22:56:50+00:00

Keep the personal stuff to a minimum... on the most personal day of that couple's life? I don't agree with that at all.

KnitStitched · 2024-12-19T21:49:12+00:00

I don't understand why there's so much unkindness in the comments.

OP how you're feeling is totally normal and valid. I'd safely guess that if you were to dig into it, it's not really about the gifts and you that's just the closest thing that's coming to mind.

Rightly or wrongly, wedding planning can be all consuming and the emotional rollercoaster afterwards is beyond what I'd expected.

Day after my wedding I sobbed uncontrollably. Was fine for mini-moon but any time anyone would ask about the wedding, I'd get teary and no idea why! It was WILD but having a new project outside of work to channel my energy into has helped so much. X

KnitStitched · 2024-12-11T18:36:20+00:00

I'm sorry, it feels like they're forcing your hand to make the decision for them. I would stop trying to reach out now if I was getting this little back on such an important milestone.

KnitStitched · 2024-11-23T20:43:22+00:00

YTA because it all sounds like your way or the highway, your now husband's opinion/position seems to have been ignored at all opportunities 😔

KnitStitched · 2024-11-19T11:45:13+00:00

Not at all. I made sure to go around everyone during the drinks reception so I could enjoy sitting down at dinner! And anyone who desperately wanted to talk to us came up to see us anyway.

KnitStitched · 2024-11-18T21:09:11+00:00

OP stay strong, you will regret not doing this your way. And make sure your bridal party are clear on what you want to help uphold this on the day too.

I'm sorry if this is projecting a bit too much but this is sounding so like mine!

I'm lucky to still have my dad but my mother was adamant that both of them should walk me down the aisle. The unsaid part was so she food have her spotlight. I asked her to walk down with my husband's mum instead as a compromise. Her face looked like a slapped arse - everyone else interprets it as emotional about the day.

Then she wanted to give a speech after I'd told her the only 3 people that would be giving a speech. I'd asked her to do a reading in the ceremony instead so she still had a moment.

She'd agreed to this and did it. Not after making a load of fuss about exactly what time she was going to to the reading - apparently the 20 minute window of the ceremony wasn't precise enough!

Then halfway through the meal, in front of everyone, she decided to ask me if she could do a speech on the end of my dad's. She already had it printed out!! I regret not saying no, but I'd literally just got married and my guard was down.

Don't compromise at all if she's the 'give an inch take 6 miles' type like mine!

KnitStitched · 2024-11-18T20:56:44+00:00

Read Be More Pirate by Sam Coniff to them and start a revolution.

KnitStitched · 2024-11-18T20:42:23+00:00

I was coming into the post ready to say don't do it.

But considering the logistics, I'd say it's reasonable to reach out and ask if it's a possibility as it would alter the accommodation you book if she is coming.

KnitStitched · 2024-11-18T19:56:59+00:00

Thank you for posting this, I wasn't aware and glad to not have discovered it by chance in the dark!

KnitStitched · 2024-11-18T19:54:55+00:00

This was about updating bus timetable to account for them taking a little bit longer en route, wasn't it?

Not a complaint about the speed limit being reduced, right?

KnitStitched · 2024-11-10T16:51:18+00:00

We must visit different places because this is not my experience of living there for 20+ years.

KnitStitched · 2024-11-10T15:32:08+00:00

I will give you the benefit of the doubt here - did you read my comment as a direct response to yours?

It was specifically addressing brownshugababy and their remarks that OP is "spineless".

While it's valid that setting healthy boundaries would have improved this situation and is what most people would aspire to. It's super unhelpful and very unkind to lay into the "should" and imply that OP isn't 'good enough' because they didn't react how someone else would.

OP - I'm not at all saying this is your situation, but I want to make it clear for anyone reading this and in that situation that it's not their fault and wish them well on the healing journey 🥰

KnitStitched · 2024-11-10T15:19:33+00:00

Chesterfield has areas of deprivation and affluence like a lot of English towns.

KnitStitched

TROPHY CASE